SWNOVELS Love By Moonlight: Chapter 18
‘Claire?’
Gasping, Claire, who’d been staring out across the beach, whirled round. Daniel stood there, just as she’d seen him so many times in her imagination. The same lean figure moulded by what seemed to be the same jeans. The white shirt, so fine she could see the shadow of his broad shoulders and chest through the material. His jaw—now, that was different because it was etched with a closely cropped beard, but it suited him. Oh, my, how it suited him.
Gone was his air of self-contained wariness, leaving a calmly resolute look on his face, an aura of confidence surrounding him, although… on closer inspection she detected fear in his eyes, and he was biting his lower lip.
Where had he sprung from? Where on earth had he sprung from?
Seeing him in front of her, she tried to speak, her mouth hanging inelegantly open. Colour flooded her face and her heart pounded. The same feelings she’d always felt on seeing Daniel swept through her: warmth, compassion, love, liking. Nothing—nothing—had changed about the way she felt.
Claire closed her mouth and lifted a trembling hand to brush her hair back from her face. Surely if he’d come back, it was because he felt better? She sank into a chair, uncertain whether she even wanted to hear what he had to say, in case it shot her hopes down in flames. Maybe, somehow, he’d heard about her pregnancy and had come seeking his child? After what had happened to him before, she could understand that.
‘Daniel,’ Claire replied faintly. Then, in a stronger voice, ‘Daniel!’
‘May I sit?’ He gestured to the other chair, his voice humble.
‘Of course. Coffee? Tea? I can easily make—’ She was babbling.
His raised hand cut her off. ‘I just had a coffee at the hotel with Jake.’
Her thoughts whirled. Did he know? He must know. Why had he come back? He looked changed. He looked better. He sounded like the friend she remembered spending some happy times with, and not the unhappy man who’d been afraid to love her.
‘Okay.’ She gulped. She had to ask. She had to know whether he was here for her or just for the baby. If it was the baby… well, as she’d already decided, it would be understandable, but it would hurt. ‘Okay, so why are you here? I got a couple of emails sometime last Christmas, saying you were all right, and you still wanted to come back one day. And now you just turn up?’
The way he looked at her then caused her stomach to turn a somersault and a horde of butterflies to release themselves inside. Her breathing quickened and her hands clenched on her lap, her fingernails biting into her palms.
He’d come back for her. There was no doubt, not from that look.
‘Claire. Do you know I love saying your name? Do you know how many times I’ve said it to myself over the past year, as a promise to myself that if—no, when—I recovered, I’d come back, and say it to your face, along with a lot more? I didn’t know what else to write after the emails I sent, and your response was… basic. I wondered if you wanted me to get out of your life, to be honest. Remnants of my lack of confidence, I guess.’ His eyes were intent, his voice apologetic.
‘You deserved that response. You’d ignored my earlier emails,’ Claire said flatly.
‘They were too soon after I’d left. I needed time to think.’
‘Go on.’
‘When I left you, it was the right thing to do, even though I know I hurt you. Making love that night wasn’t on my agenda and it precipitated my decision to go, which made the whole thing worse for both of us.’
‘No. Wait. There’s something I need to say.’ Because if she did, it would help him, she knew it would. ‘I didn’t completely understand what Gina had done. We’d been friends, and I loved that, but I wanted more and you could sense it, which is why you felt under pressure. I pushed for that, and—’
He held up his hand to stop her. ‘You didn’t know the entire story, and you weren’t to blame. I had to sort myself out. I couldn’t cope with you on top of the dregs of Gina and her actions. Also, I need to tell you one last thing about Gina. About what she did. She—’
It was Claire’s turn to interrupt. ‘I know. Jake told me,’ she said softly. ‘He told me what she’d done to you.’ Even now, especially now, her heart ached for the pain he must have suffered. ‘Don’t re-live it.’
Daniel bowed his head for a moment, then looked up. ‘Okay. Okay. Anyway, I went to America after a few sessions with my counsellor, and took his advice to heart. I made sure I had plenty of time to myself, although the schedule they’d set up for me was manic. Even so, I managed a lot of time in wild places, so I could think. I never forgot you.’ He smiled and reached out a hand, letting it lie on the table between them.
Slowly, Claire brought her hand from her lap and placed it in his. She felt a tingle from his warm fingers race up her arm and lodge in her heart, causing a starburst of joy.
‘Claire, can we start over? Can I stay locally and come and see you, go for walks with you, take you out to dinner, continue with our friendship? I said I’d never forgotten you, but what I’ve not said is I left here with a small nugget of love and hope deeply buried inside, and it’s grown to overwhelm me. You were my lodestone, and there were two words I carried with me as well—what if? What if I learned to love again, and you were there? Can we start over? Please, my darling?’
Tears filled her eyes, even as a soft warmth spread through her, together with a deep longing to hold him. ‘Yes.’
‘Just like that? No questions? No recriminations for running away?’
‘I’ve already understood I didn’t help matters. I didn’t understand how wounded you were. Yes, I was upset you left. Of course I was. I was also upset it was for such a long time and you didn’t want to communicate very much. But I accepted it was something you had to do. Let’s put it behind us, all of it. Let’s move into the future. And… I’ve a gift for you. I hope it’s a gift you like and want, but I’m fairly optimistic you will.’
Claire stood and moved round the table, placing her hands on each side of his face as she leaned down and softly kissed him. His beard felt feathery beneath her fingers, and soft prickles from his moustache pressed into her lips.
He returned her kiss with equal gentleness, but it was enough to cause a heated longing to pool inside, as she remembered their love-making a year ago, and how he’d brought her to a couple of stunning climaxes during that passionate night. Pulling back, placing her hands on his shoulders, her breathing ragged, she murmured, ‘Oh, Daniel, Daniel. I love you.’
Quite what would have happened next, she wasn’t sure, but a wry grin crossed her face as she heard some small squeaks and whimpers.
Daniel’s head tilted to one side, a look of puzzlement in his eyes.
Before he could quite work out what was making the noise, Claire swept up the small baby monitor from the window sill, concealing it down by her side.
‘Stay there,’ she said. ‘Wait. I’ll show you in a few moments.’
Flying up the stairs as if there were wings on her feet, she found Jamie just waking up. Gently gathering him up in her arms, she snuffled into his neck as he waved his hands and tried to catch hold of her hair.
‘Shhh. Shush, sweet pea. Come. Come and meet your daddy.’
Carefully descending, Claire could see out of the front door that Daniel had stood, turned his back to the cottage and was looking at the sea, eternally advancing and retreating. She stepped onto the patio, feeling slightly apprehensive. What if this upset him too much? Oh, surely not. Surely not.
‘Daniel,’ she murmured, ‘Daniel, come meet your son Jamie.’
Slowly, Daniel turned and looked from her to the baby in her arms, then back at her. His eyes widened and his face went white. ‘My-my son?’
Claire nodded and took the few remaining steps to reach him. ‘Here,’ she whispered, holding Jamie a little way from her body. ‘Hold him. Hold Jamie.’
Abruptly, Daniel went past her and Claire’s heart plummeted. She’d done it again. She’d brought Jamie into things far too quickly.
But what else was she supposed to have done? Jamie had been waking up. Full-blown crying would have soon followed. If she’d known Daniel was coming, she could have arranged for Jamie to go to Emily for the afternoon. She really ought to—
‘Claire?’
She swivelled round, relief making her knees weak. Daniel had sat down and was now holding out his arms.
‘I had to sit down,’ he explained, his voice trembling. ‘It’s—I’m so shocked and I-I was worried I’d drop him.’
Claire could see a tremor in his hands as she gently stepped forwards and laid the baby in his arms. ‘You can feed him. I express milk and keep a couple of bottles in the fridge. He comes with me to the gardens and it’s easier to bottle feed him, especially with Anton flitting around.’ Her mouth twitched in a smile as she laid the baby into Daniel’s arms and disappeared to warm the bottle.
As she waited, a few tears ran down her cheeks. Tears of happiness and relief. Her heart was full.
Returning to the patio, Claire stopped. Daniel was gazing at his son with absolute wonder on his face, gently touching his cheek with one finger while firmly cradling him in his other arm.
‘Little Jamie,’ she heard him say. ‘Little Jamie.’ His voice broke as he bent his head and nuzzled his son’s downy scalp.
Moving to stand beside him, he looked up at her, his eyes wet. ‘So he didn’t impede your lifestyle? And even though the father had run off, you were still steadfast and had him?’
‘Yes. But I had a wonderful family to support me. Having Jamie doesn’t make me a saint. It’s just my circumstances were good.’
He gave a small grimace. ‘Gina had me.’
‘She was wrong to do what she did. I don’t think we need to say anything else on that subject.’
‘Right as always. Here, give me his bottle. No doubt I’ll make a complete hash of it and he’ll never forgive me, but I’ve got to start somewhere!’
After Daniel had fed Jamie, and both of them had bathed him, they tucked him into his cot. The entire time, Daniel kept looking from her to Jamie as if he couldn’t believe it. His eyes shone, his mouth was fixed in a permanent smile, and on one occasion, Claire was certain he swiped a tear from his cheek.
Once Jamie was asleep, they moved into the main bedroom, curling up on the bed, Daniel’s arm round her shoulder as she leaned into his hard body.
Claire looked at him worriedly. ‘I was going to email you, to let you know about Jamie. I thought it might help you after Jake told us about what Gina had done. But we had a family gathering and someone suggested if you knew about Jamie and came rushing back, I could never be certain you’d got over Gina and really loved me.’
Daniel paused and stared into space, his hand absently stroking her hair. ‘I’m deeply sorry you went through your pregnancy alone, but whoever gave that advice was maybe wise. I’m glad I didn’t know. Does that sound weird? If you’d told me before Christmas, yes, I would’ve come back. Of course I would, after what happened to my baby. But for me, that might have been too soon and my reasons might have been confused. It would also have been another emotional burden, although it sounds dreadful to call Jamie that.’
‘You needed to work your way through everything, darling. No need to say sorry. I’m just glad you’re not angry with me. I was going to tell you about Jamie whatever happened. I’d no right to keep him from you, so if you’d decided against returning, I was going to tell you.’
‘How come you’re so lovely?’ Daniel murmured into her ear, while dropping kisses on her jaw and neck, his hand gently exploring her fuller breasts as she curled closer. Oh, the joy of being with him again was overwhelming, and her throat closed with emotion, holding him so tightly he protested he couldn’t breathe.
His mouth covered hers, and they deepened their kiss, desire exploding after ten months apart. She yanked his shirt from the waistband of his jeans and took sheer pleasure in running her hands over his body, placing her mouth over each nipple and licking the hard nubs, letting her hand drift down to where he was hard, sliding down the zip and slipping her hand under the waistband of his boxers to touch the hot tip of his erection. When his fingers found her and he worked them into her wet centre, she convulsed round them, pushing her breasts against him and undulating her hips, a slave to his every touch.
There was no finesse, no patience, other than to grab a condom. They took off their clothes at speed, and rolled naked onto the bed, mouths seeking, teeth nipping, hands caressing.
She was so ready for him. Her wetness and warmth welcomed his hard perfection as she arched her body and pressed against him, begging, pleading, for release. He slipped his fingers between them, adding his touch to the other sensations to please her. The final cataclysmic explosion caused her body to tense and tighten round his him, making it impossible for him to hold back. She revelled in her power as he followed with his own release.
And a little later, a repeat performance, slightly slower, slightly gentler, just as passionate.
They lay curled round each other, warm and deeply content.
There was a lot to face in their future, but all of it good. Continuing their friendship, revelling in their lust, looking after Jamie—together.
Claire felt at peace.
Her belief in Daniel was justified, and their love would carry them through.