I Am Rosaline

“We need to be on our way, Rose. We have to get you to the mountains. They’re waiting for you and if you don’t get there soon they will think that you have perished.” Gabrielle said hurriedly with a sense of urgency in her voice.

“You go ahead and then send someone else to come back and help Dorian. I will not leave him here alone and show my appreciation by treating him as a used rag. Are we clear, Gabrielle?” I surprised myself by taking charge, but I was fed up with being told what to do and when to do it. It felt good. Besides, I couldn’t seem to figure Gabrielle. She was the image of compassion and generosity, but she showed quite the opposite to Dorian. I stood up and faced her with a frown on my face.

“That is fine with me. I will go on and do as you say.” Gabrielle said in her calm way. She seemed totally unconcerned by my change of attitude and it made me feel empowered. This was a good feeling; one that I felt comfortable with. I was in charge of my own safety and making my own decisions. Gabrielle made her way to the entrance of the cave, turned and smiled, then bent her knees slightly, spread her magnificent wings and pushed off the lip of the cave.

Alone, I took a closer look at Dorian’s injury. There was a lot of blood and it appeared as though the injury was close to his heart.

I looked around but could not see anything that could staunch the flow so I tore a strip off my shirt and pulled up his shirt to cover the wound. His chest and stomach were covered in tattoos and I was surprised to see that they were the same symbols as those on the wood panel carvings. I gently ran my fingers over the markings that somewhere, deep in my mind, I knew. They were so familiar, and yet unfamiliar. I could have sworn that I had put them there. I shook my head sharply. How could that be? I don’t even know Dorian. But my mind kept telling me something else.

I shook my head again and thought to myself that I need to focus on the problem at hand, which was Dorian’s injury. I thought of looking outside the cave for something to staunch the blood flow because the torn strip of shirt was already soaked.

Then I had a memory, from who or when knows where, that there were certain plants that could be made into a poultice and packed onto a wound. The memory confused me and everything became a bit of a blur. I simply knew that I had to help Dorian.

I sat on the floor next to Dorian, closed my eyes and relaxed my body. I tried to concentrate on the plants or herbs I originally remembered.

“I see you have a fiery temperament to match that fiery red hair of yours.” A weak voice said. “Relax and let it come to you. Don’t look for it.” My eyes flew open and I stared at Dorian. His eyes were still closed, but I knew that the soft voice had come from him. I moved forward like a creeping cat and crawled over to where he was lying. My throat was constricted and when I tried to talk I croaked instead. “Did you say something?” I asked, leaning over him. “You heard me. Just do as I say.” He said through gritted teeth. I fell back on my backside in fright because I had not expected this horribly injured man to breathe let alone speak! He was in great pain and I was not helping him with my questions.

I gingerly moved back to where I had been sitting, keeping an eye on him, and tried again. I crossed my legs and let my arms hang loosely. I kept my back straight and closed my eyes.

Slowly I pushed the outside sounds out of my head. I drowned out the chirping and singing of the birds outside, the sound of the wind and the rustling of leaves. A mist started forming behind my eyes. I blew lightly at the mist and the it started to clear ever so gently. As the mist continued to clear, I saw a bright yellow flower with rubbery leaves, attached to a fleshy stem. The name escaped me, but I knew it was an important plant. Beside the plant was a furry, dull-green ground cover.

Yes! I remembered. If I mixed the two together and applied it to the wound, it would clot the blood and seal the wound. The dull-green ground cover could also be used as an anaesthetic.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked directly into the eyes of Dorian, who was still lying in the sand, waiting for me to help him.

Feeling absolutely elated and as excited as I was when I saw my wings, I stood up and walked to the opening of the cave. I looked around, but did not see either of the plants that I had just seen in my minds’ eye, my memory. I would have to leave Dorian in order to search for the plants. I turned around to tell him that I was about to leave, but he rolled his head in the opposite direction and waved his hand as if to tell me to go. A little incensed by his dismissal, but then also understanding, I raised myself up on my toes and lifted off the edge of the cave. My wings presenting themselves with the slightest ease. Gosh, what an amazing feeling came over me. I had to mentally smack myself to focus on the plants and not my wings! One gentle movement and I was up and moving away from the cave with a very satisfied smile on my face.

I slowly started drifting along the side of the cliff and concentrated on what I was looking for. I could see the plants on the side of the cliff in such detail. My eye sight was amazing! Slowly but surely different scents came to me again. Wet leaves. Flower scents. Soil. Not at all invasive, but thoroughly tantalizing to me.

In no time at all I found what I was looking for. I did not know how I knew what to look for, or that I would find it not too far from the cave opening. I gently drifted down and folded in my wings. I bent down and touched the plant with the fleshy and fluffy leaves and stem. Under my knees was the olive green moss I needed. I touched that too. Without thinking, or realising what I was doing, I began to thank the earth for providing such treasures for me to use. “I thank you Mother Earth for the bounties you provide. Thank you for allowing me to use what you have freely provided. I will remove what I need, but leave the life source roots so that your bounty may continue to flourish. Namastasyai Namo Namah.” Tucking the plants into the pockets of my jacket I sat back on my haunches and looked around me with new eyes and a new heart. A memory had come forward and I had felt deeply touched. I just knew that I had to give thanks and the prayer came to me as naturally as flying did. Looking down the hill towards the river that ran below I noticed a small movement in the water and focused my attention on figuring out what it was.

Concentrating and looking closer at the glistening clear water, I saw a little head bob up and out of the water. I nearly giggled out loud when the little otter lay on his back with his little hand-like flippers folded over his belly and simply drifted on the river. Totally at peace with the world and loving every moment. Moving as silently as I could I stood up and gently unfurled my wings, but the little otter saw me. I thought he would dive back under the water at such super speed, but he did not. He simply lay there, now scratching his belly, looking at me with his little black eyes half closed. At that moment I would have loved to simply stay where I was and be just like that otter.

I lifted gently and moved back to the cave with the memory of the otter and the thanks to mother earth.

I re-entered the cave and looked for a flat rock large enough to crush the plants on. I found a rock further back in the cave, pulled it closer to the entrance and looked around for another smaller rock to use as the mortar. I looked towards Dorian who was watching me and motioned with his head to a smaller rock next to his leg. I crushed the two plants together to form a sticky paste and packed it onto a clean piece of cloth torn from my shirt. I now had a cropped top! I took it over to where Dorian was lying and lifted his shirt to pack the poultice onto the wound on his chest. Dorian grunted quietly and closed his eyes when I rolled him onto his side to pack more of the poultice into the wound on his back.

“I have seen those symbols tattooed on your chest before. Do you know what they mean?” I ask him quietly while I was checking and making sure I had done all I could. His eyes remained closed and his breathing grew steady. I sighed. He needs his rest, I thought.

Just then I heard a quiet fluttering sound from the entrance of the cave and looked up to see a pretty round face with black almond-shaped eyes. Her coarse, tight curls were cropped close to her scalp. Her chocolate coloured skin was smooth and shiny in the light and her small wings were the same colour as her skin. I found her interesting to look at. She appeared so innocent.

“Hi Rosaline, my name is Alvina. I was asked to come and help Dorian, but I see you have already done the job for me.” Her smile was radiant and sincere.

She knelt down beside Dorian and put her hand on the side of his face.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, “Hello Alvina, never thought you would have to come and fix me up, did you?” he said with a wicked grin.

“No, I am not surprised at all, not with the way you carry on sometimes. The only thing that surprises me is that this has not happened more often! Rosaline has done a fine job with this poultice.” Her tone was stern, but laced with mirth. Her eyes glowed with goodness and love. Pure. That was the word that came to mind when I first met Alvina.

I liked Alvina.

“I was asked to pass on a message to you from Gabrielle. She asked that you come with me when I take Dorian back.” She looked at me with a sweet smile on her round face.

I was hesitant about going with Alvina and Dorian. I needed to be alone and reflect on what I knew and what I didn’t know. Or did I just want to get away from it all and pretend like none of this was happening to me? If I was able to remember things from the recesses of my mind and gaze into my previous lives, I reasoned, just imagine how much more I would be able to do while on my own. The need to be on my own for a while was strong, even though I knew I would not be entirely alone.

“Please tell Gabrielle that I have decided to go by foot. Point me in the right direction and I will head off. I need this time alone, Alvina.” I looked out of the cave entrance onto a canopy of green and gazed off further into the distance where the terrain changed to brown.

I turned back to Alvina and Dorian and took in their shocked expressions. With a smile on my face, I insisted, “Which way?”

“Oh, I don’t know what to say. I am not allowed to leave you. Dorian what do we do?” Alvina was clearly nervous and unsure of what to do or say.

“Are you sure that this is what you want to do? If so, you will need to head in the direction of that mountain there.” he gestured to a blue-hued white-capped mountain in the distance, “Keep going until you reach your destination. You will know where that is when you arrive. Trust your instincts and inner eye. You have to know that there are those who wish you harm, so remain vigilant and make sure your mind is clear when you attempt to open your inner eye. Also, remember that you don’t show your aura. That alone will bring attention to you. I will see you soon.” He spoke with his eyes closed and an expressionless face.

Alvina looked from Dorian to me, and back again. Then she smiled at me and turned to help Dorian up. I felt really pleased that I could help him to the extent that I did.

I turned and headed out of the cave.

I moved slowly down the incline to the area beneath which was covered in greenery. I knew I had to do this and was relieved that Dorian hadn’t argued with me. Not that he had been in a position to argue anyway.

As I walked, I thought about my wings and how much easier it would have been to simply fly to wherever I needed to be, but that would have drawn attention to myself and I didn’t want to draw attention to anything I did right now, not while I was still learning about my own abilities or lack thereof. I needed peace and quiet and I needed time. There were many memories and thoughts swimming around in my head and I needed to understand them, separate them and then work through what I had.

As I made my way down the incline, I noticed a well-used path. I walked toward it and saw the small river, where I had seen the little otter, winding its way through the foliage. I looked around me; the vegetation was interspersed with many open spaces. In the trees above, the birds were making beautiful music. I looked up to see birds with many different colours: greens, reds, blues, yellows and purples on many different feathers.

The beauty and the peace overwhelmed me. I walked closer to the river, sat down and took off my boots. I squished my toes into the sand and allowed the water to lap over my feet. The jasmine perfumed breeze brushed my face and ruffled my hair. I looked out across the dappled water sparkling with what appeared to be diamonds. I looked down to see golden hued fish swimming right up close to the shore.

If I followed the river, it would take me up the mountain to where I needed to be. I put my boots back on and headed off in the direction from where the water was flowing. My thoughts drifted to the symbols on Dorian’s chest.

A sudden shift in my senses made me fairly certain that there was someone else out here and that he was watching me. I could almost reach out and touch his aura before I saw him. This was a new sensation for me, to be able to know someone is near and not yet see them. Was this the protector who went rogue? Were there others that could hide from my senses? Perhaps I ought to have stayed with Dorian where it was just that little bit safer. Well, as safe as could be with an injured warrior. I had not really learned much. Would the little skills I have learned, be enough? I somehow knew that this male was no threat to me. I knew that I would not be left to walk on my own. I continued to walk along the path and tried to remember some of my past. Remembering didn’t take the usual form; it was more a case of being reminded of a place, or a smell or just simply a feeling. The present was an example; I knew where I was going because I somehow remembered this route.

After walking for some time, still with my unseen companion, I decided that it seemed a good time to meditate. I looked around for a peaceful spot and noticed a small clearing just off the path where dark green moss was growing on the ground. I entered the clearing and took off my jacket, laid it on the ground and settled down cross-legged. I sat straight and closed my eyes and began to empty all thoughts from my mind. It took a bit of time, but eventually I could see the area where I had been walking, but it appeared almost as a desert because of all the sand and sparse greenery.

I saw, in my minds-eye, two people on horseback who appeared to be deep in conversation. There was a very large, scruffy man with long dark hair and hair on his face. He was wearing some sort of leather armour across his chest, leather bands around his forearms and leather sandals that strapped up his legs. There was a shield of some sort attached to his saddle and one of the biggest swords I had ever seen.

His companion was small, with a white linen scarf around the head and over cotton leggings and tunic. The build of the other rider was definitely feminine. Her mount was the colour of sea-sand with a mane and tail the colour of spun gold. Beneath the scarf that shaded her face, I could see a leathery, heavily lined face weathered with age. Her eyes were white with blindness. Around the edges of her hood, curled wisps of thin, white hair. Her face was as serene and gentle as her voice.

Standing beside the old lady’s horse was a third person, wearing a white tunic. I moved in closer to hear what they were discussing.

Just then the old lady held up her hand and reined in her horse. She gazed around with her blind eyes and her white orbs settled on me as though she could see me. I kept as still as I possibly could and held my breath. For a long while she stared in my direction, then she smiled serenely and said to her companion, “I believe we are in need of a rest, Merryn. Settle the horses and give me a moment to myself.” She spoke with authority, but kindness. Merryn dismounted and moved swiftly to assist the elderly woman from her horse. Despite her age, I could discern the strength in this woman that attracted me to her. By all the choices I had made, my best one yet, was to trust this woman. I had no idea why, but I just knew that I could and she would never betray me. How I knew this was a sense from the deep recesses of my whole soul.

The other man set up a small tent and placed a mat on the ground with a few comfortable pillows. He then settled her into these pillows and left the tent to help Merryn tend to the horses.

“Thank you Benna,” she smiled kindly at the man who appeared to be her manservant. I drifted a little closer and saw that she was sitting cross-legged on a cushion with her eyes closed so I moved in and sat beside her.

“I know you are with me, because I can feel you and see you. I see that you are very beautiful and that you are very confused right now. Clearly you are an adept with many skills and a demimortalité, of man and angel, if you are able to get near me without an aura. You require knowledge of me?” her voice was soft as silk and so serene.

“Yes. I am in need of guidance to enable me to go through my past lives to find where my ancestors and in particular my father, are buried. I came to be in this situation when the devil tricked me into making a deal with him, I have been told that I am being protected, but am not sure about that, and it’s necessary for me to find the place to prevent what treasures lie with my father never to fall into the wrong hands. Do you think you will be able to help me?” Even I thought I sounded strange saying these things, but the old lady listened quietly and impassively. I waited for her response.

I was stunned at how she seemed to be able to see me. More than that, I was surprised at how readily I trusted her without even knowing her name or where she came from. After a while of thinking that she may have fallen asleep, and just as I was about to say something, she opened her eyes. “Before you find this place there is much you must learn so that you do not get fooled into trusting the wrong people. I can see you are a very good judge of character as you have chosen wisely with whom you travel, but even the best can be fooled by the good. There are those who are good, but get waylayed by the bad and there are those who are bad, but are drawn towards good. There is someone out there who will do anything for you not to succeed and I have had the misfortune of running into her. Her strengths are something that I have never experienced before. She is able to find you with ease and enter your thoughts and make you feel safe when you should be feeling fear. You need to first learn how to resist her and this will happen on your trip up the mountain. It was a good decision on your part to walk and take this time to reflect. I will try and help you where I can, but I am an old woman now and I tire easily. You must make a camp for yourself and when you are properly rested, come to me again. My name is Samara. I will wait here for you and teach you whatever I can.”

Slowly I began to return to where I was and opened my eyes. I was still sitting in the sun, but the sun was already on the horizon, which meant that I had to make a camp before darkness set in.

As I rose to my feet I felt the presence of the man who had been following me. I turned around and looked into the darkening trees, “You can come out now. I really am in no mood to play hide and seek with you. I know why you are here, but I would like to know who sent you. Step forward!” I surprised myself with the authority in my voice.

I heard the leaves rustle and a man moved out of the shadows. It was the man I had seen earlier with Samara. He was an imposing seven feet tall. I had to mentally remind myself to shut my mouth and not gape. He had long brown hair and looked as though he had never been clean-shaven. His beard was scruffy and in need of trimming. He was wearing scruffy old jeans and an old brown leather jacket with a denim shirt. I look at him and raised my eyebrows as an indication for him to answer my questions.

“My name is Merryn. “I was asked to come and see if you were in need of assistance... food, maybe, or Shelter? All you have to do is tell me what you want me to do for you and I will do it.” He spoke in a very deep voice that could, I was sure, be very intimidating, yet at that point, sounded gentle.

“Yes, well, thank you for your kindness, but how is it I am seeing you with Samara, yet you are here with me?” I looked intently into his sky blue eyes.

All he said before moving off is, “I have lived as many lives as you have, my lady.” With that he placed his right fist over his heart and bowed slightly.

Leaving it at that, with questions and thoughts rolling through my head, I said “Right now I need to set up some sort of camp. I am going to go down to the river to wash and look for firewood. I will leave the rest up to you. Would you do that for me?”

He cocked his head to the side and gazed at me for a moment before walking into the darkening forest. Frowning, I turned around and headed off towards the river. As I reached the river a sense of déjà vu spread through me. I had the strangest feeling that I had been in this exact same spot before. I sat down at the waters edge and removed my boots. Feeling warm and relaxed I closed my eyes and drifted once again into what seemed to be a dream-like state. Slowly the light began changing and I could hear voices directly behind me.

I spun around to see a young girl of at least twelve, judging by the tanned little body slightly rounded at the hip and small breasts just beginning to bud. She was wearing some sort of loincloth. She had long dark hair with bright copper tints, plaited and hanging over her shoulder. I watched as this energetic young girl ran along the shore, kicking up sand and laughing. I knew this child. I saw a scar on her eyebrow above her left eye. My own hand went up to my left eyebrow and felt the scar I had. Suddenly I realised that this was me, I was looking at. This was me, from one of my many lives, running and laughing.

Chasing me was a clean-shaven, bald old man carrying what appeared to be a the young girl’s tunic. I think he wanted the younger me to get dressed or at least cover myself.

I watched the young girl tease the old man for a bit longer before she finally conceded to putting her tunic on. He assisted her while softly chastising and much shaking of his head and clucking of his tongue, but the love the old man had for the young girl was palpable. His coal black eyes shone while he talked and reprimanded and his lips bent into a soft, gentle smile when she jumped up and kissed his cheek.

While the two interacted, I looked around and my eyes were drawn to a dark area of the forest a small distance away from where the two were now busy walking hand in hand.

Suddenly there was a great roaring sound and a black shape sprang from the foliage. Huge yellow eyes burst into view, a full grown black panther. It hurled itself straight toward me, well at least the younger me. I screamed loudly at the young girl and her elderly companion and ran towards them. I realized they couldn’t hear me.

They were running down the riverbank with the animal right behind them. They were panting and the old man was shouting. The young girl was pumping her legs, but I was afraid that they were not going to get away from the jaguar. I was running beside them, praying that this animal would back off, but this was not so. If anything, it was gaining fast. The old man pushed the young girl ahead of him and moved in behind her. Clearly he was trying to save her life by putting himself in harms way. I was running beside the old man and could feel the animal’s breath on my neck. I did not want them harmed and closed my eyes and tried to leave because I did not want to see them killed.

Just then I heard a blood curdling scream next to me and my eyes flew open to see the animal had struck the old man down with one swipe of it’s a huge paw. It did not maul the old man, but, without a moment’s hesitation, set off after the young girl.

As if in a trance I stood staring at this magnificent yet terrifying beast. Then, from what seemed like nowhere, I heard a loud roar behind me. Spinning around on my heels, I looked in awe as a bearded man astride a large muscular horse came into view. He was swinging a massive sword above his head and had his gaze fixed on the black beast. He came galloping up the riverbank towards the young girl and fallen old man. I watched the jaguar slow down and draw its body back in the stance of an animal that was about to attack. It crouched back on its hind legs and gnashed his teeth at the man who appeared to be as wild as the jaguar. The Jaguar turned his head and looked straight at me. I was surprised because I could swear that it knew that I was there. It could see me. Just when I thought that the animal was about to spring forward onto me, the wild looking man, who was clearly the protector of the injured man and girl, and his horse came galloping forward and the black beast paused for a moment, turned and ran back up the riverbank, into the dark forest.

The bearded man, who appeared to me to be Merryn of old, chased after the beast while the girl ran to the old man lying breathless on the sand. The girl started sobbing uncontrollably and apologizing for not listening and for running away from him. The old man hushed her and held her close and whispered soothing words to her while she sobbed. Totally unconcerned about his terrible injure and more concerned about his young charge. I stood transfixed and in awe of such love and devotion. Such a thing truly did exist. Why did I seem so surprised?

The old man had been injured on his back and the back of his neck where the huge paw had struck him. When the young girl noticed how grave, his injuries were she sobbed even more.

A short while later their protector returned, shaking his head. “It disappeared into thin air. There’s no sound in there to even suggest that it was running from me. Master, you are hurt. Come, let me put you up on the horse along with Neferi. We need to get you back to camp and tend your injuries.” And with that Merryn placed both old and young gently on his large war horse and led them down the shore. I watched the young girl hang onto the old man, who had blood pouring down his tunic, his legs and the horse. I watched the blood drip onto the sand and wondered if the old man would suvive. I watched until they disappeared into the long grass and then the woods.

In the vision that I just had, I knew that the language they spoke was not the language I now spoke, but I understood what they were saying. The dialect was very old and sounded a lot like Latin. By their clothing, hair and language I surmised that they could have been Egyptian, but the big man was not. He looked more Arabic. He looked as though he hailed from a tribe known as the Hyksos people from way north of Egypt. I know this because I remember travelling through the desert and having the Bedouins , who are a nomadic people of the desert, warn us constantly of the perils of running into Hyksos armies. They were known to be cruel and greedy for spoils and treasures. Their horses were treated better than wives and children. They had a king who desired to rule upper and lower Egypt and anyone whom he felt stood in his way was eliminated in a way that made it clear in no uncertain terms that the Hyksos meant business.

The vision that I had just seen was in fact of myself in a previous life and I knew that the jaguar must have been sent to attack my teacher and myself. I realized that this was one of the first times that I had been targeted. Due to my new-found abilities, I somehow knew that the old man was my teacher. In his day, he was regarded as a sage or an adept. He was a healer and could teach me about everything from plants, to the art of war.

This, I realized, was where I was meant to start. This was where Erro had found me the first time and it had been her first attempt at killing me. I saw what had taken place, but I knew now that I had to be more observant because there would be tell tale signs that I need to pick up on in order to know when Erro was around. There had to be, otherwise why was I in this place, seeing all of this? There had to be something I could take away from this experience.

I turned around and headed back, as it was now dark, to where I had left Merryn. A fire was glowing in the centre of the camp. Oh hell, I thought. This took so long that I completely forgot about the firewood! I would have to thank Merryn. I entered and saw a roughly erected lean-to of sticks, leaves and grass.

I sat down heavily on a grass-covered moss cushion, closed my eyes and began to methodically go over everything that I had just witnessed. Systematically I observed and mentally stored what I felt would be needed for me to protect myself. Unintentionally Erro must have left traces of herself before and after her attack and I needed to learn what these tell tale signs were.

The one noticeable thing was that there was no aura around the panther. All animals had an aura, but not this one. That was already a giveaway from Erro. I was comfortable calling her by the name given, but I still had no idea who she was! You would think I could feel her or even see her. In time, I supposed.

I lay back on the ground and looked up at the darkened sky and watched the stars twinkle. The Milky Way reminded me of a crystal chandelier. So very beautiful. How could I remember that? Where had I seen a crystal chandelier? I sighed and wondered how long this would all take me.

I relaxed and closed my eyes and allowed my inner eye to take me where I needed to go to experience and learn the next lesson.