SWNOVELS Chapter 483
Chapter 0483
Emma.
"Why do you think you refused to let go of Rowan? Why do you think you held on to him for years even knowing that he was married to Ava?"
Mia's question plays in my head as I try to think of a way to answer her. Why did I not let go of Rowan the
moment he slept with Ava? Why had I kept holding on despite the fact that he married her and stayed with her for years?
Sure, everyone told me how miserable he was. That he and Ava weren't getting on well. That he treated her like she didn't exist. Everyone told me that he still loved me and had refused to give Ava a chance.
Looking back now though, I'm not as blinded as I was. Despite what everyone told me, he still chose to remain married to her. He could have asked for a divorce anytime he wanted. Hell, the moment Ava was out of school, a bit stable in her job and Noah was a bit older, he could have filed for a divorce. He would have been able to be there for Noah and support him without being married to Ava, yet he never once thought of leaving their marriage.
I was surprised when I was told Ava was the one that filed for divorce. We all thought that if they were ever going to separate, it would be at Rowan's demand, not Ava's.
*Emma?" her sweet voice pulls me back.
"Because everyone around me gave me hope." I begin to explain. "I see it now. I wasn't able to let go because even though I was miles away in a different city, everyone kept pulling me to the past by reminding me how Rowan was unhappy and miserable with Ava. How he was still in love with me and refused to give Ava and their marriage a chance."
I fall back on my seat and just stare into space as I continue. "It gave me hope. It made me hold on to that hope, thinking our love was great. Otherwise, why would Rowan still hold on to me when he had a wife and son? It also didn't help that, from when we were young, everyone, especially our mothers would tell us how good we looked together. That we'd make a beautiful couple."
I curse internally as my mind wanders to the past. How much of our so-called love was actually love? Is it really love when you've been manipulated to love and want someone? Is it love when you didn't fall in love by your own design, but because of what your parents kept whispering in your ear?
"I see," Mia whispers softly as she jots something down in her notebook. "And do you think you would have been happy with Rowan had you gotten a second chance? Would you have stayed together had he not slept with Ava? Would what you felt for each other endure real life?"
Who said therapy was easy? It isn't, not at all. It requires you to dig deep and find the answers that you've been running from. Answers that you didn't want to hear so you pushed them down and buried them deep.
Would we have been happy?
"I don't think so," I reply with a sigh. "We would have eventually grown up. Matured into different people. Different from the kids we were back then. We would have realized that we didn't really love each other. That what we had was young, immature love. No, it wouldn't have survived us growing up or real life or life away from our parents. We would have eventually realized that we were influenced into falling in love by our mothers, but it wasn't the real deal."
It had been painful coming to this conclusion two years ago, but I accepted the truth for what it was. Rowan would always be my first love. At least, what I thought love was, at that age. Content belong to NôvelDráma. Org.
"And why did you keep Calvin at arm's length?" she pushes, refusing to give me the chance to collect my thoughts.
*The same reason I held on to Rowan. I had hope that Rowan would eventually be mine. That we would eventually get back together. I didn't want him to find me in love with someone else when it was finally time for him to chase me down."
*And do you think that was fair to Calvin?"
"No, it wasn't," I push the words past my throat which was clogged with emotion.
"I want you to listen to me, Emma," she began as gently as she could. "What you did to Calvin wasn't right. You strung him along for years. He could have moved on with his life. Found somebody to love and cherish him, yet you did to him what your family did to you. You kept giving him false hope. You kept leading him to believe that there was a chance between you two every time you went to seek comfort in his arms."
My heart lurches in agony when her words hit me. It feels like someone is repeatedly stabbing my heart with a butcher knife. I can't stop the tears as they fall down my face. No wonder he didn't want anything to do with me.
"You used him, Emma," she continues in a soft non-judgemental voice. "He deserved love after loving you for so long. He deserved a woman whose heart and hopes weren't tethered somewhere else. You should have let him go early on because you put him through the same kind of pain that Rowan put Ava through."
I curl into myself as her words hit me like bullets. I was a terrible person. I don't have an excuse for what I put a good man through. I can't blame this on my family. I stopped being a child and I should have realized that something had developed between Rowan and Ava the moment they continued staying married for years.