Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

Em almost changed her mind about the trip. While the opportunity to meet elves and see a bonding ceremony, first hand was tempting, the smarmy one in Sam’s voice was a clear sign that his generosity came with strings. Sticky, grasping, demanding strings that probably meant her three weeks of fun and relaxation would cost her another turn on the stage at the very least.

The warm smile that spread across Haelan’s face when she gave him the news made ignoring what Sam was going to demand of her seem a whole lot smaller. It’s amazing how a smile from the right person can make a potential problem easy to ignore. By the time they arrived in the faerie realm, it wasn’t even a blip in her thoughts.

Haelan left her in his room, which they would share while they were in the capital, to settle in while he went to greet his sons. She couldn’t help but smile as the door closed behind him. Whenever the twins came up in conversation, a person could see how much he loved those two hooligans.

Em unpacked, then went out to the balcony to enjoy the last few minutes of daylight before the sun slipped below the horizon. The faerie realm did not experience the same winter that the northern hemisphere of the human realm did. Haelan had explained that it rarely got cold enough to snow at any point in the year. Thunderstorms, however, were more common around that time.

She watched the beautiful glow of the sunset for a few minutes, then turned as the bedroom door opened and the twins came barrelling into the room. She backed up a step as they rushed out to the balcony. Faerwald got to her first. He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Welcome back.”

“It’s good to see you,” she said as she gave him a quick hug. “And you.” She eased herself from Faerwald’s embrace and turned to Faine. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Faine said as he held out his arms to her. “Father said you’re coming with us.”

“I hope you don’t mind,” she said. “Your dad doesn’t want to leave me alone, and I didn’t want to argue.” She stepped back and looked from Faine to Faerwald. “He does so much for me.”

“I’m happy you’re coming,” Faine said.

“Me too,” Faerwald said.

She looked at Faerwald. “You’re just saying that because you need someone to keep him busy while you’re chasing the maids in the gardens,” she said with a cheeky grin.

“I expect you to comport yourself in a manner befitting your station,” Haelan called out from the bedroom. Faerwald winked at Em. She grinned at him.

Faine reached over and smacked his brother’s shoulder. “We need to get cleaned up for dinner.” He glanced down at his dirt smeared shirt then pushed Faerwald toward the door. “Em, I want to ask you something when we have more time.”

She tilted her head with a curious smile. “Sure, catch me after dinner, before we go to the gathering,” she said as she followed them into the room. After they left, she turned to Haelan. He was hanging his winter jacket up in the armoire. “Do you have any idea what that was about?”

He shrugged as he swung the door closed. “Perhaps your preference for accommodations?”

“You mean sleeping arrangements.” She looked at the door for a second.

“Our situation, while not unheard of, is not common,” he said as he turned and leaned against the armoire.

“Maybe we should have separate rooms,” she said. “I don’t want to cause any problems for you.”

“I don’t believe it’s necessary. The elves may not understand our ways, but that’s not our issue.” He smiled at her. “It’s theirs.”

“But your reputation—there could be gossip about you—about us.”

He shook his head, then pushed himself away from the armoire to stand in front of her. “Lass, my concern is for you and your comfort.” She looked down as his hands cupped her shoulders gently. “And, to be truthful, my comfort as well.”

She looked up slowly. “What do you mean?”

“I find it difficult to sleep when we’re apart.”

“Even though I wake you up every night?”

His lips curved into a little smile. Her gaze stuck there. “I’ve grown used to being there when you need me.”

“Oh,” she breathed the word as her gaze dropped to his chest.

“Em.” His thumbs brushed the tops of her shoulders gently. “It’s nice to be needed—”

She laughed. “Oh please, you’re a father. You’re always going to be needed. Especially by those two.”

“They’re grown. Soon Faine will have a family of his own. If the stars are generous, it won’t be long till Faerwald finds his own mate.”

“Fingers crossed,” she said with a giggle. “But they’re never going to stop needing their dad.” She reached up and patted the centre of his chest. He looked down at her hand. It was right over the spot where the mating magic tugged. “Knowing them, it won’t be long till you’ll have grand babies to fawn over.”

He smiled, then took her hand and pressed his lips to her bent fingers. “I look forward to the day when there’s a new addition to my family.”

The night of remembrance began on the first anniversary of King Aziel’s passing. It started with a memorial gift from the refugee Elven princes to the queen. A tree that three mages had laboured over for several months. The only thing anyone would tell Em about it was that it created an illusion.

The queen, however, chose not to keep it for herself. King Aziel had been loved by most of his people. Those that didn’t love him respected his sense of honour and his commitment to duty. So the queen devised a ritual to allow all who wanted to take part. A quiet, peaceful, reverent ritual done in stages that would take place the later that evening.

With the entire royal family in attendance, dinner was a loud, lively affair. It was full dark by the time everyone finished. The queen was the first to get up from the table. Em watched with interest as each individual family group left the room together until she was left with Haelan and the twins.

“So.” She looked at Haelan. “Where are we going?”

“It’s in the forest, past the barracks,” Faerwald said as he stood.

She stood and turned to Faine. “Hey, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Faine pushed his stool back, got to his feet, and moved around his brother to stand in front of her. “Lorakalyn, my intended, described a part of the ceremony that’s done by a female family member. And since you’re coming with us, I was hoping you would do it.”

“What do they have to do?” she asked.

“Say a few words,” he said with a wave of his hand.

“Faine, that’s not appropriate,” Haelan said as he stood.

“Of course it is,” Faine said. “She’s family.”

“Why don’t you ask your grandmother?” Em asked.

“She’s not going,” Faerwald said.

“She hasn’t crossed the borderlands since the conflicts began,” Haelan said as he moved behind Em.

“Besides, the ceremony isn’t a faerie tradition, and I thought, since you’re part elf—”

“Faine,” Haelan said in a terse growl.

“I’m what?” She looked over her shoulder at Haelan. His eyes were fixed on Faine. “What’s he talking about?” A muscle in his jaw twitched.

“You haven’t told her,” Faerwald said softly. “Look what you did.” He shoved his shoulder into Faine’s.

“Father, I’m sorry,” Faine said.

Haelan sighed. “I need a minute with Em. You two go ahead.” Faine and Faerwald stood looking at Em for a moment, then turned away and went to the balcony. “Lass—”

Em spun around and looked up at him. “I’m part elf?” She stepped back and bumped into a stool. “Is that true?”

The way his eyes ran over her face told her the answer before he opened his mouth. “Yes—”

She laughed, a nervous, breathy twitter. “This is a joke.” Her hands flailed for a second, then grabbed the hair near her ears and pulled it back. “It has to be. Look at me. I’m human.”

“When I first met Balthazar, he told me there’s something different about you. He believed it was why he was drawn to you.” He took a breath and reached over to pull a stool closer then sat down. “When I saw what happened with Garrett, it was clear that he was right—”

“He turned into a grabby psycho,” she whispered as she sank down onto a stool.

“To unmated male werewolves, a female elf is irresistible. It would explain what happened with Davros as well.” He leaned forward and reached out to take her hand. She pulled it out of reach, tucked them both into her lap. He straightened, rested his empty hands on his thighs, then slid them down and gripped his knees. “I didn’t know what kind of elf until I tried to heal you.”

“Kind?”

“There are four that we know of. When we have more time—”

“Right, we should go,” she whispered. “They’ll be waiting for us.” She didn’t move from her seat.

Haelan stood slowly. “I swear to you, we weren’t intending to keep it from you—”

“We?” She looked up at him. “Who else knows?”

“My mother, Isabelle, and Alasdair. Isabelle has been helping to get more information on—”

“She knew?” Em stood quickly.

“Please, don’t be angry with her. She wanted to tell you as soon as we figured it out.” He took her hand and pulled her toward the balcony. “I’ve been waiting for an appropriate moment to tell you.” He slid his arm across her shoulder, then bent to catch her knees with his other arm. She didn’t fight against being lifted, but she didn’t put her arms around his neck like she usually did. “Em?”

“I just need a second…”

“I’m sorry, lass. The timing is not the best.” He leapt up and beat his wings to bring them over the castle. “I will answer your questions after the gathering.”

“Okay,” she whispered, then peeked over her shoulder as they swept past the edge of the town, then the barracks, and the fenced off training area.

Around them, dozens of faeries were flying toward an enormous willow tree that was set apart from the rest of the trees. Other than the sound of wings moving through the air, it was quiet. When they reached the clearing, Haelan landed near the edge and set Em on her feet. As she looked around, she felt Haelan take her hand and place it on his bent arm. He moved forward and after a bit of a stumble, she walked alongside him.

They got closer to the willow, and she spotted the rest of the royal family standing just outside the long branches in a big knot. Isabelle looked up at Alasdair. He was holding Celene in the crook of his arm. He dipped his head in a quick nod and Isabelle moved to intercept Em.

“You okay?” Isabelle whispered in Em’s ear. She leaned away to look at Em’s face. Em shrugged, and when she opened her mouth to reply, Isabelle held a finger to her own lips. Isabelle leaned close again and reached up to squeeze Em’s arm. “We’ll talk after.” Em nodded. Isabelle gave her another squeeze and a sympathetic smile, then went back to her mate. Her eyes stayed on Em as Haelan led her to stand near his sons. Em pulled her hand from his arm and looked down at the ground when they came to a stop.

The queen stepped away from her family, then moved to the wide trunk of the tree. She placed her hands on it and, in a wave that moved from the centre of the crowd outward, the people looked up at the sky. Haelan leaned close to Em’s side and brushed the back of his hand across hers. She looked up at his profile as he tilted his head back. She did the same and gasped.

Stars were falling out of the sky. One by one, tiny bits of light streamed to the willow, and landed on the leaves. The shower lasted a minute and once it was done, the sky was empty except for the moon. It wasn’t quite full, but without the stars around to it, to Em, it looked huge and lonely.

Em’s gaze slid to the tree. It sparkled with a million winking stars. Movement on one side of the crowd caught her attention. The people in the clearing moved closer to the tree and then, in a very calm and orderly fashion, stepped into the long branches to walk among the fallen stars. The people stay under the umbrella the tree created for a few minutes, some for a while longer, then walked through the clearing and into the darkness beyond.

Once all the townsfolk had gone through the starlit branches, Roldan stepped forward with Amie. A minute later Malin took Andrelle’s hand and led her forward, Tyrus and Bria trailed behind them. Alasdair slid his arm across Isabelle’s shoulders and they began walking. Em felt Haelan’s fingers on the edge of her hand. She looked down for a second, then slid her palm across his and turned her gaze up to his face. There was a little smile curving his lips. She went forward with him as he took a step. The twins followed close behind her.

Em slowed as they approached a cluster of long branches covered in fallen stars. There was no way past them that wouldn’t take them out of the tree’s perimeter. “Keep going,” Faerwald whispered. The soles of his boots scraped the ground as Faine shoved him.

Em bit her lip to keep a giggle in check as Haelan looked over his shoulder with a sigh. “Every year,” he muttered just loud enough for Em to hear. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand as a branch brushed her shoulder. Her hand tensed in his. He reached over with his other hand and cupped it gently. She sucked in a breath as the next branch touched the side of her face, then rolled onto her shoulder as they continued forward.

The leaves felt alive with energy. A hum that tickled and buzzed whatever part of her that came into contact with them. The silence gave the gathering a sense of gravity that Em had a hard time feeling. She couldn’t be serious when it felt like there were drunk bumble bees dancing all over her body.

Ahead of them, Alasdair and Isabelle had slowed to a stop. Haelan pulled Em’s hand to slow her down. She grinned as Celene’s little head popped up over Isabelle’s shoulder. The couple had stopped so Isabelle could take the baby. Alasdair’s hand slid down to Isabelle’s hip and both groups began moving again.

They made it back around to where the queen was still standing with her hands pressed against the trunk. Roldan and Malin were standing on either side of her. The other members of their families had moved into the clearing. Alasdair pressed a kiss to Isabelle’s cheek. Then Celene’s before going to join his brothers. Haelan came to a stop, lifted Em’s hand, kissed the back of it, then let go, and went to stand at Alasdair’s side. Em watched for a moment, then felt the twins’ hands on her shoulders, leading her away from the tree.

When they reached the edge of the clearing, Faine moved to catch up to Isabelle. “Let me take you back,” he said in a murmur.

Isabelle turned to him with a smile. “That would be nice, thank you.” She looked back at Em. “Are you coming?”

“I think I’ll wait,” Em replied. “Haelan and I weren’t done talking.”

Faerwald looked down at her. “He may be a while.”

“What’s going on?” Em asked.

Faerwald nodded towards a couple standing on the other side of the clearing. “Roldan is going to ask him to speak with them, to help them, afterward.”

“Knowing Haelan, he’ll say yes,” Isabelle murmured.

“You’re right,” Em said as she looked back at the willow. She couldn’t see what was happening and suspected that was by design.

“Come on,” Isabelle said as she stepped closer to Faine. He bent down and caught her knees. “You can help me put the munchkin to bed.”

“Okay,” Em murmured as she watched them take off. She slid her arm around Faerwald’s neck. “Can I ask you something?”

Faerwald lifted her against his chest. “Of course.” He snapped his wings open and leapt up.

She waited until they’d slipped out of the trees and into the moonlight. “Why did your dad tell you before telling me?”

Faerwald chuckled. “When you were here for Alban Arthan, he expressed a desire for us to be—” He stopped as he searched for the correct word.

“Well behaved?” she asked with a grin.

“Yes, around you.” She laughed. “When I asked why, he explained he hadn’t been able to heal you.” He landed on the balcony of Alasdair and Isabelle’s room and set her down gently. “We asked what happened and at first he wouldn’t tell us.” He shrugged. “But we persisted.”

Faine, who had waited near the doors while Isabelle went inside to get Celene out of the cool air, heard what his brother said and surmised the subject of their discussion. “He didn’t want you to have to deal with advances from any males while your pain was so fresh.”

Em looked from one to the other then lifted her hand and pointed at them. “You guys should be more respectful to him,” she said.

“You sound like Roldan,” Faerwald said with a little chuckle.

“They’re right though,” Faine said.

“You’re only saying that because you’re about to be mated and you think you have to be more mature,” Faerwald grumbled.

Em laughed as she reached out and patted his arm. “We all have to grow up sometime.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “Thanks for the ride.” She stepped toward the door. “Have a good night.”

“Good night lass,” Faine said with a quick wave, then leapt up into the darkness.

“Sleep well,” Faerwald said, then followed his brother.

Em listened to the flap of their wings for a second, then turned to the door. She opened it and slipped inside. Isabelle was sitting on a stool that had been set against the wall near a small, intricately carved, wooden crib. She was feeding Celene. She looked up at Em with a relieved smile. “Can you grab that pillow for me?” She looked at the bed and a bright blue throw pillow sitting on it. Em scooped it up and brought it over to her. “Thanks.” She lifted Celene a bit so Em could slip it under her. “Pro tip, always remember the pillow before you start the feeding.”

“Why’s that?” Em asked as she traced the tip of her index along Celene’s downy hair.

“Cause your arm is going to get tired,” Isabelle said as she looked down at her daughter.

“I’ll try to remember that,” Em said as she straightened. She went to the bed and plopped herself down. “So we’re elves?”

“Not me,” Isabelle said as she looked at her. “Just you.”

“What?” Em threw her hands up.

“It came from your dad’s side,” Isabelle said. “Do you remember uncle Julian?” Em nodded then leaned forward, planted her elbows on her knees, and rested her chin on her hands. “We think it was him. Alasdair took the family pictures I have to Bryant Blackwell. He had them analyzed with facial recognition software, I think, and it looks like Julian was actually your great grandfather.”

Em blinked a couple of times as that information sank in. “Haelan said there’s four kinds of elves?”

“Ya, dark elves, sun, moon, and what he thinks Julian was, star.” Isabelle looked down at Celene for a moment. “The only real difference, from what I could gather, is the magic.”

“Magic?” Em said the word in a breathless whisper.

“Haelan said that star elves have wild magic, which is why his wouldn’t work on you.” Em sat up and dropped her hands onto her thighs. “It might be why my wings disappeared on us too.”

“Good thing you took us over the water,” Em said as she stared at her hands.

“It could be why those vampires kept going back to Jason.” Isabelle said. “They kept him alive for a purpose.”

Em stood up, jammed her hands on her hips, and looked at the floor. “Why didn’t my dad ever say anything?”

“He might not have known,” Isabelle said gently. “Apparently star elves are very secretive.” Em looked at her, then turned and stalked to the doors to peer out into the darkness. “At least now you’re with people that know about magic—”

“I’ll never be safe,” Em whispered. “Haelan won’t ever be able to go back to his own life.”

“You could talk to the queen. They haven’t been able to get all the elf princes to agree to the trusted human amendment, but you’re not fully human, there has to be a loophole—”

Em spun around to look at her. “You mean live here?”

“Why not?”

“I don’t belong here,” Em said. “Sure it’s fun to visit, see the sights and what not, but my life is in the human realm just like yours.”

Isabelle looked down at Celene, saw that she was finished feeding, then gave Em a wave to turn around. Once her cousin’s back was to her, she eased Celene onto the pillow and pulled her top closed. “I want to move here, eventually.” She lifted Celene against her shoulder, stood up, and tossed the pillow onto the stool. “Celene will be able to use an amulet to hide her wings like Alasdair, but I want her to not have to, if that’s what she wants. Both of them actually.” She smiled at Em as she rubbed Celene’s back.

“Belle, we’re different people—”

“You could have a good life here, with people that care about you—”

“They’re nice to me because I’m your cousin—”

“No, you’re part of their family—our family—”

“Barely,” Em said as she turned around and threw her hands out wide. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” Isabelle said with a grin.

“Shut up,” Em said with a snort.

Isabelle rested her cheek on the top of Celene’s head and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she gave Em a serious look. “Can you just think about it? Please.”

“I told you, I don’t belong here.” Em walked over to her and touched Celene’s arm gently. “Can you talk some sense into your mommy for me?”

“Em,” Isabelle said softly. “The faerie got all the elves out of our realm for their safety.” Em looked into her eyes. “You don’t belong there.” She shifted Celene against her shoulder, then reached up and grabbed Em’s arm. “Just think about it.”

Em leaned over and kissed the top of Celene’s head. “Put your baby to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Isabelle’s hand slid from Em’s arm as she walked to the door. Once the door was closed, she walked to the bed and sat down. “It’d be a lot easier to convince her if uncle Haelan would move his ass and get her to fall in love with him.” She shifted Celene into the crook of her arm. “They need to make you some cousins to play with.” Celene smiled at her.

An hour later Em was in bed staring up at the dark ceiling when Haelan landed on the balcony. He crept into the room, kicked off his boots, then stood and looked at the bed for a moment. His head fell forward, and he ran his hands through his hair, then padded to her side of the bed. “Lass, it’s me,” he said as he leaned down and smoothed the blanket over her shoulder. “Go back to sleep.”

She turned her head on the pillow. “I wasn’t sleeping.”

“You were thinking.”

“I talked with the twins and Isabelle,” she said.

“Are you angry with me?” he asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe for a second,” she answered. “But I get it. You didn’t want your sons hitting on me when I was vulnerable.” She laughed softly. “That was actually a smart choice.”

“They can be very persuasive.”

“And I tend to make bad decisions when I’m in dark places.”

“You didn’t this time,” he said in a thoughtful tone.

“Maybe you’re a good influence on me,” she said with a shrug.

“Perhaps my first experience as a personal guard wasn’t a complete failure.”

She sat up and put her hand on his back, right between his wings. “I’m still alive, still sane, well on my way to getting back to being me again. That’s all thanks to you.”

He shifted around to look at her over his shoulder. “Lass, you did most of that yourself. I was a bystander.”

“I think having you there made it a hell of a lot easier.”

“You honour me far more than I deserve.”

“Do you really feel that way or are you just fishing for compliments?” Her sentence ended with a little laugh.

“I assure you, I’m not fishing for anything,” he murmured as he stood. She watched quietly as he walked to the dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas. He slipped into the washroom and closed the door.

Em was still sitting up when he came out a few minutes later. “Haelan,” she called out softly as he dropped his clothes into a basket near the dresser. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, lass,” he answered as he went to his side of the bed and flipped the blanket back. Em laid back as he got into bed and pulled the blanket over himself. She rolled onto her side to face him. He couldn’t sleep on his back with his wings in place, so he was on his side facing the centre of the bed.

She frowned as he murmured the incantation to remove his wings, then turned onto his back. “You don’t seem fine,” she mumbled.

“I enjoy sleeping in this position.”

“If you say so,” she said as she flipped onto her back.

“Good night, lass.”

“Did something happen?”

“No,” he said.

She rolled back to her side and pushed herself onto her elbow. “Feeling guilty about your kid spilling the beans to me before you could find the perfect moment?”

“I would have preferred to tell you myself.” He turned his head to look at her. “In a private moment with an opportunity for you to ask questions.”

“It wasn’t ideal, but I’m not mad, just confused,” she said.

“About?”

“Well, if it changes anything, which I can’t see why it would but who the hell knows.” She pushed her hair out of her face, then dropped her hand on the bed. “Why no one in my family said anything.”

“You’re the same person you were before you knew the truth.”

“You’re right,” she said softly, then slid her elbow out from under her side. As she closed her eyes, she heard him sigh heavily. “You’re not fine. What happened?”

He took a breath and let out slowly. “Roldan asked me to heal someone.”

“That couple in the clearing,” she said. “Were you able to help them?”

“I was.”

“Then why do you seem so bothered?”

“I’m grateful for the ability to take a person’s pain away, but sometimes the process is difficult.”

Her eyes opened. “Because they have to tell you what caused the pain.”

“The recounting brings the pain to the forefront of a person’s mind. It is the most effective way I know how to do it.”

She fell silent as she remembered sitting with him in the parlour, the warmth of his hands around hers, the look of compassion in his eyes, as she dragged him through her memories. How many times had he done that for someone? How does a person listen to the worst moments in another person’s life and not be affected?

She scooted closer to the middle of the bed. Haelan didn’t move. She took a breath, reached over, grabbed his hand, pulled his arm away from his side, and slid into the open space. She rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm across his chest.

“You’re the most compassionate person I’ve ever met,” she whispered. A few seconds later, his arms moved around her and tucked her a little tighter into his side.

Oh wow. The pushy side of her brain exclaimed. That feels so good.

Here we go again. The reasonable side said with a sigh. He obviously needs a little comfort. Hush up and be there for him, you big old bag of trouble.

For once the irresponsible, joy ride loving side of her did as it was told. She drifted off to the sound of Haelan’s heart beating steadily in her ear. And even her reasonable side had to agree, snuggled up to him like that, was heavenly.