Burnout (The Holland Brothers Book 1)

“I need to go out tonight.”

Quinn looks up from her laptop with a wide-eyed, confused expression on her face. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

I sit down on her bed and toss her pillow at her. “Do you have any plans or not?”

“No, but I heard the soccer team is having a pajama party.”

“Really? That’s perfect!” Some of the soccer team’s upperclassmen live in this big off-campus house. They only throw a couple parties each year, but they’re always amazing. Last semester they hosted a graffiti party where they covered the entire house in white cloth. Everyone wore clothes they could get messy and brought pens and paint to decorate everything from the ceiling to each other. People still talk about that night.

“Oh my gosh. I have so many outfit ideas.” I take off toward my room to rifle through my clothing options. Technically, the sweats I have on would work but the fun in these parties is really getting into the theme.

I’m in my closet tossing out outfit options when I hear Quinn shuffle in. “Does this sudden desire to go out have something to do with Knox being out of town?”

“No,” I say quickly, but the silence behind me forces me to turn and look at her. “It’s not. Well, not just about that.”

Her mouth pulls into a half-smile and she takes a seat on the bed, giving me her attention.

“I like him,” I admit through gritted teeth.

“And?” she asks, lips pulling higher.

“Shut up. It’s a problem. We’re hanging out and not hooking up with other people, but we’ve both said we don’t want a relationship so what the hell am I doing?”

“I don’t know, A-babe.”

Me neither. I thought about him all night and all day today. I’m totally obsessed with him. I wasn’t lying to him when I said I wasn’t ready to date again, but I can’t help liking him. I don’t know what to do, but I think I need to mix things up before I get way too attached. Keep it casual and on my terms.

“So now you know why I need to go out.” It might not be the greatest plan, but it’s better than sitting around waiting for him to text. “Are you in?”

“Yeah, of course,” she says softly. “When have I ever turned down a party?”

Thirty minutes later Quinn and I have piled everything we’re considering into a heap on my bed. Flannel pants, tank tops, slippers, sleep masks, bralettes, items that are more lingerie than pajamas, and even some face masks we vetoed immediately.

Quinn opts for a tank top and cotton shorts, and then pulls a fluffy robe on over it in case she’s cold. I decide to wear a pair of black silk pants and a light pink, lacy bralette. I’ve definitely never slept in this outfit, but it’s cute. Quinn accessorizes with the slippers, and I pull the eye mask on and wear it like a headband.

We take a dozen photos before we leave, posing and smiling at the camera to show off our outfits. I post one of me and Quinn to my Instagram before we leave and as we’re walking out to my Bronco, I get a notification that Knox has liked it.

He’s coming back late tonight and part of me is dying to see him, and the other part (the one trying to keep my heart from being sliced in two) thinks I shouldn’t jump at every opportunity to hang out with him.

“Repeat after me. C-a-s-u-a-l,” I mutter slowly to myself.

“What’s that?” Quinn asks getting settled in the passenger seat.

“Nothing.” I set my phone in the middle console. “Have you talked to Colter?”

“Yeah. We texted earlier. They were rain delayed the last I heard.”

“Oh. So I guess it’ll be later when they get back.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they stay overnight and drive back in the morning instead. Especially if it’s still raining. The freeway is always a mess when it rains here.”

A feeling a lot like disappointment makes my stomach twist, but that’s silly because I have plans tonight anyway.

When we arrive at the party, the off-campus two-story house is already packed.

“I have died and gone to heaven,” Quinn mutters as we walk through the upstairs. Some people are playing card games and others are standing around in the kitchen area taking shots.

Guys are in boxers and socks. A few have on sweatpants hung super low on their hips. Most are shirtless. And the girls are all wearing similar outfits to us, except one brave girl who is wearing a nude color, barely-there bikini. I overhear her telling someone she sleeps naked so this is as close as she could get. Clever.

Music from downstairs filters up here, but it isn’t until we both have a drink in hand and start down the narrow stairway that it gets loud. I welcome it and find myself feeling like dancing and drinking more than I thought I would.

I’m with my best friend, her boyfriend and my—whatever he is—are both away for the weekend, and I just want to have fun. We sit on a couple of folding chairs set up on the opposite side of the DJ booth and dance floor where we can sort of hear each other when we talk.

I drink my first one fast, then a freshman offers me a White Claw, and I take that and drink it quick too.

“Whoa there,” Quinn says.

My body feels light and I’m buzzing with happiness.

“Let’s dance.” I pull her in front of the DJ booth where the speakers make my insides vibrate. Nothing matters right now. Not having my routine skill level downgraded, not being left off some stupid best-of list, and not the fact Knox might be off hooking up with someone else tonight.

The thought hits me unexpectedly. Is that really what I think? He said he wasn’t hooking up with other people, but this is Knox Holland we’re talking about. I don’t have any reason not to trust him, but…well, I don’t trust as easily as I did before Nolan.

We don’t leave the dance floor until Quinn complains her scalp is getting sweaty and she doesn’t want to ruin her hair.

We go back upstairs where it’s cooler and quieter. Tristan is standing in the kitchen with Corey, another guy on the team. Tristan sees us before I can figure out how to avoid him.

“Hey, Ollie, Quinn.” He nods to each of us as he takes a drink from his cup. He’s wearing American flag briefs and I can’t help but smile. It’s so him. So ridiculous.

“Did you bring your gold medals too?” I ask him, avoiding giving him the satisfaction of checking him out. His body is muscular and cut, and I’m sure other girls find him attractive. I’m just not one of them anymore. His personality ruins it for me.

“No. You’ll have to come back to my place for that.” His gaze dips down my body.

Quinn snorts. “Smooth, Tristan.”

She pulls me away and I waggle my fingers at him in a wave.

“Guess what?” she says after a fit of giggles.

“What?”

“The guys got rained out. They’re almost back to Valley.”

My heart rate speeds up.

“Do you want to go over to Colter’s place? He said they’re going to hang out there.”

I pull my phone out of my bra where I stashed it while we were dancing. This outfit doesn’t leave a lot of options for storage. My heart flutters seeing his name on the screen. Knox sent a text fifteen minutes ago asking what I was up to tonight. Nope, nope. No fluttering stupid heart. Casual.

“But we’ve only been here for an hour.”

Her expression is clouded with confusion. “Right, but Colter and Knox…I thought you’d want to hang out with them instead.”

“Did you tell Colter where we were?”

“Yeah.” Her brows pull together in a cute little furrow.

I reply to Knox, reading it out loud to Quinn as I type, “At a pajama party. Heard you got rained out. You should come by if you’re not busy.”

I drop the location and hit send. “There. They know where to find us.”

I plead to her with my eyes. I can’t run to him the second he gets back into town. That is definitely the opposite of casual.

I can see the second she gives in. Her lips curve up and she puts her phone away. “Okay. Yeah. You’re right. I’m hanging with my best friend. Colter can wait.”

“Thank you.” I take her hand and squeeze.

“Of course.” She pushes her shoulders back and surveys the party. “Now, how should we celebrate our independence?”

A second later she starts singing the lyrics to Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women.” Smiling, I pull her back downstairs.

We get in on a game of beer pong with Tristan and Corey. Quinn is a boss at darts, but I’m the reigning beer pong champ.

“How is your aim so bad situationally?” I ask her as she misses the table entirely, hitting Tristan’s red, white, and blue-covered junk instead.

“What are you talking about?” she asks innocently. “I was dead nuts.”

I’m tipsy enough that I think she’s hilarious.

“His cup runneth over.” Corey tries to join in, but Quinn and I are in a world of our own. Happy and giggling, and probably obnoxious to everyone around us.

Quinn and I manage to win the first game, but Tristan is too competitive to quit so we start a second game.

He and I go back and forth, neither missing and not giving our partners a chance. It’s me versus him. I toss the ball straight into the cup closest to Tristan and then smile huge at him. I can’t hear his groan, but I can tell he does so as he lets his head fall back and stares at the ceiling. One more cup and I am the champion. Turning to Quinn with arms stretched over my head, I find my best friend looking around the party and not even watching my awesome skills.

“Hey, you’re leaving me hanging,” I tell her. But then I follow her gaze.

The alcohol makes me warm and has completely removed any filter on my mouth. Luckily the music is so loud it swallows the “Holy shit!” that erupts from my lips.

Knox smirks like he heard it anyway as he saunters behind Colter across the room.

Colter is wearing a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. He fits in, but Knox…Knox is wearing his usual attire of black jeans and shirt. If I hadn’t slept beside him, I might be tempted to believe he never removes his black uniform. With everyone else showing so much skin, he stands out as the only one not following the dress code.

Quinn hurries toward her boyfriend and jumps into his arms. He spins her around, kissing her, then sets her down and steps back to admire her outfit. “Damn, babe. You look sensational.”

“Sensational,” I repeat the word slowly.

Knox smirks as he closes the distance between us. “What’s wrong with sensational?”

“Nothing, if you’re a fifty-year-old woman.” I stare at him, still in shock he’s really here. “You came.”

He doesn’t reply, just smiles back at me.

“You aren’t in pajamas,” I say in case he didn’t realize his mistake. Of course, he realizes. I’m definitely drunk.

“Some guy tried to stop him at the door until Knox glared at him,” Colter says, aiming a smirk at his friend.

“I was hoping I wasn’t going to be here long.” He glances around.

“You don’t have to stay.” I spin back around too quickly and catch my balance by gripping the table. Tristan is watching the whole interaction, gaze pinging between me and Knox. He’s holding the ball, waiting for me.

“Ready?” I ask him.

“Waiting on you, Ollie.” His jaw tightens as he lets his gaze slide over to where I assume Knox is still standing.

It’s hard to say why I’m disappointed Knox didn’t strip down like Colter did. Or maybe it hurts that he thinks the whole idea of the party is dumb. I mean, he came when I know he didn’t want to. He came to see me. Or because he wanted to hook up. But that’s what we do. We hook up and work out together. We don’t do themed parties and couple-y shit.

Tristan eventually tosses the ball. It hits the edge of a cup and bounces. I react too slowly, but a hand reaches in front of mine and catches it.

Knox steps up to the table, shirt removed and pants unbuttoned. He holds the ball in one hand and takes off his jeans and shoes with the other.

I bite my lip to keep my smile small as he removes everything except his black boxers. He glances over and cocks one brow like he’s daring me to comment. I say nothing, but my chest tightens.

Knox takes Quinn’s place, but my awesome beer pong skills are seriously hindered by the half-naked guy next to me and my aim goes to crap.

With a clenched jaw, Tristan fires another and sinks into a cup. I drink it then toss it back and miss again.

Knox catches me staring at him when I should be paying attention. He steps closer to me, his arm pressing against mine and his fingers brushing my thigh. “See something you like, princess?”

“I see lots of things I like.” I move my attention away from him like I’m checking out all the guys at the party. “If you’ve seen one half-naked guy, you’ve seen them all.”

“Liar.” He pulls me in front of him so my back is to his chest, and wraps his arms around me.

Tristan sinks the ball in our last cup and Knox doesn’t let me go as he removes the ball and downs the drink. He places it back on the table and then lets his nose drag down the side of my face. “Another game?”

“No thanks.” Tristan’s gaze flicks to me. His mouth is pulled tight. I don’t even think he likes me that much. He just hates losing.

When he’s gone, I turn in Knox’s arms to look at him. My stomach flips and my pulse kicks up. What was I thinking? There’s really nothing I want more than to jump Knox right now. He came here just for me. Maybe that means something. Maybe we could be something. “Pajama parties are really more fun with a bed, don’t you think?”

His lips twist into a smirk. “Couldn’t agree more.”

Knox slips his shoes back on and carries the rest of his clothes as he leads me out of the party. Colter and Quinn decide to stay a bit longer, although the way they’re making out on the dance floor before we’ve even made it up the stairs, I don’t think they’ll be too far behind us.

“Uber can be here in five,” he says, glancing down at his phone. “I knew I should have driven instead of riding with Colter.”

“My Bronco is here.” I point in the direction of it parked in sight along the street.

He takes a step with me toward it and then pauses. “I don’t think I can drive that thing.”

“Why not?”

“It’s pink.”

“So?” I laugh.

He cocks his head to the side.

“Do you really want to wait five more minutes when my vehicle is right there?” I ask, hands on my hips.

He considers it, which makes me laugh.

“Come on.” I take his hand and pull him quickly to it. I unlock it and climb into the passenger seat.

He gets in, looking adorably conflicted about driving my pretty vehicle. The inside is pink too—pink seats, pink dash, pink gear shift. I’m fully aware it looks like Barbie threw up inside of my Bronco. I love it.

“Only for you, princess,” he says before starting it up.

I fall asleep on the ride back to my dorm and am woken when Knox opens the passenger door and tries to carry me.

“I got it,” I say and stumble a few steps before he hurries to my side and helps me stay upright. Maybe I don’t have it.

His laughter is the only sound in the quiet parking lot. “You are such a lightweight. You got this drunk off a few beers?”

“I’m not that drunk!” I insist, but we both know that’s a lie.

In my dorm room, I fall onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling. The room is spinning.

The mattress dips with his weight and Knox holds a glass of water in front of me. “Drink this.”

I sit up and take it, but I spill more of it down the front of me than I get in my mouth.

Chuckling, he takes the glass back and sets it on the nightstand then disappears. I hope he isn’t leaving.

“I just need a minute and then I’ll be ready to make out,” I yell.

I’m met with silence. It feels like too much effort to sit up. The next thing I know, I’m being pulled back up to a sitting position. Knox smiles down at me with an expression that seems almost tender.

“Hands up.”

I do as I’m told even before I realize what he wants. Knox pulls my bralette up. My skin tingles at the contact. Even in my drunken haze my body comes alive under his touch.

“Is everything you own pink?” He holds up the offending bra.

“You’re one to talk, mister all black and sexy.”

One side of his mouth lifts. He brings a T-shirt down over my head, covering my breasts.

“Why are you dressing me?” I ask. “Aren’t we gonna…” I waggle my brows.

“Not tonight.” He hits the light and then climbs into bed next to me.

Instinctively, I turn on my side and curl into him. “Thank you for coming to the party tonight. I’m sorry I drank too much.”

“Happens to the best of us.” He runs a hand down my hair and pulls me farther onto him so my head is resting over his heart. The steady thump is soothing.

I like him so much it actually hurts a little. “I missed you.”

A beat passes, and then he says, “I missed you too.”

I bury my smile into his chest and wrap my arm around his middle. “Hey, Knox?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re cuddling.”