Humans Bite Back

I was up early the following day, even though I had tossed and turned the night before. I had never had a job before. I told myself that it was so easy that even humans managed to do it, but this did nothing to ease my anxiety.

I finally got up when I couldn’t block out the sound of floorboards creaking as Finn and Petra moved about the house to prepare for the day.

When I arrived in the kitchen, Aunt Finn was sitting at the table alone; Petra must have been up too because there were dirty dishes in the sink.

“Petra is out caterwauling around early,” I joked as I poured myself a glass of juice and placed a piece of bread in the toaster.

“No, I managed to keep her two-legged for the moment. I sent her to the grocery store,” Aunt Finn replied before sipping her tea. She must have emptied it because she was gazing at the leaves now.

I buttered my toast and joined her at the table. Without looking up, Finn muttered, “I wish you would use a plate.”

“I’m saving the clean dishes,” I said as I leaned forward so I wouldn’t get crumbs all over my shirt and the floor. Finn did respond as she continued to puzzle over the tea leaves.

Uncomfortable with the silence, I asked, “So, are the leaves predicting anything good?”

Finn’s brow furrowed, “Not exactly,” she muttered.

I was about to ask her what she saw when the back door flew open with force. Startled out of my seat, I stood up and turned around just as Petra slammed the door behind her and locked it.

Her eyes were wild, and her hair was disheveled, but when she saw that she was in the safety of the kitchen, she allowed her body to sag against the door, closed her eyes, and inhaled a shaky breath of relief.

Aunt Finn sat in inaction for a moment, peered into her teacup for a moment, then put it aside and stood up.

“Petra,” she said gently. “Petra, what happened, darling?”

I had only been here for a couple of days, but it was long enough to assume that Finn and Petra kept their private life private. Not once had I witnessed a display of affection between the two women, so hearing Finn use a term of endearment sent chills down my spine.

Petra’s eyes flew open; she looked at Finn and reached for her. “Oh, Finn,” she cried, “It was horrible.”

“What was horrible?” Finn asked in a soothing tone as she took Petra into her arms and cupped her head against her shoulder.

“The humans….” Petra uttered.

“Ah, yes,” Finn said, nodding in understanding, “I know,” she cooed as she started rubbing Petra’s back in a comforting manner, “They can be nasty, but they are living creatures too.”

Petra shook her head and began to pull away. “No…I don’t think humans are horrible….well, I do today….” She stumbled and then finally blurted out, “Something is wrong with them.”

Finn nodded, “Yes, there is a lot wrong with them….” She began, but Petra cut her off. “No, I mean there is something wrong; they aren’t acting human.”

Finn raised her brow, “Well, that’s a cause for celebration, isn’t it?”

Petra shot her a sharp look which caused Finn to flinch. “You are not listening; there is something wrong with them; something is being done to them.” She emphasized.

Finn gave her teacup another worried look, “What exactly occurred at the grocery store?”

Petra allowed herself to fall into the seat I had just recently occupied. “Oh Finn, it was horrible,” she began, “I was in the vegan section, looking for some tofu. A woman was standing in front of the brand of tofu I like. She was standing there, unmoving, so I touched her shoulder and asked her if she needed help.” Petra paused and looked at Finn. Her eyes were the size of saucers. “I’ll never forget the way she looked at me; it was as if I were gazing into the eyes of a hungry animal.”

“Well, she was in the vegan section,” Finn offered kindly.

“She looked at me and said, “One hundred percent organic,” and when I said, “Excuse me?” she repeated it again and then seized my arm and bit me. Finn then lifted her arm and rolled up the sleeve of her cardigan to expose her bare forearm.

On her pale skin was a set of teeth marks; whoever bit her had bit her hard. Finn took her arm and began examining the wound. “We’ll have to put something on that to keep it from getting infected,” she commented and then asked Finn, “There was no one around to witness this?”

Finn nodded, “Yes, a manager had approached when she bit me. I thought he had noticed her strange behavior and had come to assist me, but when he drew near, I noticed that he had the same crazed look in his eye….” She paused and turned so we had a visual of the back of her shirt. The knitting of her cardigan had been stretched, and some of the weaving had torn.

“The manager did that, and there wasn’t a Karen in the place that put him in his place?” Finn said, looking mildly appalled.

Petra nodded, “He snapped at me, but thankfully he missed, but when I turned to run away, he had latched onto the back of my cardigan.”

I went over to the kettle, intending to fix Petra some tea, but then I took into account the strange looks Finn kept giving her teacup and decided to get her a glass of cold water instead.

I offered Petra the glass, which she accepted gratefully. “Thank you, Bishop,” she mumbled. When she took a sip from the glass, her hand only trembled slightly, which was a good sign; it meant that the adrenaline in her system was exhausted.

She set the glass aside. “I was afraid to use magic since I was on the human side of town, so I had to fight him off physically,” she explained.

“Thank goodness, those humans have become so paranoid that they have installed cameras everywhere,” Finn agreed. “So, how did you escape?”

Petra gave Finn a sheepish look, “There was a fire extinguisher near the exit; I’m afraid I had to bash him over the head with it,” she gave Finn a worried look as she added, “I knocked him out cold.”

Finn exhaled heavily as she reached over and gave Petra a comforting pat. “Well, what’s done is done,” she said, “The only thing we can do is notify the coven, then head over to the Super Saver and try to do some damage control.”

Petra gave Finn a horrified look. “Please don’t make me go back,” she pleaded, clasping her hands together.

“Petra, snap out of it,” Finn said in an authoritative tone. “You are a witch; there is no reason to be terrified of humans.”

Petra’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment, and I felt sorry for her, so I intervened. “I can go along if Petra wants to stay behind.”

“What good would a warlock be?” Finn retorted, but then her face immediately registered regret as she continued in a much softer tone, “Besides, don’t you start a new job today?”

“Do you think it’s safe for me to be out there?” I asked her.

“You will be in the company of vampires; there is no safer place,” she reminded me and then looked at the time, “You better get going, or you’re going to be late.”

“You can take my bike,” Petra offered.

“Thanks,” I said as I threw open the back door to leave.

“It’s supposed to rain this afternoon; call me if you need a ride home,” Aunt Finn called after me.

“I will,” I said quickly as I jogged down the stairs and snatched up Petra’s bike from where she had abandoned it in the yard and started peddling to Brewery Street.

Though Petra obviously mistreated the cycle, it rode smoothly over the cracked sidewalks that ran along Brewery Street. I made it to Edna’s in record time.

Not wanting to venture down the alleyway, I parked the bike next to the front door and rushed inside, even though I couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes late.

I rushed inside, expecting to encounter an annoyed Edna, but it was just Chad, with his elbows propped up on the counter for support as he read the newspaper.

He glanced up at me unbothered and said, “Is it that time already?” he sighed and then began to fold the paper.

Today Chad was not dressed in his leather get-up. He actually looked quite respectable in a button-up shirt, cardigan, fitted slacks, and a leather belt that matched his shoes. He reached into his pocket and extracted a pair of wire-rimmed glasses that completed the outfit.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed a number; he waited only a few seconds and said, “The boy is here,” and then hung up. He waved me behind the counter. “I’m supposed to show you how the cash register works,” he explained.

Feeling a bit confused and uneasy, I made my way around the cash register to where Chad stood. He walked over to the display behind the counter, selected a packaged rubber appendage, and returned to the register. He flipped it over and showed me the bar code. “You see that bar code?” he asked.

When I nodded, he said, “Good, then you are not blind,” he then ran the bar code under the scanner next to the register, and the amount due popped up on the screen. “Then you take the customer’s money and give them back their change,” he said.

Chad stood back, looking at me; after a while was fairly evident that he was finished, so I asked, “Is there anything else?”

Chad put lifted his shoulders, “Well, if you want to do a little dance or tip your hat afterward, that’s for you to decide. I prefer just to thank the customer and wish them well,”

I was about to inquire about Banana Pepper when I heard a female clear her throat behind us. We both turned; Edna stood at the foot of the staircase; she too had transformed.

Edna had traded her suggestive catsuit for a floral blouse paired with an oversized pink cardigan with tissues peeping out from the cuff of her right sleeve. She wore a long skirt that halted mid-calf to reveal white stocking legs that complimented sensible shoes.

I threw my arms up, “Am I missing something?” I asked them. “If this is some type of role-playing game….”

Edna waved her hands dismissively, “Nothing to be concerned about,” she reassured me, “Chad and I have been so busy that we haven’t had time to feed or perform our cult duties.”

“We shouldn’t belong,” Chad promised me as he offered his elbow to Edna; she was about to accept it when a long and mournful moan emerged from the closed door behind me.

Edna, looking perturbed, flew around the counter; from the fold of her skirts, she extracted a key ring. She unlocked the door and popped her head inside. “We are now open for business; please suffer in silence,” a disembodied voice replied, “Sorry, Edna.”

Satisfied, she closed the door, relocked it, and turned to me, offering the store keys. When I reached up to accept them, she withdrew them slightly and cocked her head in the direction of the door. “Don’t let him out, no matter how much he begs. He paid for a full twenty-four hours, and I don’t do refunds.”

I nodded and tried to appear as if I understood. Edna handed me the keys and then turned to her husband. “Did you remember to grab your change? It will be difficult to hold up the line without any change,”

Chad responded by bouncing slightly so that his pockets jingled. “I plan to buy gum and pay for it all in pennies,” he told her.

“Just one thing,” I said as Edna joined Chad and linked her arm with his. “Where is Banana Pepper?”

“She’s in her room sulking; we had to scold her for trying to swallow the mail carrier. She shouldn’t be a bother,” Edna said this in a way that was supposed to be reassuring, but now I only had more questions.

“Have a good time, and thank you for minding the store,” Chad told me as he escorted Edna to the door. “We hate to leave you like this, but duty calls.”

“I understand,” I told him, though I really didn’t.

They had just left when the bell above the door rang, signaling my first customer. “Um…welcome to Edna’s,” I said.

The customer grunted, pulled his hood up to mask his features, and then began browsing around the store. He must have been a regular because it wasn’t long before he approached the counter with his purchase.

When the customer stopped me, I rang up his item and was just about to place it inside one of the teal plastic bags that hung next to the register. “Put it in one of the paper bags,” he demanded.

I took a step back and spotted a stack of unremarkable paper bags underneath the counter. “Are you sure? The paper bags don’t have any handles,” I told him.

“Yes, I’m sure,” the customer snapped, “How else is anyone supposed to know that I purchased something indecent unless it’s in a plain paper bag meant for discretion?”

“You want people to know that?” I was about to ask, but this customer seemed unpleasant, and I was anxious to end our transaction, so I placed the item in a paper bag and thanked him for his purchase.

He was just leaving when a tall figure in a dark blue suit entered the store. I automatically detected a werewolf.

Werewolves had a distinct scent that was difficult to describe. It reminded me of my childhood, the way I smelled after playing in the leaves on a cool fall day. It was a pleasant smell that conjured up fond memories.

“Welcome to Edna’s,” I greeted him warmly. The werewolf halted to acknowledge me with a nod and then stood gazing around the room as if he wasn’t sure why he had come inside the shop in the first place.

Some wolves were genetically blessed, and others were not. Though the wolf standing in the store had a handsomely chiseled jaw, his face was rather plain, his eyes were small and beady, and his nose looked too small for his face.

Though his features were not particularly appealing, he was well-dressed, and his hair was styled into an impressive coif. His shoes were polished to a high gloss that caught the light as he began to venture around the shop, looking lost.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that most of Edna’s patrons wanted to be left alone, but the wolf looked lost, so I took a chance and approached him.

There was a little gold name tag pinned to the lapel of his jacket. It simply said “Ed Forest,” and I thought to address him by name but decided against it. Edna’s wasn’t the type of place where customers wanted to feel familiar.

Instead, I asked, “Are you looking for something specific?” even though I didn’t want to help him comb through the merchandise in the store, I couldn’t just allow him to wander around aimlessly.

“Specific?” Ed repeated. “Yeah, was there something special you had in mind?” I clarified.

“Yes, show me something special,” the wolf demanded.

I looked around the shop, most of the merchandise was packaged, and out on display, and it was blatantly apparent which each mold was meant to represent and its purpose.

I was stumped, but then my eyes fell upon the glass case that I had been examining when Banana Pepper had decided that she and I must become acquainted. I recalled that it was called Petunia, and suddenly the outrageous price tag sprang to mind. I was about to dismiss Petunia, but Ed had followed my gaze, and now he was circling the case.

He paused in front of it. “What is this exactly?” he moved to open the case and then said, “It appears to be locked.”

I remembered the keys that Edna had handed me, so I fished them out of my pocket, hoping to discover the one for Petunia’s case.

Edna had marked all the keys, so I located Petunia’s and unlocked the case. Using care, I lifted the curious item from the case.

Petunia was surprisingly smooth to the touch; though it wasn’t encased in fabric, it felt silky in my grip. I carefully passed it to the wolf so he could examine it closer.

Ed turned Petunia around in his hands, looking intrigued by the item. Suddenly I was afraid that he would drop it or damage it somehow, so I said, “It looks pretty neat, but it’s a bit pricey.”

Ed looked up at me and glowered, “Do I look like I can’t afford it?”

I backed up a little and raised my hands defensively. “I wasn’t suggesting any such thing,” I assured the wolf, “It’s just that I’m not sure what it is; there is no box or instructions….” I trailed off when I realized that Ed was no longer listening to me; he was too beguiled by Petunia.

I was just about to open my mouth to inquire as to whether or not he had decided to purchase it when he said, “What the heck? I’ll take it,” he then passed Petunia to me as he added, “I work hard, I deserve to treat myself once in a while.”

A few moments later, Ed walked out of Edna’s, the proud owner of his very own Petunia (whatever that was), and after he left, the rest of the afternoon went pretty smoothly.

A few more customers wandered in shortly after Ed; none of them seemed interested in engaging in small talk; they made their purchases before sneaking back out the door as if they wouldn’t be spotted in broad daylight.

At first, I was baffled by this, but then I realized that half the fun of visiting Edna’s was the risk of being discovered.

Edna and Chad finally returned by late afternoon, and it couldn’t have been better timing. Kenny had texted me with the good news that they had found a place for us to hold our coven meetings, and everyone was meeting up after dinner.

Edna and Chad entered the store; though their skin remained pale and crested, their eyes sparkled with youthfulness.

“I assume all went well?” I inquired as they walked through the door and immediately began shedding their cardigans.

“I have never felt better,” Edna cried, “Except for the last time that I had felt this way.”

“How did everything go here?” Chad asked me.

“Everything went well, exceptionally well actually,” I beamed at them. Before they could inquire as to why I burst out, “I sold Petunia.”

Considering the price tag, I had expected an outpouring of congratulations, perhaps the uncorking of some champagne; instead, the blood drained from their faces as Chad and Edna exchanged a worried expression.

“You sold Petunia?” Edna asked in disbelief as she rushed over to the case for confirmation. She gazed at the empty case for a moment.

Realizing that the sale of Petunia was not a cause for celebration, I looked to Chad, “Did I do something wrong?”

Chad reached across the counter and clapped a hand over my shoulder as Edna picked up the price tag, “Who in the world bought it?” she puzzled.

“A werewolf, I think his name was Ed Forrest, or at least that’s what his name tag said,” I volunteered.

Chad clapped his hands together, “Well, that his good news,” he told Edna, sounding hopeful. “A male werewolf would surely survive Petunia.”

“It’s possible,” Edna said, sounding a little optimistic. “We just have to hope that Luna is feeling merciful.”