Double Lines

I sit at home, tapping my fingers on the table and looking at my phone. Melina is out with David tonight, and I’ve been sitting here, contemplating calling my parents to tell them about Tyler and question them about what I’ve learned. I think this is my fifth attempt to call them. Or is it sixth?

I sigh. I’ve been meaning to tell them about Tyler since he was born, but I’ve kept putting it off. I don’t know why; I guess I’m embarrassed. Yeah, I’ve used Noah as an excuse, which is all that was… an excuse. Although I won’t tell them the events that caused Tyler to be conceived. I don’t want them to know about Noah’s suggestion and that all I know about my baby’s father is his first name.

I could have found more about Ethan. I could have. But for some reason, I didn’t. I avoided him. Scared. I was scared.

I wipe the tears from my eyes as I think about my whole part in this situation. I could have stopped to talk to Ethan when I saw him around campus. I could have asked Noah or Andrea more about him. But… according to them, we had a chaste night. Nothing happened. Admitting that something did happen… makes me feel slutty. Not that Ethan made me feel that way… he was… amazing, soft, caring—a gentleman… despite his actions in agreeing to the whole thing. And having Tyler, I would never regret that. He’s one of the best things that’s happened to me. I love him so much.

But finding out about Michael, I guess, is the catalyst for this phone call. It’s been a few weeks since Melina revealed how she became estranged from my family. Part of me feels guilty on behalf of my parents, but the other part is so grateful towards Melina for taking me in. But getting to that part of the story is putting me off… but I need to hear Mum and Dad’s point of view. And I need to tell them about Tyler…

Arrgh! It’s so screwed up. I should have told them earlier about Tyler. And now this. I take in a deep breath as I look again at my phone. I can tell them. I’m a mother now. They’re grandparents. They deserve to know. I can call them.

Taking another deep breath, I pick up my phone and scroll through my contact list, clicking on Mum’s number.

“Hello, Mum,” I greet.

“Mikaela! How are you?”

“I’m all right. I’ve not been sleeping well, but I guess that’s to be expected.”

“Why is that? Is university stressful this year? I told you doing a double degree would be too much,” Mum complains. I sigh. I should have rung Dad instead; he was more supportive of my choice.

This is an argument I’ve often had with my parents (mainly mum) when they learned that I decided to do a double degree in Special Education and Primary Education. It added another year to my three-year degree (I know, degrees are usually four years anyway, but because the education degree I chose follows government school terms, this degree should have ended in three years).

“No, mum. I’ve actually taken a six-month break… I’m… I’ve… um,” I begin.

“A six-month break? Why? Griff, Mikaela’s taken a six-month break from university. What? I don’t know, I just asked her. Hold on. Hold on. Sorry, Micky-Mack, I’ll just put you on speaker,” Mum complains. I sigh. Mum was looking forward to seeing me graduate early and only accepted that she would have to wait a year longer because Noah and I would be graduating at the same time.

“Hello, cupcake,” Dad says from the other side of the phone. I can tell he’s smiling.

“Hi, Dad,” I reply.

“What is this I hear about you having a six-month break?” Dad asks. I pause. It’s now or never.

“I have a baby,” I say. I wait for a response as it goes quiet on the other end.

“What? You have a baby? When? How?” Mum asks, sounding flustered.

“I have a baby boy. His name is Tyler, and…”

“Does Noah know?” Dad asks. I shake my head.

“No, and I’d like to keep it that way,” I say when I realise they can’t see me. Maybe we should have zoomed? Microsoft Teams? Whats App? Oh, I am so regretting this phone call already.

“But why? You need to tell him, Micky-Mack. Where are you anyway?”

“I’m not telling Noah. It’s not his baby, Mum,” I whine.

“What do you mean?” Dad asks.

“It means Noah is not the father, and I don’t want him to know. He’ll think Tyler is his, and he’s not,” I explain.

“Well, shit,” Dad says. Yup, I agree.

“Who is the father then?” Mum asks at the same time.

“Some guy,” I say softly.

“Sorry, what? Some guy?” Mum questions. There’s nothing wrong with your hearing, I think.

“Yes, Mum! Some guy Noah knows. That’s why I don’t want Noah to know. It’s not his baby, and it’s not any of his business!” I yell, suddenly angry.

“You cheated on Noah?” Mum then asks accusingly.

“No.”

“Then how did this happen?” Mum angrily questions.

“I didn’t cheat on Noah, mum! And you would know all about cheating, wouldn’t you?” I bite. And it’s none of your business how my baby was conceived, I also want to say.

“What do you mean?” Mum asks, sounding pained.

“Mikaela,” Dad warns.

“Mum, you think I cheated on Noah, but I didn’t. I told you Tyler isn’t Noah’s, but you assume I cheated. That’s not me. I’m not you…”

“Mikaela!” Dad warns again.

“What?” I yell, “I tell you I have a baby, whom I love, and your first assumption is that I cheated on Noah, who is an arsehole, by the way. He cheated on me. He didn’t want me. I got pregnant with somebody else, not Noah, and thank God for that. But instead, you’re focused on Noah, not my baby, who is the cutest thing, by the way. No wonder I chose not to go home to have him. Do you even care about me? About Tyler?” I humph.

“Of course, we care,” Dad says.

“Yeah,” Mum agrees. I take in a deep breath.

“I know, I’m sorry,” I apologise. God, this is hard.

“I’m sorry too,” Mum says, tears in her voice.

“So where are you, Micky Mack?” Mum asks. And there it is.

“Um, I’m in Brunswick…” I say slowly—another hard thing to admit.

“Why Brunswick? What’s there?” Mum asks.

“Mickaela…” Dad begins.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but I didn’t want to go home, and I didn’t know who to turn to; she was my only option left… besides doing this on my own.”

“She?” Mum asks.

“Melina. Mikaela’s with Melina,” Dad admits. Mum goes quiet, and I can hear dad comforting her in the background.

“Mum?” I ask.

“She’s a little emotional at the moment,” Dad explains. I nod. I get that.

“How is she? How is my sister?” Mum asks, her voice wavering.

“She’s good. She owns her own business, a bakery. And it’s very popular around here. Melina is dating this nice guy called David… you’d both like him…” I begin. When Mum and Dad don’t respond, I continue.

“Mum, how come you kept her from us? She’s your identical twin. Your other half.”

“I, I was ashamed. When your dad and I got engaged, I guess she couldn’t take it anymore. She left. I felt guilty. I still do. That’s why we named you Mikaela…”

“To honour my brother,” I add.

“She told you?” Dad asks, finally speaking up.

“She did. She told me she blamed herself, that it was her fault Michael died, and that she pushed you away,” I admit.

“It wasn’t her fault, it was mine. I came over to visit her, and I saw your dad; he was upset... hurt. One thing led to another and…”

“Ew, gross, please spare me the details,” I complain, scraping my tongue between my teeth like I’m trying to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth.

“Does she still hate me?” Mum asks.

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t want her to hate me,” Mum sighs. I shrug my shoulders. I don’t know what Mum should do.

“That’s it. Griff, we’re going to Brunswick!” Mum states. Wait… what?

“No, I’m not missing out on seeing my first grandson. We’ll see you soon,” Mum says, hanging up.

Oh goodness, I do hope this works out.

//\\///\\\//\\

You know when you’ve done something bad, and you’re just waiting to get in trouble for it, knowing that it’s inevitable that you will? Well, that’s been me. I feel like I’ve been sitting on the edge of my seat since I spoke with my parents a few weeks ago.

Have they called yet? When are they coming? Oh gosh, oh gosh (sorry, I’m trying not to use the Lord’s name in vain, even though I’m not religious).

“Who’s my smelly boy?” I ask, walking over to Tyler, who’s been lying in his rocker while I peeled the potatoes for dinner. Tyler giggles, his whole face lighting up, making me smile.

“Yes, you are. Yes, you are!” I say to him in my sing-song voice. Tyler giggles louder, and I chuckle. For all the nights he wakes up screaming for a feed, seeing him like this makes everything worth it.

I bend down and smell his nappy, making an exaggerated disgusted face and waving the air around my nose.

“Pooey!” I say dramatically, watching Tyler giggle.

“Okay, let’s change you for dinner, shall we?” I ask him, unstrapping him from his rocker. Tyler waves his chubby arms towards me, and I give him what he wants, picking him up.

I walk back downstairs and see Melina working in the kitchen.

“Hi! How was work?” I greet, walking into the Kitchen with Tyler in my arms.

“Good. How was your day?” Melina asks, smiling at us.

“Yeah. We watched a bit of Thomas and playschool, didn’t we? Then we had some tummy time and a nap,” I state, looking at my son.

“Sounds like a good day,” Melina smiles.

“Yeah, it was.”

“You should get out more. Has the breastfeeding clinic called yet about Mothers Group?” Melina asks. I shake my head.

“No. I’m waiting for them to contact me,” I admit. The breastfeeding clinic is only a couple of blocks away. I’ve walked there several times and have already checked it out. The nurses there are trying to set up a time for us mothers who have had babies around the same time to get together. They’ve just been working on that. It’ll happen. I just need to be patient.

“I got a phone call today,” Melina starts.

“Oh yeah?” I ask, looking up at her.

“It was Pamela.”

My face goes blank, and I panic.

“Oh, um…” I stutter.

“We had a big talk. Pam apologised profusely to me, and so did Griffith,” Melina tells me. I nod, trying to act innocent.

“Are you okay?” I ask. Melina nods.

“Honestly? I hated them both for a long time afterwards. The distance was good for me… I got to pursue my second dream and bought this building. I even started dating again. But it wasn’t until I saw you at the bus terminal that I realised I’d actually forgiven them. I don’t know when I did, but I had. Seeing you also made me realise what I missed out on. You’re like a daughter to me, you know? I love you, Kaela,” Melina smiles.

“I love you too!” I cry, my mouth wobbling with emotion. I run over to her and give her a big hug, well, as big as I can get, while still holding Tyler. Melina laughs and wraps both her arms around us. Tyler babbles happily, smiling at both of us.

“Yeah, we’re silly women, huh?” Melina says to Tyler, who babbles back. I chuckle as I watch Tyler communicate with her.

“Well, you’re going to meet another silly woman soon. Yes, you are!” Melina sing-songs to Tyler. I realise that’s where I get my sing-song talk from.

“Who?” I ask.

“Your Mum and Dad are coming next week,” Melina says, looking at me.

“And Nichola?” I ask, feeling excited.

“And Nichola.”

“Yes!”

- edited