SWNOVELS Flawed Heart: Chapter 10
23 years old
“Let’s get married then!” The words fly out of my mouth, mixed with anger, and not at all how I imagined this moment actually going. I always pictured proposing on bended knee at our favorite place with our friends and family around. Not in our living room when I don’t even have the ring on me. Except that, I came home again today, exhausted, only for Carrigan to start the same fight we’ve been having for the past year.
“Do you mean that?” she asks me, her eyes that were just spitting fire are now shimmering with tears. Her chest rises and falls after the harsh words that were spoken, as if they are no longer creating destruction between us.
“Yes,” I reply automatically. No. How the hell should I know? My hands run through my hair, before coming down to the tie around my neck. I loosen it, suddenly feeling like the space around me is void of air. Like I’m suffocating. I grab her hand. “Come with me.”
I drag Carrigan behind me, up the stairs of our luxury apartment to our room. Once inside, I leave her by the bed and go over to my closet. From the top shelf, I grab the little black jewelry bag I’ve been holding onto since our junior year of college. Holding the teal, satin square box in my hand suddenly feels like a weight.
Only twenty minutes ago, I arrived home and had to answer all her questions, arguing about why there isn’t enough money to buy the new sofa she wants and that my working long hours is cutting into her ability to plan a school schedule, even though she isn’t sure she wants to go back. I could care less if she wants to finish school or not. Academics was never Carrigan’s strength, so when York and I graduated last year, she decided to leave with me and not finish the remaining credits for her diploma. I didn’t care. She doesn’t need to work. I make enough money for both of us, for this apartment, for dinners out, and the occasional party or club night. Because we do those things, though, I haven’t been able to upgrade the couch and it’s a constant argument these days.
We fight constantly because I can’t be home with her all day. I took over Knight Industries the minute the diploma hit my hand. Since then, it’s been meeting after meeting, approving funds, checking over employee training and new hires. Everything in preparation to eventually merge with Allister Holdings, which is within reach, but it requires full days. Sometimes I work more than a forty-hour week. I don’t have the time to spend every minute with Carrigan, like I did in college. Back then, we had the same classes and our apartments were a floor apart. Trying to explain this leads to a fight. Sometimes she leaves to stay with a girlfriend, but she always comes back and we make up. For the past six months that has been the rut we are in. I feel the urge to shake things up, calm her down, and finally find some peace in our existence together. Maybe then we can go back to being happy like we were when we were younger.
I open the box and take the ring, walking over to her and sliding the platinum gold band on her finger. “I’ve had this for a long time, waiting for the right time. This isn’t how I thought it would go, but I do want to marry you, Care-bear.”
Carrigan’s head bows, and she pulls her hands in to study the ring. In the center of the band is a four-carat, princess cut diamond. “This isn’t your grandma’s ring, is it?”
My back tenses, and I can’t help but grind my teeth together. “No.” I never was able to get my grandma Bee’s ring. It was meant for me, a gift from my dying grandmother to give to the girl I love someday. As long as that contract is still in place with Mr. Allister and Amelia, the ring stays in his safe as part of my grandfather’s will.
“So it doesn’t mean anything then, does it? You can’t even give me the ring that is supposed to be mine.” She starts crying again.
Anger hums in my veins, along with something else I can’t even name. I don’t know who I’m even angry at anymore. “If you don’t like it, we can return it,” I tell her through clenched teeth, stepping back to put distance between us before I say something I know I’ll regret.
“No, I want to marry you. I just, I know how you feel about the other ring. This feels like second-best.” Carrigan holds up her hand, looking at the shiny stone, while it reflects light from the sunset at our window.
“Grandma Bee’s ring is special, and someday, when I have it, you can have that one too. This is what I have now. I bought it for you. I thought you would like it,” I tell her, my voice strained.
Her small shoulders cave, and she catches my eye. Tears slide down her cheeks, but finally, she smiles. “Yes!” Carrigan launches herself into my arms, and I hold her tight, absorbing her familiarity and feel. “We should celebrate. Come on, it’s a Friday, and all our friends will want to know. I can’t wait to tell everyone!” She shimmies out of my hold, her cell phone in hand, and runs to the closet. I hear her squeal with her best friend, Jenna, and before I know it, we’re all meeting at the BonBon Club tonight.
Falling back to the bed, I grab my phone from my pocket and shoot a text to York.
Me: I’m getting married.
York: Finally. We celebrating?
I text him the information before closing my eyes. My chest squeezes, and I feel a nervous energy dance in my veins. I should be happy, right? Why does this feel so different? It has to be from relief. I did it. The bag I’ve been carrying around can now be tossed in the garbage. I’m marrying the woman I love. Then why does it feel like I just put a band-aid over a gashing wound?