His Soul & His Shame

There are no more tears left to spill for Ezra. I am feeling nothing, just empty and void. He has made me an empty shell who feels nothing other than sadness and despair.

Iam mopping on my bed since I came from the gala. Mom and dad are sleeping and iam sure Izzy is with Ezra in his penthouse doing God knows what.

Ugh! I need to stop thinking about him and her. I don't care what he does and who he does.

They both can go to hell!

My phone rang pulling me from my depressing thoughts. I hope it's not Ezra or else I will punch his stupid face.

It's an unknown number flashing on my screen and I reluctantly answered it hoping it's not him.

"Hello! Fay!" A familiar voice sounded from the other side making me sigh and feel guilty for abandoning him. I couldn't face him after the way I fought with Ezra and everything was a mess and I don't want Alex to know that something happened and go and tell my Dad.

"Hey! Alex?" I asked, wanting to make sure that he is Alex.

"Yeah! What are you doing?" Straight to the point!

"Nothing, just got on the bed to call it a night. What about you? And wait! Where did you get my number from? I didn't give it to you!" His chuckle reached my ears instead of an answer.

"You talk so fast and too much, Fay! I got it from your Dad and I am in front of your house making sure that you got home safe." I got up from my bed to check if he was telling the truth or not. To my surprise he is standing in our driveway with the same suit on.

"Oh My god! What are you doing here?" I whispered, not wanting my parents to wake up and find him outside.

"Why are you whispering!" He laughed out loud and waved at me.

"Ugh! You shouldn't have come here." I ended the call and went out of my room to meet him. It will look so bad if someone sees us.

"You are looking cute even if you are angry." I narrowed my eyes on him flirting. I didn't give him any hint that I was interested then why the hell is he flirting with me!

"Am I sensing flirting there?" I stood in front of him in my pajama shorts and a tank top.

"Umm, maybe!" I sighed, I don't know how I can tell him that I will never flirt back or receive his flirting.

Wait a minute! Why the hell can't I enjoy harmless flirting!

*It's because of your Ezra*My inner bitchy voice mocked me, making me slap her internally. I have gone mad totally, fighting and talking with my inner voices?

"Hmm! So what are you doing here! I said I will text you tomorrow." His features changed from playful to serious.

"I saw you fighting with someone, I tried to come to you but it seems you both know each other so I stepped back but i couldn't leave without knowing you are alright." My face burned with shame and embarrassment. He saw me fighting with Ezra! How awful it may have looked to anyone seeing us fighting like that in public.

"He was my best friend." He doesn't need to know anything and I'm not going to tell a stranger about my life history.

There is no life, only history, my inner voice mocked me again making me groan in annoyance. Why the hell did I become so annoying?

"Was? Is he not your bestfriend now?" Alex has this big question mark on his forehead making me sigh.

"I will always be her best friend." A familiar deep voice came from behind, making my body locked with shock and surprise.

What the hell is he doing here? He is like a devil who won't leave his slave until he gets what he wants.

"What the fuck is your problem, Ezra! What are you doing here?" I didn't turn around in the fear of looking into his eyes and making excuses with myself to give him another chance.

"I should ask you that, Baby girl! What are you doing outside in this flimsy outfit with a stranger!" The audacity of this bastard! I am going to kill him right now.

"He is not a stranger, Ezra! He is my friend." I gritted out the words, anger bubbling inside me. How dare he talk to me like that! I have given him more leniency and the right to walk all over me whenever he wants but now I am not going to sit silent and let him control me.

"When did he become your Friend, Fay! Don't lie to me." I turned around to slap some sense into him so he would stop embarrassing me in front of Alex.

When I turned around Ezra was still in that same suit and Izzy was still with him standing so close to him making my body shake with anger.

"What the fuck do you want Ezra! Flaunting your flings in front of me again and again, knowing that you were and are hurting me. You are impossible." I started walking away from him but I can hear two sets of footsteps following me. Oh my god! Why the hell are they following me?

"Leave me alone!" I yelled, without looking back and entered the house.

I seriously don't want to talk with anyone right now. My head is gonna burst if I seethe in anger and seeing them together again is like stabbing my heart with a knife.

"Fay! Wait! I am sorry!" I can still hear Ezra behind me trying to hold my arm but I'm jerking his every touch.

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"I don't need your sorry, Ezra! Leave me alone. I still don't want to see your face nor want to be in your presence." I entered my room and was ready to bang the door on his face but he is already so close to me and I can't close the door properly.

"I know, I'm an Asshole and I just wanted to drop her here, Babygirl. I told her very clearly from the start that I feel nothing for her and there is no chance for anything." He get on his knees in front of me and hugged me, making my heart skip a beat.

Ezra is not the type to kneel before anyone and seeing him on his knees right now took my breath away.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, it's getting hard to let the words out due to the sob threatening to come out.

He has hurt me so much that seeing him today like this makes me want to forget every single hurt.

He and I both hurt myself and still I want to look over everything.

Infatuation and attraction has turned into love over the years.

"I gave you a chance, Ezra but you ruined it by bringing her to the gala. I don't think I am able to give you any more chances." His head is on my stomach and his arms tightened around me but I am still not touching him in the fear that I will give in and hurt myself again.

I may sound like a broken record but I'm having a conflict between my head and heart.

"I want you, Fay! I want you every second of my life and in everything and I'm so sorry. I will never hurt you. I can't breathe without you." My arms snaked around him and we both started sobbing like kids as in the past whenever he felt so burdened and sad by his parents' fights.

"I need some time for myself, Ezra. I need time to forgive my teenage self who got hurt and need time to forgive you too.

I don't know how much time it will be till I feel no guilt for the way I had expected things from Ezra and waited for him to acknowledge my feelings when I should have moved on when he first introduced the girl he slept with back then. I need to let go the doubt, anger and hurt in order to love Ezra as I did when I was twelve years old without any expectations and totally infatuated with him and I hope I still feel the same for him after I heal myself.