Love is Weakness. [1]

Conan

I smell her before I hear her. I hear her before I see her. The moment her smell hits my nose and her voice fill my ears I know. I have found her. I close my eyes and listen to the sound once again. Is she crying? All my senses come alive now. I turn the corner to see her laying there crying. The guy on top of her is fighting with the zipper of her pants. What the hell?! Before I know it I jump at him, literally jump at him. He ends up underneath me and my vision goes black for a second. When I regain my sight I see that I’m hitting him, hard.

‘Run’ I growl in a low voice. I get up off of him and see him stumble to get up to run away.

I turn around and there she is. Worry and pain fill my mind and my heart. I push it aside tho. I hear my fathers voice in my head ‘Love is weakness. Love is distraction. Love is the undoing of us all.’ I should not care for her this much, ever. I get on my knees next to her to turn her head to me. Great, she passed out. Is she okay? Did he hurt her? I didn't smell any blood. I scoop her up in my arms and for a moment I just enjoy her scent. It smells like running in the forest after a day of rain. No, it smells like running through a flower field after a long day of rain. I have never smelled anything like it before. I listen to her heartbeat and her soft breaths. She is alive, she is okay.

Standing there I suddenly don’t know what to do.

Take her home. The voice in my head says.

The voice is stronger then my own mind and before I know it I’m placing her in my car. I put on her seatbelt and get in on my own side. Maybe this is not a good idea. ‘Love is weakness’ I hear my father say again. I ignore his voice and turn on my car. I could just take her home to keep an eye on her. I totally should. I try to smell past her amazing scent while I drive the streets fast. Why can’t I smell any alcohol? How did she pass out? Why am I taking her home? I don’t need this, I am fine on my own.

I am not! the voice in my head screams. I shake my head to shut him out.

I focus on the road and see that I’m already driving up my lane. I really should pay more attention to traffic. Imagine not dying in a fight but in a car accident. I shut off my car and take a look at my house. Why did I bring her again? Sure, my house is beautiful. It has three floors, a huge porch and it is painted white with black. Black for the dark side of me, white to see it even in the dark. I loved my house, however I didn’t love strangers in my house. And no matter how much my heart pulled to her, she was a stranger. I look down on her and can finally see her clearly in the lights glowing from the porch. She is beautiful. Her long brown hair is in a mess around her head and shoulders. With her eyes closed sleeping she looks so relaxed, so beautiful. She has puffy lips, not too big, not too small. She has a cute little nose that she wrinkles in her sleep every couple of seconds.

She looks like an angel.

I have to agree with him this time, she does. But that doesn’t change anything.

I get out of the car quickly and stand outside having doubts for a second. ‘Love will set you free, son.’ I hear my mother’s voice this time. I loved it when she came to me. Her voice is all I have left from her. I walk to the passenger seat and before I change my mind I get the girl up and into my house. I took a strange girl whoms name I don't even know into my house. Tomorrow she is out. I take her directly into my bedroom. I put her down gently, walk to my closet and get a black basic shirt. I always wore black shirts, I loved black. It was as dark as night and as my soul. I slowely strip off her dress, looking over her body. I groan from deep inside. This is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I look up quickly and put her in my t-shirt without looking down again. ‘Love is weakness’ my father once again says. When I have her dressed up I put her in my bed under the covers. She feels freezing, laying on the floor outside at night will probably got her sick. I will call the doc tomorrow morning.

I take off my own shoes and jeans. For a minute I consider to lay next to her. Every fiber in my body screams to do so, but I grab a pillow and lay down on the floor. I just saved her from a guy who tried to hurt her in the worst way anyone could ever do to a woman, I should keep protecting her and make sure she isn’t freaked out when she wakes up tomorrow, I tell myself.

She needs you and you need her. We need her. I want her. The voice inside my head says.

I groan again and turn around. Shut up! I send back to the voice. While listening to the girl breathing in and out I fall asleep. That night is the first night in a long time I don’t have a nightmare.