Ethereal

The Beginning

I pulled my bag tighter onto my shoulders, my legs coming back to life as I pulled away from the door and strode down the hallway and towards the kitchen. I passed the Head Matron’s door again, but I didn’t see any light from under the doorway. The meeting with the other Matrons was long over, and I couldn’t help but wonder what they were up to now. Were they alerting the other Matrons? Preparing their own bags in case they needed a hasty escape?

I turned a corner and pushed open the door leading into the kitchen, poking my head into the doorway to make sure I was alone before entering the room. The moon offered a little bit of light from the skylights that hung overhead, but I still found myself squinting as I rifled through the pantries and cupboards.

There wasn’t much I could take with the wool blanket taking most of the space up in my bag, and I didn’t want to take so much food that it would make one of the other girls go without a meal. I stuck with a loaf of bread, a handful of dried chicken jerky, fresh berries that I wrapped in a small dish cloth, a decently sized empty Bota bag for water, a pack of matches, and a paring knife that fit easily into the palm of my hand.

I paused by the sink, looking out through the windows and into the trees beyond. Somewhere out there were the rebels, I was sure of it. Just as I was about to turn away, my eyes caught my reflection in the window. My brown hair was curled just above my shoulders with a giant frizz ball on the top of my head while the glow of the moon highlighted the dark bags underneath my brown eyes. Save for the racoon look I was going for, I looked particularly ordinary, plain enough to slip through a crowd and avoid being truly seen. Though I was several inches taller than most of the girls in the orphanage, there was nothing else that made me stand out from the other girls. I ran a hand over my hair to try and flatten it, rolling my eyes as the stray strands curled back to the top of my head.

I tied my bag until the drawstrings couldn’t move any farther, my brows drawing together in concern at how full it looked. Would it be too heavy? If the bag rips, I’ll either be forced to carry everything by hand or abandon it. And while I wasn’t exactly a survival expert, I knew neither of those options were good. Everything I had packed was needed, and I couldn’t afford to take a single thing out.

With I grunt I pulled the bag over my shoulders, shrugging the bag into a comfortable position and pushing against sharp objects that dug into my back. I pushed away the image of my bag ripping apart, all my belongings crashing into the forest floor in the dark, and me scrambling across the ground trying to pick everything up.

I turned towards the door to leave and tripped backwards when my eyes met another’s through the darkness. I wasn’t alone.

Matron Gallic stood in the doorway; the shadows of her long cheek bones dramatically enlarged from the awkward angle of the moonlight hitting her face. Matron Gallic was never a favorite among the other girls, as she preferred solitude and silence over just about everything else in the world, but she would read to the younger girls when they couldn’t sleep and wasn’t above helping me with my schoolwork when I needed it. I had never seen her physically punish anyone of the girls although it was encouraged, and despite her lack of desire to speak, I thought she had a lovely voice.

Matron Gallic looked from my face to the bag over my shoulders, and then to the boots laced onto my feet. It didn’t take much to put two and two together, and by the knowing look in her eyes I assumed she already had. I wanted to ask her how long she had been standing there, but another thought quickly took precedence over it. One of the Matrons must have woken her, which meant that whatever the Head Matron was planning was quickly going into motion. If they were abandoning the orphanage in the dead of night, then by the morning the girls would be alone. If the rumors were indeed true, and the rebels were coming for us, we didn’t have much time left.

My tongue felt thick and dry inside my mouth, making it difficult to swallow. We stared at each other for the longest time, and I tried to keep my breathing even and under control. What was she going to do?

Matron Gallic took a step towards me and lifted her hand. I flinched, thinking she was either going to hit me or grab me by my collar, but instead she set it on my shoulder, giving me a small sense of comfort. I looked back up at Matron Gallic and wondered how her life brought her to this point. A Matron of an orphanage, comforting a soon-to-be runaway that was stealing food from the kitchens as an army of rebels approached. Did she regret the choices she made? If she could do it all again, would she?

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” She said to me. I gave her an odd look.

“Quoting Hamlet in this situation almost seems inappropriate.” I said, giving her a tight-lipped smile. Matron Gallic was always quoting Shakespeare at us, and while most of the time I had absolutely no idea what she was saying, I managed to find a copy of Hamlet in the library and read it during free time. Fun book. Not a big fan of Hamlet trying to bed his mom.

Matron Gallic let her hand fall from my shoulder, saying nothing as she turned back towards the door. As she passed under a ray of moonlight, I thought I caught a glimpse of a smile on her face, but before I knew for sure she vanished into the walls, leaving as suddenly as she had appeared.

My hands tightened over the straps of my bag, pulling it closer to me as a sudden chill swept through the room and goosebumps snaked down the back of my neck. I wasn’t sure why, but somehow, I knew that I was never going to see Matron Gallic again.

Hearing a door close down the hallway, I jolted back into awareness. I hurried back into Main Hall and hurried towards the entrance. I looked around wildly to try and spot any wandering Matrons, but the shadows of the orphanage were too thick to give anyone away.

Before I had learned about the tunnel system that served as an emergency exit for the Matrons, there was only one way in and out of the orphanage. It was at the north end of Main Hall, just beyond the kitchen. This meant I wouldn’t have to backtrack through the hallways, and I could hopefully avoid the Matrons.

The sound of my boots hitting the tile echoed around me as I stopped right outside the door that opened to the outside world, that opened to my freedom. My hand rested on the knob, unmoving. Elsie’s words from earlier echoed through my head.

You won’t leave us, right Nor? You’re a part of our family.

I couldn’t make myself turn the handle. Even though I promised I would come back for them once I had proof that the rebels were coming, it still felt like I was abandoning them. What if I didn’t make it back in time?

“Eleanor?” a voice said, booming throughout the room. I jumped up and turned, keeping my hand on the knob. The Head Matron stood several yards away, her crooked form even more menacing in the darkness. She was flanked by several other Matrons, some I recognized while others were too cloaked in darkness for me to see. I searched the group for Matron Gallic, or maybe even Matron Tran, but I couldn’t see either of them standing behind the Head Matron.

“Eleanor.” The Head Matron said again, her voice commanding my attention. My eyes swiveled back to hers, hearing my full name sounded odd on her tongue. The only person who ever called me by my full name was my brother.

I straightened my back and tightened my hold on the door handle. No matter what the Head Matron said or did, she wasn’t about to stop me from leaving. Even if it meant I had to leave behind the other girls before I returned with the proof I needed to convince them. If I didn’t leave now I may never get another chance.

“Satan’s mistress,” I replied. A few of the other Matrons murmured unapprovingly to each other at the title I gave her, but the Head Matron didn’t so much as flinch.

“Are you leaving us?” she said. Her question threw me off guard. I half expected her to yell at me and threaten me with her cane for leaving the dormitory for a second time tonight.

“Yes,” I said, “I am.”

The Head Matron nodded her head once, to show that she understood, and then folded her hands in front of her. She looked to the other Matrons, who nodded their heads at her as well, and they all turned to leave.

“Wha-? Wait!” I said, the words slipping out of my mouth before my common sense stopped me. The Head Matron paused and cocked her head slightly to the side to tell me she was still listening. The other Matrons paid no mind to my sudden outburst and continued down the Main Hall. Were they headed for the tunnels? I shook my head to clear it, refocusing on the Head Matron. “You’re not going to try and stop me?” I said.

The Head Matron turned around to face me. The light in the room seemed to dim, making her eyes the only visible part of her body. I held back a shiver.

“You have been of age for some time now, Eleanor. I cannot stop you. You have nimble hands, and proved to be valuable during the harvest, but if you wish to leave then you may do so.” She said. I gaped at her. She must be talking about my nineteenth birthday, the official age when the Citadels recognize their citizens as adults. But that was almost three months ago, and the Matrons never told me that I was legally allowed to leave.

Thinking about all the time I spent distancing myself from this dreaded place made my teeth grind together as a flash of heat spread through my gut, searing my skin. After a moment of thought, the flames that once licked the insides of my belly dwindled and died. The Head Matron should have let me go months ago, but even if she had, I had nowhere else to go.

The fire sizzled out completely as the realization dawned on me. I wondered for a moment if my family was still out there, looking for me in the faces of other scrawny teenage girls. The voice in the back of my head whispered that the place they were sent to so many years ago was not a place that they could easily return from. They were probably still there, maybe they were even waiting for me to come and find them.

I shook my head, thinking of the others. Before I could even entertain the idea of looking for my family, I needed to get the other girls out of the orphanage. And they wouldn’t leave without proof that danger was encroaching.

I looked back at the Head Matron, setting my jaw as I did so.

“I’m coming back – for them.” I said to her. “You may not care about those girls, but they’re the closest thing I have to a family. And I’m not going to abandon them now.” Without waiting for a response, I turned the door handle and swung open the door.

The night pressed down heavily onto my shoulders, the chill that hung in the air wasn’t as harsh as I thought it would be. A gust of wind ruffled my hair behind my head, and I breathed in the scent of pine and frozen earth. My eyelids drifted closed as I felt the muscles in my back relax.

Just as I took my first step out of the building, the Head Matron called out after me. Though I tried my best not to turn around and to keep moving forward, my feet stopped on their own accord. Even though I was no longer subject to the Head Matron’s control, obeying her demands was just like second nature to me. I glared down at my feet.

Cowards, I said to them.

“Be warned, Eleanor, that though you may not have liked this place, there are others out in that world that seek to do far worse things to you, and the ones you love.” The Head Matron said.

I didn’t turn back. My eyes never strayed from the tree line, where I tried to peer into the depths of the forest from where I stood. The Head Matron’s words repeated themselves in my head, but I paid them no mind. I shook my head to silence her words and let the orphanage door shut behind me. What a buzzkill, I thought to myself.

I headed towards the forest, my pace starting out as a slow walk and quickly turning into a steady run. I breathed in the smell of the dewy night air, the cold biting at my face and hands. The trees whipped around me, their solid forms blurring together the faster I ran. My feet ate up the dirt and roots below me as I tried my best to stay quiet, but my blood was singing, and my heart was pounding too loudly for me to care. I was free.

I didn’t stop running until my lungs threatened to collapse and my chest burned like I had swallowed the leaves of a poison oak. I turned and looked back from where I had just come from, trying to spot the orphanage, but the trees were far too tall and the night was still too dark to see through them. I looked up at the sky and tried to count the stars, and to my utter delight, there was too many to count.

A stream flowed to my right, and I knew it led to a village a few miles east of the mountains. I could stop there, restock my supply, and if no one there had heard any news about the rebels then I would head for the Citadel myself and see if it was still standing. If I came back with legitimate reports of a destroyed city, the others would have to leave with me. One could only hope.

The stream took me downhill, the moist earth making me slip a few times until I started hopping across visible roots and large rocks that looked dry. I filled up my Bota and drank from it, emptying the entire pouch with water running down my throat and soaking my sweater.

I took a deep breath to calm the excitement bubbling up inside of me. It felt freeing to be out on my own again, but I had other people depending on me back at the orphanage. Not to mention that the woods weren’t the safest place during the night. My heart stopped thumping as wilding inside my chest as I took greater care in observing my surroundings and listening for approaching predators or people. I filled up my Bota again, deciding that I at least wanted to get within eyesight of the township before I stopped to rest.

Just as I was about to reach the bottom of the hill and the river leveled out into a steady stream, the first rays of daybreak began to paint the trees. I looked up to the sky and reveled in the bright colors of pink and orange, and took a deep breath in. The world smelled so strongly of pine, fresh water, and – smoke.

My eyes snapped open. I swiveled around and looked back up into the sky, this time looking behind me. Sure enough, a thick trail of black smoke blotted the sky.

I ran the rest of the way down the hill, carelessly tripping over stones and roots as I hurried to the foothills of the mountains. My teeth clanked against each other, chittering as though I had a chill. I jumped down from a rock and my teeth angrily gnashed together, biting down on my tongue in the process. Cursing at the stinging pain, I ignored the coppery taste of blood in my mouth and how it pooled together generously at the back of my throat.

I broke through the tree line and sprinted into the open expanse of the foothills. The dirt was exposed, ready to be planted in by the children of the orphanage, only to wait in vain.

I turned around to look up at the mountains, my eyes tracing the smoke until it led straight to the spot I prayed it wouldn’t lead to.

During planting and harvest seasons, whenever I wanted to take a break I would look up and see if I could spot the orphanage from where I was in the fields. If the sun was on my side, I could see the reflection of the windows or the long dark shadow it cast onto the hill it sat upon. Only today I didn’t need the sun to find it. I could see it well enough on my own.

The flames were eating away at the trees, plumes of smoke rising steadily into the air, but there was no mistaking where the fire had started.

The orphanage was burning.