SWNOVELS HUGE X4: Chapter 16
I’m a trembling mess by the time the cab drops me off in front of the O’Connell brothers’ building. The driver unloads my bags and I stand on the curb feeling lost. I don’t know who to turn to for help. I can’t burden Kerry with all this. There is no way I can tell mom. I’m assuming that Brad is planning to show the photos to my loved ones and ruin my reputation. Maybe he’s thinking he could ruin my business with those pictures too. Maybe he’d be right.
Who would want to buy their kids birthday cake from a woman who indulges in dubious sexual practices? It’s not that my clientele are particularly religious or traditional or anything, but I know how I felt about the idea of group sex before I indulged in it and I’m by no means a prude.
I am a private person though. I kept my terrible life with Brad a secret from everyone. Even now, only Kerry and Hope know the true extent of the emotional abuse I suffered. Mom thinks I’m the most foolish woman in the world for leaving Prince Charming behind. Little does she know he was really the wolf.
Now my privacy could be permanently taken from me. I know what happens when photos are leaked. You can never remove them all. Images spread across the internet like wildfire. People share social media posts that are hot gossip. My life will never be the same if Brad tries to ruin me.
I look over my shoulder at the apartment block that I’m supposed to be staying in and realize that going in there could make it all worse. What if Brad is still having me tailed and I’m photographed moving luggage here? Talk about adding fuel to the fire. But where else can I go?
I think about calling Hope, but she’s still living with her parents and I certainly don’t want to be bringing drama of this kind to her doorstep.
My mind isn’t functioning properly. I still have the pictures in my trembling hands. I don’t want to look at them again but I can’t bring myself to put them away in my purse. Anything that has come from Brad feels like poison. I can almost feel the negative energy coming from these photographs; the hatred he must have felt when he saw them, and the sense of wicked enjoyment I could tell he was getting from handing them over to me and putting himself back in control again.
It all makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I don’t know what to do.
A car pulls up a little ways down the curb and I look up, noticing it’s another cab. I look away when the doors open and stare up the road in the other direction, my mind still whirring through options but coming up with nothing. Then I hear my name.
I know it’s Ryan before I even look. There’s something so distinct about his voice. That steely determination and cockiness that got on my nerves so much in Jamaica. I turn, to find him striding toward me.
“Hey,” he says. “Didn’t expect to find you out here looking like an orphan.”
I blink, tears burning the back of my throat like razors. I can’t bring myself to speak because I know I’ll break down if I do.
Behind Ryan, Matty is sorting out the bill with the cab driver and retrieving their suitcases. Just seeing them here makes me feel so much better.
Safe.
Protected.
Foolish.
I’m so stupid to feel this way. These men don’t owe me anything. This is just a fucked up situation and for whatever reason fate seems to have put us on the same journey for now.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asks, putting his hand on my upper arm in a way that is so sweet and reassuring. For all his gruffness, I can sense that his concern is sincere.
I shake my head and he doesn’t hesitate. One second I’m standing alone and bereft, the next I’m in Ryan’s embrace, and it feels so good. “Hey.” He strokes my hair gently and shushes me as I start to cry. It’s not just the fear I’m feeling now that’s driving my emotion. It’s the years of soul-destroying loneliness I felt with Brad and the shattered feeling in my heart. It’s the shame of never living up to my mom’s expectations, of being a disappointment to everyone.
I think Ryan understands that I’m past consoling on the street. He scoops me into his arms as though I weigh nothing and starts toward the lobby. “It’s okay, Bethany. We’re here and we’re gonna get you inside.”
I hear the sound of luggage dragging and assume that Matty is following. I can’t worry about anything though, because I just can’t stop crying. It’s as though now that the dam has burst, the tears just won’t stop flowing. Ryan holds me tight all the way in the elevator and even manages to open the door without putting me down. I’m so mortified but that doesn’t stop me from burying my face in his chest and soaking up his strength. He feels like Liam and Callum and he smells like them too, but it’s more than that. Ryan is strong and capable. He’s fierce and no nonsense. He’s everything I need right now.
He sits on the sofa with me still clinging to him like a baby monkey. I hear Matty coming up the corridor with the bags, then the click of the door. Seconds later he’s next to us and his warm hand is on my shoulder.
“Bethany,” he says gently. “Tell us what’s wrong.”
I shake my head. I’m still clutching the packet of photos though. The easiest thing to do would be to pass them over. It’s not like the subject matter is going to be a surprise to them. They got to see plenty that the photographer’s lens didn’t reach. I know they wont be expecting to see photographic evidence of it, though.
Matty takes the envelope from me and begins to shuffle through the pictures. I know the moment he’s realized what they are when he swears under his breath.
“What are they?” Ryan asks.
“Photos of Bethany with Liam and Callum, and a threat to expose them.”
I feel Ryan’s anger in the way his body goes rigid and his grip on me intensifies. “Who gave you those, Bethany?” he asks. His voice is as tight as his grip, and I understand. His brothers are threatened too.
“My ex,” I say.
“How did he give them to you?”
“He asked me to go to his place to pick up a few things I left behind when I walked out.”
“Did he threaten you?” Ryan’s voice is a hiss now. A seriously pissed-off hiss.
“Not when I was there. He left the note to do that.”
I know the twins are looking at each other trying to work out what the fuck is going on.
“Bethany, do you have a bad history with this guy?”
I nod and Ryan swears under his breath. He adjusts his hold on me so he can tip my face up and look into my eyes. I must look like a complete mess after all that sobbing; red puffy eyes and runny nose. I don’t want him to see me like this or know my history, but it seems that I’m not going to get a choice in either.
“He never hit me but he was mentally abusive and controlling,” I say.
“Are you scared of him?” Matty asks. I nod my head because it’s the truth. He may not be violent, but the cool calculation behind his words and his actions make me worried for his potential to harm me in indirect ways. Even though I’m not with him anymore, I still carry that fear. I don’t know if the paranoia will ever go away.
“Why the fuck did you go over there then?” Ryan growls. “You should have stayed far away. Tell him to mail your stuff or wait until you had someone to go with you.”
“I don’t want him to know I’m scared. He feeds off that. I thought I was better. Since I’ve been away from him I’ve been feeling better.”
“But you’re not, are you?” Matty brushes my damp hair away from my forehead tenderly.
I shake my head and bury my face against Ryan again. His arms fold tightly around me as though he wishes he could shield me from all the horrors in the world. I wish he could too.
“He’s not going to get away with this shit, Bethany,” Ryan mutters. “Do you hear me?”
I nod, but even though part of me is glad he’s mad and wants to do something about it, another part of me is scared. I have no idea how far Brad will go to seek revenge for his humiliation. I don’t want the boys to get dragged into something because of me.
“We need to call Liam and Callum,” Matty says.
I shake my head. “Don’t tell them,” I say. “This is all my fault. I don’t want them getting dragged into this.”
“They’re in the pictures too, Bethany. They’re about as far into this as they can get. And if these pictures get out it could be bad for business. They’d want to know. Let’s just call it damage control.”
Matty gets up to go and make the call and I use the distraction to disentangle myself from Ryan, feeling totally embarrassed. Of course they’re worried about the impact to their brothers. There was me thinking that Matty and Ryan were worried about me and wanting to protect me. I’m just a third party here. The cause but not the concern. I move quickly into Liam’s room and head straight for the bathroom, locking the door. My chest hurts, my eyes are sore and I feel totally wrung out. The me that looks back from the mirror is a wreck. All the color in my cheeks from my days in the sun has washed away and the girl who is standing here now looks like me after Brad. Those dark days when I first moved back home are ones I’d rather forget, but it seems that I can’t.
He won’t let me.
He’s going to keep dragging me back in.
I splash water on my face and dry it on a ridiculously soft towel. I try to smooth my hair but it needs a brush and there doesn’t seem to be one to hand. It’s never easy to be upset and be away from your home space. It’s at times like this when curling up on your own bed and hiding from the world seems like the best possible thing to do. I don’t have that luxury, but, as I make my way back into Liam’s room, his bed looks so appealing. I slip off my shoes and pull back the comforter. It’s such a comfortable bed and, under the covers, I feel protected from everything that is going on outside of these four walls. I’m expecting Ryan or Matty to come and find me. I’m expecting them to tell me I need to get up and deal with Brad and his bullshit, but it doesn’t happen.
I’m so exhausted that I close my eyes.
I hear voices and footsteps as the twins move around the house. I have no idea what they’re planning outside of telling Callum and Liam, and what that will mean is anyone’s guess. I don’t know them well enough to know how they’ll react to such an intrusion into their privacy. As much as Brad’s actions are designed to hurt me, they have just as much power to hurt the twins as well. My heart aches for it. My frivolous actions have caused so many issues for so many people.
I should never have tried to break free from the confines of my life. I should have known that happiness and excitement were not things I could expect for myself.
Tears well in my eyes again and I swipe at them, embarrassed that I have so little control over my emotions and angry that I just can’t seem to get a grip. I’m not a teenager anymore. These kinds of dramas were supposed to end after high school and college. Everything is still getting on top of me and I just feel like I’m failing.
There’s a soft knock at the door and I wipe my face again before calling out that it’s okay for whoever is out there to come in.
Ryan opens the door wide and comes straight over to the bed without hesitation. He’s carrying a glass of water and I sit up and take a long drink, so grateful for his thoughtfulness.
“We spoke to Liam and Callum,” he says.
I cringe, imagining the kind of reaction they might have had. Were they angry at me? The thought hurts my heart. “What did they say?” I ask, not really sure I want to know the answer.
“I won’t repeat the exact words.” Ryan smirks and sits on the edge of the bed. “Can you give me as many details as you have about this ex of yours? I’m going to need full name, birth date, address, place of work, the car he drives…basically anything you can think of that will help us deal with him.”
“What are you planning to do?” As much as I want Brad to fry for what he’s put me through and is intending to do, the thought that the O’Connell brothers might do something outside the law scares me.
“You don’t need to worry about anything, Bethany. Let us take care of this asshole now.”
“I don’t want you to do anything that’ll get you into trouble. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
“Seriously, Bethany. Any guy who gets his kicks from threatening women is one that needs to get taken down, and believe me, we’re not going to do something that’ll risk anything important.”
“But you don’t understand. He’s not going to let this go. I humiliated him by leaving and now he wants to hurt me. He’s not going to stop until he gets his revenge.”
“Oh, he will,” Ryan says and the fierceness that darkens his eyes has me believing that he might just be capable of what he’s promising. A selfish part of me would love to see Ryan beat the living daylights out of Brad, but that would only end badly for Ryan.
Ryan grabs a notepad from Liam’s desk and I relay all the information he’s asked for.
“Just promise me that you’ll be careful,” I say when we’re done.
Ryan leans forward and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. He smiles. “You know what, Bethany? If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you cared.”
I flush at his words and the heat in his eyes. Ryan succeeded in making the worst first impression on me, and the way he came across at the beach sealed my feelings about him firmly into the negative. Now, though, I’m not so sure. He’s so tough and abrasive. He doesn’t hide his thoughts or feelings and he certainly doesn’t mince his words, and all of that should be really unappealing, except I can see now that it comes from a good place. He’s brutally honest because that’s what he seeks from other people. He’s fiercely protective of the ones he loves. I think back to that beach conversation and suddenly see things from a different perspective. He was worried about his brothers and thought I was jerking them around.
I can’t even guess at what he thinks now, but I find that I care. I want him to know that I’m a good person and that I don’t take other people’s feelings for granted. I want him to know that I never set out to use anyone or hurt anyone. To be honest, I thought the twins were just up for some vacation fun. I still think that’s the case deep down. It’s just Ryan and Matty who seem convinced that they had something else in mind.
“I do care, Ryan,” I tell him. “I really wish that none of this was happening.”
“Do you wish you never hooked up with my brothers?” he asks, cocking his head to one side.
I shake my head and look at my hands that are resting on top of Liam’s gorgeous comforter. “I regret what is happening now…what could happen to them because of what we did together, but I don’t regret what we did. Your brothers are amazing men and they treated me with nothing but kindness and respect.”
Ryan smiles. “That’s good,” he says. “You know, me and Matty are amazing too.”
I smile and he reaches out to touch my cheek, brushing his thumb over the corner of my mouth.
“You have the prettiest smile,” he says. “Even when you’re sad.”
“I’m not sad,” I tell him. “Just worried and tired. I just wish that things could be easier.”
“Things will be easier, Bethany. Don’t you worry about that. We’ll do everything in our power to make things better for you.”
I look into his liquid gray eyes and some of the warmth I see there seeps into my heart.
“You should get some sleep and we’ll talk again in the morning,” he says softly and I nod.
I look down at myself, still in the clothes I traveled back in from Jamaica. Then I realize I have no idea why Ryan and Matty aren’t still on vacation.
“How come you came back early too?” I ask.
“We got a call about a problem with one of our biggest contracts. Matty is trying to sort out a solution right now. We’re may need to fly to Mexico City tomorrow or the day after, depending on the outome. I’m hoping we’ll be able to get it resolved though.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling despondent. Now that they’re here, I really don’t want them to leave again.
Ryan grins again as though he can read my mind. “Get some z’s in, baby girl. We’re gonna have a busy day tomorrow.”
As he walks away I can’t stop myself from admiring how strong and masculine he looks. For all my worry and anxiety, a part of me thinks that maybe it’ll be a good thing if Ryan and Matty leave town again soon because I’m starting to feel very muddled about the younger twins too.
Giving in to one set of twins has already gotten me into enough trouble.
Desiring their younger twins brothers is just foolish icing on the cake.