Leave Me Behind

An entire week of boring drills and briefings passes before I get to see Bradshaw again. Eren told the squad that Bones is undergoing special training on his own in preparation for our departure, but the squad seemed to have a different idea on what he was really doing.

During one of the five a.m. drill runs around the base, I overheard Pete whispering to Ian that it was weird that Bones’s second wasn’t in “special training” with him. I thought about it for the rest of the day. A dark feeling ebbed in my chest. Is Eren keeping us apart on purpose?

Eren has been different since then too. Cold and distant, like a switch was flipped inside of him.

The briefing room is humid and quiet, with the exception of Eren’s voice. We’re leaving tomorrow at 0500 hours to set out on the mission we’ve been preparing for. My leg bounces with anxiety as Eren projects a map of the drop zone and where we’re heading first onto the white board. The projector makes small clicking noises and it has Harrison tapping his pencil nervously against the table alongside it.

Before Eren can discuss the details, the door creaks open and all of our heads lift as Bradshaw enters the room.

Harrison stops tapping his pencil and Ian’s jaw flexes.

I take Bradshaw in. He holds himself differently—his shoulders are lower and there’s a distinct dullness to his eyes. He doesn’t bother looking at anyone as he takes his seat beside me. His crisp pine scent alerts my senses and his low breaths ring in my ears. His presence alone is enough to start a fire in my heart and it takes every ounce of my willpower to keep from looking over at him.

Eren’s eyes flick to me briefly and when he’s sure I’ll follow his orders as to not show attention to Bradshaw, he continues with the mission’s details.

“We are going to Labrador, Malum. This is a Level Black mission, which is why I haven’t shared any details until the night prior to departure. We can’t risk any leaks and absolutely no bumps on this assignment.”

Level Black? Oh shit. My leg starts to bounce now too. I’ve never been on anything higher than a Level Red, which is four levels lower than black. The only squad to come back alive from one was the Warsaw Squad over a decade ago.

Bradshaw sets his hand on my knee to stop the bouncing. I freeze at his touch. It’s discreet but my heart flutters.

“There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come out with it: Hades has been compromised.” Compromised? My throat goes dry. Another dark forces squad that’s been targeted by this unknown operation. “They’ve been MIA for six months and we’ve managed to locate the group behind the attacks on the dark forces squads. Our intel tells us that they call themselves Ghosts.” Eren’s eyes are empty as he shares the shocking information.

Jefferson slams his hands on the table. “What do you mean Hades has been MIA? Why weren’t we notified?” He stands and knocks over his cup of coffee. Pete curses under his breath.

“That can’t be right,” Harrison mutters, more to himself than to the sergeant.

“It’s been confirmed. We didn’t notify anyone because we aren’t in a position to call the shots. We’re being targeted as one of the last upper-ranked squads and it was strictly ordered by General Nolan himself that I keep my team in the dark about it until go time. Any more outbursts? Or can I get back to the mission details now?” Eren eyes Jefferson coldly.

Jefferson blows out a breath before falling back to his seat and crossing his arms.

Hades. They are reckless, sure, but they can wreak havoc unlike any other squad. The entire team is MIA? What could have possibly happened? My mind flashes back to Patagonia. Were they ambushed too? Who the fuck is hunting us? And why?

“Jobs, Badger—you two are going headfirst into the field. I’m anticipating an ambush and we need to go in fighting. Make it as loud as you can to draw attention.” Jefferson and Pete nod, their expressions firming. “Wasp, you’ll be hot on their heels, but you don’t launch grenades unless you’re signaled, understand?” Harrison grunts as he nods.

I’ve been on many missions, but none as severe as this one. The trust between us has to be tangible. We’re all relying on each other, with our literal lives. One slip up and… fuck.

“Colt, you’re going to stick with Bunny and Bones. You three will remain out of the line of fire and keep the backs of your squadmates safe.” Ian glances over at me and I know a flash of uncertainty when I see it. He’s not sure he can trust me as much as he does his other squadmates. It makes sense. I’ve been here for close to two months—they’ve been together for over five years.

Eren moves his pointer past the field on the map and toward a heavily wooded area. “We will need to move through the cover of the forest and head to the first bunker, located here.” He uses a red marker to circle a boulder somewhere in the forest. I do my best to memorize the coordinates of it before he moves on to the next ones. “The remaining bunkers will be on the charted paths dialed into your GPS. The locations will not ping until our boots hit the ground.”

There’s an uncomfortable shuffle of feet. We’re going into this almost completely blind. Why?

Eren clicks to the next slide. This image is zoomed out farther than the rest and shows just how isolated the area is. “The operation running in Labrador is heavily unmonitored and dangerous. There won’t be backup. We are the backup. I want you to keep your heads in any kind of situation you might find yourselves in. Our objective is to find the asshole running these attacks, take him out, and hopefully find the Hades Squad unharmed. We’re looking at invading their base and the potential extract of wounded soldiers. If we follow the mapped location carefully and keep to the script it should be an in-and-out operation. Quiet, quick, and merciless. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” we all say in unison. Though, my mind is whirling.

I zone out when Eren starts getting into the fine details with the fireteam regarding their part in the initial landing. My attention shifts to Bradshaw, who sits stoically beside me in deafening silence.

“Where’ve you been?” I ask casually, keeping my arms crossed like his are.

His head dips and the weariness rolls from his shoulders. When he doesn’t answer right away, I look at him. A coil of emotions rolls through me as I stare at his empty expression.

“Not your concern, Bun,” he whispers.

I’ve missed him calling me that so fucking much.

My jaw sets and my fingers curl against the sleeve of my jacket. What happened to him?

Eren moves down the line of our squad until he’s dismissed everyone but myself and Bradshaw. The air is thick, a wordless conversation hashing out between the two of them.

“Bunny. You are to serve as Bones’ double in this mission,” Eren says in a low, gravelly voice. My eyes lift to his with surprise. His expression falters for a moment, revealing his discontent with the decision that I’m really hoping was out of his control.

Bradshaw leans forward and by the way his brows have furrowed I’m guessing this is news to him too. “What do you mean my double? She’s supposed to watch my back from afar,” he snaps at his brother.

Eren pulls a chair in front of us and sits on it backward so his arms are splayed over the back rest. “Bunny will dress exactly like you and will be provided a matching mask and helmet set. You will move together at all times and follow orders without fail. Is that understood?” Eren doesn’t break eye contact with me once.

I flash a concerned look at Bradshaw and he returns the uncertainty, but the trust he has in his kin is strong. He nods, even though his eyes betray him.

I clear my throat. “But we are very obviously different in size…” My voice trails off because I’m still trying to process this and what the point could possibly be. “Sergeant, excuse my saying so, but I specialize in distance shots. What is the point of sending Bones in if I can’t keep the area cleared and the squad safe?”

My nerves start to buzz in my limbs. Something is gravely wrong. But my hunch about the close combat being necessary was right.

Eren’s eyes narrow as he replies, “Yes, and unfortunately it does not matter. As long as the enemy is hesitant on which one is the real Bones, that should buy both of you time to kill the enemy soldiers.”

Bradshaw stands with a force that nudges his chair back and it shrieks across the tile. He stares down at Eren with fury blazing in those icy eyes. “Have Ian take her place. He has my same build,” he says firmly.

Eren looks away but shakes his head as he mutters, “I’m afraid it’s out of my hands.”

I set my hand on Bradshaw’s forearm as he’s reaching to grab his brother by the collar. Our eyes lock and distinct emotions flash through his eyes, but I can’t place them. I look back to Eren. “What’s really going on? Something changed the night we got back from the last training. Tell me. You can’t expect to keep us in the dark and have this plan go smoothly.”

Eren blows out a breath, the stress evident on his features as he lets his chin fall to his arms. “Goddammit,” he says. Bradshaw’s jaw tenses but he lets his shoulders relax. Eren’s eyes are dull. “Where to start… We first suspected foul play when Abrahm was shot. The bullet he was hit with was unlike the rest in the raid. It was a bullet meant for Bones.” His fists curl with fury and he gives his brother a remorseful glance.

“What kind of bullet?” I ask, brows pinching.

A black one.

Eren stares at me for a beat before answering, “A black one.”

My spine stiffens. I search his eyes as he does mine. A black bullet. Everyone knows only Riøt used black bullets. My stomach twists with the searing look he gives me.

Bradshaw’s gaze is set on the door instead of either of us. Unmoving. I’m not certain he can handle this conversation. My grasp tightens around his wrist and it draws his eyes down to me. The pain in his gaze is a gut punch.

Eren stares at where my hand connects to Bradshaw as he mutters, “Then, targeted for a second time, when Bones was poisoned on the training field. We think it happened sometime after you hit him and everyone crowded around. There was an injection mark found on his arm.”

My eyes widen. “What?”

Eren nods grimly, avoiding my gaze.

I look up at Bradshaw and his eyes are back on the door, mouth twisting with fury.

Do they think I did it?

“Is that why you were gone for a week?” My voice wavers.

Bradshaw’s arm flexes and I take that as answer enough, but Eren mutters, “Yes. And you will keep it a secret. I’m only telling you because I personally vetted your record and you’ve never betrayed your squad. So you’re in the clear for now and you’ll be his double until we can find out who the rat is. I have no doubt there will be soldiers specifically trying to kill Bones out there.” His eyes hover on me distrustfully, but he must have a bit of faith in me.

My chest seizes. “There’s a rat? On our squad?” I almost ask why, but it’s obvious. Bones is the most dangerous soldier we have. Whoever we’re on our way to kill must be powerful to be able to pull strings this deep. For them to even know that the dark forces exist is impressive. My stomach sinks with the idea that one of our squadmates could be a traitor.

Eren nods again. I glance between the two of them.

“How do you know someone else didn’t get close enough? What about the med team?” I try to find the silver lining because Eren is wrong. Malum wouldn’t do this.

“I was by his side the entire time in there and I found the syringe discarded in a bush near the chopper. You think I’d make this accusation without being sure?” Eren’s voice turns sharp.

“This is exactly why precautions are in place.” Bradshaw’s voice startles me. It’s hurt and strained. He points to his mask and I find loss in his eyes. Even if he doesn’t know which of his comrades has done this to him, he’s lost his faith in all of them… and with the black bullet knowledge, I think he’s even lost faith in me.

“But won’t the enemy know about me being the double if the rat is in communication with them?” I query, still wrestling with the fact that one of our teammates is trying to kill Bradshaw.

“That’s why no one else is being informed of the plan. They won’t know until their boots are already on the ground and all communications will be heavily monitored by me personally. I’m suspecting that whoever it is will be so stumped by it that they’ll falter when they realize Bunny is masked as well and sticking close to Bones, rather than far away.”

“What’s stopping them from killing us both?” I ask.

Eren’s eyes flick to Bradshaw’s and they share another silent conversation.

“What?” I pry.

Bradshaw glances down at me, but it’s Eren who says, “That outcome is possible, but highly improbable.” He doesn’t sound at all convincing, but I can’t think of a reason why he’d lie to me.

“So you’re betting both our lives?”

Eren narrows his eyes at me. “Don’t talk back to your sergeant, Nell. You think I’d put my own brother in jeopardy?”

I shake my head. He wouldn’t, that much I know.

“What will we do with them once their cover is blown?” Malice is laced into my tone.

Jenkins’s voice rolls smoothly through my veins with an unpleasant memory. “Traitors can be put down in two ways. In prison, fifty years after the crime, or when they choose to betray their comrades.”

I recall the way he shoved his blade into our comrade’s chest. One of them we had known for years and Jenkins let his body roll off a cliff without hesitation. His body was never recovered. He was declared MIA, as most of Riøt’s targets were.

I had asked, “Even if it’s not an order?”

Jenkins smiled cruelly. “Especially if it isn’t an order. Don’t let them die fifty years later after they’ve lived their life.”

His empty voice still haunts me from that cold day. Haunted me every time I watched the lights leave the eyes of traitors too. I didn’t know what they did, or why I was killing them. Orders were orders.

Except when they weren’t, then it was just Jenkins.

Bradshaw taps his arm uncomfortably.

Eren’s face twists at my question. “Arrest them, of course. Nothing will be done without my orders to do so. Is that clear, Bunny?” There is a flash of distrust in his gaze but I only nod.

“Of course, but… should it come down to it?” The meaning in my question lingers in the air between us. I’m set in my ways, Jenkins made sure of it.

Eren levels me an icy look. “I can’t imagine a situation where that would pan out.” I hold his glare for a moment before looking down at my hands and allowing one curt nod.

I can imagine plenty.

“Alright, you’re both dismissed. I’ll see your asses on the plane at zero five hundred.” Eren stands and leaves without another word.

Bradshaw doesn’t move, so I don’t either. I guess I’m his shadow now. A living bullet proof vest like Abrahm was. Somehow, that doesn’t scare me. I welcome the noble death, but curiosity and revenge throb through my veins too.

I want to know what monster could do this to their closest comrades. I want to know who’s after us.

“Was it you?”

My shoulders flinch. I look up at Bradshaw. His eyes are hardened but seeking the truth.

“Was it your bullet?” His eyes shift away as if he can’t bear to look at me.

I remember that day like each grain of sand trapped in an hourglass. I’ve only rerun the scenes a million times, over and over, until my mind was raw.

I stare at Bradshaw for a few moments. He looks back at me, eyes studying me carefully, trying to read everything I’m not saying.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” Bradshaw says before I can respond. He nudges me softly before walking out, leaving me alone in the war room with dark thoughts.

Rats never seem to remember that snakes are hiding in the bird’s nest too.