F#ck Festive Day

After photo copying the family letter 40+ times and making sure the police chief got his copy Dhobit closed the lid on the mail box in town with a nasty taste of stamp glue on his tongue and walked home with a smile on his face that was 4 miles wide. He had just set in motion a way of having the 'Festive Day' away from his house and if all goes well he could get a few of his more unpredictable family members arrested and thrown in jail or at the least knocked out by the Waterside Queeff Rudgy Team who were feared the kingdom over for how rough they played. Now all he had to do was wait 3 weeks and 5 days for the mayhem to start and not be caught up in any of it as it went down.

POLICE SIREN emanating loudly with lights flashing from a police car right next to Dhobit.

Not so easy as it turns out...

“HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM MITTENGLITTER!!!” came the voice over a loud speaker.

Dhobit raised his arms in the air and froze to the spot...but was still smiling and whispering under his breath...That was quick !

“YOU TELL YOUR FLEABAG HALFWITTED SHORT SIGHTED FUCKING BUTT LICKING RELATIVES WATERSIDE QUEEFF RUGBY TEAM WILL TAKE THEM ALL ON AT FUD RUGBY PARK FESTIVE DAY OK...AND THEY BETTER SHOW UP OR ITS YOUR NECK IN A NOOSE ARE WE CLEAR ON THIS ????” came the voice of the chief of the Waterside Queeff Police Station breathing heavily into the loud speaker so most of the town heard him as well.

“Thank you for replying so quickly sir and yes...I will let them know directly...am I free to go?” squeaked Dhobit while still looking straight ahead with his hands pointed towards the sky.

There wasn’t a reply as such but the tires of the police car could not keep up with the demands the engine was putting on them and a cloud of blue tire smoke filled the main street as the police chief pulled away swearing at people to get "out of the fucking way" over the police car PA system.

Dhobit giggled to himself.

This footy match was going to be epic!

Now it was time to go home to tell Fizzle the good news and rest up because a huge amount of stress had just been taken off their shoulders.

Make up sex? Author

“Hey Fizz ya there?”

“Yes Dhob I’m in the kitchen” came the response he hoped for.

“Well the cops took the bait and are foaming at the gills to get at my cousins and family in a game so now we just wait for the letters to come back saying they are all up for it and we just kick back and watch the mayhem my lovely lil snicker doodle” said Dhobit instantly regretting his choice of pet name for his lovely wife.

Fizzle whirled around and faced Dhobit and what would have normally been a 1000 yard death stare that was replaced with eyes like dark pools of moonlight and there was a sparkle in her eyes that Dhobit had almost forgotten existed at all.

“Come here Huggy Bear” she hushed in a sultry voice dripping with sensuality and they linked arms, legs, lips and 'those areas' in a union that was heated, passionate and sexy right there on the kitchen floor. It was not a quiet union by any stretch of the imagination and the neighbours dog tilted its head sideways hearing the screaming coming from the kitchen of the Mittenglitters home. After a brief but violent love making session both Dhobit and Fizzle rolled sideways away from each other and caught their breath while staring at the kitchen ceiling. Dhobit was the first to speak....

“Well Fizz...that went well” he panted reaching to hold her hand.

“Yes my liddle Cuddle Muffin you still got it!” panted Fizzle back to him.

They both laughed out loud then Dhobit helped Fizzle get up off the kitchen floor and they went and had a an hour shower together and repeated the performance in the sanctity of their bedroom...

Both dogs that the neighbours owned either side of their house howled in time with the howling coming from the bedroom now but all in all...it was a great night.

“Be careful with drinking this Festive Day I got so drunk last time I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar or, as you like to call it, a delicatessen.” Author