Let the Darkness In

The next morning, I opened my eyes to unfamiliar surroundings. The mattress beneath my back was soft and deep and it felt like I was falling into a cloud. The throws on top of me were warm and silky, and I burrowed even deeper. The morning sun set the walls alight with colour, picking out the warm threads and the glints of gold and silver in the tapestries.

I turned over and saw that my prince was still asleep. The lights cast the shadows of eyelashes on his cheek and I could see stubble a few days old on his jaw. My fingers reached out and stroked the bristles, so lightly it would feel like nothing.

Eventually, dawn gave way to day and I knew I would have to go before I was spotted. Pulling my hood up, I slipped out the door and down familiar stairs. As I walked past the guard at the bottom of the stairs, he gave me a wink. I was grateful for my hood just then.

Out into the town and back to Ainesilver’s house. She was up as I came in. Used to my comings and goings, she raised an eyebrow.

“And where did you spend the night?”

I hesitated. Did I tell her the truth? After all, it was not uncommon for girls my age to have a sweetheart. In fact, most girls my age were betrothed with their own families. Except that most girls weren’t in love with a prince.

“I spent the night...in a male’s company.”

I didn’t need to fake the blush that spread over my neck and cheeks.

“Who was the lucky man?”

“The prince’s servant...Geraint.”

Ainesilver almost choked on her glass of wine and shot me a look of disbelief. I shrugged. Best to play it safe. She knew I had been spending time tending the prince so by dancing under the dragon’s nose in plain sight, I would avoid the worst.

Now it was the elf’s turn to shrug. “We love who we love. But don’t get pregnant. I don’t have the means to support a third body here.”

I shook my head vehemently but inside my stomach twisted. I could tell myself it wouldn’t happen, but one night was all it took. And there was nothing that told me that it wasn’t a possibility. But then...then a thought struck me.

“Siofra?” Ainesilver was staring at me and I realised I had been playing with fairies.

I shook my head. “No, no, it won’t come to that.”

Moving to the water bucket, I began to scrub myself clean. With my back turned to my companion, I could let my thoughts fly freely, albeit briefly, through my head.

Madb wanted blood. Royal blood that wasn’t the dying king’s. She needed young blood that fizzed and pulsed with life. Jarrett was the only young royal in this land that I knew of. But I couldn’t kill him, I wouldn’t. He was now far more real than the idea I had had in my head all those months ago when I had first set off. He was real. He was human. He held my heart in the palm of his hand.

But if I were to quicken, then the child would be Jarrett’s. And have his blood. I could bargain with Madb, demand her to take my life for his. I would die a martyr and I would spare an innocent man his life.

The idea was set in motion, and I felt some of the darkness lift. It was like a sunbeam in a stormy sky.

I didn’t return to the castle for another few days, instead returning to helping the sick with renewed enthusiasm. Ainesilver noticed the change in me and put it down to my tryst.

Finally, I returned to the castle. Today was the day I would face up to him and see how Jarrett felt. I felt a shiver of trepidation - I had no idea how he would react. Perhaps he had already set the guards to shut me out? Perhaps he now thought of me as a girl who would stop at nothing to gain power.

Nausea was rolling around me and I felt sick as I walked past the placid guards. At the time, it had felt so right, and for Jarrett, I knew it had been right too. I still did not regret a thing. Did he?

My hands hesitated as I neared the door and as I paused, I heard voices inside. Curious, I opened the door. Jarrett was sat on the edge of his bed, and tugging at his hands was his charming bride-to-be. As I entered, she cast me a filthy look and let Jarrett’s hand drop aggressively.

“Why is she here again?!” She wailed. Falling to her knees, she grabbed his hands and gave him an embarrassing case of puppy dog eyes. I tried not to throw up. “I don’t like her Jarry, please get rid of her.”

Jarrett turned his eyes onto me and I saw their spark. So he did remember. He turned back to the miserable girl before him. “I need her.”

Isobel scowled at me with a face like thunder and stood up, delivering a stinging blow across his face. Both he and I winced. She stormed past me, using a bony shoulder to drive against the wall. Slamming into it, I felt the impact and nearly cried out. As if she hadn’t made enough of scene, she slammed the door behind her for good measure.

Jarrett and I were alone. Our ears rang and both of us breathed heavily. I nursed my bruised shoulder as Jarrett turned his eyes upon me. The silence that fell was deafening.

“Did I dream the other night or did you really visit me?”

“Did it feel like a dream?”

We didn’t say much else as I saw to him. His wound was puckering nicely and probably itchy as poison ivy. There was no need for another dressing. His shoulder seemed to be rotating as normal and all the various scratches and bruises had either vanished or were faint scabs.

As I bent over his leg, examining the wound, his fingers caught my chin and lifted it upwards so once again, his face was inches from mine. “You did come to me didn’t you?”

Unable to trust myself to speak, I nodded.

“Let’s go for a walk. Am I allowed now?” There was that lopsided grin that made me want to snatch him in a bone-crushing hug and never let go.

He dressed with ease, his shoulder giving him no discomfort. There was no embarrassment or shyness here. He came over to and as I went to open the door, he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall. Now it was my back’s turn to wince, but as those eyes looked at me, this time, it was totally forgivable.

We left the room a few breathless moments later. Jarrett had to lean on me as his gait was slightly lopsided. He was sweating slightly but this wouldn’t kill him and for the patient, was a welcome change to being stuck in a sickbed.

He led me through the bailey and to a wooden gate in the wall. I had never seen this before and was delighted when we came through into a tiny garden. Even in winter, a few plants were managing to grow and their faint perfume was a welcome change. Jarrett sat down on the stone bench, easing his leg out before him. I sat down beside him, breathing in the fresh, clean air.

“My mother tended this garden when she came here to marry my father. She found solace in nature and knew the good of plants. Like you.”

“What happened to her?” I asked, not fully wanting to know the answer.

He sighed and stared at a scarlet creeper that grew up the wall beside him.

“She got sick when the plague came to our village. I hardly remember her.”

“Me too,” I muttered and for the first time in my life, felt the sorrow welling in the hole a lack of mother had left. Ysymay was my mother but she had not borne me. From my experience back in the village, I had figured my birth mother had taken one look at me and forsaken me. But now, seeing Jarrett with downcast eyes, I realised humans needed maternal love.

We sat for some time in companionable silence until we both knew it was time to go. I guided him back to his chamber. He refused to return to the bed but instead sat on a chair by the fire with a bundle of parchments. A parting kiss and a promise of return, I left.

I bumped into Ainesilver in the marketplace. She had just returned from gathering crops.

“I got what I could,” she chattered away. “But I need to pick some lavender before the next full moon. It’s not far away and the power of plants lose their potency.”

Bells chimed in my head and I froze, placing a hand on her arm. “When is the full moon?”

“Two days from now.”

Two days. I had two days to get Jarrett away. But Madb was watching. She was expecting me. My mind hurt as I turned my focus over and over. My body was tearing itself in half; part of me was so destroyed by what I had witnessed before I was born so that my heart hungered for justice. The other half was reaching out to what remained human. Because I still had been born to a mortal mother.

I had to get Jarrett out.

I spent the next morning in turmoil. How could I do this? All my power lay outside these walls. It would have to be a combination of brain and personality. Whilst I helped Ainesilver attend to her patients, only half my mind was on the job. The other half was plotting and planning. All the while, I knew Madb was watching. She could speak to me in my head but she couldn’t read my thoughts.

That afternoon, I loaded a basket of medicines that were now pretty useless but could do a little good. I needed Jarrett to be ready and importantly, to be able to weather the storm. Before I left, a took a little more care. I donned one of Ainesilver’s red skirts, as vibrant as blood. I brushed my hair with the comb Ysymsy had given me until my hair fell in silk curtains. I slathered in some more of the face balm and dabbed a little bit of pink on my lips, squeezed from the flower.

I was ready.

Marching up to the castle, the butterflies were now swarming. I smiled sweetly at everyone I passed. Most hardly noticed me and probably would not remember or even see the girl in the red skirt. All the better. I went to step inside but something made me look to the left. The door to the garden was slightly ajar. Once again, as I came closer, I heard giggling voices.

Her.

“Oh Jarry, when will you be well enough to wed me? I grow old waiting.” There was a melodramatic sigh and I pictured Isobel lying in a swish of skirts across Jarrett’s lap. I had great fun imagining the look on his face.

“Soon my love. I just need a few moments. But I’ll come for you soon and we can go riding.”

Two emotions collided in my chest. One, he was still spending time with it. Duty or no, she still was a whore. Two, he was well enough to ride. Or he thought he was. I would be the judge of that but if he were…

There was a swish of movement and I turned, diving to the stables and making a show of stroking a chestnut palfey. Under my touch, he whickered and butted my nose, sniffing my basket for an apple. I had nothing for him...not today.

I was so entranced with the animal, having had a deep mistrust of them all my life, that I hardly noticed Isobel go past. It was only as a door slammed I realised where I was. Furtively glancing around, I slipped into the garden, pulling the gate to.

Jarrett looked up, his lips half-formed to shoo Isobel away but when he saw it was me, he sat up. His face seemed to exude the light of the sun.

“Take your trousers down.”

Jarrett, being Jarrett, got up and went to the gate. He walked with a slight limp but watching his face closely, it didn’t seem to be giving him any pain. With a grin over his shoulder, he pushed the bar across. Ever the obedient patient, he came back down and whipped his trousers off.

The wound was healing well and was now just scarring.

“Someone has been drinking their tisane,” I said, looking up at him through my lashes.

“Hmm well it’s not just that,” he muttered back.

I prodded the scab gently a few times. I could tell it must be itching hideously but there were no signs of scratch marks or the scab being pulled off.

“You’re doing well. You’ll live yet. Get those back on.”

He paused then shook his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me on top. I ended up sitting in his lap, my head under his chin, feeling his heartbeat match mine in ferocity. He started fiddling with my skirts but gently, I pushed his hand away.

“I need to talk with you.”

His face grew serious.

“Jarrett. Prince, soon to inherit this wealthy land, soon to wed the woman of a wealthy noble…I ask you to speak to me from the heart. A short while ago, you saw a poor girl who has nothing but the clothes she borrows. She can offer no wealth, no security but..” I held the chiseled face between my hands. “She can offer her heart.”

I drew back, scanning his face. It was like watching the waves come back and forth. There was a flash of excitement, a scowl of duty, and fear. I couldn’t tell which was winning.

“Please come with me. I want to leave this behind.”

He gently pushed me off him and stood up, shaking his head. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

“I have a kingdom to look after when my father dies. I’m trained to rule. If I go, then there will be a war.”

There’s already a war. My thoughts were growing bitter.

“It’s all I know, all I have been taught.”

You have been fed from a golden spoon since the moment you were born. You have learnt that power is a weapon, that wealth grants you a lack of conscience. You have not born into freezing poverty. You have lived a life of comfortable difference, not like me.

“But it’s not you,” I choked and felt the unfamiliar sensation of tears falling down my cheeks. Drawing myself up, I looked into his eyes and nearly drowned in them.

“If you change your mind, meet me outside the gates tomorrow at dusk. If you don’t, then you and I will never meet again.”

As I turned my back, I felt his eyes on me. He had no idea how those words would ring true. And whether or not he was sat on that throne.