Elegi Of Rose

The tears pooled her eyes and she didn't stop them this time. It would be better if they empty themselves fast. She needed her old life back if she had to sign those damned papers soon. She walked right where they were spread out on the floor and stared at them coldly.

*****

She was just about to grab a pen and sign them when her house phone rang.

Her thoughts halted, freezing her on the floor. No one knew she was home. No one except Roy.

Her heart started to hammer. She hated the effects he had on her! She stormed out of her room, ready for battle. Whatever he had to say, she'd face it. What the hell, she was acting like a crazy person, acting so depressed one moment and being an Amazonian soldier the next. Whatever, her husband deserved some shouting.

She grabbed the ringing phone and shouted, "What the hell do you want, Roy?"

"Uh, Ms. Ayu?" it was a woman's voice.

Shit. "What?" she snapped, not ready to offer her sorry words for mistaking some identity. "Mr. Punda asked me to call you, this is his secretary."

Ayu's face was drained of blood--or what was left of it. What the hell. "What does he want?"

"He's asking if you already signed the papers?"

Again, daggers through the heart, and again, ouch, that hurt like hell. "I was about to attack the damned papers with a pen when you rang. Tell him I'll deliver them tomorrow. Personally. And tell him I won't give it back unless I'm face to face with his stupid, kill-worthy face, understand?"

"Yes, Ms. Ayu-" she did not hear any more of the woman's voice. She hated being called Ms. Ayu. She was still freaking Mrs. Punda!

Ayu took a deep breath to calm herself. She had to think. She had to get back on track and think. "What a stupid, stupid, idiot!" she shouted, her whole being shaking.

You can't let him go... you have to get him this time.

Shit, that was something Yeyena would do. She would go after him no matter what.

Yes, do that. Show him what you are capable of.

Right. Yes, she had to give it a try-just one try and she would be fine.

Composing herself, she slowly walked back to her room, thinking. What could she do?

Then an idea punched her in the face.

Okay, that's a fantastic one, she grinned and ran the rest of the space to where the divorce papers were lying on the floor. She hurriedly picked them up and walked to her studio. Roy could bring hell to earth with what she was about to do, but she didn't care.

*****

Ayu took a bath and dressed her usual outfit of shorts, t-shirt, and boots the very next day. She wanted to be fresh when she met with Roy today.

Before leaving, she looked down at the papers. What she did with them would tell him what she really wanted. She would not say the words. What she did was enough for him to understand and if he would not get it, that would be the end of

it. With renewed strength, she walked to his car and drove.

Again, memories ran through her mind. She was getting used to them. Even that pang of hurt was starting to get tolerable. It told her she was human and what she was going to do was right. The hurt told her she was doing the right thing. She wanted this. She wanted him. And she was giving him one chance. Yes, just one. He'd be stupid not to take it.

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*****

She rang the bell, not intending to go straight right in. She still had the keys, but she didn't want to get inside unless she'd be staying for good-unless he invited her in with the offer of spending the rest of their crazy life together. She heard his crutches from the other side and her heart couldn't help but hammer.

You can back out now. Now's the time for that.

No, you moron. Stay and face this.

She chose the latter suggestion of her brain and stayed, anticipation rising up. She felt him standing behind the door, but it took him a lot of time to open it. And when they did, she was almost ready to jump to his arms and beg. But that would never happen. No, Ayu never begged for anything. She had too much pride to do that.

Instead, she held her position, her hands at her back, holding the thing he had asked for. Their gazes locked and hope crept up to her when she saw longing flash before his eyes before it turned blank at his will. Why did he need to make things difficult?

He looked tired. Like, really tired with bags under his eyes, and she wanted to think it was because of her. His face was unshaven, his dark brown hair a mess. Well, that's a good thing. If he was looking all so fresh, she would have clawed on his face.

And seeing him still in crutches, she wanted to cry. She wanted to be taking care of him until he was fine. Until he could walk normally again and be the one doing the caring. She wanted to take care of him until he could drive again and she could ride shotgun now that she was over her phobia. She wanted to know how that would feel-to be able to share a ride with him behind the wheel while she was sitting in that passenger side feeling no fear. They were not able to do that. And they wouldn't be able to do that if he would not take her.

They did not say a word for a very long time, but Ayu cleared her throat and started by saying, "I brought them," her voice was hoarse.

Roy just nodded, his eyes still blank.

Knowing she would not be hearing anything from him, she asked, "How have you been?"

"I'm fine. You look good yourself," he said without emotion.

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"Yeah, I just had a shower," she rolled her eyes, then that silence reigned once again. Okay, small talk wouldn't work. So she finally willed her hands from her back and held them out to him.

The frown on his face which she had expected was out. "What's that?"

"Our divorce papers. I thought you wanted them back."

"What the hell did you do with them?" he asked, anger in his voice.

Yep, typical Roy reaction. Ayu raised one eyebrow and said, "This is all I could think of. I hope you get the message," she pushed the canvas into his hands and backed off.

He looked at the canvas in shock. Well, if you wanted to know what she did, she tore the freaking papers to pieces and made a collage out of it. It was a tent--a black-and-white collage of a tent. His mouth was open as he looked at her work. "Think about it, Roy. This is the only chance I'm giving you."

"What?" he asked, looking up from the canvas.

"I have to go," she said, without answering. She had to get away because she didn't want to cry in front of him.

She climbed back in the car and drove away, not looking back. She knew he was still standing in that doorway. He could be angry for all she cared. He could come after her if he could find another ride.

Right now, it was all up to him.

All she had to do was wait.