Guns & Roses

Tatiana

Everything was so dark. I rubbed the corners of my eyes to clear out to the fogginess and the sight took me by surprise.

Hay was everywhere. The familiar smell of a horses’ shed filled my nostrils. Standing up from my position, I reached for the wooden panels to support my aching body as I stood up on both feet.

Where was I?

Following the light, I neared the exit until I heard whispers from the back. The little hairs on my back stood up as I slowly turned my head to see nothing but horses looking back at me. When I still saw nothing, I took a step until I heard a little girl’s voice.

Positive that it wasn’t just my mind playing tricks on me, I quietly crept towards the farthest shed, careful not to alert whoever was hiding.

Before reaching the last stall, I quickly hid behind a large stack of hay and strained my hearing.

“Hey Tati, stay here and don’t come out until I come back okay?” A boy whispered.

Tati?

“But Dimi it’s dark in here, I’m scared” the little girl whined, and from the sound of it, was even about to cry.

“Tati don’t cry. Remember? You’re a brave girl right?” The boy said consoling the kid.

This feels so weird. I honestly feel like I’ve heard this before.

“Right! I’m a Lunanov and Lunanovs are fiershe!” The little girl said stumbling with her words.

“Oh my god. No way”

I didn’t catch what the boy replied since I was to shocked to process what I just heard. I stood up from my hiding spot just as a little boy ran towards the exit with determination etched on his face. He didn’t even notice me.

I stood in the shadows and noticed the little girl with her knees up and her head cast down. Suddenly, with renowned courage, she lifted her head up and I stifled a gasp.

The little girl... was actually me.

What the actual fuck?

“I am brave, I am brave” the little girl- I mean little me, said while her hand rested just above her birthmark.

The feeling was so surreal. I can’t stop the gnawing feeling that’s in my stomach. The feeling that something’s about to go terribly wrong.

Suddenly, a crunch was heard and I snapped my head towards that direction.

A man stood in the middle of the entrance with smugness radiating off him. I buried myself deeper in the shadows and held my breath.

Little me was still giving herself a pep talk, a mannerism I didn’t know I carried since I was a child.

I wanted to tell her to be quiet but I suddenly lost my voice.

The man entered and when he heard the whispering, he smiled like a maniac and continued further down the stall.

“Oh piccola principessa... come out come out wherever you are” he said tauntingly, the Italian accent quite prominent.

He walked down further until he stood directly in front of the stall and little Tatiana’s stunned figure.

“W-who are you?” She asked.

“Me? Hmm, well, you can call me Giuseppe little one” he said.

“Giu-Giuseppe?”

“Yes, and I need you to come with me” he said.

Her face scrunched up and I saw her fists shut closed.

“I don’t want to” She defiantly said.

“Well, you really have no choice kid” he told her as he grabbed hold of little Tatiana and threw her over his shoulders.

Just like how I seem to have lost my voice, I also lost my ability to move. I wanted to shout and save her but I was literally glued stuck to my place. I felt paralyzed.

“Let me go! Dimi!!” She shrieked and thrashed around her captor and I literally could feel her pain and fear.

I remembered Dimitri telling me he’d come back for me but he didn’t.

You lied to me. I thought, as I felt a lone tear slide on my cheek.

I felt the darkness engulf me once again with only the feeling of loneliness and fear by my side.

***

The next thing I know, I was back at the four dull corners of my cell. My personal prison, the agency.

I guess the agency did find me again.

I looked down to see I was sporting the usual black uniform with my hair braid to the side. I stood up just when the doors to my room opened and I was ushered out by the guard.

I saw the other kids lined up from outside their rooms with grim looks and dull faces. The sound of a whistle broke the silence and everyone instantly stood straighter and brought their hands together on their back.

I sneaked a glance at our instructor and I silently cursed at my situation. I don’t mind training, but what I particularly hate the most was this training wherein both our physical and mental strength is put to the test. We were subjected to torture both psychological and physical pain until we could no longer bear the stress and hurt.

Suddenly, two polished combat boots appeared in front of my view and stood there.

“Code” the female said.

“Code ZKR836” I replied.

My cheek was met with a heavy slap and I restrained myself from showing any pain.

“Louder!” The instructor said.

“CODE Z-K-R-8-3-6” I yelled.

“Come with me”

I followed her through the all familiar room. She instructed me what to do and I complied. It was the same thing every time.

I sat on the cold metal chair with my head still down.

“Today, you’ll be dealing with a very special guest” she said.

She didn’t give me permission to speak so I presumed she wasn’t expecting a response. I still kept my stance lowered as she opened the door and let someone in.

She closed the door and the room was filled with the heavy smell of alcohol and tobacco. A man stood in front of me and laid down a heavy leather bag on the table.

“You may look up”

That voice. I quickly snapped my head up and I couldn’t mask my surprise at the ‘guest’ the instructor said.

“H-how?” I stuttered.

“You know me tesoro, I have my ways” Arturo said.

“Now, shall we?” He said as he picked up a knife from the duffle bag.

“No.. no.. no!!” I shouted just as Arturo brought the knife up and plunged it directly on my chest.

***

“Tatiana! Tatiana wake up damn it!”

“Step aside Dimitri. Nurse! Give me the syringe!” a female voice said.

I was hyperventilating. I couldn’t open my eyes and I was gasping for air.

After a couple of seconds, I felt myself calming down and my breathing back to it’s normal phase as I surrendered myself to the calm feeling.

I found opening my eyes was a huge task. They felt so heavy and dry. My body ached and I felt the cold numbness of my left arm.

Groaning in pain, I opened my eyes only to shut them close again due to the burning brightness of the room. I heard shuffling and the brightness dimmed a bit just as I saw someone tinkering with the controls near the door.

I looked around and noticed I was in the infirmary. Looking down, my arms were decorated with cuts and bruises together with bandages wrapped around certain parts of my body.

My back hurt like a bitch and even moving a millimeter was enough to make me groan in pain.

Noticing the presence beside me, I directed my focus at the man that confuses the absolute fuck out of me.

I kept my face blank. I didn’t want to wear my heart out on my sleeve. I was sick and tired of these secrets and I just wanted to know every lie and secret that this man doesn’t seem to run out of.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, a pained expression present in his face.

“Been be-” I started, but my voice croaked.

Immediately, Dimitri stood up from his seat and handed me a cup of water. I was about to get the cup but he insisted on handling it.

“Let me” he said.

I took careful sips and let the water slide down through my parched throat.

“Thank you” I said as I directed my gaze at my hands. I refuse to make eye contact for longer that five seconds. Because the moment I stare at those deep ocean orbs for any longer, I knew I was done for.

“You’re welcome” he replied. He placed the cup back on the table and sat down on his chair. He seemed awfully large for the small chair provided for him.

To say the silence was awkward is an understatement. The awkwardness that was pooling around us was thick enough I could slice it with my butter knife.

Dimitri cleared his throat and I redirected my view to his face. He honestly looked very tired. He had grown out his beard, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair looked like he just woke up. Even so, how I find this man undeniably attractive is beyond me.

“Does it?” He asked.

“What?”

“I asked if it hurts anywhere?” He repeated, a small smile displayed on his lips.

“Oh. Everywhere” I answered truthfully. How could I have not heard him?! It’s the meds for sure. Yup, the meds.

The smile on his lips disappeared as fast as it came. His smile replaced with a concerned look. That look tells me all I needed to know, he’s blaming this all on himself.

Breaking the silence, I uttered two words I’m sure will make the mood ten times more strained.

“I know” I said.

Dimitri’s head shot up as he stared at my face.

He brought his head down and rested his elbows on his knees.

“It’s my fault... I was weak then, and I’m still weak now. I couldn’t protect you” he said as he whispered the last few words.

Weak then?

Suddenly, like a flashback that reeled in, I remembered the dream I had- or more like a memory.

“It’s not your fault... we were just kids back then” I said quietly.

“And as for A-” I paused, taking a deep breath, “Arturo...”

“Trouble follows me everywhere, it’s not anyone’s fault” I finished.

“That’s not the point! I made a promise to always keep you safe, to protect you and I failed to do that!” He grounded out.

“Well the damage’s been done, there’s nothing we can do about it. In fact, I’m not mad about the physical pain I went through that night, because hell, I’ve gone through worst! I’m mad about the secrets you kept Dimitri!

“My life revolved arounds secrets and lies! And when I met you.. I thought I finally had something real” I spat.

“It is real! I can’t turn back time, I admit I recruited you for my own selfish reasons, but I didn’t know who you were at the time. And when I finally knew you’re true identity, my feelings only grew stronger. I know you hated the mafia and I was scared you were going to run away. And back then, I knew the truth would be hard to handle given all the shit that keep on happening”

“Well it’s not up to you whether or not I leave because it’s my fucking life. Yes, I hate the mafia because the mafia is filled with possessive, obnoxious men like you!” I said angrily.

“I’m sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but you’re born into this crime life whether you like it or not” he retorted.

“I know! And the fucked up thing about it, is that I had to learn in from that psychopath!” I shouted. “See this Dimitri?” I said pulling my shirt down to reveal the wound around my birthmark. “This is the price I had to pay to know who I truly was” I spat.

His stare hardened at the sight of my wounds, an additional one hidden on my obvious set of injuries on the outside.

He looked away and breathed deeply before looking back at me again with a torn expression. “Believe it or not Tatiana, I was about to tell you the truth but circumstances kept getting on the way”

“Well it’s just you and me now, maybe you can start on telling the truth rather than keep on spewing excuses?” I said sarcastically.

Dimitri ran a hand through his face, exasperated at my behavior. He couldn’t really blame me can he? I was the one who had to endure the pain for the truths that I was entitled to know in the first place.

With a dejected sigh, he told me everything I already knew from Arturo’s side. It seems the bastard did tell the truth.

I was a Lunanov and Dimitri’s family was a close friend and ally. Both were the strongest mafia family in Russia which garnered many enemies.

We were childhood friends and we’re practically inseparable. He told me the events that happened that day and how we came to be separated.

He didn’t mention his side of the story, only mine.

After that, we were only left with silence, the sounds of the machines were the only noise that filled the room.

“Now you know the truth, I have something to tell you as well” he started.

“The reason we went to the senator’s ball wasn’t entirely to scope that area. I was aware of the risks bringing you there but I knew he was going to be at the event and I wanted to verify your identity and set things straight”

“Who’s he?”

“Your grandfather”