Guns & Roses

Tatiana

After the meeting, we went our separate ways. I continued with my training alone until Anya came in practically dragging me to the kitchen.

“All the guys are busy so it’s just the two of us for dinner” Anya said, placing the bowls of food on the counter.

“I don’t mind” I answered, hopping on one of the bar stools. I really didn’t, it’s not that I don’t like them, on the contrary I like the twins’ company and Viktor as well. Just don’t tell him I said that. It’s the two men who’s occupying my mind lately, Dimitri and Anton, which I didn’t like to face right now. I’d like to enjoy my food without burning stares from the either side of my face.

“I hope you like Japanese food” Anya announced, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I love it” I was pretty much drooling and suddenly remembered I haven’t had lunch yet, nor breakfast for that matter.

Anya served pork tonkatsu and shrimp tempura with some white wine. I dug in savoring the meatiness of the pork.

“This is delicious Anya!”

“Thanks, I made them myself” Anya proudly replied.

“So you’re the cook at the house?” I asked.

“Sort of, yeah. The canteen for the members have a separate chef, but I’m in charge of cooking for the boys” She explained. “It’s the only thing they let me do, unfortunately”

“Why is that?” I can’t help but voice out my curiosity.

“Just because” Anya answered vaguely, continuing on eating.

I suspect it had something to do with the girl in the picture, if something did happen to her, they might be wary of Anya going through the same. It was just a hunch of mine, but I felt I was already getting closer to truth. There were women training with us earlier so why was Anya an exception.

We proceeded with eating and only light chatter here and there. I thanked Anya for the dinner and we separated ways.

I headed towards my room for a long hot bath that was due. I walked towards the elevator pressing the up arrow. When the metal doors opened, I walked in and punched in my floor. My thoughts were going to a certain blue-eyed hottie. What was it with his hot and cold personality? One moment I could feel the burning desire from him and the next, he was an ice-cold jerk. I didn’t notice the door was already opened when a voice suddenly chimed in.

“Are you getting off or what? I didn’t know you’re taking elevators for fun now Ti" Anton said, one hand pushing the side of the elevator to prevent it from closing.

I rolled my eyes at him shoving him off as I exited the elevator.

"Ti, five minutes is all I ask, just five” Anton pleaded. But I kept on walking, determined to avoid this conversation.

“I didn’t leave you back there okay? Alright maybe it looked like I did, but I parachuted off the chopper when they wouldn’t go back for you” he shouted from my back.

I stilled. Seeing my momentary shock as a sign of continuing, Anton rushed to my side and hesitantly placed his hand on the side of my face.

“I came back for you. I’m sorry if you thought I abandoned you on that roof but I still came back. I searched with the locals but I didn’t find you. I thought you were dead Tatiana” Anton said, his eyes shone with regret.

“I don’t want to talk about it Anton” I replied, looking down, willing the tears from escaping.

“But we do need to talk about it, we can’t move on if we don’t face our past”

"Excuse me? who are you to talk about my issues when clearly you’ve already move on. Stop pretending you care Anton, being plastic doesn’t suit you" I spat out angrily, swatting his hand away from my face.

“I did care for you Tatiana! I loved you Damn it!” Anton shouted as he smacked the wall with both of his hands caging me in. I was stunned. There were tears in his eyes and I can’t help but let out a sob.

“I-I..” I looked up at him and I was literally at loss for words. Before I could even react, his lips crashed down on mine.

He was so forceful that it didn’t remind me of the man I used to know. I pushed him away with all the force I could muster, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Don’t ever do that again”

“I think you’ve mistaken love for fuck buddies Anton, because you were the one who made it so damn clear that there were no strings attached and that we were nothing more than just friends" I spat.

It was true that Anton was the one who came up with the idea and I went along, I would be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for him back then. But the thing was, it’s in the past. That feeling was thoroughly smashed by betrayal. It was a shame he took three fucking years long.

“I know what I said and I regret it, please Ti, give me a chance, give us a chance” Anton insisted.

“Now you want me to give this a chance? Hell Anton! If you ‘wanted’ this where were you this past three fucking years?!” I spat.

“The moment I jumped off that chopper I was considered rogue. Dimitri ended up recruiting me and it was only a year ago that I found out you were alive and I kept on searching for clues, I wasn’t sure if you were the hitman that the rumors were talking about. Dimitri wanted to recruit you as well and I seized all my searching so they wouldn’t find you” Anton reasoned.

“Why Anton? Why did you stop?”

"Why?" Anton asked, letting out a small sarcastic chuckle. “Because when they find you it’s over. And I can’t risk finding you only to lose you again” he said clenching his jaw.

“But that’s the thing Anton, you already did” I said in a small voice.

Anton was very silent and I took it as my cue to depart. I walked away from Anton and entered my room locking the door. I slid down the floor and pulled my knees up. I’m finding myself in the same position quite lately. I thought sorely.

I can’t help but think back to the days when we were still at the agency, I knew I liked him but I wasn’t so sure if it was love. How could I? When I was born and raised without knowing love, and they sure as hell didn’t teach it back at the agency.

Remembering what Anton had said about Dimitri recruiting me and ’it’ll be over”, I wonder what he meant. I knew they recruited me for a reason, and I know enough that its dangerous but saying it’ll be over is a little far-fetched. I’m good at what I do, that’s why I’m still alive right now.

So what is Dimitri hiding? I needed some answers and I need it fast. Even if I had to consult Anton, I would sacrifice my pride to uncover the secrets they are hiding. And I know just the perfect time do so.