SWNOVELS Chapter If I Wish to Die
No, I don’t. Chastise me, yell at me, I will do it again. He winced and hissed an indrawn breath. The tissue beneath still tender and raw.
“Look at you! Look what you do to yourself! If you wish to die then just do it.” She pushed back from him.
Not my intention. Standing with his torn shirt hanging from his waistband. The cuffs still dangling around his wrists and hearing the hateful tone in her voice, he felt very exposed. He turned to face her anger.
She’s worried about me? I’d have never guessed it.
“Why?” She shoved his chest.
Because someone has to. He teetered precariously and had to stumble back into a chair. Clumsily catching the armrests to guide himself down.
What would you have me do, Els?
“Do any of them know?”
No. He shook his head. Avoiding her angry blue gaze.
“Lucien knows what I do for Lucien. Mardichi knows what I do for Mardichi…”
“You don’t tell one what you do for the other?” She demanded.
Why would I do that? To make them feel guilty?
“No.” He frowned. “What purpose would that serve? There’s no need for them to know.”
“You’re serious!” She was askance. “You think there’s no need?” Her voice was rising to a dangerous note.
What am I missing? He was baffled, eyeing her warily as she harrumphed and knelt at his feet.
She forced herself into his eyeline.
He was aware pain was written over his face as she hurled judgements. I’m not trying to unsettle you. I don’t want to see your unhappiness.
“Take me with you.” She put her hands to his knees and leaned up near his face, making her inescapable.
“When?”
“When you go on these…missions…Take me with you!”
“Why?” He eyed her warily.
“So, I can protect you!”
I don’t believe you’d protect me.
I don’t believe that’s why you want to go.
You just want to be free…Of me.
He sighed. “Don’t. Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?” She leapt to her feet.
“Don’t make me say things that’ll hurt you.” He looked up at her brokenly. “You have me, I’m yours. And if you don’t want me you have every right to turn from me. But don’t ask me to say things that’ll wound you, just so you’ve an excuse to loathe me.”
“You’re saying no!” Her lip quivered slightly, and she bit it roughly. Blue eyes awash with unshed tears.
Please stop.
“Elsabet if you cry it’ll break the fragments of strength I possess. It’ll shatter me.”
“Then don’t say no!”
“I can’t say yes.” He shook his head sadly.
“Why not?” Her fists worked.
Please. I’m so tired.
“I know your tears are because I won’t free you…Let you go. If I take you with me, you’re gone. You’ll leave me and never look back. Never remember a single Christmas, a single dinner across from me, or one moment I held you. I cannot forget you so easily.”
“What if you’re wrong Sebastian?” She stomped. Vibrating with a rage that’d completely stopped WaterRose’s river walls.
We’re vulnerable. He realized. Without the motion of the water Radix could sense the castle any moment.
“Elsabet, I need you to let the rivers run around this fortress or you expose everyone here to Radix’s sight.”
She blinked at him in shock. “Radix?”
“The demon.”
“The one you hide from?” He heard the rush of water dumping in the moat. Despite that she’d not stopped this argument for even a moment, she’d done as he’d bid.
Effortlessly.
“Yes.” He put a hand to his side where many of his ribs were cracked.
It hurts to breathe.
“What if you’re wrong Sebastian?” She softened her tone.