Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

In the morning Em woke up alone. She rolled onto her side and shoved her hand across Haelan’s side of the bed. The sheet was still warm. She closed her eyes as she pulled the blanket closer and snuggled her face into it. The fabric still held a faint scent of musk that she knew was from the body wash he used.

The washroom door opened. She pushed the blanket down and peeked over it. Haelan had showered and dressed. His wings were back in place, in all their feathered glory. He had put on a loose fitting blue button-down shirt. It was tucked into light brown trousers that outlined his glutes in a sigh inspiring display as he bent over next to the armoire to retrieve his boots. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull them on. Em flopped onto her back and bit her lips as she stared at the ceiling.

“Good morning, lass.”

“Good morning,” she chirped.

“Did you sleep well?”

She stretched her arms over her head with a loud groan. “Uh, huh.” She pushed herself onto her elbow and smiled at him as he stood. “Did you?”

“Very well,” he answered as he walked around the bed to the door. “The servants have the day off, it’s tradition, so we’re on our own.” He smiled. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Gracie always makes things ahead of time so no one needs to do any actual cooking in her kitchen,” he said with a grin. “Roldan might be bold enough to brave it, but I’m not. Those wooden spoons of hers are effective weapons.” He waved his hand like he was wielding a sword. “I will, however, heat water for coffee.” She laughed. “I’ll get it started if you’d like to get dressed.” He opened the door while she threw back the blanket and crawled to the edge of the bed. “Just come down to the kitchen when you’re ready.”

The door closed as she got to her feet. She went to the armoire and pulled out a pair of black leggings and a red t-shirt. As she straightened, her gaze fell on her bag sitting on the bottom of the cabinet. She bent down and pulled out her little make-up bag. Normally during her infrequent visits to the faerie realm, she didn’t bother with makeup. But that day felt different.

After her shower she dressed, then brushed her hair out to let it air dry while she put on a little eyeliner and mascara. Once that was done, she studied her reflection for a few seconds and added a light sweep of blush. She put everything back into the bag, took it to the armoire, and grabbed a ponytail holder to restrain her hair when it dried. When she turned from doing that, she looked at the rumpled blanket. She took a few minutes to straighten up before pulling on a pair of sneakers and heading to the door.

She stepped into the hallway and almost ran into Alasdair. He was carrying a tray filled with food and steaming mugs of coffee. “Did you leave any for anyone else?” she asked with a laugh.

He winked at her as he stepped to the side. “There’s plenty left, but I’d hurry lest the twins get to it first.”

“Will do,” she called back to him with a wave. She made it all the way down the hall and to a set of stairs before she realized there was a bounce in her steps. She slowed to a stop on the next landing and blinked as Tyrus dropped in front of her.

He landed on the bottom floor and looked up. “Good morning, Emmeline,” he called.

“Good morning your highness,” she called back with a smile then started down the stairs. He stayed where he landed, waiting for her. When she reached the bottom, her eyes immediately went to the leather folder he had tucked under his arm. “Going to find something beautiful to draw?”

He smiled shyly, looked over his shoulder, then back at her. “Isabelle asked me to paint something for the new library,” he said in a low voice. “I think she would be better off asking an actual artist.”

“I’ve seen your work.” She poked his arm, which earned her another smile. “You are an actual artist. And a damned good one if you ask me.” He ducked his head with a shy smile. “What were you thinking of painting?” she asked softly.

“I’m not sure yet,” he said with a shrug.

“You’ll find something perfect,” she said.

“I hope so.”

She looped her arm around his forearm and pulled him toward the kitchen with her. When they entered the sizable room, there was a lone figure sitting at the worktable. Amie looked up from her plate of fruit and smiled at them. “Good morning, your highness,” Em said as she released Tyrus’ arm.

“Good morning,” Amie said as she reached over and pulled a couple of plates from the stack sitting on the scarred wood.

Em went to the stove, grabbed a cloth that had been left on the counter next to it, and used the cloth to pick up a large metal kettle of coffee sitting there. She took it to the table and poured it into a mug Amie placed in front of her. Tyrus nodded when she held it up in his direction. Amie pulled another over for her to fill. After Em filled that one and topped off Amie’s mug, she took the kettle back to the stove and set it down. Tyrus slid a big bowl of cut up fruit over to Em as she sat down.

“Thank you,” Em murmured with a smile, then dished up a few spoonfuls of colourful chunks and picked up a fork.

“So,” Amie said as she set her mug down. “Are you coming to the lake today?”

Em swallowed the bite of seetsi in her mouth, then shrugged. “I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m kind of along for the ride.”

“Are you?” Amie asked Tyrus.

He tilted his head from one side to the other. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“You might see something that’ll inspire you,” Em said with a wink. He looked down at his plate with a little smile. “Are your parents still sleeping?”

He nodded. “I think Bria is too.”

“It’s still pretty early,” Em said thoughtfully.

“Father and uncle Haelan went to the barracks,” Amie said, then speared the last piece of fruit on her plate and popped it into her mouth. She waved at the bowl. Both Em and Tyrus shook their heads. She picked up a white cloth that was laying next to it on the table and laid it over top of the bowl.

“What were your father and Haelan doing?” Em asked as Amie stood.

“Father was trying to get Haelan to agree to a rematch,” she answered as she picked up the bowl and carried it to the cold room behind the stove.

“What do you mean, rematch?” Em asked when Amie came back to the table and picked up her plate to take it to the deep stone sink.

Amie waved her free hand. “They had a fight a few months ago and Haelan won.” She turned and smiled at Em. “Father is trying to reclaim his honour.”

“He won’t win,” Tyrus said to Amie, then turned to Em. “Haelan trains more often than Roldan.” Amie nodded as she washed her plate. She set it on a wooden drying rack, then went back to her seat.

“Why are they fighting?” Em asked.

“To prove who’s better,” Amie said with a laugh. “Do you want to go watch? They left right before you got here, so they’re probably still warming up.”

“We can watch?” Em asked as she set her fork down.

“Of course,” Tyrus said. “You know where the training area is?” Em nodded. “I can take that for you.” He looked at her plate. “If you want to get there before it ends.”

“Would it be that quick?” Em asked as she stood.

“Both of them left their adolescence behind a long time ago,” Amie said with a laugh.

Em knew that there was no point in asking how old either of them was. Faeries were extremely cagey about revealing their ages. She’d tried asking Haelan a few times, and he always gave her an estimate of four hundred years but avoided declaring the exact number. The only reason she knew how old the twins were was because of the conversation they’d had in the garden the morning after Balthazar died.

“Well then, I’d better hurry,” Em said as she moved around the table. “Thank you.” She patted Tyrus’ shoulder.

“See you later,” Amie called out as Em hurried to the door leading out to the garden.

Em drew in a big breath, then set off in a slow jog around that part of the castle. Her lips curved up into a grin as she moved. After a week of not doing much, it felt good to do something physical.

Maybe I should go for a run later. She thought as she rushed through the trees.

She came out of the woods and slowed to a quick walk as the fenced training area came into view. She’d only been to the barracks once before, and not for very long. The training area was a bit bigger than a basketball court. It stood at the back of the log cabin like barracks and was surrounded by a six foot high fence of tightly spaced weathered wooden planks. The only way in was a four-foot break in the fence on the short side of the area closest to the building. Along one of the long sides, there was a gallery that reminded Em of bleachers.

She hurried up the stairs to the seats and came to an abrupt stop. There were over a dozen off duty guards sitting on the benches. All of them turned as she stood still for a moment and looked for a spot away from the others. She gave them a little smile, saw an empty space on the opposite end from the steps, and walked over to it quickly. She sank down onto the smooth wood and clasped her hands in her lap. Her gaze swept over the open area below the gallery. She sucked in a breath as she spotted Haelan.

This was a bad idea. The reasonable side of her whispered.

Shut up. The other side hissed.

No, this is playing with fire. And you know what they say about that.

Yep, burn baby burn.

She dragged her gaze away from Haelan to gawk at Roldan and swallowed hard. Both of the princes were shirtless and even at the distance she was from them she could see that neither of them was showing their age. Not by a long shot.

You’re never gonna think of him as angelic again. The naughty side purred. Her gaze swung back to Haelan.

Oh, my sweet—he’s just—ooof; The keep your hands to yourself side stuttered.

So much to enjoy. The other half sighed.

Haelan stretched his wings wide for a moment, and Em just barely kept her jaw from falling open. She knew from being held in his arms, and the rare glimpses of bare skin, that he was solidly built. But seeing the muscles in his upper body flex against the backdrop of those beautiful wings made more than just her fingertips tingle with a desire to touch.

After a moment, he tucked his wings against his back and tightened his grip on the wooden practice swords; he held in his hands. Roldan only had one, it was in his right hand. In his left was a practice dagger with a wide cross guard.

She sat forward as they circled each other, both looking for the first opening. Roldan twitched his wings, spreading them out to half their span, then bringing them back in quickly. It was an obvious ploy to distract Haelan. Haelan didn’t react except to smile slightly and kept moving.

There was shuffling on the benches behind Em as more guards joined the audience. “There it is,” a voice close to her murmured. Em immediately saw what the voice was referring to. Haelan had stopped moving, softened the bend in his knees slightly, and crossed his swords in front of his waist.

Roldan halted his sidestep to prepare for Haelan’s attack. But Haelan was on him before he could take a step away. He caught one of Haelan’s swords with his dagger’s cross guard and pushed it aside. The other slipped under his own and delivered a resounding smack near his hip. Roldan fell back a few steps with a growl.

“Get ’em Haelan!” Em didn’t realize the words had left her mouth, or just how loudly she’d yelled, until Haelan’s head turned in her direction.

Roldan took advantage of his brother’s break in concentration by lifting his foot, planting it on Haelan’s abs, and shoving him back. Several spectators murmured their approval. Haelan regained his balance and got his guard up as Roldan swept his sword at the side of his baby brother’s head. Haelan dropped to a knee, letting it whistle harmlessly through the space above him, twisted his swords, and brought them around in a tight arc to land twin smacks to Roldan’s thigh and calf. Roldan cried out loudly as he shuffled back out of range. Em clapped her hands together. Roldan tossed a glare in her direction. There was a scattering of barely stifled laughter in the gallery.

“Are you gonna take that from him?” Em yelled to Roldan. He waved his dagger at the gallery.

“Whose side are you on?” Haelan called out as he stared at Roldan.

“The winner’s!” she yelled back. Roldan pointed his dagger at Haelan with a grin. The guards didn’t bother trying to hold back their laughter. She joined in with the guards.

Roldan straightened from his fighting stance. “Lass, will you award the victor a boon?” Haelan took a step back and looked over at the gallery.

“Go on, lass,” a voice behind her said. Several others called out, encouraging her to agree.

“Okay,” she exclaimed with a shrug. There was a spattering of murmurs in the gallery. Em’s cheeks flushed with heat when a few of the guards yelled out to the princes. It was difficult to make out the exact words they’d used as they overlapped each other, but it would seem that several thought a reward from her was a worthy prize.

The brother’s turned to face each other again. Haelan fell back into his fighting stance and the crowd quieted. Roldan’s smile faded. Em’s eyes went wide as Haelan started forward. She’d never seen him look that serious before. There was no trace of a smile, grim or otherwise, on his face.

The air filled with the clacking sound of wood on wood as the brothers came together in a clash of swings. Em couldn’t keep track of Haelan’s blades, they moved so fast. Her breath held as she watched him move. He was a mesmerizing mix of strength and grace. And he wasn’t holding back.

Roldan inched back, step after step, as he parried as many of the blows as he could. Until Haelan had backed him to within a foot of the wooden fence. Roldan’s wings snapped open, and he leapt up. Haelan dropped a sword, jumped up, caught Roldan’s ankle, and yanked hard. Roldan twisted in the air, then crashed to the ground and rolled away from Haelan.

Haelan scooped his sword up and stalked after him. Roldan sprang to his feet, wiped his face with his arm, and scurried to the side. Haelan changed direction to follow. Em surged to her feet as Haelan sprinted toward Roldan. He got within striking distance, grabbed his amulet, and dropped. His wings winked out of existence a split second before his knees hit the ground. He slid through Roldan’s knees, knocking him into a wobble, which he caught as Haelan sprang up behind him. Haelan’s crossed swords hit the back of his neck. He flipped his wings back and shoved Haelan hard.

Haelan stumbled. Roldan spun around with a grim smile. Haelan’s foot caught him in the midsection. Roldan’s boot heel dug into the dirt as he careened back. Haelan saw him go off balance and rushed forward.

Roldan was able to beat back two swings of Haelan’s swords before he swayed. Haelan got close enough to clip his ankle with the flat of his sword. Roldan pitched backward with a curse. Haelan was on top of him immediately, knee to the chest, tip of the sword in his right hand at his neck.

“Woo hoo!” Em stomped her feet as she clapped her hands together. She wasn’t the only one who cheered Haelan’s victory. All the guards in the gallery got to their feet and joined in.

Haelan got up, tucked one of his swords under his arm, and held out his hand to his brother. Roldan put his dagger in the hand holding his sword and let Haelan help him to his feet. He clapped his empty hand on Haelan’s shoulder, then they both waved to the crowd. They turned and walked to the weapons rack, dropped their weapons in it, and grabbed their shirts.

Em stayed on her feet and watched as Roldan leaned close to Haelan for a moment. When he straightened, Haelan nodded, then looked toward the gallery. Roldan leapt up and took off for the castle. Haelan turned and started walking to the gallery. He grabbed his amulet. Once his wings were in place, he took to the air and finished the journey. Em grinned at him as he landed in front of her.

He looked at the crowd for a moment, nodded a few times in response to the well wishes from the guards. None of the guards seemed to be in a hurry to leave.

Em leaned toward Haelan. “What are they waiting for?”

“They want to see me receive my prize,” he answered with a little smile.

“Oh.” She glanced at the expectant faces, then looked at him. “What am I supposed to give you?” His smile grew as he leaned closer and tapped his cheek. “Ah, okay.” She pushed herself onto the balls of her feet, intending to brush her lips against his chiseled cheek. Her aim was off, though. She caught the corner of his mouth and pulled away quickly. Her cheeks turned pink as the crowd applauded the brief contact. She looked down as she took a couple steps back. The guards took off, most heading toward the barracks, and after a minute they were alone.

“Lass, I wanted to speak to you about last night—”

“You don’t have to.” She stepped back with a wave. “I promise I’m not mad. You were looking out for me. You’ve been doing that since the day we met.”

He stepped closer. “That’s not what I was referring to, but I am relieved to hear you’re not angry.” The sky blue fabric of his shirt filled her vision as he stopped an inch away from her. Her breath held as his hands cupped her shoulders. “It’s been a very long time since anyone has done that for me.”

“Oh, that.” She shrugged slightly. “We all need a hug sometimes,” she breathed as she looked up at his face. “You do so much for everyone else.” His eyes closed as she lifted her hands and pressed her trembling fingers to either side of his waist. “But what about you? Does anyone think about what you go through?”

His hands squeezed briefly, then slid closer to her neck. “I’m rewarded for my efforts in many ways.” Her heart pounded hard as his hands slid higher and settled just under her ears. His thumbs grazed her cheeks. Her knees wobbled as he leaned close and his breath caressed her lips. “Meeting you, for instance…” Her eyelids fluttered, then closed.

Both sides of her brain swooned in her mind as his lips gently brushed hers. She heard his little groan as her lips opened slightly. She pushed herself up to him, seeking more pressure, but he drew back and took a deep breath that shuddered as he released it. His hands slid farther into her hair as he leaned closer.

Her hands pulled at his shirt for a second, then let it go to wrap around his back, under his wings. She moaned as he sucked her bottom lip lightly. His tongue brushed the tip of hers and her knees buckled. He moved with her, his hand caught her waist. He kept her from falling, physically at least, by holding her against his body as their lips and tongues danced together in a slow, sensual waltz.

He let it continue for a minute, then gently set her on her feet and decreased the pressure of his lips. She was panting softly when he lifted his mouth from hers. He leaned his forehead against hers, as though he was forcing himself to stop but was reluctant to break contact completely.

“That was better than I imagined,” he murmured in a husky voice.

“You thought about kissing me?” she whispered.

“Since the first time I saw you smile,” he answered. “You have exquisite lips.” He slid his hand from her hair to her chin. The pad of his thumb swept across her bottom lip.

Her hands slid from his waist as the sound of beating wings grew in volume. “I think someone’s coming.”

Haelan lifted his head slowly and dropped his hand from her face. “Who is it?”

She turned her head to look. “Deamol.” She looked up at Haelan and frowned. His eyes were closed so tightly that lines of tension fanned out from the corners. “Haelan, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

There was a soft thump behind Haelan as Deamol landed. “Your highness, the guards you sent for have arrived,” he said. “Except Lord Darkbriar, he was delayed.”

“That’s fine,” Haelan said gruffly. “Can you take Em back to the castle?”

Deamol leaned over to see past Haelan’ shoulder and flashed a smile at Em. “I would be happy to.”

She smiled back at him for a second, then looked at Haelan. “I don’t want to go to the castle,” she mumbled as she reached up and brushed her fingertips down the centre of his chest. He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. His eyes were still closed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Haelan swallowed, reached up, caught her fingers, and pulled her hand away. “I’ll be fine.” He let her hand go and shuffled back a step. “In a moment. Go with Deamol—”

“No,” Em said, then looked around Haelan’s side at Deamol. “Thank you for the offer.” Deamol tilted his head with a confused smile. “You should stay with Haelan.” She looked at Haelan again, then took a step around him. “I need to burn off some energy. I’m going for a run.” She scurried past Deamol and hurried to the stairs.

“I’ll come find you after I meet with the guards,” Haelan said as he turned.

Em stopped on the first step and turned. Haelan hadn’t opened his eyes. “Sure,” she called back.

Haelan waited until the sound of her feet on the stairs faded. “Is she gone?”

“Yes,” Deamol answered. “What happened?” Haelan opened his eyes and Deamol chuckled.

“It’s not funny,” Haelan growled.

“Lad,” Deamol said as he clapped a hand on Haelan’s shoulder. “Control yourself.”

Haelan glared at him through the blue haze of mating magic. “I tried, but it was so sudden, so strong—” His hands tightened into fists and the glow dimmed. “How are you able to keep it in check?”

“I haven’t spent nearly as much time with Ceri as you have with Emmeline.”

“Stars, if this is how it reacts when I kiss her…”

Deamol squeezed his shoulder. “Catch hold of it and resist before it gets to that point.” His hand fell away. “Don’t let it overwhelm you.”

Haelan sucked in a breath and ran his hands through his hair. The glow faded completely. “This is nothing like the first time.”

“You’ve found your true mate, lad. There’s nothing in the realm that feels like that,” Deamol said quietly. “But you either learn to control the magic when you touch her—”

“Or keep my feathers to myself?” Haelan asked. Deamol laughed as he leapt up, hovered there, and looked down at Haelan. “I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.” He jumped up, snapped his wings open, beat them a couple times, then angled himself toward the castle.

“If you love her as much as I love Ceri, you’ll find a way,” Deamol said as he moved next to him.

Haelan smiled. “You give me hope.” Deamol turned his head with a look of curiosity. “I will learn to marshal the magic.” Deamol winked at him. “She’s worth the strain.” He pressed a hand to his chest as they banked around the castle and the balcony to his office came into view. “Stars, I hope I figure it out soon.”