Burnout (The Holland Brothers Book 1)

The next few days go by quickly. I chat with Burt, the team owner of Neon Punch, and dig him immediately. He raced when he was younger before deciding he wanted to be a lawyer. He did that for fifteen years and then, in his words, decided he was tired of sitting behind a desk.

His team is new, but they already have a lot of backing from heavy-hitting sponsors, one of which they poached from Thorne. I’m excited.

But there’s this underlying emotion that’s been nagging me all week. My brothers were stoked for me and they all reassured me that it was fine, that this is what I had been working for. I’ve been gone before, so it shouldn’t feel any different. Maybe it’s because Flynn’s almost done with school and his days and weeks are filled with school activities that tout it being the final or last. It’s funny, really, since I didn’t care about those things during my own senior year.

And then there’s Avery. I can’t get her out of my head. We’ve hung out as much as we can, but there aren’t that many hours between her school and practice, and me hanging out with my brothers and getting ready to go.

Things are weird between us. She hasn’t said anything else about wanting to keep hanging out, but I can feel her disappointment. I’m bummed that we won’t be able to see each other as often, too, but I couldn’t bring myself to promise that things will be the same.

I saw what it was like for my mom and for our family when my dad came and went when it was convenient for his schedule. I won’t do that to someone, least of all Avery.

Tonight is my last night in Valley. Avery had a late practice, but she’s going to meet me after Flynn’s basketball game. It could be a big game for him. Scouts from two of his top universities are in attendance. He’s still not sure if he wants to play basketball in college, in addition to baseball, but having options is great.

While the team warms up, I think through my schedule for the rest of the week. The initial meeting should only take a few days, so I can probably get back mid next week. I’m lost in my thoughts, wondering when I can squeeze in time to see her, when Archer and Brogan take their usual seats in the row in front of me and to the left. Brogan hands over a bag of plain M&Ms.

“Thanks.” I kick one foot out onto the bleacher in front of me.

Hendrick drops down into the seat beside me, Jane on his other side.

“The gang’s all here,” I say, leaning forward to wave at my brother’s fiancée. “Hey, Hollywood.”

“Hey, Knox.” Her smile is tight.

“I gotta talk to you about something,” Hendrick mutters, tipping his chin toward me and speaking quietly.

“What’s up?” I’m distracted by the buzzer and the players jogging over to their

respective benches.

“Dad’s here.”

“What?” I ask loudly, snapping my attention to him. There’s no way I heard him right.

He tilts his head toward the door, and I turn to see our dad walking in.

What the actual fuck?

I start to stand to tell him to leave, but Hendrick places an arm out to keep me in my seat.

“Wait,” he says. “Look at Flynn.”

Clenching my jaw, I do as he says. We’re not the only ones that spotted our prick of a father. Flynn’s noticed Dad’s here too, and he’s got a tentative smile on his face. My blood is boiling.

Dad scans the gym like he’s taking it all in for the first time in years, which I guess he is. About ten years too late. He must feel the fury of our stares because his gaze lands on us and his steps slow.

“Hi, boys.” He tips his head in greeting.

None of us say a thing and he continues on, taking a seat in the first row just past half court.

The players on the opposing team are being announced, but I barely hear anything. I can’t believe he showed up here.

“I gotta say something.” I stand and all three of my brothers sitting with me move in front of me.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hendrick says.

Brogan shakes his head in agreement.

Archer looks torn. Like maybe he wants to be the one to go over and deck our old man, but he doesn’t want to make a scene.

I have zero issues doing either of those things. All I want is him gone.

“Let’s just wait until halftime,” Hendrick suggests. “And if he does anything before then, I’ll go over there with you and help you toss him out.”

I glance back at Flynn. The hopeful smile on his face is broader now and it breaks my heart. I can count the times I had that exact same smile on my face when Dad would show up. Only to have it snatched off the next time he let me down.

The game starts and I do my best to focus only on my baby brother, but when Dad stands up and cheers after Flynn makes a three-point shot off the wing, I lose it. Like he has any fucking right to stand here and act like he’s some dad of the year, proud and present.

I’m aware of Brogan calling after me and the looks I get when I face off with Dad, but I’m driven by a singular force to remove him from my life, and my brother’s too. He doesn’t get to just show up and act like everything is hunky-dory.

“I don’t want any trouble, Knox,” he says when he sees me.

“Then you shouldn’t have shown up here.”

“Flynn looks happy to see me. He should have his dad here.”

“Yeah, he should,” I agree. “If he had one that wasn’t a piece of shit.”

A woman clears her throat in the row above Dad.

“What are you doing?” Flynn asks, catching me off guard. He jogs by the sideline slowly, watching me and Dad. The expression on his face is a mixture of embarrassment and anger. My stomach drops. That look isn’t aimed at Dad, but at me.

“Everything’s fine. We’re just talking. Get back out there and show the other team what you’re made of, huh?” Dad assures him, and after a moment of hesitation, Flynn runs off to catch up to the action on the court.

Hendrick’s voice booms behind me. “Knox, let’s go. He isn’t worth it.”

Dad’s jaw tightens as he stares past me to my oldest brother.

When I don’t move, Hendrick lays a hand on my shoulder. I know it’s meant to be reassuring but my skin crawls. The only touch I want to feel is my fist against Dad’s jaw.

I spin, clenching my hands at my side.

The rest of the first half I’m anxious and counting down the seconds until I can step outside. Archer suggested we go, but there was no way I was letting him run me off or cause me to do exactly the thing he’s known for. The only one that would have hurt is Flynn.

“What do we do?” I ask, looking to Hendrick because I can’t think rationally. And I can’t stop seeing that look on Flynn’s face. Is he upset because we were making a scene or does he actually want Dad here?

“I don’t know. We can’t force him to leave,” he says.

“Unfortunately,” Archer adds.

Dad ambles over to us before we’ve decided. “Good to see you, boys.”

The man is ballsy, I’ll give him that. Hendrick is the only one that acknowledges him, grunting something that might have been “why are you here?” He steps partially in front of Jane like he wants to shield her from the shitty human parading around as our father.

No one else speaks. I’m clenching my jaw so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve cracked a molar.

He doesn’t take the hint and fuck off. “Flynn’s good. Probably the best kid on the team. Is he planning to go to college?”

I’m not sure what part pisses me off more. The fact he’s just now realizing how talented Flynn is or that he thinks he has some right to ask about his future plans when he hasn’t been present in years. He should already know all of this and so much more. He should have been the one staying on Flynn about his grades and helping him research colleges and filling out financial aid applications.

Hendrick was lucky enough to get a full-ride football scholarship. Archer and Brogan stayed in Valley for college at least in part because it was cheaper. I’m sure they didn’t feel like they could leave me alone with Flynn either.

But I want my baby brother to go wherever the hell he wants. He deserves that because he’s not had it easy growing up like he has and he’s still somehow the best parts of all of us.

“Why are you here?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“I guess the same reason you all are.”

“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “We’re here to support Flynn. You’re here to what, make a point that you can still pop in whenever you want and jerk us around?”

A flicker of shame passes over his face so quickly I can’t be sure I saw it. He should be ashamed. What kind of man leaves his kids without so much as sending a card on their birthdays? God, I was so devastated when he’d make a promise to be there and then inevitably break that promise. I cannot stand by while he does that to Flynn.

He’s good and deserving. I want so much more for him.

“I just want to watch my son play. That’s it,” he says, but all I hear is, ‘I didn’t show up for you or Hendrick or Archer, but here I am. I found my way to one fucking game in seventeen years. Aren’t I great?’

“If that’s it, then after the game you’ll leave again, and we won’t see you back here?” Archer signs the question without speaking the words like he usually does.

I could almost laugh. Dad never learned to sign for Archer, and I doubt he took it up as a hobby since the last time we saw him. Where would he possibly have found the time, what with all his work and being a giant asshole loser?

Dad’s damage worked on us all in different ways. Hendrick tried to escape it all by leaving and making something of himself, which he did before deciding that wasn’t what he wanted. I guess I dealt with it by letting my hate guide me to be different than him in every way I could. But Archer’s never run from it or rebelled in any visible way. I think he blames at least part of Dad’s disappearing act on his accident, the one that caused his hearing loss. I remember it well enough to know that it wasn’t like Dad was around that much before anyway, but he’s not wrong that Dad was gone for longer stretches of time after that. So, for Arch, I think being himself has always felt like the ultimate fuck-you.

“He won’t be back after tonight,” I answer for him, then shoot a pointed glare at Dad. “Right?”

His face goes red and he opens his mouth like he might speak, but then thinks better of it. The Valley High team jogs back out onto the floor. Flynn watches us as he grabs a basketball and dribbles it while walking toward the basket where his teammates have started shooting around.

Without a word, Dad leaves. I know it’s too much to hope that he’s fleeing the entire building, but we take a breath anyway.

Brogan’s eyes are comically wide as he lets out a giant sigh. “Well, that was awkward. You guys cool?”

Arch shrugs. “I’m fine.”

Hendrick doesn’t look that calm, but he nods and wraps an arm around Jane.

“I’m gonna take a walk,” I say.

“Do not engage,” Hendrick demands.

“I’m not.” Though I want to. I walk off toward the locker rooms. There’s a back door near them that opens out into the parking lot, and more importantly is in the opposite direction from where Dad went.

I pull out my phone without realizing my intention. Tapping on Avery’s contact, I start to send a text: Guess who showed up at the game? , but then delete it. She’s got her own shit and I’m sure she’s tired of hearing my daddy sob story.

Me

How’s the training going? Miss watching me do handstands yet?

I pace the gravel lot while I wait for her answer. My heart leaps at the sound of the incoming message. It’s a selfie of her on the beam.

Avery

If what you meant to ask is if I miss watching you shirtless then the answer is yes.

A short laugh escapes into the night and against all the shitty odds, I smile.

When I get back to the gym, the second half of the game has just started. I pause and stand near the wall watching the action in front of me. Flynn makes a steal and takes off at warp speed with the ball toward the other end. The other players sprint to catch up, but he gets to the basket first, jumping high and laying it in.

What happens next seems like slow motion. One of the players on the other team makes a last-ditch effort to stop him. He jumps, but Flynn is already coming down and they collide midair. My brother’s legs go out from under him and he comes down on his right arm.

I’m moving forward before he’s made impact. Flynn lets out a guttural scream and the gym goes eerily quiet.