Daughter of Dusk

*TW: Suicidal imagery/undertones*

I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my face, like an endless river of salt water. The rapids threaten to pull me under, to swallow me beneath the surface, without so much as leaving a trace.

I shut my eyes and concentrate as much as I can, trying to expel the context of this from my mind. This is no different from when I healed Rhea the first time, I tell myself. He’s not gone yet like she was earlier.

I can save him. I know I can.

As my hands tremble, I’m able to get more of a read on his energy. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s like the dead energy from before, but something is different about it. It’s lifeless and alive at the same time, eluding my grasp every time I think I have a hold of it. It’s almost as though it’s playing a game of cat and mouse with me.

And it’s spreading. Fast.

No, you can do this. You have to do this.

You have to heal him.

Finally, I manage to seize the dead energy as it infiltrates my mind’s eye; a jagged, monstrous claw that has attached itself to him, digging its sharp fangs into his heart.

Another tear falls down my cheek.

Okay, here we go.

I grasp the darkness – the death – but instead of releasing from him, my heart suddenly lurches forward, pulling me in.

I’m pulled away from Zala, brought somewhere deep in my mind, I think. That’s the most logical conclusion I can think of. A waking dream of sorts, one that almost feels more concrete than reality.

Gray skies surround me, but not like they are in Zala. Here, the skies aren’t gray because of the clouds. It’s as though a black and white filter was placed over the blue sky of Enas, evaporating any colour that could have ever existed.

I stand near the edge of what I think is a rock – no – a cliff. But nothing around me can give me any indication of where I am.

I cautiously look over the edge, my eyes meeting a bottomless precipice: a face of death. The darkness spirals below me, mimicking the spiralling pit in my stomach, making my head spin with nausea as my heart pounds so hard it’s a wonder it doesn’t explode. It takes me several moments to catch my breath again.

Wait a minute. This is the exact same thing I had in my head when I was trying to heal Rhea.

Panic fills me as I place my hands on my head and my heart beats even faster than before.

Does that mean there’s nothing I can do? Is Soren already gone?

The logical side of me thankfully takes over, reminding me of what is happening back in reality.

No, he’s not gone, but he’s dying. I know he is.

I have to save him. I have to get back to Zala. Why am I lost in my mind?

I glance towards the pit again, trying my best to ignore the lurching feeling in my stomach.

Am I here because this is the only way to save Soren?

I know the answer, and I don’t have the wherewithal to stop myself as I take a step toward the edge of the cliff.

I can save him; I don’t care what the cost is.

Step.

The energy begins to drain from my body as my limbs seemingly fill with lead, but I resist it as much as I can.

Step.

I push the inevitability of death from my mind.

Step.

I don’t care what happens to me.

My feet touch the edge.

I let the claws of darkness reach up from the pit, snaking their way around my wrists, chilling my skin to the bone, as though they are made of the coldest ice. They tug on my arms, coercing me down to be swallowed in a wave of shadows. Their voices fill my mind as I shut my eyes, their whispers turning to words as I take a breath.

Just one more step, they say to me.

Just one more . . .

A hand on my shoulder pulls me out of my nightmare with a gasp.

I turn and relief fills me as my eyes meet Soren; though it’s not exactly the Soren I know. There’s something different about him, I think it’s something to do with his skin. . . it looks more translucent than usual. The veins of darkness are nowhere to be found. It’s like he’s mostly himself again, but how could that be?

The darkness retreats from me as I get lost in his icy eyes, which are as bright as ever.

“How are, what are you . . .” I can’t put my thoughts together.

He takes my hands, and I savour his cool touch.“I’m not sure. One moment I was in Zala, and the next I was here. Maybe our minds are connected or something.”

His words remind me of the passage I found in the compulsion book, about how two people can do such a thing with one another if they have a strong enough bond.

The thought makes me feel warm for half a second before I bring myself back to reality.

“Why are you here? I was trying to heal you, I got a hold of it, and then,” I trail off.

“Then why were you looking like you were about to jump off that cliff there?” His tone is light, but there’s an air of concern to his words.

As I process his words, I’m brought back to when I healed Rhea.

If I had gone down, if I had jumped into the darkness, my healing would have worked, but then I would have. . .

No, I won’t believe it. I refuse to believe it.

My eyes begin to water again. “I can save you, I can heal you, just,” I let out a shaky exhale.

“At what cost?” He pauses, his tone softening. “It’s the reason you couldn’t save my mother, isn’t it? You’ll die if you save me.”

I reluctantly nod.

He presses his lips together with a shaky breath as the guilt from before hits me in a wave again.

“It’s whatever Father hit you with, it’s – I can’t stop it – not unless I go down there.” I look at the pit over my shoulder before turning back to him. “Why did you . . . why did you push me out of the way?”

“Because I love you.”

How can he say it so simply?

My voice breaks. “I . . . I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

“You won’t. Not ever.” He cradles my cheek in his hand. He brushes away my tears, only for them to be quickly replaced.

“But you’ll die.” I can barely say the words.

He takes a deep inhale, but he doesn’t answer.

Before deciding to, I pull him into a tight embrace. Even if what I’m hugging isn’t completely real, it’s real enough in this moment. He’s still him. It’s still his heartbeat that thumps against my face. It’s still him brushing my hair with his fingers. It’s still him breathing against me.

He has my heart. And I have his.

“You have to promise me one thing,” he whispers.

“Anything.”

He keeps his arms around me but pulls away slightly, pressing his lips to my forehead before gazing at me again with a small smile. “I’ll be in your heart, always.” He cradles my cheek and I lean my head against his hand. “So, promise me you’ll be my memory. Promise you’ll never forget me.”

I swallow my tears and nod.

“I promise.” My breath shakes. “How could I ever forget you? I love you, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t say goodbye to you, not yet. It’s too soon. It’s too soon.”

“It’s not goodbye, Luna,” he grins lightly. “Not forever, anyways. I’ll see you again one day.” His forehead connects to mine. “That’s my promise to you.”

I can’t find the words to respond to him, but I savour this moment as long as I possibly can. It’s all I can do.

“I never should have tried to leave that Manor,” I mumble. “I should have just gone along with whatever Father wanted for me. Then none of this would have ever happened. We’d both be safe.”

He gently tips my chin up with his fingers. “No. Don’t talk like that. I got extra time with my mother because of you. We figured out Darius’s lies together. We stood up to him and all the terrible things he did. And I don’t think either of us was ever safe at the Manor. But besides that,” he gives me a gentle kiss before looking at me with all the tenderness in the world. “You’re my soulmate. I’d do everything a million times over if it meant I got to be with you, even if things end this way.”

“I just.” I look down. “I can’t do this. I can’t just let you die.”

“I know.” His thumb skims over my cheek. “But you’re not letting me die. It’s out of your control. And mine. I don’t think it would have mattered how soon you got to me. The darkness had me from the start.”

I process his words, realization hitting me as I place my hand on top of his, holding his hand tight against my face.

I’ve been hit by blows of darkness before, but this was different. This attack was meant to kill whomever it hit, leaving them powerless to fight off the darkness as it slowly consumed them, even with the help of healing. Father knew what he was doing.

That’s what’s so difficult: I can’t fix this.

I can’t fix this.

It wouldn’t have mattered how soon I was able to heal him.

I . . .

I can’t save him.

My consciousness sweeps me back to reality, back to Zala, beneath the trees. I look down at Soren, his energy dulling with every passing moment. The darkness has started to reach down to his fingertips, but it hasn’t expanded over his face anymore.

I take his hand as his eyes meet mine. His fingers squeeze mine lightly, his strength waning, the colour starting to drain from his eyes. I remember thinking there had to be a story behind the icy hue when I first saw him . . . fate loves to play its games.

I pull his hand to my face, kissing his fingers, savouring his skin against mine for what I know will be the last time.

The last time . . .

The thought sends my emotions over the edge as I lean forward and lay my head on his chest. I ball his shirt into my fist as I try to block out how different his heartbeat sounds. It’s slowing, growing fainter with each beat . . .

My tears fall to his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” His voice is weak.

“That I can’t save you. You never deserved any of this,” I sob. “I can’t do this. I can’t just leave you.”

“Hey, it’s all right.” He pauses. “I – I want you to have something.”

I sit up as he reaches for the chain of the amulet that is still around his neck. “Take this with you.”

I help him pull the amulet over his head and put it on, clutching the stone close to my chest. It sits just above my aching heart, carrying the remnants of his energy. His goodness.

His love.

He takes my hand in his. “Remember your promise, okay?”

I nod, bringing my forehead to his before savouring the feeling of his lips on mine for as long as I can. And just for a few blissful moments, the world around us disintegrates, and nothing else matters. Nothing except him and his final, gentle kiss.

I pull away, my eyes meeting his again, the blue almost completely absent from his irises. He gently runs his hand down a section of my dark hair as though it’s made of the most precious spun gold.

“See you later.” he gives me the faintest of smiles. His whitish-blonde hair hangs in front of his forehead, just as it did when we first met.

My tears fall to the grass as I give his hand one final squeeze and run my fingers along his face. I memorize every last sensation, the smoothness of his face, the softness of his hair, the texture and shape of his hand laced in mine.

I won’t ever forget. Not for a million years.

“See you later.”