Burnout (The Holland Brothers Book 1)

The Valley High School gym is packed tonight. Hendrick and I share a look as we walk in and head to our usual seats. They’re taken, but Archer and Brogan wave from a section over.

“Did you know?” Hendrick asks me.

I shake my head. It’s Parents’ Night, which explains why there are nearly double the number of people. All the players’ parents made extra effort to be here and show their support.

The whole premise of the night annoys me, but I realize I’m probably just bitter that Flynn doesn’t have parents to show up for him like his teammates do.

He didn’t mention anything about tonight, but every year it’s the same. There’s always shirts or signs or some designation that all the parents have to stand out among the crowd. This year it appears it’s buttons. Big, circular ones with the player’s team photo on them. Good god.

“Awww. You’re gonna look so ridiculous with one of those pinned to your chest in eighteen years for a little Hollywood. Promise you’ll send pics?”

Hendrick shoots me an annoyed look, but there’s a spark of excitement that he can’t quite conceal.

We take our seats without saying anything. Flynn is under the basket rebounding balls one-handed while his team warms up. He has a tentative smile on his face as he glances over. I try to read into it. Is he feeling left out by the whole thing? Missing Mom more than usual? It probably feels like an added gut punch that it’s his senior year. Or maybe he’s thankful he won’t have to endure another one of these.

“Any sign of Dad?” Archer signs to me and Hendrick.

“No.” Hendrick’s jaw flexes. Dad hasn’t shown up again since the hospital. He stayed while Flynn was in surgery, but then didn’t even bother to go back and see him when he was out. I wish I were surprised.

“What a piece of shit,” Brogan says quietly, signing it for Arch.

We’re all in agreement there.

“If he was going to show up any night, the least he could do is show up on Parents’ Night and make himself useful,” Hendrick says. “I used to fucking hate this night.”

“Same,” Archer and Brogan say at the same time.

“He doesn’t deserve to be recognized as a parent,” I say.

“It’s not about that,” Archer says. “It’s about Flynn. He just wants to be a normal kid with a normal family on nights like this. That’s what we all wanted.”

My stomach clenches. I never thought about it like that. I glance back at Flynn. Fuck. “I’m gonna get some air.”

I leave without another word. I pull out my phone when I get to the cafeteria. The smell of burnt popcorn makes me queasy. Or maybe it’s staring down at my dad’s contact on my phone. I unblock his number and then hit call without letting myself think too hard about it.

He answers on the second ring. I walk toward a quieter corner, but there’s background noise on his end too.

“It’s Parents’ Night,” I say, skipping all other greetings.

“O-kay.”

I grind down on my molars before continuing. “Can you make it to the game or not?”

“I’m already here,” he says, and this time his voice sounds closer and I realize I’m not only hearing it through the phone. I spin around and face him. He drops his phone from his ear slower than I do. If he wants me to act happy or surprised he’s here, then he’s not getting it from me.

“Flynn called last night to let me know about the game,” he says.

So many questions sit on the tip of my tongue, but I’ll be damned if I ask them or give him another opportunity to feed me bullshit answers.

The buzzer sounds and I turn to walk back into the gym. Dad follows. When we get to my brothers, I pause and so does he. I wave my hand indicating he should sit with us. His brows lift slightly, but he sits without comment.

“What the fuck?” Archer signs and mouths as our father takes a seat with all of us for the first time in…too long.

“This doesn’t change anything between us,” I say to Dad, motioning between me and him. “Flynn is good. The best parts of all of us. I don’t understand why he wants you here, but know that when you break his heart, it will be a relief. I’ll finally be able to forget you exist.”

I take my seat without another word. Hendrick nods like he’s agreeing with everything I did or said. Jane’s shown up since I left and gives me a thumbs-up. Her approval makes me smile.

My heart hammers in my chest, but I don’t have long to calm down before Flynn walks over. He has his red Valley High warmups on, ready to sit on the bench. And in his hand are two buttons with his team photo.

We all greet him like the seconds before weren’t tense and uncomfortable.

“They, uh, gave me these.” He holds them up with a bashful smile. He stretches one out toward Dad. I hate every second of it, even if I understand that it’s more about partaking in the ritual than proclaiming him parent of the year. Then Flynn hands the other one to me. His face is flushed. My throat is thick with emotion as I take it. I hold it up in thanks and he backs away, then spins around to head back to the bench.

My fingers fumble as I slide the pin through my shirt and attach the button. When I glance up, Hendrick is grinning wide. “Who looks ridiculous now?”

I scratch the side of my nose with my middle finger and put all my attention forward as they announce the starters for the game.

After the game, we all hang around to wait for Flynn. Dad does too, but he keeps his distance. Our baby brother comes out quickly since he didn’t play. He goes to Dad first. I can’t hear what they say, but Flynn looks happy.

“He’ll be okay,” Brogan says, as if reading my mind.

“Dad is one hundred percent going to let him down.”

“And when he does, Flynn will be okay. You three survived it and so will he. Besides, he has us. We more than make up for one deadbeat dad.” He elbows me with a cocky grin.

I hope he’s right.

When Flynn saunters over to us, Dad leaves. None of us say anything about him or the fact Flynn asked him to come.

“You want to grab dinner?” I ask him.

“Yeah. That’d be cool.”

We go to The Hideout because Hendrick wants to swing by the bar after and it’s the closest restaurant nearby. Once we settle in, Archer and Brogan see some friends sitting on the bar side and leave us to go say hello to them.

Flynn is on his phone, ignoring us.

“Have you seen Avery while you’ve been home?” Hendrick asks. Jane suddenly sits straighter, obviously eager to know as well.

“Yeah. I ran into her last night.”

“And?” Jane prompts.

“She’s doing good. She has a meet tomorrow.”

“Are you going?”

“No,” I say slowly. “I wasn’t invited and I don’t really think she’d be too excited to see me.”

“Why not?” Flynn looks up from his phone, brows furrowed.

Archer returns without Brogan.

I shoot him a very clear save me expression, but he ignores it and asks, “What?”

“He’s about to tell us how he screwed things up with Avery,” Hendrick says and signs.

It’s loud in here and even though Archer can read lips, it’s a struggle sometimes for him to follow along with a group conversation.

“She wanted more or nothing at all.”

“More?” Hendrick asks with one brow lifted.

“She wanted more than casual,” I admit and then clear my throat. “But I’m leaving again tomorrow and only going to be back on the occasional weekend until after the season is over.”

“So you just turned her down?” Jane asks. Disbelief makes her big, green eyes go wide and her jaw drop.

Damn, it’s hot in here. I take a drink of my water.

“It’s the best thing right now. I can’t be there for her when I’m not going to be around.” She should have someone that can spend time with her, take her out to dinner, and watch her compete. And someone that will be there for her to hear about every detail of every boring day, too, because those are the moments that matter. A lot of life happens in the days that don’t get marked on a calendar.

It’s quiet for several long seconds and then Archer nods.

“Yeah. Long distance is hard,” he says. “I know several buddies that have tried it and almost no one has made it more than a semester.”

Hendrick takes his time choosing his words, but also nods his agreement. “You haven’t been seeing her that long, so maybe keeping it casual is best. Distance and time can give you space to work out how you feel about her.”

“Sure,” I say, but I don’t really need either of those things. I know how I feel about her. But somehow that just makes it all the more important that I do the right thing by her.

I thought my chest was going to crack open as she stood there telling me she loved me.

“What do you think, Hollywood?” I ask.

Jane shrugs slowly. “I really like Avery, but if you’re not sure about her than I think you made the right decision.”

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but at least she didn’t tell me I’m an idiot.

“I liked her too,” Flynn says. “And I liked how you were with her. But I guess I’ve never seen you with a girl before so maybe that’s just your face when you’re getting laid regularly.”

I level him with a look that makes him blush and go quiet. “I hope you don’t talk to girls at school like that.”

His shy smile widens.

Brogan plops down into his empty seat. “What’d I miss?”

“Knox turned down Avery. They’re over.” The way Archer signs the words as he says them makes it feel especially brutal. I don’t like the way that sentence looks or sounds.

Brogan turns to me. His usual friendly and playful expression is gone. “You moron.”

Archer nudges him, still signing as he speaks. “He’s trying to do the right thing and save them both the headache of long-distance bullshit.”

Brogan’s you’re a moron stare doesn’t let up.

“What exactly did she say?” Jane asks. “Maybe it’s not as bad as you made it sound.”

“That she was in love with me and wanted to be mine all the time, not just when our schedules conveniently aligned to hook up.” I guzzle more water, but it doesn’t do anything to cool the inferno raging inside of me.

“She said she was in love with you?” Hendrick asks.

“Yeah.”

“That’s pretty big.”

“Huge,” Brogan says. “You know this guy didn’t make it easy for her to get close enough to fall for him.”

Ouch, but probably true.

“But it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t feel the same way,” Jane says.

“He does.” Brogan waves a hand at me, still looking irritated. “Look at him. He’s got that same miserable look on his face as Henny had when he was pretending not to be into Jane.”

Jane snuggles closer to my oldest brother and lays her head on his shoulder.

“I do feel pretty fucking miserable,” I admit. “More so since we started this conversation.”

I glance around at all of them, and my idiocy is all I see staring back. Brogan arches a brow like he’s daring me to disagree with him.

“Of course I fucking love her,” I say a little louder than intended. Saying the words out loud has a new kind of panic washing over me. I think I have for a while, but I didn’t realize that’s what this gnawing, awful feeling I’ve had since I left was until she said the words to me.

Brogan waves his hand again with a “duh” expression.

Does it really matter though? I’m still me.

“So what if I love her? That doesn’t change the situation. I saw what it was like for Mom when Dad popped in and out. I never want to make someone feel like that.” I won’t make his mistakes. I swore it years ago and I still stand by that.

“Dad was a prick to her even when he was around,” Hendrick says. “It had nothing to do with his location.”

“Long-distance might suck, but are you really going to just walk away when the person you love is telling you they feel the same?” Archer asks, cocking a disbelieving brow.

I don’t have to answer for them to know that isn’t what I want. But still…“What if I end up hurting her or what if I screw it up?”

“You will absolutely screw it up,” Jane says, laughing softly. “Everyone does, and you have even less experience than most. It’s what you do after you screw up that makes you who you are.”

“Fuck,” I mutter again. “I need to go see her.”

Archer places a hand on my shoulder to keep me from standing. “You can’t go now. She has a meet tomorrow and she’s probably already sleeping.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” I say.

“Not until after her meet, you’re not.” Brogan grins and clinks his glass against mine. “Now let’s figure out what the hell you’re going to say to make up for being such a clueless idiot.”