Experimentation

Wakey Wakey eyes, I just want to wake up. My hand is being squeezed as someone pulls it to their chest. I can feel my arm being cradled slightly against a warm surface, I’m hoping its not someone psychotic.

I’m such a fucking idiot, you know. I feel like my life is being dictated and someone is just reading my thoughts like its a fucking story. How un-fucking-believable is my life? I was struggling with mental issues, which is something that is relatable, but than I’m thrown into a situation that could be found in a fucking comic book. The hand holding my arm starts to rub it in circles, with my hearing coming back. I don’t even know if I want to wake up, life is easier here, in the dark. Nothing can hurt me in the dark, it’s peaceful here. The darkness has become an ally in this world full of evil, how ironic is that? I take salvation in the thing that represents my fears, life has taken a turn. I hate my feelings, all of them. Why can’t I just turn them off, I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I’m not going to just sit here and let my life drain away. I’m getting out of this shit hole one way or another.

My eyes shot open to meet a warm brown pair, Katrina standing above me holding a small bag in her hand. Panic in her eye as she is crouching near my face. “Here,” she throws a fresh set of nursing clothing at me. “Change into these, we need to blend in.” Trina quickly rushes over to unbuckle my arms and legs from the bed. I was strapped down like an animal, after all they treat us all like test rats. Sitting up I could feel it, the weakness in my bones and muscles. I guess continues torture makes your body feel like jello. I am just tired of everything, tired of this.

Slowly, I can feel my muscles actually starting to work again, my strength is slowly coming back. That or the multiple things of food that was just shoved into my mouth in the last two minutes is allowing my body to start waking up. “Irisa, you have to get up now. We don’t have a lot of time.” An arm is wrapped around my upper back pulling me off of the bed. “As much as I want the strength to carry you to safety, it is really hard to be inconspicuous while carrying a body through these hallways.” I twist my head towards Trina, forcing my body to move.

“I know that you aren’t feeling like fighting right now Ria, but you have to get up. This is the only chance we’ve got to get out. So pull from what I know is a very depleted stash and let’s get moving.” After Trina finishes, it’s like my body just moved through the motions. I can only semi feel myself changing into the fake nurse’s outfits. I can hear the door open slowly. I can feel myself shuffle my feet slowly down the dimmed hallway, letting Trina lead me further down the hallway. “We have to get out of here as fast as we can. The quicker we move, the higher of a chance that we get out of this godforsaken place. I will throw water on your head if it means you will wake your ass up.”

As we kept moving down the hallway, I slowly began feeling my body again. My arms feel like jello, like any strength was siphoned out of me. My legs are similar, but I can hold my weight well with it. I doubt I could pick anything up well at this moment. “Where are we going?” The hallways stop looking familiar as we shuffle to an employee only door. “Iris, I love you, but shut up.” I laugh before the words being said can process through my head.

“You love me?” Feelings of self-hatred erupt in my chest, no one should love someone like me. Loving a broken person is like keeping a broken toy, it has little more value than trash. It’s what all the nurses tell us, it’s what the world tells us. I think about it everyday when I think of my family, I betrayed them by breaking up. I have to accept that I broke before I can piece myself back together. “Yes,” Trina pulls us through a door that heads down into an abandoned part of the hospital, heading towards an open door. I’m ready to get out of here.

Trina stops prior to the open door, turning towards me. “Ria, I do want you to know that I am in love with you. I know that we haven’t known each other that long, and I have betrayed you in ways that can never be forgiven. However, in case anything were to happen, I wanted you to know.” I can see in her eyes that she means every word, or at least I think she does. Part of me wants to believe her, the other part? Not so much. “Thank you for telling me.” Trina’s hand wraps around my upper arm and pulls me into the first room as footsteps start to come down the hallway upstairs.