I Know How You Feel

“The end of May, there will be an art gala in Hollywood, California—”

“The Festival of Young Visual Artists,” I said tapping my pencil on the table. I wasn’t exactly happy to be back in the conference room but they promised actual training later so I dealt.

“Precisely,” the tall, dark-skinned woman shot me a look for interrupting and I stared blankly back at her.

“Millions of people across the globe, including several hundred well-known celebrities, will be there to view the pieces and amuse the press,” the woman named Loren explained.

I switched from tapping my pencil to twisting in my chair back and forth. I probably wouldn’t even be in here if it wasn’t for Sam refusing to decline the offer of being an F.B.I. agent. I already knew all this stuff but she couldn’t read minds. Still, I really tried to get her to leave. That argument made some of our other ones look like a cakewalk.

“Sam! You can’t do this! You need to go home and tell my mom and dad that I’m okay! And what about your parents? They must be worried sick!” I yelled as soon as the door clicked shut.

“My mom and my step-dad don’t care, Olivia. And my dad is too busy trying to keep himself happy to even think about me!” She sniffed looking away from me.

“You’re wrong. All of them are probably worried sick and looking for you. You can’t do this! You could get hurt or killed!”

“And you couldn’t?” she snapped, “Seriously Olivia, just because you can read people’s minds doesn’t make you invincible.”

“Sam…”

“No, stop. I’m going to do it. You can’t stop me.”

“Of course not,” I whispered to myself. She looked over at me and I could feel traces of uncertainty but not as much as usual.

“Why, of all times, does she have to be certain on suicide?” I thought clenching and unclenching my fists. I shifted my gaze to meet her eyes but she looked away quickly. “Can I ask you one question?”

“Sure, I guess.”

I laughed internally. “Why do you want to do this? I mean the real reason.”

She thought about it for a minute and I could see the fear of a boring life revealing itself in her thoughts. “My mom wants me to be successful in life. To get a job. Raise a family. But I don’t know what I’m going to do. The only thing I’m good at is fashion. I can’t do anything else. Or at least I thought I couldn’t. Then I come here and I see all of these people saving the world and I think I really want to do this. Even if it’s only once,” she explained slowly saying each thought like it was new for her too.

I blinked. I didn’t have a retort to that. She really wanted to do this. More than I did even.

“Olivia,” Sam whispered behind my head.

I came back to the present and looked back. I smiled slightly. There was Sam, taking notes and listening far more intently than needed. I decided sitting here was worth it. I’d never seen her act this motivated about anything but fashion and gossip; although, we were talking about celebrities.

“We don’t know the exact plan of action and all of our attempts to infiltrate have failed but…” she paused trying to search for the right words. “Thanks to Ms. Knoes and Ms. Muse’s information we know what I just told you. The person Ms. Knoes… acquired the information from was not in the close circle. We assume he was a hired messenger and a follower of the PAV’s beliefs. What we need is someone on the inside. A spy, so to speak.” She paused again fiddling with the laser pointer.

I decided to do my annoying interrupting thing to save her.

“So, that’s why you need me.”

“Yes,” she said sounding more relieved this time.

“So, how do we get in?”

“Thanks to the new information, we’ve found there’s a meeting place for new recruits to go. They have a checkpoint where you have to answer messages in code. I imagine that’ll be pretty easy for you to get past.”

“Won’t our age be somewhat suspicious?” I asked. “And will it be just me? Or Sam too?”

I felt Sam’s eyes on the back of my head but I knew she was wondering the same thing.

“It will be both of you. And the PAV doesn’t see age as an issue. They just need followers.” Her face became stony.

I could see she wasn’t a big fan of the PAV. Although, how could you be when they planned on blowing people up?

I felt relief come from behind me and suppressed a giggle. Sam was really excited about this. Her mood was infecting me.

“For now, this is what we’ve got. After your three weeks of hardcore training, we’ll give you the exact details,” she said quickly.

“Three weeks?” we both snapped at the same time.

“Yes, do you guys really think we’re going to let you on the team without at least basic training?” she argued. “You’re going after terrorists, remember?”

I looked down at my shoes. Again, I wasn’t invincible. Training was good but I kept thinking about my parents.

“I guess not. What about the fact that there’s a missing persons report put out for us?” I countered.

“We’ll keep them assured that you’re alive.”

My face burned.

“What?” It came out more of a hiss.

“They think we’re dead?” Sam asked trying to mask her surprise.

“I don’t know what they think. I just said we will make sure that they know.” The woman shifted uncomfortably under my glare.

“What are you planning to tell them?” I snapped gripping the arm of the chair.

Again I focused on the wall above Loren’s head. I was mad but not that mad.

“That you were kidnapped by terrorists. Once you complete the mission and stop them, we will send you home and say that we found you.”

“And if we don’t?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“If we don’t, the terrorists get the blame. You’ll just be remembered as the girl who died being a hostage. Not a girl who died trying to make up for what she did by saving innocent people from being bombed.” The pessimist ranted.

The woman hesitated but before she could answer, Sam cut in, “So we won’t be given any credit for helping you guys?”

“What do you mean by ‘credit’? We’ll be protecting you—” she started.

“You wouldn’t need to protect us if you hadn’t kidnapped us in the first place!” I slammed my fist down on the table.

The woman jumped but soon recovered. “That is not entirely untrue! You’re lucky—”

“Lucky?” I yelled. “Me, lucky? That’s, that’s just peachy. You are lucky. You’re lucky that there are over a thousand people in this facility that know self-defense and what to do in an emergency. You’re lucky that I have a conscience and actually care about a thousand people being killed. I, ma’am, am not the lucky one in this situation.”

The woman blinked, unaffected by my threat. The words “unappreciative”, “brat” and “anger issues” came into her head.

I growled and got up.

“I think I’m ready for training now,” I stated in a controlled voice.

“All right, you’ll meet David in the gym,” she said flatly. “Ms. Muse knows where it is.”

I turned around to see Sam putting away her things. She was trying to cover up her blush that was spreading across her face. In my mind, I imagined David to be a burly tough guy who looked like he came straight from ’Nam, but in her mind…

Dark eyes.

I saw them in my dream. Sam must have met him while I was asleep. He seemed to have given her a tour too because she knew how to get places. I followed Sam out the door and kept my mouth shut. I couldn’t help but smile though. It seemed, even in tough times, Sam could crush on cute guys.

We entered a medium-sized room with one wall of mirrors. I instantly turned around so that I couldn’t see myself. Sam gave me a funny look but soon forgot it when David spoke up.

“Hello, ladies,” he said.

I looked up to see a short and well-built, pale guy with red hair. Definitely not the guy I was expecting. I wondered if his hair was real but I decided not to press the issue. He looked about sixteen and not fit for this job. I would soon underestimate him.

“Hey, David,” Sam said causally.

“Hi…David,” I said awkwardly.

“Oh, you must be Olivia,” he inquired.

I held back a sarcastic remark and nodded my head.

“Olivia Knoes, at your service… apparently.”

I looked down to see that the floor was covered in blue mats. It reminded me of kindergarten naptime.

“What do you have planned for today, um David?” I asked leaving what I called him up in the air.

“You can call me David. We’re all equal here.” As he said this he flex his impossibly big arm muscles.

Right, my pessimist scoffed.

“We’ll be doing basic exercises to see where you both are at. If you guys went to a public school, it’s similar to the fitness tests they do there,” he explained.

“Oh, joy,” I muttered.

“Okay! Let’s get started,” he said.

I decided to run through the motions with this one and let my mind blank out. It wasn’t until we were on the sprints did I realize David was looking at me funny. Apparently, I was doing pretty well on these tests. Almost too good.

Sam mistook his weird looks for something else and started becoming jealous. I ignored this through the sit-ups test and let the burn of my stomach take the place of my annoyance. I had a boyfriend. She just needed to lay off.

The thought of Romeo made me fall to the ground on my twenty-sixth push-up. His face filled my mind and I felt like crying. Thankfully, David excused it for exhaustion.

“You’re pushing it a tad bit too much, Olivia,” he said writing down our scores on his clipboard. Mine still easily doubled Sam’s. She wasn’t much of an athletic person but neither was I.

“This is weird…” I thought.

“What?” I looked up, glad to have the distraction of physical needs.

My mouth felt dry, but otherwise, I was fine.

“Oh, right. I’m going to get water,” I said getting up slowly and walking to the fountain. Even over the machine noises of the fountain, I could hear David’s thoughts.

“An average girl her age shouldn’t be as fit as she is… This is amazing. I’ll have to tell Doctor Becket. She could be high ranking cross-country team member though… but Sam said she didn’t play sports… There were rumors around about her abilities. Maybe this was one of them.”

As I walked back over, David continued to look at me funny.

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” I grumbled sitting next to the tired Sam.

“I’m, uh, sorry. It’s just, do you play any sports?”

“No, but Sam told you that already.”

“Right. And about your--”

“My abilities? Yeah. If this was one of them, I wasn’t aware. Although, very convenient for once.”

“Wait, so…”

“Yes, I can read minds,” I spoke this inside his head. He jumped but a dumb grin soon replaced his look of surprise.

“That is so cool!” His professional façade seemed to have gone to the wayside. “What else can you do?”

I looked over at the nearest thing to me and found a wooden block. I lifted up my hand and lead it towards David. His dumb smile continued to shine bright as he plucked it out of the air.

“That, and a few other things. Like… I can tell a person’s mood by the color that’s glowing around them,” I started. Sam’s surprise caught me off-guard.

“You didn’t tell her. Great, now she’s going to be even madder at you,” the pessimist groaned. I waved off the thought trying to stay with the conversation.

“You mean like auras?” David asked.

“Something like that. I just called them colors.” I shrugged. Auras sounded like a better word, though I wasn’t going to admit that to him.

“What’s my aura?” he asked looking down at me.

I glanced at him quickly.

“A yellow mostly but with flairs of purple,” I said.

His whole entire body from his black tank top to his shiny silver basketball shorts and sneakers was drenched in the hue. It was kind of annoyingly bright.

“That makes sense. How about Sam’s?”

I looked over at her unnecessarily. I could feel her jealously hitting me in the back. I didn’t need to look at her bright red aura to know that. Though the color looked deadly, it suddenly dispersed when attention was put on her.

“She can also see visions of the future,” Sam squeaked in an attempt to get us to stop staring at her. I gave her an angry look and she shrugged.

“Wow.” He blinked a few times trying to let it all soak in. “And what about that guard? What did you do to him?”

His voice was tinged with anger as he thought of his fallen friend.

“News gets around fast here,” I commented.

The guard had claimed he blacked-out, but Director Dastern knew better; a healthy soldier doesn’t just pass out at random. He cornered me and attempted to get an answer.

“What did you do to my guard?” he hissed.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” I turned to leave but he grabbed my shoulder.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he snapped.

I turned around and gave him a look.

“That maybe so but I’m still not sure why you think I did it,” I countered, folding my arms.

“You are the only one who could do that!” he yelled.

“Really?”

“Forget it. If you do it again, I’m sending you back home on your own.” He walked away and I knew he was serious.

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

“So,” he said breaking my flashback.

“Um… I,” I wasn’t sure if I should tell him.

If it scared him enough, he might go to his superiors. Which means, Director Dastern. He was pretty intimidating when he found something to hang over my head. He slightly reminded me of a more heartless version of my father. I decided that I might as well.

“It was mind control,” I blurted.

“For real?” he asked. I laughed.

“Yes. I got him to open the door for me.”

“No, I don’t believe you. Show me,” he demanded with a smirk. I rolled my eyes. Typical.

“No. I don’t mean to do it. It only happens when I’m really angry,” I started.

I turned to Sam for help but her expressionless face showed no rescue. I didn’t tell her about the mind control either.

“I could get you mad,” he started.

Sam fidgeted but remained silent.

“David, please don’t,” I mumbled. “I’ve hurt people before.”

“What do you mean?”

Sam met my gaze only for a second and then looked away.

“Nothing.” I stood up and found my anger.

It wasn’t the blind rage that usually started the weird voice, but it felt like enough. David looked me in the eye. I found his dark eyes unnerving. Weren’t redheads supposed to have blue eyes? I refocused and didn’t hesitate again.

“Sit.” I smirked after it came out of my mouth.

David’s eyes glazed over, and he soon was on the ground. Then another funny idea came to my mind.

“Give Sam a hug,” I said in my inhuman voice.

He obeyed and Sam’s face went red but not from embarrassment. She gently removed his arms from around her and stood up quickly.

“Is that what you used on Romeo, Olivia? Mind control?” she snapped.

I felt my hands ball into fists and my eyes narrowed. Before I could say something back, David snapped out of it.

“Woah, woah,” he mumbled looking around. “How did I get down here?”

“I told you to sit,” I said flatly still glancing at Sam.

“Really? Well that explains the guard. I don’t remember a thing,” David said. He looked from me to Sam. “Okay. I’m not liking this hostility here. Maybe, we should just drop it and—”

“No, this needs to be said: I did not do anything to Romeo or anyone else to make them like me. I’m sorry if you’re upset that he picked me over you but I thought you said you dropped it. Just because you get all this confidence and find your calling doesn’t mean you can trip me up because I’m better at something than you are. You can have this place. I hate it. I’m not doing this because I want to and I don’t have a crazy suicide wish like you do. I’m doing this because I have two choices. I can either die because I’m a freak or die trying to be a hero. And there’s no way I’m going to let some crazy scientist pry me apart.”

“Now, if we’re really going to hold grudges then go ahead. But I’m over this. We aren’t in high school anymore. Romeo’s not here and neither is anybody else we know.” I choked on the last sentence.

Blinking back tears, I looked away from her. I sat down and closed my eyes. I knew I couldn’t cry. I missed everyone so much that it hurt. And I might not be able to see them again. I never knew that goodbye to my mom could have been my last. My whole family didn’t know where I was. They could be sitting by the phone just waiting to hear something.

I sniffed and felt arms around me. I opened my eyes to see Sam in a state that matched mine. We both were on the verge of tears.

“I miss everyone,” she thought-spoke to me. The faces of her family were floating through her mind. Each one was grabbing at her heart.

“Me too.”

I began to feel light-headed and saw an unnatural light reflect in Sam’s eyes. I inhaled sharply and turned to face the mirror. My eyes were glowing again.

“Olivia?” Sam tugged on my sleeve.

I blinked a few times and the glowing faded. “I’m fine.”

“The doc said that was a warning of you being maxed out, right?” David said, that awed look in his eyes still.

“Yeah, I guess I should stop. It’s annoying that I don’t really have that much energy unless I’m angry,” I replied, sighing and leaning against Sam.

David clapped his hands together and Sam jumped.

“I’ve got an idea of what to do now. We’ll train your brain. By the end of these three weeks, you’ll be missing your, uh, glowing eyes.”

And he did. My days for the next three weeks consisted of this: wake up, eat breakfast, train, eat lunch, train, eat dinner, shower, sleep. By the end of the first week, I could lift ten-pound weights in the air. I also could imagine throwing them at David’s face. Neither Sam nor I were very happy with his training activity. Especially when David decided to teach Sam how to fight.

“Just hit me,” he said to the unsure Sam.

“Ummm… but…” She began to protest, but I cut in.

“She’s not going to hit you. You have to hit her,” I advised.

“Fine then.” He aimed a punch at her but Sam grabbed it with her hand.

“Ow,” she muttered pulling her hand away.

“Whoa. You know self-defense?”

“Yeah,” Sam mumbled blushing.

“This is going to be so much easier. Okay, I hit you. Now hit me.”

“Nooo… I’m not gonna hit you. Why do I have to hit anybody?” Sam argued

“Because if someone’s trying to shoot one of your people and he can’t see you, you gotta knock ’em out before they can,” he explained harshly.

Sam’s mouth made an “o” shape.

David sighed.

“You need to learn to throw a punch.”

Sam frowned. She made her hand into a fist and weakly tried to punch him. Her fist didn’t even make contact before David knocked her onto her butt.

“Hey!” she growled.

“Again,” he demanded.

She got up and tried to hit him again but again she ended up on her butt.

“What the hell?” Sam yelled.

“Again.”

The third time Sam held up her fist but instead kicked David in the gut. The wind whoshed out of him and I cracked up. Sam blushed furiously but didn’t offer help.

“Is that what you were expecting when you thought to agitate her?” I asked through giggles.

“Not exactly.” A crooked smile appeared on his face and I didn’t need mind reading to see what he was thinking when he looked at Sam in a whole new light. I kept my mouth shut and let them figure it out on their own. After all, with me, meddling and assuming never seems to get anywhere.

David’s little agitating episode wasn’t his first and definitely wasn’t going to be his last. He pushed me until my eyes flashed every day. He’d yell at me and get me mad when I wanted to stop. It was my own boot camp hell. Although, I don’t regret it. If it wasn’t for him, I would have never been able to do what I did.

At the end of the three weeks, Sam and David were fighting each other both at full strength. David usually would win, but not until after a good ten minutes of fighting. She never ceased to surprise him, or me for that matter. I’d never seen Sam as confident as she was when we walked in for the final briefing before we went out into the field. Sam may have been excited, but I was nervous and scared enough for all the people in the building.

“Okay. Is everyone here?” Loren from the last meeting asked.

Loren acknowledged me with an apathetic expression but I could feel her extreme annoyance under the face. I wondered why she tried to hide it. She wasn’t the only one. Force of habit, I guessed.

“Yes, well let’s get started then.” She pushed a button and a projection appeared on the table in front of me.

After recovering from the sheer shock of the technology, I realized the projection showed a 3D version of the map I drew out so long ago. Loren continued to press buttons and another part of California popped up. “This will be the area that the three agents will be dropped off in front the Bob Hope airport in North Hollywood. From there you will take a taxi to this meet up location and then walk five miles to an abandoned warehouse where the group takes recruits.”

“Flying?” I asked.

“Walking five miles?” Sam groaned.

“Three agents?” David asked. But of course, Loren only answered David.

“You, Samantha--”

“Sam,” both David and Sam corrected.

“You, Sam, and Olivia will be going on this mission,” she explained. “The Head decided they needed someone within the same age to… escort them and Rose opted out.”

“I was not informed of this,” he commented. “Oh, well. More fun for me.”

I rolled my eyes at the lack of trust but really I expected it. Loren continued. I was so nervous that I missed half of the lecture but I got most of it. We would walk to the warehouse, wait for some guy to come pick us up and bam, we were in to the group. It seemed pretty easy.

“I have a question,” I said raising my hand as if I was in school again. A pang of homesickness hit me but I shrugged it off. “If it’s that easy to get in then why haven’t you guys been able to penetrate the group already?”

“We have penetrated it before but not enough to get good information. The Head thinks you’ll be able to get close to the elders--what they call the leaders of the group--and learn their plan because of your… ability,” she explained, irritation tinging her voice.

“Of course,” I grumbled.

“What if you can’t get close to them in time?” the pessimist asked.

“Well then I guess Hollywood’s screwed,” I thought.