Double Lines

Almost ten months earlier…

I sit on the couch, squeezing the padding of the cushion beneath me as I feel the stress build up in my chest. Tonight is the night. Noah has been so affectionate towards me this past week, and although he is pacing the room in anticipation, I can’t help but feel dirty and vile.

I can’t believe I agreed to this. If I could take it back, I would. Why would I agree to a girlfriend swap? What does that say about me? What does it make me?

I’ve been with Noah for five years. We grew up together and were good friends before we got together. Our families are friends. When I applied to a university out of state, Noah followed me. He said he loved me and that he would never leave me. And we were good.

We moved into a small two-bedroom apartment, which we paid for with our part-time jobs and savings. We were madly in love, and everything went well until this year.

And now we’re here. I should feel grateful that Noah sat down and had dinner with me today. He even gave me a rose to symbolise his ‘love’ for me. But now that dinner is done, and I’m sitting here waiting, I can’t help but feel nervous.

Do I love Noah? Yes. Would I do anything to keep Noah? Yes… although I never thought that he would ask for this. I don’t even know who the couple is. I know he’s told me their names, but I’ve tuned out when he’s spoken about tonight. Too engrossed in the fact that he, my boyfriend of five years, who says he loves me, wants to do a partner swap. Oh my god, who in their right mind would agree to that?

I feel the stress build in my chest and try to control my breathing.

The doorbell rings, and I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. Noah eagerly rushes to the door, and I can’t help but feel disappointed. Am I not good enough?

“Micky, Mick, I want you to meet Andrea and her boyfriend, Ethan,” Noah grins as they enter the room. Noah looks like a ringmaster from a circus, all proud and happy. I barely look at the couple standing next to my boyfriend. I note that Andrea is blonde, of course, and Ethan is darker. He is also taller than Noah.

“Hi,” I greet, surprised that it came out smoothly. I reach for Noah’s hand, which he takes, but it doesn’t comfort me.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Andrea smiles. Like Noah, she looks happy to be here. I hate her already.

“Shall we start?” Andrea asks, smiling at me before looking at Noah.

“Yeh-yeah,” Noah says. He’s acting like he’s overdosed on sugar, barely able to keep still. I wonder how long he’s been planning this. The thought makes me want to vomit.

I immediately notice when Noah drops my hand, and I watch as he takes Andrea’s.

“We’ll take the bedroom,” Noah says, smiling as he leads Andrea towards our room. I watch as the door closes behind them.

I glare at Ethan, who looks just as angry, and turn back towards the couch.

“This is your fault,” Ethan says from behind me. I turn and notice Ethan is one step behind me. His grey eyes hold nothing but rage. If he thinks telling me that would make me feel sorry for him, he’s wrong.

“You agreed to it,” I tell him.

“So did you.”

“Like I wanted it to happen,” I growl.

“Sure you did. I bet you couldn’t please him anymore, so he went looking somewhere else,” Ethan states angrily.

“Then why are you here?” I ask. I smirk when Ethan doesn’t reply and walk back to the couch.

“I’m not having sex with you,” Ethan tells me after a moment of silence.

“Thank god for that,” I bite back. Ethan goes to open his mouth to say something when a loud moan comes from the bedroom.

I don’t know how to feel or what to think. Ethan’s right. I couldn’t please Noah anymore, so he went looking elsewhere. Another loud moan comes from my bedroom, and I can’t sit here with Ethan anymore. I run for the spare room, closing the door behind me.

There is a bathroom between my room and this room, so the sound of Noah and Andrea is muffled, but it doesn’t stop the tears from running down my face. I pull my knees towards my chest and hug my legs. I can’t let this happen again. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I can’t.

A warm sensation wraps around my body, accompanied by a pleasant masculine scent. I know immediately that it’s not Noah.

“I’m sorry,” Ethan tells me. I only nod in response. Ethan holds me as bad thoughts run through my mind. What if Noah doesn’t love me anymore? What if I have to leave and find somewhere else to live? Could I do that? Could I leave him? He’s all I’ve known for years. He’s my rock. Or at least he was. And I can’t go back to my bedroom. I can’t sleep there knowing he’s had sex with someone else in our bed.

Slowly I begin to relax in Ethan’s arms. As my legs relax, I curl into Ethan’s warmth. Ethan hasn’t said anything since his apology, and I’m grateful.

“I’m sorry too,” I say softly against Ethan’s chest. Ethan doesn’t respond, and I’m okay with that.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Andrea yells from my room. I flinch at the sound, which makes Ethan hug me tighter. I whimper as another moan can be heard from the room. They’re not even trying to be discreet.

“Fucking bitch,” Ethan says under his breath. I take this opportunity to look at Ethan, to really look at him. My eyes meet his, and he watches me as I take his looks in. He’s quite a handsome man. Black hair, grey eyes, a straight, strong nose. Nice-shaped lips and chin. He’s totally out of my league, which surprises me that Andrea would consider Noah someone she’d want to have sex with. If I had met Ethan at any other point in life than now, I’d be too shy to talk to him.

I return to Ethan’s eyes. He moves slightly, wiping my warm tears away with his thumb. Ethan then leans towards me, caressing my lips with his own. When I don’t respond, he pulls back.

“Sor…” he’s about to say, stopping as I lean forward and press my lips with more force against his own.

“Fuck this,” Ethan mumbles, touching my neck and pulling me forward, kissing my lips with more pressure. As our kisses intensify, I sigh, enabling Ethan to stick his tongue into my mouth. It’s almost as if I can feel his pain through his kisses.

Ethan’s hands trail down my shoulders, and I whimper at the loss of the warmth of his hands on my neck. He chuckles as he trails his fingers lightly down my arms. Suddenly, Ethan lifts me from my spot next to him and moves me to his lap, so I’m straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands slide underneath the back of my shirt.

“Hmm,” I moan, enjoying the moment.

Without thinking, I rub my core on his lap, feeling his hardness against me.

“Micky…” Ethan sighs huskily.

“Mikaela,” I say.

“What?”

“I prefer Mikaela,” I tell him between kisses.

“Mikaela. You are making this hard…” he replies. I smirk.

“I know. Not… my… intention…” I reply between kisses

“Fuck,” Ethan mumbles. I roll my hips into his lap. I haven’t had sex in so long, and this feels so good.

We continue to kiss when Ethan pulls away.

“I’m sorry, we… we shouldn’t,” he says. I nod. I feel disappointed, and I don’t understand why. Ethan is not my boyfriend. I shouldn’t want to kiss him or want him to want to kiss me. But I feel disappointed because I’m not attractive enough for him. Of course, I’m not appealing to him. Look at him; he’s so gorgeous.

“It’s okay,” I say, pulling back. Ethan groans, and I go to move off his lap.

“Mikaela. I didn’t want this, you know,” Ethan tells me. I nod. I didn’t want this either.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asks when I don’t say anything. As I climb off Ethan’s lap, he grabs my wrist. But I refuse to look at him.

“Mikaela,” he says more softly. When I don’t respond, Ethan pulls me back towards him.

It’s evident that neither of us wanted this girlfriend-swap thing. But I can’t help but feel unattractive. I shake my head. My tears have well and truly dried up, and I don’t think I can cry anymore.

Ethan leans forward and kisses my forehead. I smile; I like that. It’s more attention than I’ve gotten from Noah in the last few months.

“I don’t know what Noah is thinking. You’re beautiful,” Ethan mumbles. Even though he said that softly, I still heard him. I look up at Ethan and smile.

“Thanks,” I reply. Ethan nods and pulls me back onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my back. I snuggle into his warmth, feeling ‘wanted’ for a change.

I must have nodded off because I woke to the gentle stroking of fingers on my face. Opening my eyes, I look up at Ethan, who I notice is watching me.

“Hi,” I say softly.

“Hi,” Ethan replies. This time, when Ethan presses his lips against mine, I don’t hesitate; I kiss him back.

Our kisses become more fervent, and the more I kiss Ethan, the more I want him. I press myself into his lap, happy when I feel a hard bulge. Ethan’s hands trail up my back, and his touch sends goosebumps in his wake.

I don’t know what’s pulling me towards wanting this with Ethan. My hormones are craving him; I think it’s because I’ve been so abstinent from sex for so long.

“Mikaela,” Ethan says huskily between kisses.

“Hmm?” I respond.

“I want to fu- I want to be inside you,” Ethan says, thrusting his hips forward. I moan as his hardness hits my core, his words turning me on.

“I want you too,” I tell him.

“Are you sure?” Ethan asks, pulling away and looking at me. I stare into his beautiful grey eyes, seeing light shades of blue.

“Yes,” I nod, biting my bottom lip. With that, Ethan captures my lips with avid eagerness, his tongue forcing itself to explore every inch of my mouth.

I roll my hips into Ethan’s lap as his hands roam down my back towards the hem of my shirt. He lifts my shirt upwards, and I help him take it off my back, revealing my plain Bendon bra. I trail my fingers down Ethan’s shirt, surprised at the hard bumps I feel underneath the material.

Ethan surprises me by taking his shirt off, and I marvel at his firm, hard chest. Tentatively, I lean down, kiss the bone of his clavicle, and trail kisses down his built pecs.

“Mikaela,” Ethan moans. I look up at him to see him watching me with heavy lust in his eyes. It makes me feel wanted… attractive… enough.

“Let me,” Ethan says, standing. I nod and stand up, watching as he unbuttons his pants and pulls them down his firm muscular thighs. I realise I still have my pants on and begin to take off my jeans. Had I initially wanted to do this, I may have worn sexier underwear, but instead, I’m in plain hipster pants that don’t match my bra.

“Come here,” Ethan says, hooking a finger under the elastic of my pants and pulling me forward. I immediately step forward into his warmth, and heat pools in my core. I gently kiss Ethan as he pulls my knickers down my legs.

Ethan trails his fingers up my inner thigh, and I wait anxiously as he moves towards the valley of my core.

“Ahmm,” I groan as he traces his fingers through my wet trenches. I gasp as he twirls his fingers around my clit before pushing his thick fingers inside me.

“Oh,” I murmur as Ethan continues to push his finger in and out of me. I lift one foot onto the bed beside his leg to give him more access and am rewarded by a warm wet heat against my slick as Ethan runs his tongue down my slit.

“Fuck,” I murmur, grabbing Ethan behind his hair and closing my eyes.

Ethan grabs my bottom and digs his fingers in, bringing my hips forward as I wobble in pleasure.

“Ethan!” I cry softly.

“I need you,” Ethan replies, pulling me away and leading me onto the bed. I watch as he gets up from his sitting position and strokes himself.

“Lay down,” Ethan orders. I do as I’m told and watch Ethan walk over to me.

“Are you sure?” Ethan asks again. I nod.

“Yes,” I reply. Ethan nods and presses his lips against my own, adjusting himself to hover over my body.

We continue to kiss, and I buck my hips occasionally, hoping to communicate my need. Ethan rubs his length against me, clasping his hand over my mouth as I whimper with desire.

“Shh,” Ethan tells me. I watch as he looks down between us, grabbing his length and positioning it toward my vagina.

Slowly, Ethan pushes inside me, and I wince in pain as he fills me up.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asks. I nod in response. He’s not uncomfortable; I’ve just never had someone fit me so well. Slowly Ethan drags himself out, sending every nerve at my core into a frenzy.

“Ah,” we both gasp as he thrusts himself in.

Ethan moves within me slowly, kissing me as he takes his time to slide in and out of my core. The more he moves, the wetter I become, and the less he hurts.

“You’re so beautiful,” Ethan murmurs, taking my earlobe in his mouth and scraping his teeth along it.

“Ethan…” I whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Go faster. Harder.”

Ethan smiles and kisses me gently before moving so that his forearms rest on either side of my face. Without breaking contact, Ethan begins to thrust faster and harder. I close my eyes as his thrusts build up pleasure inside of me.

“Open your eyes; I want to see you cum,” Ethan says huskily. I open my eyes, but it’s difficult as the more he builds up, the more the tension inside me wants to break.

“Eth,” I begin to yell when he covers my mouth. I thrust my hips forward, our bodies slapping together as everything explodes inside me. My toes curl and uncurl, and my hands grasp Ethan’s shoulders as he pounds through my orgasm.

We lay there, looking at each other as our breaths steady into a calmer rhythm.

“I want you on top,” Ethan says. I nod, and awkwardly, we manage to move so that Ethan is lying on the bed, and I’m straddling on top of him.

I lean down and kiss Ethan, and he responds by pulling his fingers through my hair. I sit up and grab his member when we stop for a breath. His girth is rounder, thicker than Noah, and I stroke his length before I position myself above his rigid member. Slowly I slide down him, fulling myself with him. I’ve never been in this position before, and it’s different. Leaning down, I kiss Ethan again, who places his hands on my boobs and gently massages them.

I then move backwards and forwards, rubbing my clit against his fur. It feels so good that I can’t help but moan. After focusing my hips forward and back, I move around in circles, squeezing my inner walls on his length.

“Yes, like that,” Ethan grunts when I move into a sitting position. I rock my hips, moving my drenched hair off my shoulders for air.

“Yes, Mikaela,” Ethan growls, leaning upwards and grabbing one of my nipples with his teeth. I sigh as he begins to suck on my nipple, holding his head with my hands as I continue to rub myself against him.

“Oh shit,” Ethan says, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The moment allows me to admire Ethan’s features. He could be a model with his thick eyebrows and full lips. Even his eyelashes are thick, of which I’m a little jealous.

Ethan opens his eyes and smiles at me, the grey looking more like blue in the light.

“Fuck, Mikaela,” Ethan says, pushing me down against his hips with his hands. He then lifts me up and roughly pushes me down.

“Fuck,” Ethan cries again, slamming me down as he closes his eyes and stills. I sit there, panting as I try to catch my breath.

“My turn,” Ethan grins, whacking my bottom. I look at him as he smiles.

“On your knees,” Ethan orders.

- edited