Haelan’s Desire (Walk Through Shadows Book Four)

“What if they’re wrong?”

Haelan had his back to the newly made doorway when that inquiry wafted into the room. He gripped the pants he’d been folding and turned around. The corners of his mouth tipped up in a confused smile as Em stepped into the room. She was wrapped in her favourite fuzzy pink robe. His gaze swept over the part of her that uncovered her shapely long legs. “Who?”

She pulled the door closed, then jammed her hands into her pockets. “The stars.”

“What do you mean?”

She took a breath. He stayed quiet while she held it for a moment, then let it out slowly. “I think I understand what a true mate is, but—” She shrugged. “What if they make a mistake?”

His head tilted as their eyes met. “Are you concerned about Faine? Whether Lorakalyn is a fit match for him?”

She shook her head and pulled her hands free to hold them up, palms toward him. “No, she seems lovely, and it looks like he really loves her. I meant in general. What if the stars make a mistake?”

“They don’t,” he said.

“How do you know?” She frowned. “What if they paired someone with an abusive jerk? Or a woman who’s been a little—” Her hands waved in front of her. “You know.”

“If a faerie, male or female, was found to be willfully hurting their mate, the queen’s justice would be swift. I, or one of my brothers, would see to it. As to whether a mate had been with others, it shouldn’t have any bearing—”

“Those were just examples,” she said with a frustrated sigh.

“Okay, well, as I said, they don’t make mistakes.”

“But—”

He held a hand up and smiled at her. “They can’t make mistakes because they don’t make a choice.”

Her hands dropped to her sides. “If they don’t then who does?”

“We do,” he said. “Lass, I know this may be confusing for someone who wasn’t raised with it. But the stars don’t choose for us.” He tapped the centre of his chest. “The souls of true mates are forged together in the hearts of stars. It’s our task to find one another and bind ourselves together.”

“That sounds romantic but—”

“Why are you asking about this?”

“Just curious,” she answered.

He hummed under his breath as he went over to the closet and dumped the pants into his bag. “Faine dropped that off for you.” He pointed at a little shelf next to the bed. Em went over and picked up the folded piece of paper sitting there. “The blessing isn’t long, but he wanted you to have a chance to read it over before you have to get up in front of everyone.”

“That was thoughtful.” She unfolded it and read through the lines. At the end of the short verse, a different hand had written another line.

Haelan moved back to the bed. “I added that bit at the end.” She smiled as she turned her gaze up from the page. “I want to reassure her family that she’ll be welcomed into our family the same way a faerie mate would be.”

“Do they think she won’t be?”

“I sense Sylnan might have some misgivings, but he’s too polite to say anything,” he said with a frown. “They’re used to holding their tongues around Elven royalty.”

“Faeries aren’t like that,” she said thoughtfully. “I mean, they don’t treat you like one of the guys, they respect you, but they’re not afraid of you.” She folded the paper and shoved it into her pocket.

“A remnant of my father’s influence.”

“He wasn’t some stuffy lord?”

“He was not.” Haelan moved past her and blew out the lantern hanging by the door. “When my parents met, my father was a member of the king’s guard. My grandparents were farmers.”

“He was a commoner?”

“Mmm hmm.” He went back to the bed to stand next to her. “He said it took months to get her attention.”

“Weren’t they true mates?”

“Yes, lass.” He laughed. “She still made him prove his heart, though.”

Em grinned. “She played hard to get.”

“Perhaps,” he said, then leaned closer to her and rubbed his arm against her shoulder in a friendly little bump. “I think it was an effort to show his detractors that he was her true mate.”

“People didn’t believe?”

He waved at the opposite side of the bed. Em dutifully moved around the other side, away from the door. “Some thought he was an ambitious schemer after the crown.” He looked down at the mattress between them. “That’s the problem with true mates.” He turned his gaze up to her face. “There’s no outward display of that connection.”

Em’s breath held for a moment. It escaped with a nervous cough as she dragged her eyes away from his. “So how did he get her to notice him?”

He smiled. “Poetry,” he said. Her eyebrows went up. “It’s true. He admitted to needing Deamol’s help though.”

“Deamol writes poetry?” she asked as she pulled the blanket back and sat down.

“He’s quite good. It’s a shame he keeps it to himself. Deamol’s humility worked in my father’s favour though.”

“Oh?”

“If my mother had recognized Deamol’s work, she might have thought it was him who was leaving those little missives wrapped around the stem of a freshly picked wildflower on her balcony every morning.”

Em smiled at the image his words created in her mind. Charm certainly ran through that family’s genes.

Haelan sank down to the edge of the bed and reached behind the lantern hanging over the shelf. After he turned the wick down, he shifted around to watch Em take off her robe, drape it over the shelf on her side of the bed, and settle back on the mattress. “I’ll leave this on for you.”

“Thanks.” She pulled the blanket up to her neck with a little sigh.

Haelan stripped off his shirt, hooked it on the corner of the shelf, then laid back and flipped the cover over his bare chest. He had just closed his eyes when Em shifted onto her side to face him. A moment later he felt the brush of her fingers on his arm. “Lass?” The touch withdrew. He opened his eyes as he turned his head. She was looking at him. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He closed his eyes. His lips curved into a smile as she huffed softly. “Come here.” He lifted his arm and looked down at his chest, then waited while she hesitated. “Unless my nakedness repulses you.”

She grabbed his arm and shoved it down. He grinned at her. “Brat.”

“Does that mean no goodnight kiss?” he asked with a laugh.

“After that? No.” She flopped onto her back.

“Not even a little one?” She let out a hard sigh. He flipped onto his side and reached out to take her hand. “What has you so unsettled?”

“I’m not unsettled.”

“Yes, you are,” he said gently.

She looked down at their hands and watched his fingers tighten for a second. “I remembered what you said last night—” She shifted her gaze to his face. “About wanting to exist in my heart.” He smiled. “I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“Upsetting you was not my intent.”

“You didn’t,” she whispered.

“Something has.” His fingers squeezed again.

“It’s just been confusing. After Balthazar died, it felt like—” She stopped, blinked a couple times, and took a deep breath.

“Something was holding you in place,” he murmured.

She nodded. “And now, after the last few weeks—” She slid her other hand over top of his. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“That first night at Isabelle and Alasdair’s I heard you talking about me—”

“While I was trying to convince her to stop prodding you?”

She nodded again. “It didn’t work very well.”

“Nothing I say seems to be effective in dissuading her.”

“Typical Isabelle,” Em said with a smirk.

“She’s very headstrong though she means well.” They smiled at each other for a moment.

Em’s fingers traced the back of his hand as her smile faded away and she watched her fingers move over his. “Do you really believe I’m the one? Your true mate, I mean.”

He took a breath, then pushed himself onto his elbow so he could look down into her eyes. “There’s no part of me that doesn’t.” He smiled at the sound of her breath catching. “It’s fine if you don’t—” He glanced at their hands. “Yet.” She snorted. “No matter what happens or what you come to believe, the part of my heart that holds you in it, will be yours always.” Em swallowed hard and closed her eyes.

Tell him. The reckless half of her cried. She took a breath.

Say it. The other side whispered.

She opened her eyes. His head tilted to the side as he watched the different emotions pass through her azure gaze. Fear, excitement, longing among them. “I’m not good enough for someone like you,” she murmured.

“I disagree.”

“Why am I not surprised?” she asked with a little laugh.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” Her eyebrows went up. “Not only are you beautiful and talented—”

“I’m just a waitress slash dance teacher,” she whispered.

“You’re also brave and strong—”

She laughed. “I’m not strong. I’ve been crying on your shoulder for months.”

He leaned a little closer. “You put yourself in harm’s way to keep the people you love safe. Could a weak person do that?”

“Maybe?”

“But not likely,” he said. “You sacrificed yourself to that beast to protect Isabelle—”

“It was a lie—”

“You didn’t know that at the time,” he said softly.

“I should have,” she muttered as her gaze slid back to their hands.

“Emmeline Carter,” he said with a grin. “You shouldn’t argue with your prince.”

She slid her hand from under his and poked him in the ribs. “I’m not a citizen of the realm, so you’re not my prince.”

“I am yours, lass.” He leaned even closer to graze her lips with his own.

Her hand flattened against his side, then eased around to trail up his chest. “What if I’m not ready to get married?”

“We will move forward at whatever pace you are comfortable with.” He tilted his head slightly and pressed a light kiss against her cheek. She smiled as he shifted over to the other side of her face and placed a soft kiss on that cheek. “The last thing I would ever want is for you to feel rushed or manipulated.”

Her hand inched up to his neck to pull his head a little closer. She lifted her head from the pillow and sighed as his lips met hers. His head followed hers as she lowered it to the pillow. His weight shifted over her, pressing his chest against her. Her hand slid out from between them to run up his arm and grip his shoulder. His free hand glided down her side, following the curve of her hip lightly. Her hands tightened their grips for a second, then the one on his neck slid into his hair. His fingers grazed the top of her leg. She moaned against his lips, opening hers slightly. Her breath sucked in as the tip of his tongue traced her bottom lip before slipping inside to tangle with hers.

The hand that was exploring her body over her clothes reversed course to track up her side, then slid under her shirt. She arched up as the touch of his warm fingers splayed out under her ribs. His thumb swept over her skin, once, then twice, leaving teasing little sparks of pleasure in its wake. She pressed herself against his chest, her body begging him to move higher.

Very slowly, he lifted his lips from hers to press tiny kisses along her jaw. “We should stop,” he murmured in her ear.

She frowned, then opened her eyes. “What?” His hand slid away from her ribs as he pressed his lips to her neck. “Why? Don’t you want to?”

He lifted his head to look into her eyes as his hand moved to her stomach. “I do.” He smiled. “Very much.”

“Then what is the problem?” she asked. “Wait, are we only able to if we’re mated?” His eyes closed for a second. “That doesn’t make sense. The twins have been fornicating their way across the realm for years.”

“That’s not the problem,” he said with a shake of his head.

“What is?”

He shifted his weight back onto his arm and looked down where his hand was resting. “I’m embarrassed to admit this, but—” His gaze slid up to hers. “I was not prepared for this to happen so soon.”

“Oh.” The tension in her body melted. “Do you mean emotionally or—” She glanced down at his lower body.

His cheeks flushed as he realized what she was referring to. Even with the effort of holding the mating magic at bay while he touched her, his body had quickly responded to what had been happening between them. He tilted his hip toward her so she could feel the evidence of his desire against her leg. “I swore to protect you—”

“What does that have to do with it?” she asked. A confused smile curved her lips.

“That includes against myself.” Her eyebrows knitted with her confused expression. “What kind of guard would I be if I forced what that beast had tried so fiercely to force on you?”

“You mean—?” she whispered.

“I can still father a child,” he said softly. “And if I had been thinking ahead, I would have packed something to keep you safe.” His thumb grazed the tender skin of her belly above her shorts. “Tomorrow I will go to the village and obtain it from a healer.”

“What is it?” Her hand slid down his arm to grip his forearm.

“It’s called Tarrow nectar, fertile males put it on themselves—”

“Faerie condoms?” she asked with a giggle.

He smiled as he pulled his hand away from her abdomen and shifted onto his side. “It is very effective,” he said as he gathered her against his side while turning onto his back.

Em cuddled into him with a little sigh. They both were quiet for a moment, then Em lifted her head to look at his face. “Do the twins know about me?”

“I haven’t told them yet,” he said.

“Do you think they’ll be okay with it?” she asked as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“If it was someone else, they might not react well, but they’ve really taken to you.”

“That’s good,” she said, then slid her hand across his chest. “I don’t want to upset them.”

He pulled her in closer. “I think they’ll be happy to have you as their second mother.”

“Second mother?”

“Mmm hmm.”

Em’s hand slid up, caressed the line of his pec to drag her fingers through his chest hair. “Haelan, do you—” Her hand stopped as her voice stalled in her throat. He turned his head to look at her. She was staring at her hand, watching the golden hair bend under the pressure of her touch. “Do you want more?”

“More what?”

“Children,” she said in a breathless whisper.

His hand captured hers and pressed it against his skin. “Someday.”

A warmth sprang to life in her chest. Different from the blaze of sexual desire. Something deeper. Something bigger.

She lifted her head again, then pushed herself onto her elbow. He looked up at her with a tentative smile. “We can do other things.” She jerked her head toward his lap, then slid her hand out from under his. “The main event can wait a day right?”

He chuckled low in his throat. “It can indeed.” He reached down, grabbed the blanket, and flung it toward the end of the bed. Em laughed as she watched it land. Just as she was about to slide her hand into his pajama bottoms, he caught it with his own and pulled it up while he flipped them so she was under him again. Em giggled as his lips glided along the line of her neck. He eased his arm from under her back and shifted his hips between her bent legs. Em moaned as his shaft pressed against her heat. “The guards will hear you,” he whispered. She shivered as his lips caressed the base of her neck and he licked her collarbone. Her breath caught as he nipped at her skin, then lapped at it with his tongue. The hand that was holding hers disappeared for a moment, then reappeared to tug her shirt up.

Em raised her upper body up enough to pull it off, then tossed it over the side of the bed. Haelan moved down her chest, kissing the divide between her bountiful breasts, switched direction to caress the curve of one, and circle her rosy nipple. Her hands dug into his hair as his lips closed over it and pulled, gently at first. The pressure increased as he listened to her soft sighs of pleasure. After a few minutes of attention, he drew his lips away to find the other and give it the same treatment its twin had received. Under him, her hips pressed against him in a restless dance of desire.

For a moment he cursed his lack of preparation. Then he caught the rising scent of his mate’s arousal and struck those thoughts from his mind. He could temper his own passion in order to sate hers. The discomfort was worth it.

Her hands tightened against his head as his lips released her pearly nipple and tracked lower. His hot breath caressed her skin as he moved down her body. He caught the waistband of her shorts with his index fingers and slid them down to her hips. He sat up while she lifted her butt from the bed. She carefully lifted her legs into the air so he could get them off and throw them over his shoulder. Once her feet were back on the bed, she opened her knees.

Haelan took a deep breath and ran his gaze from the sultry curve of her lips all the way down to her center. His hands cupped her bent knees gently, then pulled them farther apart. “Stars lass, you are so beautiful,” he said in a voice so thick with arousal it almost didn’t make it past his lips.

She pushed her upper body onto her elbows, then her hands. He leaned forward to meet her as she sat up. She hooked a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer, then kissed him hard. After a moment, that hand slid away to trail down his chest, seeking the waistband of his bottoms. She tugged the string and released the bow, and with a little press against his skin, slipped inside to curl around his shaft. He groaned into her mouth as her thumb grazed the smooth head, spreading the glistening drops gathered there.

His hands pressed her knees farther apart for a second, then he pulled his lips from hers to straighten himself and tug his pants down for her. As he did that, his length was thrust into her hand. She gripped it tighter, then pumped her fist all the way down and stared at it for a moment.

As with most of his body, he could have been mistaken for a human. The only thing that set him apart were the wings that he’d put away before changing for bed. She bit her bottom lip as her hand moved. He was definitely above average.

“Lass?”

She dragged her eyes away from his impressive member and looked up at his face. His eyes, those amazingly comforting eyes, had darkened as his lust for her built. “I want to taste you,” she murmured.

He grinned as he leaned forward and used his chest to press her back onto the bed. Before she got out of reach, he pressed a deep kiss to her lips. “Perhaps after I’ve had my fill of you.”

She reluctantly released her grip on him and dropped onto the bed with a throaty laugh. He scooted back and leaned closer to her heat. The magic flared under his stranglehold as her scent filled his lungs. His hands gripped her thighs as he struggled to clamp his own will around it. He took a big breath and slid his hands down. The right angles created by his thumbs and forefingers framed her soft folds, pressed them together for a second, then pulled her open.

Her breath escaped in a little moan at the first touch of his lips on her skin. Her head tilted back as his tongue traced her lips slowly, then delved between them. He groaned as the delicate flavour of her hit his tongue. One of his hands inched closer to pull her open farther the other slid down to tease at her opening, circling it with a light touch that made her legs shimmy next to his ears. His lips fastened onto her little nub and applied just enough pressure to pull a guttural moan from her throat. He eased his finger into her and caught his breath as the magic sparkled between the cracks of his willpower as her heat closed around his digit. Simultaneously, he caught hold of the magic, sucked her little pearl into his mouth, then fluttered his tongue over it, and stroked his finger into her. And focused on the sounds his mate was trying to smother as the pleasure of his touch ignited a fire in her.

No matter how her body trembled and shook under him, he didn’t back away from pursuing her ecstasy. At one point the hand holding her open slid to her hip to keep her in place as he chased after her peak, his heart longing for the sound of it. His pace quickened as her breathy moans and groans picked up speed.

“Haelan,” she whimpered. “Don’t stop.”

His lips pulled harder. Her abs contracted as her hips tilted up to him. Her hands fisted in the sheet next to her head. And then it was on her. It twisted through her body, hard and big. Her head went back with the strength of it, then turned and she pressed her wrist against her mouth to trap her loud cry.

He stilled his movements as she fell back onto the bed and her hands flopped weakly at her sides. His head lifted, and he eased his finger free of her heat. She reached for his shoulders as he crawled over her. When he was within reach, she cupped the sides of his head and pulled him closer to press a kiss to his lips.

“How is it you’re still single?” she asked with a little laugh.

“I was waiting for you,” he answered, then dropped another kiss on her lips. His weight shifted as he dropped to his side, then turned onto his back.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she sat up.

He’d taken a hold of his bottoms to pull them back into place. Her hand on his arm stopped him. “We need to rest,” he answered.

“Uh, no,” she said, then rolled onto her knees and tugged the pants from his grip.

“Lass—”

She slid the bottoms down and off, then dropped them over the side of the bed. Then, with a saucy grin, she scooted around his feet to settle between his knees. She tilted her head as she looked at his face and reached down to take hold of his shaft. “We’re not done yet.”

He watched her lower her face to his abs. They contracted hard as she licked one ridge, then another. The magic tried to wiggle free as her tongue grazed the tip of him. He closed his eyes as the warmth of her mouth engulfed the head and her tongue slid around the sensitive ridge. She sucked lightly. He swallowed a groan as pleasure heated his loins.

One of her hands released him to skim along his thickly muscled thigh while her mouth slid farther down his length. He couldn’t think as her hand and mouth worked in concert, speeding up then easing back then up again. The only thing he could do was fight to hold the magic back as her touch took him higher and higher.

Em moaned low in her throat as she took over half of it into her mouth. The muscles in his thigh bunched under her hand, his hips started to thrust up to her. She tightened her grip slightly and increased her speed. The movement of his body matched hers.

Haelan felt the rush of his orgasm building and reached down to cup the side of her head. “Lass,” he said with a thick groan. “You must stop.”

Her brows came together for a second, then she understood what he was trying to tell her. She lifted her mouth without stopping the rhythm of her hand. “I don’t want to.”

“But—”

She licked the tip. “It’s only fair.” She licked him again. “You got to taste me.” His fingers tightened as her mouth wrapped around him again. His free hand grabbed the pillow and dragged it across his mouth. He bit down with a lusty growl as pleasure raged through his groin. Em groaned hard as his shaft swelled between her lips. She pulled back to catch the first pump of his seed on her tongue, then dipped her head to encourage the next and the next. Under her hand, his leg relaxed. His abs shivered as she dipped her head one more time, pulling any remaining drops from his shaft, then lifted her head and swallowed.

He let the pillow fall away as she gently laid his softening length on his belly. She planted a trail of kisses up his body as she crawled over him. He pulled her closer with a soft laugh. “You are even more talented than you led me to believe.”

She smirked at him, then dropped a kiss on his lips. “You’re not too bad yourself,” she said, then flopped onto the bed next to him. He sat up, grabbed the blanket, and pulled it over them. He turned onto his side and pulled her closer. She settled against him with a satisfied sigh. “Do you think they heard us?”

His body shook with suppressed laughter. “I would be surprised if they didn’t.” She wrapped her arm around him with a soft groan. “It was very difficult to restrain myself.”

“Me too,” she said as she slid her hand down to his butt and gave him a squeeze. His arm tightened for a moment. “Haelan?”

“Yes, lass?”

“I need to tell you something,” she whispered. He drew back to look at her in the dim light. Her eyes were closed tightly.

“You can tell me anything.”

“I’m not ready to get married yet—” He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it as she took a big breath and opened her eyes. “But I do love you.”

His gaze ran over her face as he smiled slowly. After a second, he ducked his head to kiss her. When he lifted his lips away, he hugged her tighter. “I love you too, lass.”