I Am Rosaline

When I lifted my head, I was sitting next to Samara in the warm sun. I felt completely drained and knew that my life was not really my own. Erro had taken a family from me in one of my previous lives and I did not want them to have died in vain. So, once again, I realised with shock, that I have lived many lives, and here I just saw how one of my lives ended. I started feeling like the cat who had nine lives. A little bubble of hysteria threatened to explode from me in the form of manic laughter! I felt a complete heaviness surrounding me. The full realization of what Erro had done was overwhelming and I reached for Samara’s hand. Holding onto her made me feel a comfort and sanity that I thought was failing me. I was afraid, and for a moment felt totally out of my depth and even wondered if there was anything at all that could be done to bring an end to the horrors of Erro.

“You needed to see this in order to understand that Erro has been following you for quite some time. Just when we think you are safe and hidden from her, she seems to find you again. You must also realize how strong her powers are. Do you understand now how dangerous she is?” Samara gazed blindly into the water in front of us.

“I saw an elderly woman who saved one of the twins and I could swear that she saw me. I recognized her, but I can’t remember from where and then she said exactly what you had said about taking solace in the face of tragedy. I realize that Erro used those people and their fear of the unexplained and their own superstitions, but I cannot believe that those villagers managed to get away with what they did. Even in that day and age surely there were some sort of laws? Weren’t they supposed to keep records of those happenings and such?” I was still holding Samara’s hand, and looking at her face, expecting some sort of reaction, but when I got none I looked closer and tried to imagine her as a younger woman. The old woman closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them again she spoke with kindness.

“You cannot judge them for what they did. They were but ignorant minions falling foul to a great manipulator. It was a secret that those villagers took to the grave. Only once the house had burnt to the ground and the sun started to rise did the other villagers start to ask questions about what they had done and what Erica claimed to have seen. Their actions were those of jealous neighbours who would believe anything other than the truth. The truth being that Carl and his family were very good people who worked hard and were good at what they did. They chose to educate themselves to improve their lives and for that they brought attention to themselves and therefore the interest of Erro. You see, Erro cannot touch you directly. She uses her many wiles to influence those she has chosen to do her dirty work and they do it without question. You have to know now how masterful she is and how she manages to stay away from you, yet be your downfall. Now is when you need to regress and find your strengths and powers. Erro must not find the books of the past because, as I am sure you are well aware, she will use them for her own gain and at the peril of everyone and all else.” Samara’s tone changed as she spoke and I began to understand the seriousness of what was unfolding.

“What I don’t understand is why she would want me dead? Wouldn’t I be the one to lead her to the books?” I asked, still gazing into Samaras blind eyes.

“Ah, but you see, dear Rosaline, she is able to find the books on her own, given enough time. What she does not need is you finding them before her and sending her plans into disarray. Erro has been searching for a very long time for those books. She has covered a lot of ground and used a lot of people. At one time we actually thought she had found them, but then she made another attempt on your life, when you made yourself vulnerable, we realized that we were wrong and that she almost had us fooled.”

I looked over at the water and was distracted by how beautiful it was when the sun danced off the ripples. It looked like diamonds sparkling on the surface of the water. How could I think of such beautiful thoughts at a time like this? I was amazed at how, during a frightening time such as this, I was still able to see the beauty around me. I hoped it was Samara’s influence.

Clearly I had to get to the books before Erro did. I would need all the help I could get because it was very obvious that Erro was able to manipulate and lie to get what she wanted. I wondered how powerful she really was and whether I actually wanted to find out. Quite honestly, she scared me, but the unknown scared me even more.

Turning back to Samara I asked, “What became of my son?” and even as I asked this, I could feel the tightening in my chest and the loss I felt for my family that had not been given a chance to live and prosper. Their futures were incomplete and the world was a sadder place for it.

“He grew up to be a fine young man who prospered as an architect, got married to a very beautiful young lady who designed women’s clothing and they had three beautiful children who themselves prospered, thanks to their parents. He was also a leading and esteemed member of the Freemasons of that era. He died a very old, fulfilled man who enjoyed the fruits of his labour and the love of his family. He never forgot his mother, father, sister and twin brother. As an adult he went back to his old home and erected a beautiful statue depicting a family unit of parents and two children in the town square. Beneath the statue, on a bronze plaque he had inscribed in Latin “The Family That Works Together, Loves Together & Supports Each Other, Is A Family That Prospers Together.” He was incredibly proud of his family and felt indebted to them for all he had gained in the years thereafter. You see, my dear, everyone has their own journey to travel. No one can travel it for you and you do not take a companion. It is your journey, and yours alone.”

My heart was beating so hard in my chest at hearing that the little boy who I had last seen lying on the side of the road, in the wet grass, hair, body and clothing burnt, had made a complete success of his life. I felt so grateful I almost started to cry again. What Samara had said about individual journeys made complete sense.

“I am so relieved to hear that he had a wonderful life. Who raised him and whatever happened to the old lady?”

“Those are things you should not worry about. I gave you some relief by telling you that the boy survived and lived a prosperous life. What you need to concentrate on now is regressing so that you are able to locate what Erro wants before she and her minions have a chance to get to it first. You have done well so far and should relax for a while. I need to rest too because as you can see I am not as young as I used to be. Come back to me tomorrow morning at first light. I will be waiting.”

I stood up to leave, but then bent down and kissed Samara’s wrinkled old cheek. Her skin felt like paper on my lips and I wondered just how hold she really was. As I turned to walk away, she raised her hand to touch her cheek where I had kissed her and closed her eyes with a softly gentle smile on her face.

I left her tent and walked a little way down towards the river and along the riverbank towards where my little camp was situated. I gazed up at the sky and was amazed at how blue it was and how fresh and clean the air smelt. I sat down on the sand and removed my boots and socks, rolled up my pants and strolled into the cool water. Water had such a calming effect on me. There was still so much to do and I had no idea whether I would be able to accomplish what was expected of me. I realized I felt a little afraid. I had been holding so much inside myself, that to finally acknowledge fear was cathartic. I was afraid that I would let everyone down and be a failure. The idea made me feel frantic. I had to find a path into my past, so that I could do what I needed to. What I needed to do was in itself a mystery to me. Other than find the elusive Book I had no idea what to do with it after that.

The only way I could learn what to do, was as I went along. I had no option but to fly by the seat of my pants. Strangely enough, I felt comfortable with that.

I sensed his presence before I saw his shadow fall across the sand next to me. Merryn was one of the tallest people I had ever seen and his scruffy hair and beard made him look intimidating. I did not look up but rather waited for him to sit down on the sand next to me before asking, “Do I know you from a previous life, Merryn? I am very sure that I know you and I know that you know me. Why is it I feel very safe around you?” I glanced over to where he was sitting, but I could not see his face because his hair was hung loosely. I had not really noticed before how his large curls shone with fine coppery tints. Oddly enough his hair was neatly trimmed, as was his beard that had originally looked scruffy.

“Rosaline, I have been with you throughout all of your lives. I am the one who is charged with protecting you. There have been a few times that I failed you and those times still weigh heavily on my heart. I have vowed that I will help you to succeed no matter what, and until that happens, I will remain at your side as your protector and guide.” His voice was so soft I strained to hear him clearly and I was taken aback at how honestly he replied.

I looked over at him again and only then did I notice a fine silvery white aura around him. I was sure that I had not seen it before, so I took a longer, harder look at him. After a few moments of gazing at him I started to see him as someone else. First he appeared as a warrior wearing a large leather breastplate and a huge sword in his hand and then as a farmhand wearing dirty trousers and tunic with a pitchfork in his hand. This was the oddest moment I had ever had, looking directly at someone, but seeing them as someone else. Where else had he been with me? Would I ever figure this all out and do what was expected of me?

“You will succeed, Rosaline, and I will be at your side when you do. Listen to Samara and learn from her. That is why she is with us right now. Yes, a lot depends on your success, but you should not waste too much time wondering whether you are good enough or whether you will succeed. There are many who stand by your side in eagerness, awaiting the day that you realize your past lives and become victorious in this quest.” He turned to look at me and I was stunned to see how his brown eyes had lit up and were almost glowing.

“Why does everyone call me Rosaline? Is that my name?” I asked.

“You have had many names, but Rosaline is the one that we have always used. Loosely translated it means Bloodline. You have a direct bloodline to the angels who are referred to as “The Fallen” and one of whom was your father. He, with other angels, had been sent to assist man with starting off on earth and to show them how to progress effectively.” I was surprised by this revelation and thought that I was nowhere near being an angel. With my temper and that fierce anger that builds inside me, I hardly thought that was very angelic.

“The angels carried a knowledge unsurpassed at that time and they had much to offer man. Alas, mankind had a weak, fickle and selfish heart. Soon they were using what they had been taught for their own gain and not for the prosperity of all. Around that time, the great teachers had started taking notice of the daughters of the men. Yes, these teachers had been warned that they were not to procreate with these daughters, but these appealing daughters gave these men the strength to go against their direct orders and in so doing they lost favour from their master. I must add, though, that not all of the teachers went against their master. Many of them remained obedient and tried very hard to sway the others who were disobedient. Once the daughters of man started giving birth to children who were a mixture of man and their teachers, their master commanded the other obedient teachers to return home and the disobedient ones were condemned to the same fate as man. They would live their lives and then die and would have to wait for judgment day. They took wives and continued to have children and live like man. Still, they had knowledge of all things. It is this knowledge that was inscribed and then buried with them because this same knowledge that made man prosper, was also man’s downfall. It was therefore agreed by the children of the fallen that these scrolls of knowledge should be hidden with their fathers. Many of the graves of the fallen have been uncovered and fortunately none of these teachers of old had scrolls buried with them. Erro has managed to do a lot of work and has many working for her in her search for the final tombs of the fallen and the revered scrolls. The other sad fact is that because they were banished, their master turned his face from them and therefore cannot be of any help in the location of these scrolls. The master has, however, allowed that you get all the help that you need in locating the tomb of your forefather.”

I sat in stunned silence. I had no idea that Merryn would be so honest with me or that I would feel so humbled by his directness. I obviously had no idea of a father who was a child of a teacher of old or where he might be buried with these so-called scrolls.

Being sceptical seemed to come quite naturally to me, and yet here I was believing what I was being told because some of it made sense and maybe because I wanted to do the right thing and be some sort of hero. I wasn’t quite sure about my own feelings and motives, but I knew that something had been going on in my life or lives and if I could prevent Erro from getting her hands on scrolls she had no business acquiring then so be it. I would do what I could to prevent it. I would rather come to the end of my days believing in something that felt right, than either believing in nothing or in something that did not feel quite right. I suppose it boiled down to personal choice.

“You are incredibly tall!” I said and Merryn started to laugh, “And you, Rosaline, are incredibly brave.” He replied, still laughing.

“Would you be able to answer a few more questions for me?” I asked, deciding to take advantage of Merryn’s honesty.

“If I can, I will do my best.” He replied gazing out at the dazzling water.

“Who is Dorian and where is he now?” I asked looking at his face.

“Dorian works with me and I trust him like a brother. I am not able to tell you more than that, I’m afraid. As far as where he is, I can tell you he is injured, as you are aware, and has been taken back home to heal. Believe it or not, we can be injured.” He sounded so matter of fact that I went a little bit further with my questions. “And Gabrielle, what part does she play in all of this?” I was still looking at his face when I asked this question and I saw his lips tighten a little and he looked down at his hands on his lap. I wish I could read his mind because I would have loved to know what thought had crossed his mind. “Gabrielle will help you too, because that is what she has been told to do. Let me put it this way, Gabrielle got sidetracked a while ago and she has been given another chance to redeem herself. She was instructed to assist you in your quest to find the scrolls and it will depend on her ability to assist you to her fullest capacity that will influence the outcome of her final judgment.” He was still looking at his hands and became very quiet and sombre. I took Merryn’s hand in mine, “Telling me this has upset you and I am sorry. I do not want you to be sad and if you would like to tell me, I will listen. If not, I will respect your wish. I am very thankful and grateful for your honesty and I can very well believe that we have been and always will be good friends.” I said. I felt incredibly sad for Merryn and I could not quite understand why, but regardless, I meant every word I said.

“Thank you Rosaline. That is the one wonderful thing that has not changed about you over all this time. Your kindness is unequalled by anyone else that I have ever met.” He said smiling, and patted my hand gently. For a big man he suddenly seemed quite small.

“Right, now I think it’s time to get back to our little camp where you can do a little bit of reflecting and I will go over and discuss my plans with Samara. I am going to suggest that we move each day, closer to the mountain. I will go ahead and clear the way for you to follow. Samara has her own guardian, you have me and Dorian will be joining us in a short while. You go on ahead and I will go and talk to Samara.” Merryn waited for me to put my boots on and then leaned forward and gave me his hand to pull me up.

“Good heavens! Your hands are huge!” I said quite honestly and Merryn burst out laughing. It was a good sound.