Last Christmas?

I quickly decided to search around the fortress for anything that might somehow help me either follow Enki or be able to communicate with him.

It turned out the exploring a wizard’s fortress can be full of surprises though, because one door that I opened somehow sucked me into it and I was now in some sort of strange icy wonderland or something.

I slid! along the ice and looked around and saw that there was no longer a door behind me.

Suddenly!, Krampus had joined me on the ice, and he crowed that, “That buffoon Enki is about to unleash my Princess into the world, my love, and there’s nothing that anyone can do to stop him!”

“I thought that you were going to murder me soon!” I said combatively, “So why call me “my love” as if we’re actually real spouses?”

“Oh, we are real spouses still,” he explained, “and I was only talking that trash in order to make it seem like I was mad about how things were going. And, of course; Enki fell for it hook, line, and sinker!”

“So, this is all going according to plan for you then?” I asked in disbelief, “Even up to and including me turning on you and deciding that I didn’t want to end Christmas after all?”

“I’m not going to pretend that I planned out every little detail,” Krampus admitted, “but things are moving in the exact direction that I want them to, and I have been playing my cards correctly very consistently.”

“Well, what if I told you that I’m divorcing you!” I huffed, to which Krampus laughed and said, “It’s not that easy to untie us when magic is involved.

I’m not going to pretend that it’s impossible to divorce me, mind you, but it’ll take more than saying a few words, that’s for sure!”

“But why do you even want to stay married to me!” I wailed, “It’s not like we fell in love! We just needed to get the crystal ball to work for us!”

“Well, there’s your answer then.” Krampus said smoothly, “I married you to become more powerful, and do I seem like the sort of person who gives up power easily?

And, ha!, the answer is obviously a big fat no, isn’t it?

You may or may not succeed in divorcing me, but I’m certainly not going to help you take power away from me, am I?”

“But how do I even know that we aren’t already divorced due to me having said that I’m divorcing you?” I reasoned, “I mean, you say that there’s magic that binds us together still, but can you prove it?”

“Aha!” Krampus said in satisfaction, “Now that you ask, I can indeed prove it!

CUPID!!!” and a winged person who was holding a bow and arrow suddenly appeared.

“You summoned me?” he asked, and Krampus said, “Most certainly! My wife and I were wondering how strong the magic bonds of marriage between us are. They haven’t broken, have they?”

“No…” Cupid responded, “But at your current trajectory you two will be divorced in about 250 years, and so you’d better be careful! Buy her flowers and stuff, you know…” and, with that!, Cupid flew off and disappeared before I could even ask any questions of my own.

“See!,” Krampus bragged, “we still have an estimated 250 years of marriage left, and it’ll probably last even longer than that! Maybe forever! Muahahahahahahahahaha!…”