Envious Desire

Chloe

No rhythmic beats, just a vast emptiness, a grotto in my chest where my heart used to rest. Observing Axle exit where we first laid eyes on each other as he steps aside to hold the door for the person behind him... for her, causes my chest to ache.

His expression is that of a soldier at Buckingham Palace, unlike when we’re side by side, a gentleman through and through. Unsure why she’s present yet again, Axle begins his journey when she jolts his hand, stopping him dead in his tracks. Yanking his hand to her belly, placing it on its side, peering at him with her teeth on full display.

I was caught off guard by what transpired before my eyes- the look of astonishment followed by a bright white smile materialized across Axle’s face causing a thud in my chest that manifested in debilitating anguish as my heart rattled against its cage.

A sudden horrific thumping ensued in my temples as I observed the physical exchange, observing his smile while he caressed her belly, his mesmerizing grey hues flowing between her delighted grin to her massive engorged stomach. Feeling the baby kick, I would assume, was the final straw that shattered my heart.

In overzealous excitement, Selena leaps towards Axle, her lips connecting with his cheek. He didn’t recede from her touch nor curb her as my heart combusted in my chest resulting in an explosion of confetti.

He’s happy– about the baby. He’s gotten to feel the baby kick, his baby. That should’ve been me placing his hand upon my belly. Granting him his first connection to his unborn child. That smile, that smile should have been mine, it belonged to me... to us. Knowledgeable of the exchange, a rivulet of hot liquid flows down my cheek entering my mouth spreading its salty flavor on my tastebuds.

Unwilling to observe the man who stole my heart interact with my enemy, my gut reaction is to flee; however, my feet remain planted, watching as they disappear into his car, driving away with what little hope remains, fleeting as they fade away.

I remained seated in the restaurant for what seemed like hours staring out the window, in utter astonishment, pondering how the hell did my life turn on its head? Huffing out a breath, I determine it’s time to pick up what’s left of my heart and head home. His home, not my home but a temporary place where I lay my head.

Standing before the table, my attention is captured by the arrival of Axle’s car. Of course, he’s followed by Selena. Coming out of the car she prances in front of him waving her belly around, rubbing her stomach, causing my heart to throb in pain.

She leans forward kissing his cheek, placing her hand on his face. Axle withdraws from her affection but not before her blood stained lips imprinted on his face.

It’s too overwhelming, unbearable even, I can’t view this behavior, this torment. I require my sanity. Observing them dematerialize into the building, I contemplate my next course of action, I devise my words for my next steps.

Exiting the restaurant, I skulk across the street into his building pressing for the elevator which I hope takes its sweet ass time. Arriving on the 20th floor, I’m greeted by a surprised Victoria with her beautiful heartwarming smile.

“Hey Chloe! I wasn’t expecting to see you today,” rushing to my side, I brace for her hug.

“Yeah, this was kind of an impromptu visit. Is he in his office?” I don’t desire to linger with conversation, this requires a quick resolution before I reconsider.

“Yeah, of course. Go right in,” she waves off in the direction of Axle’s office.

Twisting to face the hall, it seems darker than usual, ominous even. Halting just before his door, I expel a deep breath garnering the courage to complete my mission.

Knocking on the door, I heed his velvety voice, “No, I need to get back home. I’m leaving after this.”

In a slow and steady pace I enter, captivated by his glorious physique. He is something to marvel at. No matter how much time I spend with him, he still leaves me in awe.

Connecting with my eyes, his eyebrows furrow, “Jordan let me call you back. I have to go.”

My heart slowly ceases to beat cognizant of my final actions. Hanging up the phone. He pins me in place with his look, “Chloe?”

A sad smile captures my face, when his voice breaks my heart, “No Chloe, no. Please don’t do this.”

He’s aware of my intentions, a speech I prepared flows into the space between us, “We are a beautiful disaster Axle. Two people when things are great have the capability of performing such a beautiful symphony but at the same time a disastrous combination of magnanimous proportions.”

Striding before me, he grasps my hands, “NO! I refuse. I can’t lose you again Chloe. It almost destroyed me last time.” The edge in his voice increased.

Every inch of my skin craved to touch him. My heart shrieked to stay, despite my head knowing the consequences of my actions. The sensation of being eaten alive swallowed me whole. Observing his smile while brushing against her stomach gifs in my head on an endless repeat of torture. His happiness, he deserves that... even if it is without my presence.

“Do you feel that?” Cupping his hand over mine, he smashes it to his chiseled chest, the thrashing of erratic thumping pressed against my skin.

“It only beats for you Chloe. Please don’t do this,” his eyes slammed shut, imploring for me to remain by his side.

“What kind of woman would I be if I lingered around, not allowing you the opportunity to do right by your child?” I hint of anger released with my words.

His eyes sear through my flesh, pinning me in place, “The type of woman who doesn’t run when things get tough,” his outrage echoed in my ears while his eyes bulged, nostrils flaring.

The inferno of rage he spiked within me is tenuous, boiling over, my eyes burning with death as I glare at him. “Do you have any idea, Axle!?” Throwing my hands in the air, “How it felt... to lose– our baby??!!” My eyes sting with madness. I hadn’t verbalized the words until this very moment.

“To have HER!!” I point out the window for no apparent reason, “Come here, parading around with her massive stomach, stating she’s pregnant with YOUR child!!!” A tear escapes my eye, raising my hand with haste I wipe it away with no desire whatsoever for Axle to view my pain.

“Watching you go to appointment after appointment with her! Doing all of the things we could have been doing to prepare for our child,” the last part comes out barely a whisper.

“The chance for discussion was ripped away from us,” crossing my arms over my stomach, face cascading to the floor. “That opportunity was taken from me... from Us.”

Feeling guilt ripple through my body, “I tried Axle... I tried to conceal it for as long as I could ... but when he...” my eyes drifted off in the acidic recollection of what that monster attempted and his vile response once I told him I was with child.

“Who Chloe? When he what?” Axles hands shake my own pleading for a response. My head moves back and forth in an attempt to rid the bile inducing images colliding in my mind, a tear streams, “It killed me Axle... losing our baby. It murders my very soul that she’s gracing you with... what I lost. What I craved with you.”

“Craved?” He questioned with bunched eyebrows. His now waterlogged eyes fracture my heart even more if that’s even a possibility.

Axle cuffs both hands in his, bringing them to his taut chest, a familiar spark rolls in my veins, bodies dangerously close, lips almost touching, gazing into my eyes, “I don’t want her Chloe.”

Placing my hands over his heart to feel it thump in sync with each word, “I. Only. Want. You.”

I could hear the organ in my chest crack like pottery shattering on the floor. “I know,” I barely whisper, head falling forward, unable to take much more heartache.

The door moves in the background and it’s none other than her, the whore approaching, smiling from ear to ear at me, flaunting her baby bump in a much too tight dress, “I have to go... please,” I whisper in total anguish.

“No Chloe, please don’t go. Don’t do this to me, to us. Stay with me. We can work this out. You are all I want.” His eyes implore me, voice cracking with each word, ripping my shattered heart into flittering’s of paper floating to the floor..

“Hi, baby daddy!” Selena’s voice pierces my eardrum, placing a kiss on his cheek, whore red lipstick staining his skin yet again, my stomach plummets to the floor.

Axle recedes immediately, “What the fuck do you want Selena?” Eyes rolling to the back of his head, prolonging the f, and exhausting the uck, bottom lip curled under his teeth, irritation dripping in his voice.

“Is that any way to talk to the woman who is carrying your child?” She sneers all doe eyed and overzealous. Her gaze meets mine when she says the last part digging the knife in deeper, slicing through my soul.

In a desperate attempt to escape, I try pulling away but Axles grasp constricts my wrists, tight as a vice grip, my hands still on his chest. I can feel his eyes on me, never diverting from my face.

“Again, what the fuck do you want Selena?” My eyes meet his, the look of desperation, pleading with me to stay.

“I just wanted to talk to My Baby Daddy about some stuff,” she widens her eyes at me, “in private.”

Disgust lacing his voice, “NOT NOW!”

She wedges her belly to his side, “It’s about our baby, honey,” a huge grin meets my eyes tearing my soul to pieces as her hand caresses the mass before her.

“FINE!! Go wait outside! When I’m done, I’ll come find you.” He hisses through gritted teeth.

Winking at me she adds, “I can definitely help you with cumming.” Her vile red lips create an “O” shape, twisting the knife. If I wasn’t a decent person, I’d punch a pregnant whore repeatedly, then beat her with a metal chair.

“FUCK SELENA! GET THE FUCK OUT! JUST FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY!” Axle roars causing her to flinch, finally taking her leave.

With a Cheshire grin plastered on her face, she saunters away, leaving us in all of our misery.

With blurred vision, before he could speak, I implore him, in a whisper, “Let me go Axle... please, I beg of you... let me go.” I stare in his eyes, beseeching for my liberation from his emotional grasp.

With anguish in his eyes, he releases a final, “I love you Chloe... you are my eternity. There is no life without you.” Nose grazing my cheek, triggering my eyes to flutter at the only touch of a man I’ve ever craved.

Our lips connect in our final kiss, this kiss pains my very soul, it will be our last, our culmination... no more. Tears seep into our mouths, the last time we will ever be this close, the final time our hearts will beat in sync. I can feel my soul dissipating. The taste of salt invades our kiss, intensifying the ache in my chest. This isn’t how I pictured our life. Its termination is not what I crave. Remaining here, in this moment, for as long as possible, this is my hankering.

Forehead to forehead, “You don’t have to do this Chloe, please?”

My heart cracked with each word. We stood in each other’s grasp, time doesn’t exist while we cherish our final embrace.

Releasing his grasp, my hands cascade to my side as the tears invade every inch of my mouth. The chains have been broken, I have been released. My heart, loud, thumping in my head, this is it.

One absolute gaze at Axle, one final time saying the words he’s so longed to hear “I Love You,” in my head. It’s said, if you love someone, you let them go. If they return to you it was meant to be. Are we meant to be? My heart requires restoration. Can we survive this absolute necessity?

Turning on the balls of my feet, I place one foot in front of the other, leaving behind a piece of my heart with each step, walking away from the only man I’ve ever loved.

~~~~~

The Smile!!!💔💔

Chloe couldn’t take it.

Selena rubbed it in her face.

Axle blew up for a moment before he returned to imploring her to remain by his side.

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