Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl

Don’t get me wrong, life without Amy has been awesome. It’s just been a little different than I thought it would be.

For a few months, I took advantage of my newfound fame and hooked up with the hottest girls I’ve ever hooked up with in my life. It was fine and all, but it was never that fun. I think I’ve watched too much porn.

Anyway, I figured out real fast that hooking up with hot girls wasn’t gonna make my life feel complete. I needed something more, something deeper.

So I finally bailed out Go from jail, and we reconciled, started dating, and eventually got married, and now she’s pregnant. I couldn’t be happier.

I guess in a way, I owe Amy a big thank you. Because Amy taught me what was most important about being in a relationship with someone: trust. Go is the only person I can really trust in this world, so when I realized that trust is the key to a relationship, I was able to put aside those stupid societal conventions against incest and fully commit myself to my soulmate.

Our baby’s gonna be a little girl, by the way. We’re praying she doesn’t turn out to be hot. And yes, we’ve already picked out a name.

NotAmy Dunne.