I Know How You Feel

I found my body tense. The room filled with annoying alarms, but the sound reassured me that I wasn’t dead. I climbed out of the machine and heard the frantic yells of the FBI agents.

“What happened? What did you do Kasey?”

“N-n-nothing, sir. It just shut off,” he stuttered.

I heard a clamor for the power switch and suddenly the lights were on. The machine was turned on but I wasn’t in it.

“Dammit, Kasey! I thought you said she wasn’t going to go anywhere!” I saw a fist pound on the table and Kasey flinched, his eyes quickly searching for me.

I coughed and his eyes met mine. My pride was lost when I saw them glowing bright green. After taking myself out of the doctor’s mind, I smirked and walked towards them.

“Really? You think I’m going to let you inject me with some stupid drug and leave me with an emotionless doctor to pry apart my brain piece by piece until you find the answer?” I yelled, “Hell, no.”

The doctor was shaking. I could feel the insane part of me smirk some more at the fact.

“You assaulted my men,” the Head argued standing his ground.

“You kidnapped my friend Sam and I,” I snapped back.

Even though my vision was blurred and my thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour, it was hard to see how I could have forgotten Sam. I took a step forward and narrowed my eyes.

“Where. Is. Sam?” I asked.

My voice held that tone that didn’t sound like my own. The men were paralyzed with fear. My anger soon faded away as quickly as it came. I found myself staring at two middle-aged boys. Before I could laugh at the predicament, my knees began to weaken and I was immediately overrun by fatigue. My mind filled with a gray haze. I leaned against the wall and watched as the Head came alive again. He pulled out his radio and called for backup. I tried to pull through the fog but it seemed to get heavier and heavier. I remember telling myself: “I couldn’t fall asleep. Who knows what they could do? What going to happen to Sam? Stay awake. Must. Stay. Awake.”

But the fog suffocated me and everything went black just as the back-ups ran through the door.

I dreamt of Romeo’s eyes, Sam’s and my missing persons report on the news and a strange pair of dark, nearly black eyes under long lashes. Some other things too that I can’t remember. Nothing could prepare me for what was to happen when my eyes opened.

When I finally became conscious, it wasn’t pleasant. I remember:

Darkness all around me.

Enveloping me.

I was a mind wandering.

Until the darkness receded to reveal my body.

As my body appeared, the darkness couldn’t hold me anymore.

I began to fall.

Falling from nothing.

Falling into nothing.

Falling just to fall.

A quick intake of air alerted my senses that I was, indeed, very much alive. My eyes snapped open expecting to see the low ceiling of M.R.I. machine or maybe a doctor with a scalpel ready to make the first incision; but instead, I was in a hospital, again.

My brain began to work again and I realized this wasn’t a normal hospital.

I was still stuck in the FBI headquarters.

“Someone shoot me,” I grumbled.

I pulled the needles out of my arm and alarms went off.

“Wonderful.” My sarcasm soon turned to moans of pain as I registered it. “That is not as freeing as it looks in the movies.”

“Olivia!” Sam yelled speed walking into the curtained off area.

I could feel her relief hit me in a wave. I smiled at her before she was pushed aside by Kasey. Or as Sam said in her thoughts: Doctor fucking Becket.

“Olivia, you’re awake,” he stated in a briefly shocked state. He recovered quickly. “How do you feel?”

“Slightly impaled,” I deadpanned looking down at my now bleeding wrist.

“Was that necessary?” he asked.

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” I mumbled wiping the blood on the dingy bed sheet, “Go a little overboard on the tranquilizer, doc?” I asked accenting the last word. The venom in my words only seemed to amaze Kasey more.

I allowed myself to listen more intently into his scientific nonsense and found the words “coma” and “glowing eyes” still disrupting his logical way of dealing with matters.

“I’ll inform Director Dastern that you’re awake… and um… get a nurse to bandage…that,” he said a tinge of anxiety in his tone and in his color. He quickly turned and left faster than he had come.

“Sure thing!” I yelled. “I’ll just stay…here.”

My voice faded off and my eyes searched for Sam. Her sad eyes ruined my façade of being okay. I let my guard down and got out of the bed.

“Olivia, I’m sorry,” she said.

Her voice was tinged with guilt as pictures of them drawing blood on me showed in her mind.

“You stayed? But you hate the sight of…” I hid my hand behind my back.

“I freaked out when the alarms started going off. They were making sure I didn’t have some…thing and I kicked the nurse,” she winced as guilt washed over her, “and followed the guards. As soon as I came in the doctor pulled out a…needle… and—” She paused trying keep herself from getting dizzy. “He was saying he might as well. I screamed an earful but they held me back. I knew I had to…watch to make sure they didn’t hurt you and so—” She paused again leaning on the bed.

“So you did,” I finished. “Thanks. That really means a lot.”

“But I should have stopped them. What if they just get even more curious? What if—,”

“Calm down. I’ve gotten my blood taken before and they never found anything. They aren’t going to find anything now.”

“How do you know?” she asked after a long sigh.

“I don’t but I like to hope,” I muttered.

“So I didn’t see anything on the blood you gave—,” Kasey spoke suddenly, not really caring about ruining our moment.

“You mean on the blood you took,” I corrected.

He paused temporarily flustered but continued with his doctor lecture. “In fact, there’s hardly any mention of illness on your health record. Have you ever been sick?” he asked flipping through a file.

I grumbled and thought back to kindergarten. I really never had been sick. Not even a sore throat. I always blamed it on my mom’s obsessive need for cleanliness. Still, my brother got sick. And my sister had the worst case of the flu back in her senior year of high school.

“No, I haven’t. Well except for the—,” I started.

“Hospital visit. For a seizure…and they thought you would go into a coma? It seems odd that they couldn’t find anything wrong. Minor swelling from the… You were hit in the head with soccer ball?”

“Yes,” I huffed. Why did the F.B.I. have to know everything? Well…

“The swelling went down almost immediately and though there were suspicions of concussion, the doctors found nothing. Clean bill of health. I have my theories that this sleep is a way of advanced and rapid healing… Do you think that has anything to do with what you are--”

“She’s not a fucking alien!” Sam screamed.

I flinched. I’d never heard Sam yell before. Ever.

Dr. Becket dropped his clipboard as Sam marched up to him.

“She’s a human being. Don’t treat her like some sort of mutant. I grew up with her. My mother saw her mom give birth to her. She’s human. H-U-M-A-N.” Sam caught her breath. Before the doctor could recover, Sam gave him one of her death stares. “You understand?”

Dr. Kasey Becket looked like a scared puppy. My mouth was gaping. If I hadn’t been worried about being locked up for the rest of my life, I would have noticed Sam’s increasing anger. She never lost her temper after her parents split up. I usually could only tell if she was angry by the death stare I got occasionally from attempting to crack the shell she had been hiding in for the past six years.

“Sam.” I got up and walked over to her. By the look on her face and her balled fists, I was worried for the man’s safety. “They aren’t going to hurt me. I won’t let them,” I said reassuring her and looking at the doctor with a furrowed brow. She slowly got out of the doctor’s face.

“Ka- Doctor Becket, do you mind telling me what happened back in the lab?” I asked in a strained but polite tone.

“From what I saw, you cut the power. Then somehow made your eyes become luminescent and collapsed. Once we got you to the hospital wing, we realized you had lapsed into a coma,” he explained eying Sam.

“I put myself into a coma.” It wasn’t a question.

“What did her eyes do?” Sam asked.

“They glowed,” he answered.

“Holy shit.” Sam looked at me in question. I nodded. “Holy—how did you do that?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t do it on purpose,” I muttered looking at my shoes. Then I remember the M.R.I. “Doctor Becket!” I said suddenly.

He jumped. I resisted the urge to laugh as he looked up at me.

“What did you find on the brain scan?” I asked.

“Before it was shut off—,” he coughed but seeing my face continued, “You were using a large portion of your brain—”

“Eighty-five percent right?” Time for me to know everything.

“Uh, yes,” he answered, “How did you--”

“I can read minds,” I reminded him forgetting that he didn’t know the logistics of my case.

“You can?”

I sat back down on the hospital cot and rubbed my temples.

“Yes, I can. I think I kind of overdid it though. I could see what you saw and everything,” I muttered.

“That’s not possible.” I let myself mouth the words with him. I looked over at him and he gave me a strange look.

“Look, I’ve been through this…four times already?” I looked over at Sam and she bit her lip.

“Three… I think.”

“Anyway, I’ve done this already for Mr. Head Hancho. I have no idea why he didn’t tell you but let’s just say that everything I’m telling you is, in fact, possible. Okay?” I continued to rub my temples.

“If what you’re saying is true--”

“It is.”

“Yes, well, that would explain the abnormal--unusual M.R.I. More than half of your brain was being used at one time. Now if you said you were inside my mind and tapping into my visual and auditory senses then it would make sense that your brain shut down.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

The doctor searched his mind for the right analogy. He looked up at the ceiling.

“It’s like a motor with a safety feature. When it gets overheated it shuts off,” he explained. “That still doesn’t explain the glowing eyes.”

I felt the beginning of a migraine.

“Can this wait… I don’t feel like thinking right now,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, it does,” Sam countered the doctor. I looked up at her as her thoughts reached my mind. “Like the engine has a warning light. When it flashes, it warns the person that the cars about to turn off. Or like a phone battery. I don’t know.”

“So the glowing is a warning sign that my brain’s on overdrive?” I asked to no one in particular.

“Yeah, I guess,” Sam said looking at her shoes.

“How about it, Doctor? Does that sound like a logical explanation?” I asked, covering my face with my hands. The florescent lights suddenly seemed way too bright.

“It sounds like a theory. Are you all right?” he asked.

“Oh me? I’m fine!” I waved my free hand. “I’m wonderful, perfect, f—”

The headache soon became unbearable and I fell into a daydream.

“What did I miss?” said a voice. Rose appeared in the curtains.

“Nothing that you needed to know—”

“--uck!” I shouted cradling my head.

“What?” Doctor Becket jumped up to aid me. I looked down to see my free hand balled into a fist.

“Rose is coming. Besides that, I’m fine. If you could ask her to lea--,”I started.

My words were slow and deliberate as the pain eased away. Sadly, I couldn’t finish my request before Rose appeared.

“What did I miss?”

“Go away,” I hissed not wanting to repeat the half scene I saw a few seconds ago.

“Doctor Becket, Director Dastern wants to see you,” she chirped cheerfully.

“Oh, right now?”

“Yes, sir.”

The doctor smoothed out his lab coat in a nervous fashion and looked up at me,

“I’ll be back. Would you mind staying here? It’ll make things so much easier for me.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled, giving in.

“You don’t have to worry about her, sir. I’ll keep an eye on her,” Rose called out as he walked away.

I hopped out of the cot still with a clinched fist and readjusted my dress. Then I realized again; I was wearing a hospital gown and I didn’t exactly smell great either. Of course, I wasn’t the only one acknowledging this. Rose was fighting to hide an unneeded, disgusted look. Supposedly I hadn’t bathed a few days. With this a few questions came to mind: how long had it been since we were arrested and, more importantly, “Sam, how long was I out?”

“A day and a half I think…” She shifted uncomfortably and tried not to think about being here.

Sadly, with all the people in this place, I had no such luck. I let the talking silence linger before I decided to break it. Rose’s complaints were getting on my nerves.

“So, Rose, is there a place I can clean up? I feel a bit grungy,” I asked casually.

You look a bit grungy too, she thought.

“Says the girl wearing FBI sweatpants,” I snapped. I was a second too late to realize that, technically, she didn’t say anything. I cursed under my breath.

“Okay? The showers are three doors down from here. Once Doctor Becket comes back to release you, I’ll happily show you the way,” she suggested remaining in her fake cheery voice.

Sam got up and walked over near Rose. “No, it’s okay. I can show her. You probably have a meeting or something… more important to do.”

“Oh, okay! Thanks, Sam.”

“Yes, thank you Sam!” I called into her head. She winced but smiled after the words registered. My face became an unspoken apology and she continued to smile.

Rose stood there awkwardly and she suddenly remembered something.

“Oh, I was supposed to tell you! Director Dastern wants to meet with you and Sam later on tonight. He says it’s of high importance but he won’t tell me what it’s about,” she faded off, still confused about that.

The hancho didn’t seem to want anybody to know. This surprised me but I was glad. Everybody didn’t need to know.

“So anyway, security will take you to the meeting. Just try and be ready by seven,” she said. “I’ve got to go. Got some reports to fill out. Bye.”

She left and I laid back down on the cot again. Stretching out, I debated on whether or not to curl up and fall asleep. It wasn’t until I heard Sam’s inner monologue that I realized she was still there.

“Hey, Sam,” I whispered in the silence.

“Yeah?”

“You’re awesome. You know that? Doctor Becket was shaking in his scrubs.” I laughed.

Even though I couldn’t see her, I knew an evil grin was forming on Sam’s face.

“Really?” she whispered, “I—he was just being so stupid and I hate when people say that things aren’t normal. There’s really no such thing as normal,” she ranted her voice getting louder, “We are all different. You’re just a little more different than most people.”

“Ha, thanks Sam. I guess I was never normal but now I’m super weird!” I joked.

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“Heeey,” I turned myself over to give her a hurt look. “You’re not supposed to agree with me!”

“Welll…”

Footsteps silenced our banter and Doctor Kasey popped his head in the curtain. Relief showed on his face when he locked eyes with me.

“Hi!” My voice came out unusually cheery.

“Um, yeah. You’re cleared to leave medical. Sam, can you show Olivia back to her room?”

“I know the way.” I hopped out of the bed and brushed past the doctor.

Looking around I let my mouth turn into a half smile. I was one step closer to getting the heck out. Or so I thought.

“Hey, Sam!” I called over my shoulder.

She appeared behind me in a second. “Hm?”

“Where’s the shower?”

“Oh, this way.”

She led me out through the winding hallways to a door marked “Women’s Locker Room”.

As soon as I got into the shower, my stress seemed to float away with the steam. I wasn’t much of a clean freak like my mom, but this shower helped me clear my head. The water helped me drown out the thoughts of others and take in what had happened in the past few months.

Although I kept denying it, there was still a little part of me that wondered if I was an alien. The only people I knew who could read minds were the ones on T.V. and I was pretty sure they were fakes. But I wasn’t a fake; I was the real deal. All the things I could do were real. They happened before my eyes. What was I? My mom could have been abducted or something.

I smirked. Now that didn’t sound insane at all did it? Although considering where I was, insane seemed plausible. Either way, I was alone.

And then there was Misty. What had I done to her? Could I fix it?

That doesn’t matter if you can’t get out of here, the little pessimist in my head reminded me.

I shook away the thought and jumped over the topic of the people back home. I would see them again. The faces of my family and friends flashed through my head and I felt an intense homesickness. Before I could think any longer on the subject, I turned off the water.

As I got out, I found a little care package on the floor next to my dress. I pulled out a towel and what looked like a uniform for mental patients; a white t-shirt and white cotton pants. Groaning, I put them on and began to attempt to tame the mess of frizz that was my hair. I tried to make myself look the best I could with what I had.

I avoided looking at the mirrors. I didn’t want to see the real damage. All my emotions had a habit of playing on my face when I was trying to hide from them. I knew if I looked in the mirror I would see a crazy girl, unsure of anything she previously knew about herself. A girl who couldn’t stand to think about what would happen if she was stuck in here forever. A girl who still had a hundred questions that couldn’t be answered.

I tossed my pathetic excuse for a hospital gown in the trash and wondered where my dress had gone. Hopefully they didn’t throw it out. Then again, Sam made it so she probably made sure they didn’t. I picked up my care package and left.

Sam’s thoughts filled my head as I walked out. Well, everyone’s in the building did but hers were the loudest. I spotted her sitting on the floor a few feet away.

“Thanks for waiting for me,” I whispered.

“I, uh, didn’t think you really knew where to go. This place is so confusing,” she explained staring up at the ceiling.

“Okay then, you lead the way!” I said making a dramatic gesture. She smiled slightly and walked ahead of me. I noticed she had the khaki version of what I was wearing. Even on her they were big; although, they probably didn’t expect their prisoners to be teenagers. She came up to a guarded door and made a weak smile at the men in armored suits. One of them typed in the code and we were soon back in our hotel prison cell.

I flopped onto the nearest bed and waited for the door to close before I groaned.

“Sam, do you think they’ll let me leave?”

“What do you mean? Of course they will. You didn’t do anything that would make them lock you up forever. You didn’t really do anything at all.”

“I shouldn’t have given them that letter. They already knew about the terrorists plot in Hollywood. I didn’t help them at all with the things I heard from that guy.” I sighed. “This is so stupid. I could be going home right now.”

Tears pricked my eyes and I took a deep breath but that didn’t help. Before I could take another, I was sobbing.

“Olivia?” Sam called out weakly.

I continued to cry. I couldn’t take all this. It was too much. A small puddle was forming on my pillow, but I couldn’t stop.

“Oh, Olivia, Please don’t cry. You know I hate seeing people cry.”

Her words seemed like she was trying to sooth herself as well as me. I pulled myself up and proceeded to hug her. After a minute, she let go and I attempted to calm down.

“We’re going to get out of here,” I said wiping away the tears. “Even if I have to break us out.”

The sound of a keypad beeping woke me from my restless sleep. I opened my eyes to see Sam sitting on the edge of her bed staring into space like she was when I finally fell asleep. Her thoughts weren’t swirling anymore though. They were focused on the door.

I pulled myself up and shook the groggy feeling of a nap away. My eyes followed Sam’s as the handle of the door turned. The guards entered and led us to a conference room. Everyone’s voices went silent when we entered the room. Men and women in black, grey and navy business suits filled the seats at a long wooden table. I felt like I was walking into a movie.

They all stared at Sam and I like we were experiments. Not even prisoners. It didn’t take me long to realize that all of them knew who I was. We were sat at the foot of the table. I awkwardly slid in my chair causing a loud scraping noise to fill the silence. Sam flinched.

“Everyone, this is Olivia Knoes.” He motioned his hand to me. “And this is Samantha Muse.”

He nodded to Sam.

“Under further observation, we have found them not suspected of terrorism. They will not be charged with any crime or judged by what has occurred in the past few days. We would like to welcome them on our team of Special Agents that will take down the PAV and—”

“Excuse me, what?”

Everyone in the room was looking at me. With my clenched fists, narrowed brow and most likely red face; I must have looked pretty crazy. At the time, I didn’t care. My whole entire body was red hot with anger. I was mad at myself—how did I miss this?--and furious with Director Dastern. He was using me. They were helpless so he was going to use me as a secret weapon.

“We want your ability on the team. It could be used to-“

My hands began to shake and my blood continued to boil.

“I’m not a weapon you can just acquire. I’m a person. Did it ever occur in your insolent mind to ask me first?” I asked, my voice filled with venom.

There wasn’t a thing that I could compare my anger with right then. Except maybe the fiery pits of hell. I looked above him at the eggshell white walls; glaring was probably not a good idea if I wanted to stay out of jail.

“The board and I figured you needed protection and we were prepared to offer it if you helped us,” he explained with a calm façade. I could see under his controlled expression a deep fear for his life.

“And if not you were just going to me leave out in the world to be kidnapped by emotionless scientists with a passion for in depth research,” I snapped.

He was silent in the fact that he had no retort for that. It was the truth.

At that moment, I was so annoyed that I was glad I’d become less violent and more reasonable over the years. Because if I was still five and more immature, his limbs would have been gone. I’m not sure if I could have actually done it, but I would have tried. Instead I slammed my fist on the table and bit back the pain.

“Now I know why people hate the government. You all are a bunch of Neanderthals. No, you are greedy scumbags who should rot in the bottom of the ocean,” I spewed venom everywhere not caring who I scared. I stood up quickly and kicked my chair out of the way.

“Security!” the Head ordered as I began to walk away.

They walked forward but I pushed them away with invisible but brutal force. One of them was knocked into a wall while the other onto the table. A few of the agents screamed and I made my exit.

“Well, that went well,” the Head thought.

I smirked and made my way to the room I was being held in. There were so many things to think about, so many unanswered questions and not enough space in my mind to think about them clearly. I ached for another shower just to clear my head. As I rounded the corner to the door, I saw a guard at the door. I slowed down to a casual stroll and reluctantly untensed my body. I walked up to the door and the guard stopped me.

“Why weren’t you escorted?” he asked.

I bit back my sarcasm and shrugged my shoulders. The guard looked at me skeptical and to confirm his skepticism, Director Dastern’s voice began to shout on his two-way radio. He reached for his gun and I panicked.

I looked him in the eye and spoke in my weird, mind control voice.

“You will not contact Director Dastern about my location. You will let me into the room and close the door and ignore all orders that have anything to do with me,” I said.

He nodded with his eyes glazed over. Like a robot, the guard typed in the code and opened my door. I walked in and waited for him to close it. Once he did, I ran to the bathroom and closed the door. My reflection was the first thing to greet me through teary eyes.

My eyes were the only things that illuminated the dark room. I grabbed the sink and turned on the water. The whispers in the back of my head were soon drowned out. After a few blinks, the glowing disappeared; leaving me in utter darkness.

I found the toilet and pulled down the lid to sit on. I had to think this out. With all my anger dispersed, rationality began to take over. They wanted me on their team. It was like soccer all over again. Was I really going to risk getting killed to appease the ‘Man’ and get him to protect me from people crazier than myself?

No, this was different. I couldn’t think for myself on this one. People’s lives were at stake. If the F.B.I. didn’t handle this correctly, hundreds of people could die. Then it dawned on me.

“You can save them. This is your chance to make up for what you did to Misty, I thought. Balance your karma. Save Hollywood.”

The next thing I knew, I was bursting out the door of room and running down the hallway. Director Dastern met me halfway down the hallway and I said the three magic words.

“I’ll do it.”