Fragment of Destiny

The A-terminal was nearly empty as Tess waited for Samuel to arrive. Most people would be gathering at their caste catacomb to honor the dead and mourn those who had failed the trial. Tess closed her eyes and choked back a sob. She willed herself to think of anything but the dead. It didn’t help. She could still see the list as if it had been branded to the inside of her eyelids.

Betsy Callahan, Audrey Coramoth, Nick Veomoth, all low casters. Todd Jensen a mid-caster, and the two upper casters Aurora Teamoth and Brian Mulligan. She felt dazed at the thought of Brian’s name on that list. Brian had been one of the best in the entire academy. Everyone from her team, save Demetrius, had finished in the top ten during the final exam. Had, the word made her stomach churn like weather rot.

The tram screeched like nails on a chalkboard as it glided into the station. It was a welcome relief from her tormenting thoughts. Soon the echoing of footfalls filled the terminal as the passengers disembarked. The few others arriving gave Samuel a wide birth as they made for the terminal exit with hurried steps. Samuel’s unnaturally pale skin made him look like a specter of death itself. Had they not been friends even she would have shied away on a day like this. Instead, a wave of relief crashed over her at the sight of him. His name had been on the academy's official report as a safe return. Yet there was something about actually seeing him, and meeting those purple eyes, that melted away a fear she hadn’t known was there.

Samuel’s face sagged with the weight of relief even as he smiled at her. Without asking he swallowed her up in an embrace. Normally she would have rebuffed the emotional outburst, but today she lingered in it. After a long moment, Samuel sighed and let her go.

“Where is Demetrius?” Samuel asked, tension creeping into his voice.

“He is at the fort. He has been up there every day since we got back. Just sitting there, continuously refreshing the missing student file,” A deep sadness filled Samuel's eyes at the mention of the file. Tess looked at her shoes, anything to avoid the pain in his eyes.

“let’s go get him,” Samuel said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder as he passed.

Adjacent from the A-terminal lay the path up to the rim. A weathered concrete stairway zigzagged up the nearly vertical incline, with small plants taking root in its cracks. Neither of them spoke as they ascended, it was better that way. There was nothing to talk about but the trial, a subject that would inevitably lead back to Brian.

Rising above the relative shelter of the city a swift east moving wind tangled Tess' shoulder-length hair. Tangled hair was a pittance to pay for the reprieve from the oppressive first summer heat. Overhead the sun shone offensively bright as if the sky had forgotten what day it was.

They found Demetrius sitting against the fort with his eyes glued to his phone. Tess sighed and sat beside him. She wanted to say something to ease the mood but couldn’t find the words. She knew guilt over Brian’s death was eating him up. For some reason, Demetrius blamed himself. As if he could have done anything to save Brian. That was the mantra she whispered to keep a seal on the box she had forced her own guilt into.

The trial had been different for all of them. Perhaps anyone of them would have died had they ended up where Brian did, but at least she was alive. She felt a stab of shame at the thought. Yet she would not have traded places with him. Tess choked back self-pity, eyelashes batting at tears. From the corner of her eye, she could see Samuel still just standing there. His face held a sickly expression as he rolled a red crystal between his fingers. They locked eyes for a moment, then he tucked the crystal away and sat beside her.

“Is it wrong that I don’t want to go?” Demetrius asked.

“No… it’s not,” Samuel said, his words soft and dull. “I know how you feel. As if somehow by not going we deny his death. It’s just…”

“…A hard truth to accept,” Tess said finishing Samuel’s sentence. Damn, but she hated herself right now. “I don’t want to admit it either, but what else can we do? Wishing won’t change anything,” Tess heard herself say. It came out with more anger than she intended. Demetrius looked stricken and turned away. She felt ashamed too, and yet there was a part of her that felt indiscriminate anger.

“I still don’t want to go,” Demetrius said.

No one objected, and no one moved. They sat, backs to the fort looking out over Central. The citizens had massed at the cast catacombs. Soon the ceremony would be coming to an end and with it the last opportunity to pay their respects properly. Like Demetrius, she didn’t want to go near that place. Yet she had to put this thing to rest or she would spend the rest of her life holding onto the memory, and the guilt. Damn him, why did that idiot have to go and get himself killed?

“I’m going to go,” Tess said dragging herself to her feet. She kept her back to the boys not wanting them to see her anguish as she forced each step.

Down from the concrete stairs, the upper caste catacomb would be at the end of the street. Two massive stone doors, three levels high, set in the rim wall. They were ancient. Carved stone from before Central was even a city. Carvings of twin moons faded from full too new and back again cupped an image of the sun surrounded by small stars, half on each side so it would be complete when the doors were closed. Tess never did understand why the shapers of old would have gone through the effort to make such ornate doors or why the Imperium never updated them. Those massive doors still opened by the hands of the keeper.

Beyond the doors, the catacomb entrance opened into a large oval chamber. Floor to ceiling the walls were covered with golden nameplates. Bright overhead lights cast a glimmering reflection across the polished floor of the tall chamber. Despite the many years of being forced to attend the mourning ceremony, she had never passed through those doors. She never had a reason to, until now.

For a moment, the majesty of the place overshadowed her anger. Every person who had once been an upper caster since before the founding of Central had been laid to rest here. Their ashes worked into the walls behind the golden plates, and their crystals placed in a gold setting mounted below each name. Tess shuttered involuntarily at the thought of touching a dead person’s crystal. She didn’t know how the keepers managed it.

Tess’s mental excursion ended abruptly as her eyes came to rest on a large oval table in the center of the room. Two elegant slabs of marble were fastened with golden nameplates but no crystal setting. She knew the names but read them anyway. Brian Mulligan and Aurora Teamoth. She hadn’t known Aurora, but still, a deep sadness welled up at the sight of her plaque beside Brian’s. There was something about seeing them, a sense of finality that hit her like a punch to the gut. Tears beaded threatening to run and Tess choked a rising sob.

It was apparent the stone tablets had a similar effect on Demetrius and Samuel. Rubbing away the tears, Tess saw Instructor Parkson talking with a man and woman on the far side of the table. His face looked haunted as he spoke, his eyes sunken and rimmed in red. Tess had never met Brian’s parents, but the resemblance was clear.

How did he have the strength to face them? Being the one responsible for training their son. For making sure he knew how to survive the trial. She couldn’t imagine it. Coming here had been a mistake. All she wanted was to run and forget ever seeing this accursed table.

“I can’t…” Tess said, “We should go.”

Samuel locked eyes with her for a moment. For all his tough-guy veneer he looked worse than she felt. He sucked a ragged breath and placed a hand on Demetrius' shoulder, waking him from a stupor, before following behind her.

Getting outside helped. It was a minor relief but it left her feeling out of sorts. Normally she would have gone to the edge of the rim and looked out over the horizon in the direction of the storm vowing to herself that when the time came, she would not fail. Well, she hadn’t. Her crystal was in her pocket, proof that her life still had value. Damn, but she needed a diversion right now. The only thing strong enough to rival her anger and grief was hunger. Tess hated fasting. It was a stupid mourning day ritual.

“Forget this. I’m going to Lee Chi’s.” Tess bellowed as she stormed away from the catacombs.

“You know everything is closed, right?” Samuel said, jogging to catch her.

“Lee and Ju live there, they are never closed!” Tess screamed. Annoyance at Samuel's question only feeding her indiscriminate rage.

Samuel looked at Demetrius who threw up his hands. As if Demetrius was ever one to make any decisions. She didn’t wait for their deliberation, just started towards the C-terminal without them. She needed to get her anger under control before she did or said something she would regret.

Whether anger drove her faster than the boys could overtake, or fear of her caused them to give her space. Tess didn’t know but she was grateful for it. She sat alone on the tram as the doors closed for departure. She was alone now. Anyone leaving the catacombs would be using the rim terminals. With everything closed today, there was no reason to head out of the residential sector. Tess tuned out the automated system as it called out transit time to sector six. In her mind, Brian’s marble nameplate sat before her on the oval table. With tears in her eyes, she spoke words of farewell and apologized for not having the strength to do it in person at the catacomb.