Experimentation

Dear Diary

I’ve been scared to move for weeks after the incident that I had exploded. How did I manage to do something like that? I’m a human, not an lighting bug. I don’t know if Trina has told anyone about what I can do, I don’t even know if I’m fully sane anymore since that night. How do I manage to keep my grasp on all things sane when the world I’m in is full of insanity?

This place drains your body and soul, taking pieces of yourself that you shouldn’t have to give up. Simple things in life, I’ve learned, are the things that keep me sane. When Katrina comes and joins me for even the smallest amount of time fills me with joy, when she smiles I find the missing pieces of myself. My nurse Tina gives me a butterscotch hard candies once I finish my lessons for the day, just her smile can make my day.

I’ve been trying to focus on other things than this electricity that courses through my body. I wish I was successful on keeping my mind distracted on anything else but than I would be lying to myself, I can’t seem to get my mind to focus on any aspect besides these powers. I try to block out the need to release this course energy, trying to break free. It causes my body to shake unable to grasp onto objects that surround me, I lose grip of the world around me.

I have to go now, love Irisa.

“Ria? Are you awake?” Trina’s voice echos softly through my room. I sit up slowly and face her as she walks over to my cot, our eyes stay connected while she places herself at the foot of my bed. I place my hands over my head and pull up on my arms, stretching my back allowing some of the knots to be released. “What are you doing here? It is one o’clock in the morning, our last adventure at this time didn’t go as planned. Remember?” My gaze reaches the bard windows, the moonlight shining in the room softly. The little light that came in shined down on my pile of books tucked neatly in the corner, letting the glossy covers to be covered in light. “This time is different, we know how to be careful now. We will be careful, I have to show you something. I’ve been dying to show you once I meet you, it will be fun. Please?” Trina pushes out her bottom lip trying to pout, her teeth slightly grasp onto her upper lip. She just stares at me, watching as I avoid her gaze. She starts to bounce slightly on my bed trying to get my attention once I had looked away from her completely, My blanket moves with the rhythm of her bouncing. I let out a groan before looking her in the eyes, her eyes are bulging out, it feels like she is staring into my soul. The tension in between us was strong, but in a funny way. Both of her eyes slowly begin to turn towards the bridge of her nose, once they were fully turned with her pupils focused on the tip of her nose I burst into laughter. “Fine, I’ll go with you. Only if you pretend that you’re normal, for once.” Trina slowly nods her head before getting off my bed in a overly dramatic manner.

She begins walking towards the door before she notices that I’m still in my bed. “Are you coming?” I push the small cotton blanket off my body and flop on the ground dramatically, I push my body up slowly. “Seriously Ria? We don’t have a lot of time. I happy you are happy especially in this place but we have to get going if you want to see what I want to show you.” Trina’s hands wrap around my upper arm and pull me towards the door. Our eyes glance in the hallway both ways trying to spot the sight movements of the nurses. “I think we are good, let’s go.”

Our feet can be heard hitting the ground of the vacant hallway, the lights flicker slightly as we make our way down an unfamiliar path. “Where are we going?” Trina giggles softly continuing to pull me down the winding hallway. “You have to wait and see, come on.” Trina swiftly turns a corner causing me to impact the wall.

All the bruises from Edwin’s punishment sting harshly, the cuts in my back stretch as my body turns to continue running. Trina looks back at me and sees me in pain, she rushes back towards me and grasp my shoulders gently. “I’m sorry, I forget that Edwin begun to tu- torture you because you’ve been bad in his mind. How are you healing anyways?” I move my hand to the bottom of my shirt, grasping the hem. “I haven’t looked at it recently, the last time I was ‘punished’ was before I had became a ball of lightning. He’s taken a break, thankfully.” I slowly raise my shirt and show her my stomach, not able to look at it myself. “He decided that my stomach looked too ‘abnormal’ and tried to cut off all the imperfections.” Tears start to fill my eyes as my mind turns towards the darkness of the memory. “There’s nothing here.” Her voice was soft, almost inaudible. How can there be nothing on my stomach? I remember the carving of the blade, the piercing pain as the blade sticks farther into my skin. I turn my eyes towards my stomach, my skin has not a single scratch on it. “What the hell happened?” Rubbing my hand across my stomach’s skin. The once scarred torn up flesh is now smooth clear skin, did I image all the pain I felt? I’m truly going crazy in this madhouse of horrors, I’m losing pieces of time and making false memories. “I must’ve mixed up times, I’m sorry.” Pushing past Katrina, I continue to walking down the vacant hallway.

I started to block out Trina’s attempts of conversation after my stomach incident, not wanting any reminder at the insane thoughts that plagued me. How can one’s mind torture them further than the torture their body is undergoing? Compared to the state I was in when I got here, that was more connected to sanity than how I am now.

“I don’t think you’re insane, I think you’re telling the truth.” Trina whispers softly in my ear as we approach a ajared door. “Why?” My eyes slowly meets hers. “Why do you believe I’m telling the truth when I don’t even know for myself?” My voice was quiet, not able to speak up louder than an inch of sound. A small hand gently grasps onto my upper arm stopping me from turning away from Katrina anymore. “Because I know what Edwin does to people, I’ve experienced what you have as well. Just without the extra ability-” Trina’s eyes widen as if she just discovered something completely shocking, her other hand reaches around to her back pocket. “Close your eyes, please.” I let my eyelids fall slowly and stare in the darkness, a stinging pain erupts from my arm. I shot my eyes open and stare at the bloody cut, what the hell happened? My eyes shift in disbelief as the blood starts to return to the wound and my skin closing up and becoming clear and smooth once again.

“What the hell?” my voice stutters out while my breath becomes erratic. “I know it, the electricity that you habor speeds up your cell regeneration. You heal at a sonic speed now, possibly getting rid of any future scarring on your physical body.” Trina traces my healed arm in amazement. Why is she talking strangely? I can’t stand this insanity any longer, “What the hell is going on?” I raise my arms to my sides, one towards the door. A surge of electricity shoots through me and blast the door off the hinges.

Smoke rises off of the wooden door as the metal melts to the side. Trina is bent down in a ball, blocking her face from the splinters flying towards us. What did I just do? Panic rises in me, I’m a monster. Quickly, I look into Trina’s eyes as I turn and run down the hallway. The doors and walls blur behind me, tears filling in my eyes. I can hurt people, I just blasted a door off its hinges almost hurting Trina.

I reach my room and fling myself on the bed, keeping the door ajared. The tears keep falling as I try to calm myself down, you can control this. You don’t have to be a monster, be like Elsa. Conceal it, don’t let people know you are a freak. Control your emotions, act human. The world slips away, filling with darkness.