SWNOVELS His Proposal: Chapter 17
I had to go. I had to go now.
I’d woken up to the sound of Enzo’s heavy breathing beside me. He’d rolled over and was lying on his stomach, his head turned away from me. The arm closest to me was bent at an angle, his fingers tangled up in my hair.
Slowly and carefully, I extracted the strands from his grip. I waited a few seconds, then began to ease myself off the bed. Muscles I didn’t even know I had ached from the best kind of misuse as I crept silently across the floor on bare feet. The dress I’d borrowed laid in a puddle on the floor where I’d left it, and now I stepped into it and pulled it up and on, wincing slightly as the material abraded the tender skin of my ass that was still heated from his large palm.
Tiptoeing back over to the bed, I picked up my shoes and let them dangle from my fingers as I snuck out of the room. In the bedroom doorway, I hesitated. There was a gaping hole in my chest that was making it hard for me to breathe, and it only grew larger the farther I walked away from him. But I told myself not to look back. The man in that bed represented everything I wanted to escape. I didn’t want this life of constantly looking over your shoulder, wondering if the person you loved would come home that night or if you’d be visiting them in jail. Or worse—the cemetery.
I wanted to be free. Free to live where I wanted. To do what I wanted. To marry who I wanted. Someone I chose, not a man who took all my choices away from me.
As my eyes roamed down Enzo’s muscular back until the sheet blocked my view from the rest of him, I wondered if we’d met under different circumstances…
No. It was best not to go there.
With a new sense of determination, I ignored the ache in my chest and crept through the sitting area to the door that would take me out of there. I had no idea what time it was, but it was still dark, only the city lights coming in through the big windows lighting my way. I shrugged into my jacket and picked up my clutch. I left the wig where it was. Maybe it would be a better idea to take it to disguise my hair, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to touch it.
As quietly as I could, I turned the deadbolt and unlocked the door. Now all I had to do was open it and walk out.
Instead, I stood there staring at the door as the two warring sides within me battled it out. I knew I needed to leave. Staying in a relationship with Enzo would be toxic and unhealthy. And yet…I didn’t want to go. But in the end, my head won over my heart, and, with a shaky hand, I reached for the door handle.
The tips of my fingers had barely touched the cold metal when all of the hair suddenly stood up on the back of my neck. I froze as I heard the sound of a 9mm chambering a round.
“Where do you think you’re going, Sera?”
My fingers fell away from the knob, but I didn’t turn around. However, I couldn’t keep the sorrow from my voice when I answered, “I’m leaving, Enzo.”
He made a clicking sound with his tongue. “Are you, though?”
I still didn’t turn. I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself look at him because I knew what I would see. I could hear it in his voice. The rage. The betrayal. And I didn’t think I’d be able to stay strong enough to go if I saw him breaking.
“Step away from the door, Sera.”
“Enzo, please,” I whispered. “I have to go.”
“No, you don’t.”
I closed my eyes at the razor-sharp pain in his voice. It shredded my heart and left me bleeding, but I had to do this. I had to. Because if I didn’t pull away from him now, I never would. I put my hand back on the knob.
“Sera.”
“I have to,” I cried. My fingers tightened on the metal, but I made no move to open the door. I just stood there, waiting for him to either tell me to go or put a bullet in my head.
When he spoke again, he was so close I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. “No. You don’t.” A sob escaped me when I felt the touch of his lips on my bare skin. “You don’t have to go anywhere, baby girl. You can stay here with me. Now step away from the fucking door.” His arm came around my waist and his free hand covered mine on the door handle. The scent of a dark forest hovered in the air around me, and I breathed in deep, even as my body stiffened.
I tightened my hold and took a small step closer to the door, but he pried my fingers away as he pulled me against his hard body, still warm from the bed. I felt the heat of his skin seep through my jacket and dress, and felt the cold metal of his gun digging into my ribcage.
He pulled me away from the door with him, walking us backward into the hotel room. I could feel his erection pressing into my lower back. The chase excited him. But what would he do when he had me? Would he be content with that?
When we reached the center of the room, he let me go. “Turn around.”
Lifting my chin high, I did as he asked. But I would not cower before him. I absolutely fucking refused.
Enzo
I stared down into her beautiful blue-gray eyes and watched as the light within them flickered and dimmed. “No,” I told her. “Don’t do this, Sera.”
“I have to,” she told me as tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She didn’t try to wipe them away, her attention completely focused on me. “Please understand, Enzo.”
But I didn’t understand. I’d never fucking understand. I staggered back a few steps, tugging at my hair with both hands, but somehow managing not to knock myself in the head with the gun.
I could be a bigger man here and just let her fucking leave. Give her the money in my safe that she’d worked so hard to save up and let her go. I could do what I told her I would do. She could start a new life far away from the mafia and everyone in it. She’d have a new identity, and no one would ever find her, even if anyone cared enough to try. As long as she kept her mouth shut, no one would ever know she was a runaway mafia princess.
And that meant I would have to stay away.
I pressed my palm flat to the center of my chest as I fought to breathe. My heart was racing, and I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my temple.
I started to pace, my eyes swinging wildly around the room as I tried to ground myself.
Three things I can see.
Three things I can hear.
Three things I can feel.
That was easy.
Sera. Sera. Sera. She was everywhere.
Her eyes dropped to my cock and balls, swinging freely between my legs, and her tongue wet her bottom lip before her eyes flew back to my face.
Jesus. I couldn’t think when she looked at me like that. I stopped pacing and held my hand out in front of me. “Just…just stay right there. For one second.” Walking into the bedroom, I grabbed my boxer briefs and pulled them on.
When I returned, I was relieved to see Sera was still there, right where I’d left her. She’d finger brushed her hair and tucked it behind her ears. It clashed with the red of the dress, and her face was red and puffy from crying, but to me, she’d never looked more beautiful. The only thing missing was the silver hoop that normally adorned her nose.
I threw my arms wide. “What do I have to do?”
Her forehead creased. “Enzo…”
I let my arms fall back to my sides. I still held the gun, but I was afraid to put it down. Afraid she would turn around and walk out that goddamn door if I did. “Tell me what I have to do to keep you. And I’ll do it.”
She stilled. “There’s nothing you can do. I don’t want this life. You know that.”
Frustration gnawed at my insides. “What you’re asking…” My hands clenched into fists and released again. “I’d never fit in anywhere else. Not in the normal world. I couldn’t live like that.”
“And I can’t live in this one.”
“Not even if it has me in it?”
For a moment, she didn’t respond. She just looked at me with her bright eyes, glassy with more unshed tears. “I’m not asking anything of you. Except to let me leave.”
I shook my head. “No.” She was fucking killing me here. Putting me in a position that I swore I’d never find myself in again. And there was only one thing I could do.
I had to make a choice.
And right now, with her scent on my skin and her perfect face so twisted with pain—the same pain that was eating me alive inside—the answer was standing right in front of me. Tension pulsed between us. The same energy that was always there. It poked and prodded at the shell I’d built around my heart, searching for a way in. “I need to ask you something, Sera.”
Her eyes searched my face.
“Do you really want to leave me?” My heart sped up as I waited for her answer. “If tonight hadn’t happened, if we hadn’t met the way we had, would you still want to be free? Of me?”
She started to respond, then stopped. I wanted to go to her. To throw her over my shoulder and take her back to the bedroom and tie her to the fucking bed. But I forced myself to be still as I fought down a new wave of panic that was trying to rise inside of me. “Honestly?” she asked.
I gave her a nod.
“No,” she said quietly. The tears that had been gathering in the corners of her blue-gray eyes spilled over. “And I’m probably the sorriest excuse for women’s rights in the entire universe, but even after everything you’ve done to me… No, Enzo, I don’t want to leave you.”
Relief flooded my veins, so fast and hard I swayed on my feet. And not even her next words could distinguish it.
“But I can’t stay here, Enzo. I don’t want to live my life like this.”
I stared down at this woman who had taken my world and upended it with nothing but her gapped-tooth smile, and the words were coming out of my mouth before I could stop them. “You don’t have to.” I expected it to be hard to say. Thought the words would get stuck in my throat. I was wrong. “You don’t have to,” I repeated. “Give me a few minutes to get cleaned up, and then I’ll just have to stop at Luca’s and let him and Tristan know what’s going on.”
She looked at me like I’d just grown two heads. “What are you saying?”
“After I talk to Luca, we can go anywhere you want to go.”
“Enzo, what are you saying?” she repeated louder.
“I’m saying if you won’t stay in my world, then I will go into yours. I have enough money that we won’t want for anything for a long time. We’ll go wherever you want to. We can move to Mexico. Alaska. Europe…whatever you want.”
“But what about your family here? The people you swore you would never leave?”
I didn’t know. I didn’t know how hard or easy it would be to leave the mafia. There were those who would think I was a rat, and that’s why I’d run away. Others maybe wouldn’t be satisfied with letting me out. We would have to stay on the move.
Luca, though, he would let me go. Because he loved me as I loved him and he’d want me to be happy. Unable to stand the distance between us anymore, I strode up to her and took her face in my hands, careful not to hurt her as I still held my gun. “You are the only light in my life, Sera. I can’t let you walk out of it and leave me in the darkness.” Gently, I stroked my thumbs along her cheekbones. “I made the wrong choice before. I won’t make the wrong choice again.”
She wrapped her hands around my wrists, but didn’t try to pull me away. “I can’t ask you to do this.”
“You didn’t ask. If this is the only way to be with you, then this is what I’ll do.” I stared down into her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that swallowed my soul until it was a part of her. “Marry me.”
The way she looked at me made me wonder if what I heard in my head and what I’d said were two different things.
“What?”
“Marry me, Sera.”
A nervous laugh burst from her. “I can’t marry you.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” she trailed off.
“That’s not a good enough reason.”
She gave me a look like I’d lost my mind and took a few steps back until she was out of my reach and I was forced to let her go. Then she walked around me to stand by the windows.
I followed her, but gave her her space and allowed her to think it through for a few minutes. When she faced me again, I knew by the look on her face she was going to refuse me again. “Enzo, we barely know each other.”
“You know me, Sera.”
She was surprised by my answer, but only for a moment. “You’re right. I do know you. You’re a mafia man. And you always will be. You’ll never be able to escape it. And neither will I if I stay with you. It won’t matter where we go, or how fast we run.”
“That’s not all I am,” I told her. “I’m also just a man. A man who doesn’t want to lose you.”
She opened her mouth. Closed it. “Enzo, this is crazy.”
“Why?” And in that moment, it didn’t seem crazy at all. It was the most natural thing in the world, and I couldn’t for the life of me remember why I’d been fighting so hard against it. Sera wasn’t Alessandra. She’d grown up in this world. She knew who I was. She would be a good wife. It would work. We would make it work. “You said you wanted to be with me.”
“I do.”
I reached for her hand. “Then do me the honor of being my wife, Sera. Stay with me.”
At first, I thought she was finally going to relent. Her eyes softened, and a smile played around the corners of her mouth. Reaching up with her free hand, she touched my face. Just a brush of her fingertips before I leaned down and took her lips with mine.
Her bottom lip trembled beneath mine as she pulled away just far enough that I could see her eyes. See that she meant what she said.
“I’m sorry, Enzo. I can’t.”