Brother

I have never been one to stress out in a test. I loved pop quizzes. I lived for exams; until now. Looking around the gymnasium turned classroom of hell, everyone was dutifully filling out page after page in the work book. Except for me. I rolled the pencil between my hand, letting it hang between my index and middle finger before I started to tap it.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

“Ssh!” Michael Tan hissed; daring to look up in my direction to glare.

I tried to smile my apology, but he’d already gone back to his paper. Sensing our interaction, the tight lipped, monster of a woman the school had bought in to act as a supervisor, stepped heavily in our direction. Her nose was turned up despite looking down, beady brown eyes scanning over each desk for something that would give her warrant to stop us.

Despite the warm spring day, she wore a grey cardigan, littered with tiny white hair; cat hair I’m guessing and a heavy woollen beige skirt. I guess three weeks in Mrs. Johns store made me somewhat of a fashion expert and right now, this lady looked like she was ready for a dress up party as her costume screamed scary headmistress. I wonder if she had a cane behind her back, or at least a really big ruler to hit us over the knuckles with.

She stopped at the desk in front of me where Rachelle, who had be furiously writing, stopped and looked up. I saw her back get straighter, tenser and the lady then caught me staring at her. “Problem?”

I shake my head and divert my eyes back to the math problem that makes no sense. The floorboard creak as she passes my desk, her breathing is loud as she wheezes like an old smoker trying to run track. My knee starts to twitch causing my foot to bounce up and down.

Focus! Come on Sarah! Focus!

Danny didn’t come home last night or the night before. I’d been sitting in my room until midnight hearing Mum and Dad argue in their whispered shouting voices about what to do with him. He had told us he was staying with Jake, and even he was missing in action. They didn’t have the same exams as us. I was doing my TEE, they were just doing general. The partitioning in the middle of the room separated them from us, but I knew there would be an empty seat where Danny was supposed to be. I’d gotten here early to try seeing them before we had to go in, and while I lingered at the door to go in last, I had seen Jake run in late.

Things had been happening around town.

The side of the bakery had been covered in graffiti, the police station had all its windows smashed and the grocery store had been robbed. Random hay bales had been set alight in empty paddocks and hoons had been doing burn outs down main street at midnight. It was all a bit out of Danny’s league. Sure everyone thought the worst about him, but apart from the letterbox incident, sneaking into the pub and tricking the new girl into serving him, he hadn’t done bad things. He rode a skateboard, because you know, that was against the law at automatically made you a teenage delinquent.

You’d see him and his ’gang’ out late at night, smoking or drinking, but never real vandalism or with any intent to hurt anyone. They’d wrapped toilet paper around all the statues in town once; it caused a public outcry. Just like the time they painted new lines in the parking lot by the cinema, making the bays so small no one could move in or out of their cars, but in their defence, the car park had needed new lines for a good couple of years.

They also weren’t the kind of kids that stole handbags out of cars or wallets from back pockets when in line at news-agency. The only thing they had stolen was Mr. Grimshore’s gnome collection and using liquid nails, stuck them the whole length of main street. Two still remained on the roundabout near Wendi’s parents Chinese restaurant.

Recent events, as well as the ‘wild dogs’ running around killing livestock had everyone wanting to call in the army. The police weren’t doing enough and the quiet, simple life everyone had taken for granted was being interrupted. Proper surveillance cameras were being put up in shop windows and everyone started to lock their cars when they popped into the café to get their coffee. At work, people came in just to talk to me about my brother and all them had their own opinions on what he was capable of. If something didn’t get done soon, we’d end up with an angry mob on our doorstep; not just the police.

The squeak of the marker against the whiteboard snaps me out of my thoughts. The countdown to the second last exam I’d ever take in high school went was nearly at an end; thirty minutes to go.

’In how many ways can a convex polygon with n + 1 sides (labelled 0, 1, 2, , ,n) be divided into triangles by non-intersecting diagonals?’ I read the question over and over. I couldn’t screw this up and forgetting Danny and the mini-crime wave hitting our town, I managed to complete the booklet as the woman called out pencils down.

-x-

“Oh dear!” Mum sighed, coming to sit beside me on the sofa. “The Lion King and a block of Cadbury’s finest. What’s wrong love?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” I lean against her as she breaks off a row of chocolate for herself.

“I think I’ve failed everything.” I admit.

“I find that hard to believe. Even if you do, it’s not the end of the world.”

We sit there watching one of the most traumatic cinema events since Bambi’s mother was shot by the Hunter. I run out of chocolate and Mum gets up to answer the phone.

“Run away Simba, and never return.” I say along with Scar.

The front door slams shut making me jump and Danny walks in, taking Mums place beside me. “How many times have you seen this?”

“Nearly as many as you.” I snap, turning to glare at him. “I hate you.”

There. Simple.

I get up and leave him to watch it alone, disappearing into my room.

“Why do you hate me?” He follows.

“Danny, is that you?” Mum calls from the kitchen.

He ignores her. “Sar, come on. You don’t hate me. What’s wrong?”

I stop in my doorway, thinking about the score I’m now going to get because he was all I could focus on during that stupid test. I’m not going to get a scholarship now. I’m not going to be the one to graduate in the top ten percent of our year. Rachelle was right, this is scary and after years at school, trying my hardest – wanting to achieve, it has been ruined because he chose this week of all the weeks in the year, to pull his disappearing act.

“Did you go to your exam today? We had Math at nine.”

“No.” He admits, his voice heavy with guilt as he chooses to stare at his shoes. “But-“

“Save it for Mum and Dad. I don’t care. I’m done with you Danny!”

I’ve never been mad at him before; not like this. We’re siblings, we’re going to fight, but all week I’d been dealing with our parents stressed to the max about him and his behaviour. All week, I haven’t been able to look at a text book or study because I’ve been thinking about him, and whether or not our family is strong enough not to fall apart.

“What? Tell me what I did! I’m sorry, I am, Sarah, don’t be mad!” He begs, and apparently slamming the door in his face wasn’t enough of a clue to leave me alone.

“You have to ask?” I throw the first thing I can grab at him; a pillow from my bed. “All week you’ve been in and out like a ghost. Two days, you didn’t even call me back. Jake hadn’t seen you! So I’m sitting there this morning, after hearing Mum and Dad argue all bloody night, wondering if you’re okay? Half the town thinks you’re one act away from committing murder and yet, I have to try and work out a stupid question that involves finding x on some stupid triangle!”

Mum stands in the doorway, her face blank as Danny takes in my words. I don’t do this. She does this and I pick up the pieces, then make sure we’re all at the dinner table where we force conversation and try to act normal.

“I don’t have anything to do what the shit going on around here.” He finally says.

“I never thought you did.” I tell him.

“Danny, what’s going on with you? Is it drugs?” Mum asks and we both look at her like she has two heads.

“It’s not drugs.” He confirms.

“I just had Principle Rogers on the phone. He’s willing to let you go in and sit the exam you missed today, tomorrow morning.”

Danny looks me and I can’t bring myself to say anything nice or encouraging, or anything.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

She’s walking on eggshells, and I know her first instinct is to yell at him. She takes a deep breath, her relief obvious. When Dad gets home he probably will; if Danny is still here. They’ve tried locking him in his room before, grounding him, taking away his allowance – he doesn’t care.

“I’ll call him back and let him know.” She leaves us.

I don’t even know how that is even happening, maybe I can re-do all of mine if he gets a second chance.

“Get out Danny.” I sigh, going to sit at my desk where my English notes wait patiently for me to look at them.

“I can’t deal with you being mad at me. I’m sorry Sarah, I just lost track of time.” He tries to apologise, coming to stand beside me. “I’m so sorry.”

“Just words Dan, get out.” I don’t even look at him as he leaves.

Two hours later, we sit around the dinner table, picking at Mums meatloaf. The news is on in front room, offering some kind of noise to break up the silence. Dad had yelled at Danny when he got home as expected. So did Mum and I hadn’t heard him answer them. Mum had changed her shift at work, determined to take him to and from his resit. Danny seemed okay with that. Once we were done, he did the dishes without being told, emptied the bins and actually got out his math book to study.

“I know you hate me right now, but, ah, could you help me?” Danny asked from the doorway of my room.

“Seriously?” This had to be a joke.

“Better late than never?”

He was trying, and after my outburst, I felt better. He knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to helping him. I never could no matter the problem. “Fine.”

It became clear to me twenty minutes later, Danny wasn’t stupid. He knew it all, despite second guessing himself with every problem. An hour later, I got him to stop.

“How did Rogers give you permission to do a resit?” I leaned back against my bed, and Danny sipped his coke.

“He knows the Blake’s and I actually went to see him before coming home. Mike said he’d talk to him for me, so clearly they worked something out.”

“Is that where you’ve been? With them?” Explains why Jake hadn’t seen him.

“Yeah. They’re not that bad once you get to know them. They got an old Ford, Mike’s been working on it since they got down here. It’s going to go fucking quick once we’re done with it!” He boasts.

“Cars?”

“Yeah, Baz has been helping him get parts in for it.” He grins, and just for a minute, I have my brother back.

He tells me about what they’ve been doing, technical stuff I don’t understand. I don’t care either. He is passionate about it, it’s good to see him get so involved in something. I just wish he’d kept to Baz’s garage and Jake, with people I know and like.

“But yeah. They’re planning a big party pre-leavers. You should come, you’ve missed out on the others.”

“Rach will be keen. Maybe. After the first one, she’s actually dropped the subject.” And it gave me two Friday nights of peace.

“From what I’ve heard, the whole school is going! We started setting up tents and camp out now, saves the drive home after.”

And that explains why I’ve been missing the come and get me phone calls.

“I’ll think about it.” I promise.

It’s barely nine o’clock, but Danny gets up to go to bed. “Thanks Sarah. I love you, and I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted. But Danny, please, please, try not to be such an asshole. Mum and Dad don’t deserve it.” I hug him and he actually hugs me back. “I don’t deserve it either.”

“I know. I’ll try, for you.”

I prayed he would and going over to my window, I closed it up. The street was empty, it usually was with the streetlights offering some security. I’d stopped running this week, and deciding to get myself up early to get rid of the tension I was still carrying, I froze just as I was about to run away from the street.

At first I thought it was just a dog.

A big dog.

Until there were suddenly three of them. The largest walked down the middle of the road, unbothered by the other two that ran in figure eights around it. Nose to the ground, the pair wagged their tails with excitement as they clearly found something they liked. I held my breath as they were near our front yard, the smallest one disappearing against our fence while the big one slowed down and then stopped completely.

There was no doubt, these were the wolves, Peta and I had seen on the horses. We’d talked about it, a lot. They weren’t huskies or malamutes or short haired Samoyed’s. No one had believed us on her property, and we’d kept our thoughts to ourselves. Now, I knew we were right.

Despite the window being closed and the sheer curtain down, the big one looked up as if he could see me. His whole figure looked darker in the shadowed lighting. White tipped ears twisted slightly, like he was listening for something and the second he looked away, I ran to Danny’s room beside mine.

“Danny, look!” I whispered, scared they’d hear me.

“What?” He asked, lazily getting up off his bed, he still held his phone.

“Look!” I went over to his window, still open and kept to the wall as I looked out.

They were still there.

“At wh- oh!” He moved into full and all three animals stopped.

He frowned, shaking his head and closed the window with a slight bang. I went to step closer to look out, but instead he pushed me back.

“They’re wolves aren’t they?” I ask, excited someone else saw them for what they are too.

“Don’t be stupid. You don’t get wolves running around the South-West of Australia.” He snapped, the cruel edge to his tone grating on my nerves.

“I’ve seen them before. They are the three I saw with Peta on the horses!”

“Go to bed Sarah. You didn’t see anything.” He lays back down on his bed, and taps away on his phone. “Goodnight.”

I want to argue with him,slap him too, but if there is anything I know, it’s my brother and he is definitely hiding something right now.

“Fine. Goodnight.”

He looks up and we stare at each other for a second. It’s long enough and instantly I’m jumping onto the bed beside him.

“What do you know!”

“About what?” He asks dumbly.

“The wolves!”

“They’re not wolves. Trust me.” The phone screen goes off and he hesitates before speaking. “Sarah, I’m not the best brother or person going around, but your my sister and I’ll do anything I can to keep you safe and happy. If I say drop it, please let it go okay?”

“Are you in trouble Danny?” I don’t like how he is talking.

“No. I don’t think I am anyway.”

“You know you can talk to me. About anything right?”

“I know, but this is different.” He sighs.

“How?” I can’t let it go.

“If I tell you, then I will be in trouble and you’ll be in danger.” Danny snaps, growing frustrated. “So, just leave it alone Sarah!”

We’ve never kept secrets from each other; never. For now, I do what he wants and going back to my room, I sit by my window until I can’t keep my eyes open. The wolves don’t come back.

-x-

The following morning I say goodbye to Dad and as his work van disappears around the corner, I go the other way and get lost in the steady thump of my steps as I take my usual track to the beach. It’s another picture perfect morning and I stop to admire the sunrise as I look out over the endless miles of white sand. Seagulls waddle in and out of the water, a few playing with the tide as they jump up and down with each each bump of a wave coming to shore.

Salty air fills my lungs as I take a couple of deep breaths, and I have no doubt we live in the most beautiful place on earth. I start to walk, ditching the faster pace just to enjoy the serene silence before the sun fully rises and the day begins. The ocean is painted in soft pastel shades, the blue depths mixed with the purple and orange sky.

Lost in thought, thinking about what we may have to discuss or explain in our English exam, I still manage to smile and nod at other locals. Soon these paths will be crowded with fitness freaks and out of towners, but for now it’s the regular crowd. The lookout near the lighthouse is empty so I take the stairs and climb up. The strange feeling of not being alone has me looking over my shoulder, repeatedly, and once on the decking of the platform, I feel more secure. If anyone was coming, I would be able to see them and since I am higher up, I might be able to knock them over and run.

The sand dunes don’t move or give me any reason to think anyone was there and shaking it off, I go to the railing and look down at the ocean. Even here it’s calm; the white wash from the waves crashing against the cliff face missing. It is a little windy up here though, and I take a second to tie up my hair to avoid being forced to eat it as it’s blown across my face.

“This is a surprise.” Michael barely makes a sound as I spin around to see him walking onto the look out.

“Ah, yeah.” I answer, instantly looking at the stairs behind him.

“You okay? You seem a little nervous?”

“Heights. I don’t like heights.” I lie.

“Then why did you come up here?”

“Does it matter?”

He shrugs, “guess not.”

Michael moves to the opposite corner and I consider leaving. It’s awkward, beyond uncomfortable as he occasionally looks my way and you can only spend so much time looking at the horizon. I reach my limit.

“Have a good day.” I call out, quickly scrambling for the stairs.

Apparently I’m going too quick because my foot slips on the sand that has spilled down from the sand dunes the path has been constructed through. In the second I close my eyes and brace myself not only for the pain of falling, but the embarrassment of doing it front of him, nothing happens.

Well, something happened.

Large, firm, yet gentle hands were now wrapped around my arms, and instead of my butt meeting the deck, my back had something that felt as equally hard behind it. My legs were stretched out in front of me as it took a few seconds to process that he was holding me. Michael had caught me mid fall. I regained my balance and jumped away from him as if he was made of fire, while my heart raced with shock and anxiety.

“Careful, Bright Eyes!” He teased; his amusement obvious.

Micheal’s gaze is fixed on me, while I squirmed and have to look away. There was something different about the Blake’s, I couldn’t work out what it was, but all my instincts told me stay as far away from them, more importantly, him, as possible.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, turning to keep going, but he was there again.

“You don’t like me do you? Why?”

“I don’t know you.” I shrugged, hating how he was blocking the stairs.

“Would you like to?” He offers.

“No.”

“Everyone always talks about how friendly Miss Attwell is, the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Now here you are giving me the cold shoulder? What will Mrs Johns say when I tell her, her newest sales assistant was rude to me?”

I raise an eyebrow making him smirk.

“Fine. Tell me about yourself Mr Blake.” I’m being sarcastic, only he doesn’t care.

“Michael, or even Mike is fine. Mr Blake is my father.” He grins; all teeth, and it does little settle me.

“Great, we got that out the way. Well, Mike, good talking to you.” I go to step around him and again is there stopping me. “Move.”

“Say please.”

I roll my eyes.

"Please, move, Michael.” He obliges and as soon as I start down the steps, he is there shadowing me. “Don’t you have anywhere else to be?”

He chuckled, and I could see his shadow beside me shaking it’s head. “Not right now I don’t. It’s a public space, besides you might fall again and then who will catch you?”

“You act like a thirteen year old. It’s a public space, I don’t see your name written anywhere. You’re not my parents, you can’t tell me what to do. It’s a free world, I can do what I want.” I mouth off.

“I act like a thirteen year old?” He asks in disbelief once I’m done.

“Oh you’re a comedian too?”

Michael winks and as we hit the path, he doesn’t leave. “So Bright Eyes, what’s the plan for today?”

“I have an exam at two. My last one!” I answer casually, quickly shutting up as I remember who I am with.

“Good luck, but from what Danny says, you won’t need it.”

“Not this time. Yesterday was another story.” Again, it just rolls out of my mouth.

Despite my freak out yesterday, and being paranoid about failing every thing, I really love English. I know I have this one under control and I feel rather chilled out. Just thinking about it has me smiling.

“As someone older, and wiser, believe me when I say don’t stress about your exams. Even if the worse case scenario happens and you flunk everything, there’s other options.”

We keep walking and talking. I don’t know how or why I’ve suddenly done a complete three sixty with him, but we talk about my plans for the future, complain about school and share teacher stories like we’ve been friends for years. Michael doesn’t seem so, scary, now. We just talk, and eventually end up at the little kiosk by the beach. I get a water and Michael orders coffee, but that doesn’t stop the natural flow of conversation. He is actually kind of funny, and real easy to get along with. I guess you just had to give some people a chance.

One of the benches nearby is free so we stop there while he adds to sugar from sachets to his drink.

“I did the equivalent of an auto pre-apprenticeship when I was in jail.” He says it so casually, it doesn’t actually register.

“Yeah? Is that what you want to do?”

“No. It was that or something like carpentry and I hate doing that kind of thing.” Michael looks at me, frowning and I don’t know why.

“What?” I ask, confused.

“I just told you I was in jail and you barely blinked at it.”

“Should I have?” He shrugged, instantly turning a little sour. The fact I already knew helped, but even so I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Why were you there?”

“I fucked up. I did the time for it.”

I nod, not sure what to say. What ever had just been started, quickly disappeared as we were back to awkward silences and feeling uncomfortable. Michael looked angry, at me or with himself, I wasn’t sure, but the urge to stay away from him reappeared with a vengeance.

“I should go. I’m usually back by now.” I get up, not looking forward to the journey home as sitting there killed my enthusiasm for exercise.

“Good idea.” His voice was rough, and it felt more like a threat.

Forget not feeling like running, I moved like the devil was on my heels and the whole time I was positive I could still feel his gaze on my back. When I did dare to slow down and look to where we had been sitting, I realised how I was stupid for even thinking he was watching me because he was already gone.