just another roomie

You know that feeling in your gut when you just know something will go really bad?

Well it was bugging me since morning already.

First when I woke up Rachel said I told her I want an omelet for breakfast.

But I don’t remember telling her that.

And judging by her reaction to my admision I think I said more than just asking for that omelet.

And it’s really pissing me off that I can’t remember.

Then just as I was having my lunch break she sent me a text saying she found a perfect house, so she would be moving out as soon as possible so I would have my space back to myself.

Sure a few weeks ago it would sound like dreams come true.

But now, all I could think about was that she would be gone in no time.

And we would go back to hating each other.

And I couldn’t go back to that time.

Not just because I didn’t want to, but because my emotions towards Rachel changed drastically.

Whenever she was around I felt this weird sense of possessiveness.

I hated the fact that I couldn’t go around town, holding her hand and letting everyone know she was mine.

Because of that stupid arangement we made.

But if I confessed to having feelings for her, she would most likely break off the deal and hated me even more than she did before.

I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for the pampered self centered drama queen.

But she proved me wrong each day.

She wasn’t pampered, she was just stubborn and used that stubbornness to get what she wanted.

She wasn’t self centered, because as I was starting to get to know her better, I realized she always made sure to put others before herself.

And she wasn’t a drama queen. She just gave that impression because she was a person that didn’t try to hide her emotions behind a mask like many people do nowadays.

So each day she proved my opinion about her was wrong.

And I didn’t even realize it when I started falling for her.

I only realized it once it was too late and I have fallen hard with no way out.

But still I kept my feelings hidden, because one way or another, I couldn’t risk losing what we had at the moment.

*********

It was 5pm, and time for me to head home.

When I tried calling Rachel, the call went straight to voicemail.

And that feeling in my gut intensified.

I was walking as fast as I could to our house.

As soon as I stepped inside I called her name, but got no response.

I looked in the kitchen, living room, knocked on the bathroom door, her bedroom, but she was nowhere in sight.

I decided to go to my bedroom, so I could get changed into some comfortable clothes so I could prepare myself some dinner.

Once I entered my room I went straight to my wardrobe, took out some clothes and got changed.

But as I was about to go back to the kitchen, something caught my eye.

My computer was turned on, and there was something open on the screen.

I moved closer and what I saw sent shivers down my spine.

You know the bad kind.

It was my letter of recommendation that I’ve put together for Rachel and sent to all those companies.

But underneath there was something written.

It was a message from Rachel.

Dear Mason.

Or should I write dear asshole!

How dare you stick your nose in things that don’t concern you?

Even if I told you what my ex boss did, you had no right to do what you did.

Writing a falsa letter of recommendation?

Are you nuts?

First of all, it is illegal and now we could both go to prison, since it was written for me so I am an accomplice in a way!

And second, you lied and hid this from me all this time!

You let me believe I finally managed to get a job because someone recognized my good working ethic or something.

You let me believe I succeeded on my own.

But guess it was all a lie.

Just so you know, tomorrow I am telling Aron all about this and don’t even try deleting it or lying about it because I printed everything.

I will face the consequences of YOUR MISTAKES with my head held high.

Fine. I won’t drag you in my mess.

After all, I have a feeling you tried to help.

Still it wasn’t your job to do so.

So I won’t mention your name to Aron.

But from now on.

Keep your distance from me.

I don’t want to see you anymore.

So I guess there is only one last word I need to write.

Canoe.

I deserved every word she wrote, and I would go to Aron’s office tomorrow and beg him to let Rachel keep her job.

I will even offer my own job for the price of her keeping hers.

But what shattered me was the last word.

It meant everything between us was finished.

And right when I was ready to admit my feelings to myself and then to her.

Right when I was ready to tell the first woman in my whole life those three words I was avoiding until now.

I wanted to shout it, write it down, whisper it in her ear, anything.

But I had to get those words out or they would eat me from inside out.

So I looked at the screen with a heavy heart full of guilt and yearning and whispered those words: “I love you.”