Hurdles - Cindy (Book 2)

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Hailey was the birth of many of his other sexual activities, I had hoped after my sister witnessing what had happened he would change but it’s like I had woken the devil in him.

Months later he started coming home late without an explanation, the twins were three years old at the time.

Like a good wife I was taught to be I kept asking why the change of time in coming home and his only response all the time was that he was working late because his job was becoming tough. Someone should have told me then that small things become patterns and patterns become someone’s behavior, I let things go even when I suspected he was seeing someone but again I brushed the thoughts aside because I didn’t have any evidence.

Elias started paying attention to his looks and clothes, he stopped me from picking his clothes and he would always do it himself. Even on weekends when he wasn’t working he would make sure to dress really well and go out. In the depth of my heart I knew I had lost him to the dogs, but again I was hoping that it was just my mind making up things.

This was the affair I witnessed first hand; her name was Sandra, a twenty year old girl that had just completed her secondary education. She looked innocent, with a bright future ahead of her and I just couldn’t understand the kind of lies that he had told her to get her to him.

Anyway; I was walking in town one weekend when I saw his car, I am not good with number plates but I can distinguish cars. I saw the car but I could not make out who was inside and that is how I decided to take a closer look. Seated in the Passenger’s seat was Sandra, minutes later I saw Elias coming from the atm and walking back to the car. As soon as he saw me his face turned pale and that was sign enough that my suspicions were true.

Without thinking twice I went and opened the door and asked her to come out, she did.

I asked for her name and the authority I used to talk to her shook her, she gave me her name and all this while I could see that Elias’ silence made her realize what was really happening. She told me she knew he was married but he had assured her that we were having problems and that is why she agreed to have an affair with him.

All this time he was just watching and listening, instead of being mad I just ended up feeling bad for her. I told her he was just using her because I wasn’t going to leave him for her. I challenged her to come and fight me if she wanted. Coming to think of it now I realize that’s one of the mistakes I made, Elias knew how much I felt for him and that is why he kept treating me the way he did.

I went on and told her God was watching her, the girl was young so she gave up. I told her to pray we should never meet again coz I wouldn't spare her any longer forgetting that my husband was the bigger problem. She said she was going to walk away and she did because for a while he just behaved cold.

I couldn't talk or look at him for almost a month, I was depressed because if someone had told me that my husband had gone to such lengths in disrespecting and humiliating me I wouldn’t have believed it.

And then he met another girl, and another one and another one till I lost count. Every time I caught him his pride would increase, he would say things like it's your fault I have affairs because you have no care, you cannot keep a man and you always look like a fool, I could not believe the man who claimed to love me and vowed in church before God, his family and friends was busy doing these things.

Depression is an understatement to what I was going through, I lost myself, I would clean everything and everyone except myself and it's during this period that I gained weight. I remember going to the hospital and telling the doctor that I was depressed and he needed to admit me but his response was that people who were depressed didn’t look like me. I don’t know if I was supposed to have a post on my forehead saying I had mental issues, but well he didn’t take me seriously.

I was at my wit's end and nothing was working, I would walk out of this marriage just like that and never look back if I had no kids. i stayed on for several reasons, firstly I had promised myself I was going to keep my home together, I was never going to end up like my mum - alone , frustrated and bitter. I believed in romance, love and affection.

Secondly I was not going to allow my children go through the things I went through , especially the girls, I was going to risk it.

I convinced myself that it was better I contained a bad marriage until my kids were grown.

Thirdly society was going to laugh at me for failing to put a marriage together and so each time I told my self it was better to just be strong and keep going. And I did, except each time he took a part of me that could never be replaced, each time he took a piece of my peace that continued to kill my insides until I was just a memory of who I used to be.

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Your Friend and Author

Winnie

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