Burnout (The Holland Brothers Book 1)

“Congratulations!” Colter raises a glass toward the middle of the table and smiles at Knox. “I knew you’d land on your feet.”

“Don’t forget Avery.” Quinn holds out her water to me. “Third place at the first meet of the season is no joke. You would have been first if you’d done your original dismount.”

Knox and I accept our congratulations and the four of us cheers. Knox’s old team owner didn’t offer him a spot back on the team, but he did the next best thing. He found someone else that’s looking to make a switch. Colter says Neon Punch is the newer, shinier Thorne. He’s ecstatic.

Knox is…well, he’s harder to read.

“Are you okay?” I ask him after Quinn and Colter leave us to go to the bar.

“I think I’m just still surprised.” He shakes his head. “I really thought it was over.”

“No way. You’re too crazy talented to not get picked up by someone.”

One side of his mouth twitches and then lifts slightly.

“So what does this mean? I assume you have to go meet them or interview or something?”

“I gotta call tomorrow, but Mike thought they’d want me in New Mexico at the end of next week.”

“Next week?” I don’t have time to hide the surprise in my tone.

New Mexico is where their headquarters is located. I suppose it could be worse. He’ll be within driving distance.

“Most teams are already training or starting next week. Short off-season and then right back to it.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I get that.”

I take a few days off here and there, sometimes a week right after the season, but I’d train year-round with my team if NCAA rules would allow it.

“I guess that means we won’t be able to train together anymore.”

“Don’t pretend you’re sad to have me out of your gym, princess. You’ve been counting the days since I showed up.”

“Maybe before, but not now. It’s the best part of every day.”

He smiles and places a hand on my thigh. I bring that leg over his and inch closer.

“Congrats. Really. You set out to do something and you did it. I’m in awe of you.”

“Right back at ya, princess.”

The rest of the group shows up and we push tables together to make room. There are lots of shots and since I’m not old enough to partake, I enjoy watching as his friends push a few too many shots in Knox’s direction.

With each one he gets a little freer with the PDA. I’m sitting fully on his lap now while he talks to Brooklyn around me. One of his hands rests in my lap and his fingers make absent circles.

He tries to pull me into conversations, but my mind wanders. He’s going to leave next week and then what? Will we still talk or see each other?

An old song comes on the jukebox of the bar and Knox squeezes me around the middle. “Dance with me?”

“Here?”

“No, outside in the parking lot.” His sarcasm is punctuated with a smirk.

It seems just as likely that’s what he meant, but I slide off his lap and stand with him right behind me.

He holds my hand as he leads me out to a little area in the bar that can hardly be called a dance floor. An old guy with a graying beard tips his beer at us as we pass.

Knox wraps himself around me like he needs me to keep him upright. Which honestly could be the case at this point.

“Feeling good?” I ask him.

“Now that I got you all alone I am.” He sways us slowly to the beat.

“I thought you would want to celebrate with your friends.” I only promised Quinn I’d stay for one hour, but Knox hasn’t mentioned leaving and I don’t want to pull him away.

“I do, but if there’s the option to be alone with you, you can rest assured that’s always the one I’m going to choose.” His words make my chest tighten.

“You’re a real smooth talker, Knox Holland.”

“Joel,” he says.

“What?”

“My middle name is Joel.”

His lids are heavy and his mouth soft. I bring a hand up to his cheek. “Knox Joel Holland. I like it.”

“My dad’s name is Joel. I always hated that she named me after him. I don’t want to be anything like him.”

“I think you’ve already proven how different you are. What you did, dropping out of school and taking care of your brothers, is not a small thing.”

I can tell he wants to shrug it off. “You have a good heart, and it’s just a name. Mine is Sarah. No reason. My mom just liked the name.”

His smile returns. “Avery Sarah Oliver.”

His grip around me tightens and we’re quiet as we dance and stare at each other.

“Are you happy?” I ask, then add, “About Neon Punch. I can’t tell. You’re very hard to read tonight.”

“Yeah, it’s just…” His brow creases. “I guess it hasn’t really sunk in yet.”

“Will you move there or drive back and forth so you can be in Valley on weekends and stuff?” I ask. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since he told me he was leaving.

“You’re pretty.”

Surprised laughter spills out of me. “Was that an answer?”

“I might have missed the question because I was staring at your mouth. I’m obsessed with your mouth.” He leans in and kisses me while I continue to giggle at him.

We stumble back to the hotel. Well, Knox stumbles and I hold him up.

“I think you should probably take off all your clothes,” he says when we get into the room. He kicks off his boots and flops onto the bed on his back.

“What a great idea,” I say in my best surprised voice as I pull my shirt over my head.

His smile is lazy and carefree. “I’m full of great ideas.”

“Oh yeah?” I cross the room halfway to him while unbuttoning my jeans. “Like what?”

He holds his hands out and waves me forward with his fingers.

I crawl over him, jeans still on but shirt tossed aside. His arms wrap around me and he crushes me to his chest.

I squeal and yelp like I’m protesting, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be. I lick his face and then he bites my boob. We’re attacking each other back and forth, but smiling and rolling around the big bed.

My next retaliation is licking his nipple piercing, and then he takes my face in both of his hands and holds me while he kisses me breathless.

From there it’s a lot of scrambling hands to get each other undressed, him ripping open the condom foil at super speed and covering himself while I cling to him like I can keep him here with me no matter what. When he pushes inside of me, we both still.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he says, eyes so dark and serious that I wonder if he’s thought the words before but is only saying them now because he’s drunk.

My throat burns with the need to say well actually, I can’t get enough of you either. In fact, I’m in love with you and wondering if you could possibly reconsider the whole I don’t do serious thing.

I, of course, don’t say any of that. Not now and maybe not ever.

I wake up with Knox’s arms still wrapped tightly around me. We fell asleep naked and him still hard, and it looks like that’s how we’re waking up too. For someone who claims he doesn’t cuddle, Knox Holland is a superb cuddler.

I snuggle back into him without opening my eyes. We’ve only slept over together a couple of other times and it usually ended with him needing to get home quickly the next morning.

“Morning, princess.”

I mumble my reply with a yawn.

His laughter tickles my ear. “You’d think you were the one who drank too much last night.”

“I was the one making sure you ended up back in your room in one piece.”

“That is not how I remember you spending the evening.” His lips press to my neck just below my ear, and he whispers his next words. “Unless I dreamt you on your knees with that fucking mouth around my cock.”

My insides turn to liquid. “You didn’t dream that.”

“Not last night, but I have many, many times.”

I turn around in his arms. His crooked smile surrounded by dark scruff and mussed morning hair make him more handsome somehow.

“I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” His brows pinch together. “Yeah, I keep forgetting. What a wild day.”

“When do you think you’ll leave for New Mexico?”

His hold on me loosens and he lays his head back on the pillow. “I need to check with my brothers, but I’ll probably drive out Thursday morning. Flynn has a game on Wednesday so if I can stay for that, I will.”

Three more days. My chest squeezes.

“Wow. That is soon. I bet you have a lot to do before then.”

He sits up. “Not really. Plenty of time to take you to breakfast.”

While Knox gets up and starts getting dressed, I find myself unable to move. Like if I just stay here in this bed then everything will be absolutely fine. Who needs food or the rest of the world?

“How often will you be able to come back?” I ask, still rooted in the same spot with his scent lingering on the sheets around me. He never did answer me when I tried to get an idea of what his schedule would look like.

“Weekends when I can before the season starts. During the season it just depends. With Flynn graduating in May and going to college, there’ll be less of a rush to get back.”

I swallow down all my pride and summon every last ounce of courage as I gather the sheet up around me and sit with my back against the headboard. “What about us?”

I don’t know why I chose to call us an us for the first time now. We aren’t an us. Not really. Maybe because that’s how I’ve been thinking of me and Knox for weeks now. Us. Together. Really together.

He pulls his black shirt down slowly, meeting my gaze. The look he gives me makes my stomach tighten in dread.

I can’t take it back, though, so I decide to lay my heart out on the line. “I know we’re supposed to be just hanging out, but I like you a lot. We’re having so much fun and I don’t want that to end.”

“I like you too.”

“But?” I ask because I can see it coming on his face.

“We can still hang out when I’m in town, but I don’t want to promise things when we might not see each other for weeks or months at a time.” A flash of vulnerability pulls the corners of his mouth down. “You’re going to be busy with competition season too.”

I will be, but I still want this and believe it’s possible. Only it’s not, because he doesn’t want that.

His smile pulls back into the easy, playful one I’ve grown so accustomed to. He walks over to the bed and takes my hands, pulling me up and into his arms. “Trust me. I know what it’s like to have people you care about pop in and out of your life. Always waiting around, always hoping for things that don’t happen, always disappointed. I don’t want that for you, and I could never let myself do that to another person.”

I smash my lips together to keep them from quivering.

“New Mexico isn’t that far. Maybe you can visit one weekend,” he says as casually as if he were telling an old friend he hoped he’d see them around town sometime.

“Yeah. Maybe.” Surprisingly my voice comes out much steadier than the beating of my heart as it cracks.

Knox brushes a kiss over my lips and smiles. “Come on, let me feed you and then we can drive back to Valley. We have a few days before I leave, and I know just how I want to spend them.”