If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“Hollis, my man, I’ve got some news!” my dad shouts.

He has the worst habit of showing up without knocking or texting in advance and waiting for a reply.

We freeze for half a second, my panic echoed in Hollis’s eyes. But his hold so many other emotions, too, like guilt and shame. My stomach sinks.

“Go to the spare bedroom, now,” he orders. He strides across the kitchen, shouting, “Hey, man. We’ve talked about this.”

I rush around the corner and down the hall. My heart is in my throat, my stomach in knots. We were seconds away from getting caught. If we’d been in the dining room, we would have.

“Oh, shit. Are you on a date? Did you change your mind and decide to see Scarlet again?” Dad asks.

The knot in my stomach becomes a brick.

Heat climbs my spine at the mention of Hollis’s ex and my former favorite actress. And then the words register. Again? He’s seen her? Since when?

“Yes, I’m on a date. Not with Scarlet. You think we can do this later?” Hollis’s tight voice filters down the hall.

“Right, yeah. Absolutely. Sorry, man. Good for you. You should’ve told me.”

“How about I text you later?”

“Or I’ll just see you in the morning. We can talk on the plane. Have a good night.”

I’m shaking with anxiety and anger. Sweat trickles down my spine, and my heart thunders in my chest. He was right. We used to tell each other everything.

Hollis appears in the doorway. “He’s gone, and I put the safety latch on.”

I cross my arms. “See Scarlet again?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“How do you even know what I think? When did you see her? Before you kissed me? After?” He knew about Jameson. He was there for the entire dumpster fire. This is why I always feel off center with Hollis.

A million emotions cross his face, but it’s the remorse that makes my stomach and heart sink.

“Aurora.”

“Before or after, Hollis?”

“After.” He runs a hand through his hair.

He might as well rip my heart out. “What the hell?” I try to step around him, but he blocks the door.

He raises a hand, like he’s trying to calm me. Like I don’t have a right to be upset. “Can you let me explain?”

“Do not barricade me in this room so you can feed me some bullshit story about why you went to see your goddamn ex-girlfriend after you kissed me and told me it was a mistake!”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” He moves aside, though, and I step out into the hall.

He follows.

“Did you fuck her?” I’m on the verge of tears.

He blanches. “Of course not.”

I spin to face him. “Did you kiss her?”

I can’t read his expression, but he looks almost…disappointed that I would ask that.

“No.”

I hate the wash of relief and how desperate I am for there to be a good reason why he kept this from me. “Why should I believe you?”

“Because you’re here and she’s not.”

It’s a simple answer. Direct. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to hear about it from my dad?” I should be more upset about almost getting caught, but this is a twist I didn’t see coming.

His eyes soften, and so does his voice. “Because I didn’t want to upset you.”

Because he didn’t think I could handle it. And maybe he’s right, but we’ll never know for sure. “When did you see her?”

“After I said you should go on a date with that James kid.”

My mouth drops, and I swear I’m at risk of throwing up my meal. I don’t even bother to correct him on the name. “Why would you send me on a date and then go see your ex? What were you trying to accomplish?”

He steps forward.

I hold out a hand. “Do not touch me right now.”

His expression is pained. “I was trying to do the right thing and not fuck up my life and yours. I didn’t want to see her—not the way she wanted to see me. But I had all these feelings for you that I couldn’t get a handle on. And then she started showing up at games. I needed closure. She broke my fucking heart when I moved out here. I have no desire to go down that road again. It was a long time ago, but I needed to deal with it. The only way I could do that was to have a conversation. Nothing happened, Aurora. We just talked. That’s it. I haven’t seen her since.”

I wrap my arms around myself, like it will keep me from falling apart. “Have you talked to her since?”

“She messaged after the last accident to see how I was doing, but that’s it. There’s nothing going on. I promise.”

I believe he’s telling the truth, but it still stings. It makes me feel out of my depth all over again. “I don’t want to be some convenient distraction to help you get over whatever happened with her.” I realize, though, that whatever did happen must have really hurt him. And maybe that’s part of the reason for his hesitation with us. But it doesn’t make it okay that he kept this from me.

“You’re a lot of things, Aurora, but you’re not a distraction from someone else. What can I do to fix this? Tell me what I need to do.” He looks so uncertain. Vulnerable.

“This hurts.” I rub my temple. “I need time to process. Alone.” But how the hell will I get to my apartment without running into my dad? What a mess of a night.

“I can go over to Roman’s. Give you some time on your own. Then we can talk?”

“I’d like to process in my own space. I’ll text you when I’m ready to have a conversation.”

“Okay. I understand.” He nods, crosses and uncrosses his arms. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you again.”

“Are you sure you weren’t trying to protect yourself instead?” I wait for him to take the opportunity to open up, to share what made that breakup so painful, but all he does is sigh.

“Maybe. I’ll go check in with Roman so you can have time.”

He walks away, leaving me wondering how the most amazing date turned into the worst one, and all because of his ex.