Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane

Chapter May 2nd, 1968



Next week, May 9, will be my 9th birthday.

My mother seems more excited about it than me. She’s given me a bunch of invitations that I need to hand out to my friends at school, inviting them to a party at my house. The big problem is that I don’t have any. I find all the kids at school, childish, irritating and downright boring. A couple of do-gooders kept trying to involve me in their activities, but they eventually gave up and left me to myself.

I pass the time mostly by reading books. So during recess and other such periods of play, I inevitably end up by myself under a tree somewhere as far away as possible from all the irritating screaming and giggling.

Unfortunately my lack of interest in play has caused me to get a little soft and flabby in places. There is also the possibility that my inactivity, especially at such a young age, could cause me to lose bone mass, develop Type 2 Diabetes or break down my immune system.

This is just to name but a few of the problems that could arise.

I need to start doing some regular exercise. I could start jogging, but to do that, I need a decent pair of running shoes, and all the tennis shoes back here are poorly soled and just plain detrimental to a growing boy’s health. I guess I could try swimming, but that would limit my exercise to the summertime as there are no heated pools in the area.

I know also from my intensive research into the functioning of the brain during my first life that during periods of play and exercise, a youth produces dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in memory and problem solving.

It is obvious that nature has designed children in such a way so that they willingly and automatically partake in activities that are beneficial to, not only their physical well-being, but their mental one as well.

The body is a fantastic machine with a myriad of components and functions. It has a way of telling the brain that it requires certain foodstuffs necessary for growth. This is why our tastes as children tend to differ significantly from those of adulthood. As a child I loved all things sweet such as candies, cakes, syrup drenched flapjacks, jelly sandwiches and sticky puddings. But later, as an adult, my preferences were more to things salty.

Lately I find that my palate has reverted to those things of a sugar-based nature. If I could have the choice between a milkshake and a beer right now – I’d take the shake!

Even in my first life. I was never much one for sports or even socializing. So, while the jocks were out flexing and flaunting their biceps in front of all the swooning females, I was in, improving my academic skills and knowledge.

I was captain of both the chess club and debate society.

And I know from experience, that once girls get over their immature infatuations, they all inevitably find a large wallet to be far more attractive than a well-ripped set of abs.

I know this because I was once married to the two biggest gold diggers south of the Yukon River - the first in ’83 and the second much later in 2002.

Still, I’ve always abhorred the prospect of obesity. I think I’ll have to also start doing some sit-ups and push-ups before bed each night. I don’t want to end up looking like the Michelin Man.


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