SWNOVELS HUGE X2: Chapter 2
I’m out of the house in thirty minutes, showered and dolled up to perfection, feeling like a million excited little dollars.
But as I slide into my car and catch sight of how mini my mini-dress actually is, I feel so stupid.
Dressing up to impress a man is one thing. Doing it to impress your twin stepbrothers is a whole other kind of fucked up. I take a few deep breaths and start the engine, lying to myself the whole time about my reasons for going. I’ve been promising Katelin a good night out for weeks. It’s normal for a girl my age to want to go out partying. It’s totally normal for girls going to bars to wear skimpy clothing. Ethan and Nathan are just a bonus. Two huge great bonuses really.
My heart is thumping by the time I’m walking through the door of Red Devil. Silly name for a bar, but it’s the owners signature cocktail, so I guess it fits. Deadly concoction it is. I guess that’s why I head straight for the bar and order one, looking around to find Katelin. I catch sight of her over on the other side of the dance floor, talking to Bryan who’s a friend of the twins. He’s cute and Katelin’s grin is telling me she’s enjoying herself. I don’t need to look much further to find the twins. They are half a head taller than most of the dudes in here, their light brown hair changing color with each pulse of the disco lights above. They seem to be conversing with each other and I laugh. They’ve spent pretty much their whole lives in each-others company and they still never run out of things to say. The barman pushes my drink toward me and I hand over the money. By the time he’s back with my change I’ve drained the glass.
The alcohol sits hot and cold in my stomach and I wait for a minute until I feel the warmth spread to my brain. I’m watching them through the crowd, catching just fleeting glimpses of their faces but it’s enough to get me so damn hot.
I’m a sinner. A desperate sinner for imagining Nathan’s hands on my tits and his tongue in my mouth. Even worse for the images of Ethan pressing himself at my back, slipping his fingers between my legs and watching his brother squeezing me.
I don’t know how my shaky legs carry me across the dance floor, but somehow I find myself among my group of friends. Katelin squeals and pulls me in for a hug as though I’m a long lost friend she hasn’t seen for years, rather than her bestie she saw a few hours earlier at college. I guess my absence from the social scene has had more of an impact than I thought. Bryan gives me a polite peck on the cheek and Katelin winks at me as he’s pulling away. I know the devilish look in her eyes all too well. She’s a girl on a mission.
Abigail is there too, and Kathleen. We all hug and greet and it’s feels good to be out. After I’ve worked my way around my girlfriends, I turn to find two sets of blue eyes and two matching grins, fixed right on me.
“Peanut, you came,” Ethan says, and I scowl.
Nathan punches his brother on the shoulder. “Dude, cut it out. You know she hates that nickname.”
Ethan grins.
“Come here, Tiny,” Nathan says. “Give us some love.” His laugh is loud when my face falls again.
“Fuck you,” I say, going to stomp away, despite the fact that I’m exactly where I want to be.
“Ah, don’t be like that, Carrie.” Nathan grabs my hand and tugs me over. “We’re happy you came. You’ve been hiding at home for so long we were worried you were turning into a monk.”
“Women can’t be monks,” I scoff indignantly.
“Err…I think they can, Midget,” Ethan says, taking my other hand.
I look at them crossly, as heat spreads from their hands, up my arms, and into all my womanly parts. “Have you exhausted the name calling yet, guys? Cos if not, I’ll head home to my sanctuary of meditation.”
“No way,” they say in unison. “Now that we’ve lured you out, we’re not letting you get away.”
Ethan turns and drags me towards the dance floor, with Nathan trailing behind. Their hands are huge, enveloping mine and holding firmly enough that I know It’s pointless for me to try and pull away.
The music has a crazy, pulsing beat that I feel in my bones and Ethan is the first to start dancing. I look over to my friends, who all seem to have partnered up with the twin’s crowd. I don’t want to dance but if I try to escape, I’ll be the third wheel to someone.
I think that Nathan can see what I’m considering and he crowds in closer. “Don’t even think about it,” he says, bending over so that he can talk directly into my ear. His voice is so husky and his breath so hot against my neck that I feel weak. “Just dance, Carrie. I know you’ve probably forgotten all your moves with all the hibernating you’ve been doing recently, but I know you’ll get them back with some practice.”
Ethan’s grinning as I give in, putting my hands in the air and letting the music take over. The twins are good dancers, and they stay close, keeping me between them but not quite sandwiched. Occasionally my shoulder brushes one of their arms or my ass comes into contact with one of their thighs, and I want to press my body against them in a way that would be totally inappropriate. And even though it’s so wrong, I find myself dancing in a way that I know is much too sexy. The fabric of my dress is so thin that I feel every brush of them against me. The material works its way higher on my thighs as I move. When I catch Ethan’s eye I think I see the spark of desire. His eyelids look heavy and his pupils dark. I twirl around, putting him behind me and Nathan in front but it’s no better. His expression looks so hungry. Oh god, they seem to get closer until I’m touching one or both of them with every beat of the music. The flashing lights make everything seem more frenzied. I want their hands on me, stroking my curves, grabbing my hair so I’m powerless to resist but I can’t ask and despite the heat in their gazes, they don’t go any further. Just as I think I might combust from the all the longing, the DJ changes the music and the crowd starts to disperse. It’s like being woken up from a deep sleep. I catch Nathan shaking his head as if he needs to clear his mind. I feel the same way. Ethan coughs behind me and says, “Anyone want a drink?” and that’s my opportunity. “I need to use the bathroom,” I say in a weak voice, and dash across the dance floor to where I know the restrooms are.
There’s a line and I shift from foot to foot, desperate to get into a cubical so I can calm down in private. Three doors open and I rush inside one and shut out the world, pressing my back against the cool door, palms flat.
“Shit,” I mutter. “Shit, shit, shit.” That was so stupid. A ridiculous display in front of a room full of strangers and pretty much all our friends. What the hell must they be thinking? All the bumping and grinding was bordering on pornographic. What must the twins think of me, gyrating between them like that? And why were they crowding in so closely?
I take a deep fortifying breath and groan with embarrassment. They’re probably just having a drunken good time and have no idea that their stepsister has been having so many inappropriate thoughts about them.
Someone rattles the door, and I call that I’m nearly done. I flush the toilet even though I didn’t use it and head out to wash my hands. The cool water from the tap is soothing but when I glance at myself in the mirror I’m stunned to see my flushed cheeks and wild eyes. I look so aroused. I feel so aroused, as though all my nerve endings are ready to fire. All they need is a tiny touch and I’d go off like a rocket.
“Carrie, there you are,” Katelin calls out behind me. “Where have you been?”
“Just dancing,” I reach for a paper towel to dry off.
“Who with?”
“The twins.” I try to sound nonchalant but it doesn’t come out that way.
“Lucky you!”
“They’re my stepbrothers,” I say with as much indignation as I can muster.
“Oh come on. Stepbrother’s or not, you know how hot they are. Have you seen what they’re wearing? Those t-shirts and jeans leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.”
“They always dress well.”
“I bet you get to see them in a lot less though don’t you?”
“I guess,” I say. When I look down, the paper towel I’m holding seems to have been shredded into a million pieces. Katelin notices it and frowns.
“Are you okay, Carrie? You seem nervous or something.”
“I’m fine. Let’s go and get a drink.”
“I think I’ve had enough alcohol for tonight. I’ve got work early tomorrow. And anyway, if Nathan and Ethan are in the mood for dancing, I might just get out on the floor and throw some shapes.”
I groan internally at the thought of the twins turning my best friend into a Katelin sandwich-filling. I hate the idea that they might get turned on by dancing with her or that I might see the same hint of lust in their eyes that I did when they danced with me. The trouble is that I can’t risk dancing with them again if Katelin is watching. I know she’ll see things for what they are and then there’ll be non-stop questions and I don’t want to have to lie to her if she’s seen the truth. Denial of something abstract is one thing. Denial of something obvious is a whole other ball game.
“I’m going to the bar. Shall I get you a coke?” I say, hopeful that she’ll come with me for the company.
“Nah…I’ve been drinking like a fish. I’m going to head back to our table.”
“Oh, okay.” I push open the door, nudging through the busy corridor until I’m at the edge of the dance floor. The DJ is playing some upbeat songs tonight and the crowd is heaving. I scan for the twins but don’t see them dancing anymore. I can’t see them at the tables either. I start walking towards the bar, now feeling in desperate need of another fortifying drink. Just as I lean across the bar to tell the barman I want a double vodka and coke, I feel two bodies press in closely, one on either side. I know who it is before I look. They cast identical shadows across the bar and smell identically good too.
Nathan bends down to whisper in my ear. “So this is where you went,”
“Why are you drinking doubles, Carrie?” Ethan asks, sounding concerned.
“I just felt like letting my hair down,” I say.
“Your hair is down.” Nathan runs his hand over the stream of light brown hair that is hanging in waves down my back. His touch is gentle but feels possessive and it makes me shiver. But it’s just ‘stepbrotherly’ possessiveness isn’t it? Shivering is such a stupidly embarrassing response to that.
“So there’s nothing going on?” Ethan asks seriously. “We’ve been worried about you. You don’t want to come out anymore, and now that you have, you want to drink yourself into oblivion.”
“I’ve just been tired, and concentrating on my work.”
“It’s more than that.” Ethan narrows his perceptive eyes as if that will help him to see deep into my soul and the lies festering there.
“I’m okay,” I say but it comes out sounding highly-strung rather than exasperated. He licks his lips as he considers me, and I turn to Nathan, finding him looking down at me with the same concerned expression.
“As long as you’re okay, we’re okay,” he says softly. He looks at Ethan and they seem to have a conversation with no words in that annoying way that only twins seem to be able to manage.
The barman comes back with my drink and Ethan grabs it, taking a long drink. “Hey, that’s mine!” I shout indignantly. He passes it to his brother over my head and he drinks too. “Just sharing in the fun,” Nathan says, finally handing it to me with half the liquid drained. Ethan pays for the drink, and I look at my half measure dejectedly. So much for my attempt at seeking some alcoholic courage.
Because I’m pissed at them for babying me, I take the straw into my mouth and drink right to the bottom in one go, then I put the glass on the bar noisily. I wipe my lips with the back of my hand in a gesture that I hope says, ‘don’t mess with me, boys’. I look up to find Nathan partly grinning and partly frowning as if he finds me both infuriating and cute at the same time. Just as I’m about to say something he puts his finger to his lips to tell me to hush. Then he reaches out and, with his thumb, strokes over my bottom lip. It’s not a gentle caress; it’s a firm stroke that draws my lips apart. His eyes are on my mouth, and my heart is suddenly pounding. This is all it takes. Just one digit making contact with my skin and I’m on fire. Before I know what I’m doing, my tongue touches his skin. Fuck. It feels so sexual like he’s going to push inside my mouth and make me suck. Oh god, I want to suck. I want to know what he tastes like.
“You smudged your lipstick,” he says huskily. His lids are heavy when I come around from my sex-filled haze and realize he’s speaking to me. I don’t reply for what feels like hours. My lips are still parted, the bottom one pouting like it’s been plumped up by kisses. I know I need to say something. He’s waiting for me to say something. I don’t think I can speak. Then Ethan clears his throat behind us and suddenly I’m awake.
“I’m going to find Katelin,” I say, starting to move from between them but Nathan blocks my path.
“Come and dance with us,” he says.
“I’m not in the mood for dancing,” I say, putting my hand on my stomach where there are currently ten thousand butterflies having a party. I don’t think I have ever uttered a sentence less true than the last one. If I could spend the rest of my life doing something, it would be dancing with the twins. Well, actually it would be doing a whole lot more with the twins, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“You’re lying,” Ethan says close to my ear and I whip around, almost pressing my lips against his by accident. I pull away as though I’ve been stung and he grins. “Come dance with us, Carrie. It’ll be fun.”
His gorgeous eyes sparkle with light and mischief and I feel mesmerized. I’m like Mowgli faced with the Jungle Book snake. But instead of saying ‘please go to sleep’ his eyes seem to be dazzling me into danger. More dancing equals more temptation. More risk that I’ll forget myself and make even more of a spectacle than I did last time. I should be saying no but my mouth is filled with cotton and my head with sawdust and Ethan just smiles and leads me by the hand, back towards the dangerous dance floor of doom.
He spins me around and puts his hands on my hips, and the music is hypnotic. Nathan’s followed us and he’s dancing in front of me and I don’t know what to do with my hands or where to look. If I glance up there’re his beautiful blue eyes that seem to be saying weird confusing things. Lower and I’m faced with a chest that makes me want to weep. Lower and…fuck…I’m looking at his crotch and he’s watching me. My cheek flame with embarrassment and my head is woozy with hormones, lust and alcohol. I can’t think clearly through all that fog. And then, as if by magic, Katelin appears and inserts herself into my unnatural triangle. I never knew it was possible to feel so much relief and so much resentment at one time. I know why she’s here and I want to scratch her eyes out at the very thought. But I know that’s not fair. I don’t have a claim on my stepbrothers, and she has no idea how I feel. I turn out of Ethan’s grasp and lean in to hug my friend for inadvertently rescuing me. She clutches me back and we laugh and then I’m dancing with her and the twins are dancing with us and all the intensity is suddenly diffused.
We stay like that for at least three songs and by that time I’m glowing and smiling. I feel better for having fun. I feel better for spending time with Ethan and Nathan that doesn’t involve thinking non-stop about sex. Katelin isn’t really flirting with them either and things just feel normal.
Normal is what I need. Definitely. Certainly. But it’s not what I want.