Demon

Michael

She likes the scarf, at least. She’s got it on now, wrapped around her neck, looking lovely with the white sweater that she’s wearing. It didn’t take us long to open up all the presents, then she made us a good breakfast. Timothy thanked us for everything, but left the toys scattered under the tree, and brought the books up to his room. He’s up there now, like usual, presumably reading.

I couldn’t imagine why she got him textbooks for Christmas, but he seemed thrilled. Like, actual college textbooks. I certainly never would have thought of doing that. I looked at them after he opened them. Introduction to Physics. Introduction to Psychology. Brain Development. Really? He is still just seven, right?

I’m watching a football game on t.v., but I’m not terribly interested in the teams, so I’m not paying that much attention. I’m also distracted by remembering what happened yesterday at the mall. It was so embarrassing. And scary. For a minute there, it seemed so real, and I don’t know why. It was like the nightmares that keep waking me up at night. But I was wide awake at the time. Why was I suddenly convinced that I was in some kind of battle? Was I hallucinating? Not like I’ve taken any drugs, not for a long time. Am I crazy?

I’m glad that Laura puts up with me. I know it’s not easy, being a single mom every time I have to go out with my ship. But I think that this time it’s even harder with me back, and waking her up every night by jolting awake. She’s trying to be patient, and trying to do things that help me. I’ve noticed it all. The way that she keeps making all my favorite foods for dinner. The things she’s invited me to go out and do, hiking even, when I know that isn’t at all her style. Even the way that she keeps initiating sex most nights, much more than usual. I think she’s trying to wear me out.

It keeps working, until it doesn’t. Until I fall asleep and the bombs start falling again.

Laura

Christmas morning done. Next step: preparing Christmas dinner. Brenda and Ron are coming over. I’ve got the turkey in the oven, and am mixing up some sides. I’m looking forward to having them over again.

I’ve taken off the pretty scarf that Michael gave me, so I don’t splash anything on it. It’s a lovely gift. I’m touched that he thought of it, especially since I know he’s been struggling just to get through each day. He’s always exhausted, never getting enough rest at night. I’m trying everything I can think of to help him, but I don’t think anything is really working. I’m so worried about him.

At least there haven’t been any problems between him and our son. Timothy is a lot more mature now, and doesn’t have meltdowns all the time like he used to. He’s still on the spectrum, and awfully quirky, but not in a way that seems to be bothering Michael. Although I have to admit that Michael thought we were both crazy when Timothy was so excited to open up the box with the textbooks in it. I pay attention, I know the subjects he’s been interested in learning. And I know that college is a long ways away, but I don’t think that will stop him from trying to read and understand these books.

I peek into the living room to see what Mike is doing. Oh - I think he’s fallen asleep watching football. I’ll stop banging pots around in the kitchen. Maybe he can take a little nap. He surely needs it.

Ron

“Hey guys, come on in,” Mike tells us when he opens the door. It’s already dark outside, now that the winter solstice has passed and the days are as short as they will be all year.

“Merry Christmas!” Brenda says, taking off her jacket and setting it down on the edge of the couch.

The kids all go running upstairs to Timothy’s room. Did Gabe used to hang out with them this much? I don’t think so, but he seems to be doing it more and more lately. Maybe they’ve just gotten old enough that they seem more interesting to him.

Laura is still finishing up getting dinner ready, so Brenda goes into the kitchen to help. And talk, of course.

“Have a seat,” Mike says. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Nah, thanks, I’m good.” He sits back down with a huff. He seems tired.

“How’s it going, Mike? Are you settled back in to being home? Got your land legs back?”

He snorts out a little laugh. “Yeah, I suppose. It’s nice to be able to sleep in a real bed again.” Then he shakes his head and looks down, like he’s amused by what he just said. I think he wants to change the subject. “So, you guys have decided to rent out Brenda’s place?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m glad we’ve finally reached a decision. It was pretty goofy to keep going back and forth. It’ll save a lot of money to consolidate all our housing expenses into one place.”

“So you picked your place since it’s bigger?” he asks.

“Well, maybe that’s part of it. I seriously didn’t care at all, I would have been perfectly happy if Brenda said she wanted to stay here. But the kids seemed to want to stay over there. Maybe they like that it’s roomier, and has a yard. I dunno. I’m happy either way.”

“When are you going to do it?”

“Well, actually, I think we’re going to start working on it this week. We both have the rest of the week off work, so it seems like a good time to start thinking about what to pack up and bring over there to my place. We’re going to have to get rid of a ton of stuff, since there will be a lot of duplicates. The kids will have to get used to just having one set of everything, not doubling up their belongings. No more of this Mom’s house/Dad’s house stuff.”

He snickers. “That sounds like a lot of work. Good luck with that!”

Gabe

Hanging out in Timothy’s room. Something I never used to do. But I guess I’m part of this team now, the guardians team. It seems like Natalie and Timothy always have something to learn about it, something different to try to help figure stuff out.

“How was Jonathan today?” Timothy asks. He wants to get right to it. He knows that we were planning to play with Jonathan after we opened all our presents. He doesn’t even stop to tell us what he got for Christmas.

Natalie giggles. “He was fine, Timothy. Nothing else changed, he pretty much was just the way that he has been the last two weeks. Did you have a nice Christmas?”

He’s already sitting on the floor, writing in his notebook. He looks back up. “Oh, uh, yeah, it was nice. Mom gave me those books,” he says, pointing over to his desk.

I look up there to see what they are. What? “You mean these science books? This looks like college stuff. She gave you these?”

Timothy says, “Yes, she knows that I have been studying brain development. And after September 11 I was interested in physics, since I wanted to understand more about what happened. They are college books, but if you concentrate hard enough you can understand at least some of it.”

Huh. “Well, good for you. I don’t think I could understand them, even if I was in college.” What a brainy little nerd. He really is the perfect friend for my sister. I shake my head and laugh. I’m glad to be part of this group, weird as it is.

Natalie smiles. “Those books look great, Timothy.” She looks over at me, and says, “You shouldn’t be surprised about him reading those. He’s already been trying to learn about this stuff, with books he got from the library. He wants to understand how minds work, to help him know how he can communicate with Guardian.”

Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that Timothy can sort of hear his too. I’ve gotten used to the idea that Natalie talks to her guardian all the time, but it’s strange to think about other people doing it. “How does that work, anyway, Timothy?”

He finishes the line that he’s writing and then puts down his notebook. He closes his eyes for a second, then opens them. “I started learning how to do it a while ago. I know I’ve told you before, I have to keep my mind open.”

“Yeah,” I say, “I remember you saying that, but what does that even mean?”

Natalie watches back and forth as we talk.

“It’s very hard to describe,” Timothy says. “It’s like, picture your mind like a cupboard. You have to open the door, and then make sure there isn’t anything in there. It has to be blank, just ready. Then if your mind is quiet and open and ready, you can start to sense that your guardian is there.”

Natalie says, “He and Angel described it once like being a baby, having to wait for its mom to come and feed it. The baby just has to open its mouth and wait for the food. It can’t go in the kitchen and cook its own dinner.”

I hoot out a laugh, thinking of a baby getting out pans and food and cooking for itself. Then I get serious again. I haven’t given very much thought, this whole time, to having a guardian myself. I know they’ve told me that I have one, since everybody has one. But it hasn’t ever seemed like something that I could really have any contact with.

I suppose Timothy does, though. So I wonder if that means I could.

Natalie is watching me. “Angel says that you probably could feel your own guardian, Gabe, if you tried to practice keeping your mind open like Timothy does.”

“Huh. I wouldn’t even know where to start, I don’t think,” I say. “I don’t know how I would try to open my mind like a cupboard door, like you say.”

Timothy says, “There’s another part to it, too. When I was only opening my mind, I was just feeling Guardian a little, like the feeling you get when you realize someone is standing right behind you. I had to do something else before I could start actually hearing any real words or thoughts. It’s kind of harder, but I wonder if it would be a good place for you to start.”

“Really? What is it?”

“It’s part of why I want to learn about the mind,” Timothy says. “Why I’m reading those books. Angel told us that the part of the mind that the guardians communicate with is the subconscious mind. So, more like the part you dream with, not the part you think with while you are awake.”

Um….

Natalie can tell how confused I am. “Timothy told me that he started experimenting with having his mind open while he was falling asleep, so that he was closer to dreaming, and could maybe hear Guardian better that way.”

Timothy nods. “Yes. So I am thinking that maybe you could try it while you are almost asleep. Just think about Aaron, try to imagine your guardian being there next to you, and try to make your mind quiet and focus only on him. It might work.” Timothy shrugs. “If I could do it, I don’t see any reason why anyone wouldn’t be able to.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” I laugh. “I don’t know if you guys have ever noticed, but Timothy is a bit different from other people. So are you, Natalie.”

They look at each other. Timothy shrugs, and Natalie giggles. “We know,” she says. “Believe me, we know.”

She looks over to the side, obviously listening to Angel. “Gabe, why don’t you give it a try tonight? When you’re falling asleep? Just think about Aaron. He’ll be right there, like he always is. Every minute he is thinking about you and loving you and watching you. If you just open up your mind and let him in, I’ll bet you could at least tell that he’s there. It’s a nice feeling.” She looks over at Timothy.

“Yes,” he says, “it’s a nice feeling. You should try to do it.”

Well, okay then.

Gabe’s

My beloved is going to attempt to achieve communication with me? Although he learned of the existence of Guardians several weeks ago, he has never seriously contemplated my own presence. This is a marvelous development.

A rush of love and joy washes through me. Being a member of the Seer’s inner circle brings with it such astonishing privilege. Such learning. Such change.

“Oh, my darling, if you choose to do this I will focus with my entire being on your effort. I will love you all the same whether or not you can ever sense my presence, but if you do manage it, my bliss will be complete.”