Brother

The second I laid down in bed, I knew I wasn’t going to be sleeping. The blankets were too heavy, and too hot and without them, I felt exposed. It didn’t matter if I laid on my back or my side, my mind wouldn’t turn off and eventually, I gave in and went to Danny’s room. I barely closed the door before he was awake, and yawning loudly, he sat up slightly.

“Don’t say a word about the mess!” He warned, shifting over to one side.

“Wasn’t gonna,” I mumbled.

Danny pulled his pillow down like he was hugging it, and with that between us, I laid beside him, envious of how quickly he seemed able to shut off.

“Go to sleep Sar.” He sighed, yawning again.

I rolled my eyes. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be in his room and what was that smell?

“Did I do the right thing?”

“About what?”

“Michael.”

That got his attention and opening his eyes, he looked up at me. “Yes.”

“Your room stinks.”

“It’s the coffee cup over on the desk. I’ll clean it tomorrow.” He promised.

“What if we did just set Jake up to die?” I shifted further down the bed, resting against his pillow so the top of our heads was touching.

“Didn’t you say, forget it all, pretend everything is fine and we’ll work it out later?”

“Danny!”

“I know what has to happen, we can get him through it.” Danny sounded so sure.

“Why did he do it?” I wondered.

“Dunno. Wouldn’t talk to me about it. He just blurts it out to the guys, and they go to their Dad. He is all for it and suddenly he’s eaten a bit of flesh.”

“He what?” Sitting upright, I don’t want to ask, but I do. “Flesh of what?”

“Mr Blake.” He mumbles. “It’s the first part, it’s meant to like seal you to the pack or some shit. The second is the blood thing. It’s like a blood oath, and Jake had Joe’s blood smeared on his cheeks before the pair of them said this little chant, about pack and blood and stuff. Next up is the full moon and to release whatever that stuff does, you have to be bitten by a werewolf, to then start the change. Finally, you all go out on a hunt together as it lets all the wolves connect.”

“That is disgusting.”

“Well, we’re werewolves. It’s not like we’re going to sit in a circle and sing kumbaya while baking cookies. It’s a really old ritual. Apparently, you can trace it back to some guy, King Lycaon or something in Ancient Greek. That’s why you gotta eat human flesh, well werewolf flesh. I dunno, I was drunk when most of this went on.”

“Ancient Greece. Most people get a tattoo when they’re drunk or send embarrassing text messages at two am. You, you Danny, get yourself turned into a werewolf.”

He only grins at this. “Aren’t you glad I’m not like other brothers? Imagine how boring your life would be without me?”

I slapped his arm, before laying back down and manage to find a comfortable spot almost instantly. I don’t know if boring would be the alternative. Peaceful, uncomplicated, werewolf free - there are a million things my life could be if he was ’like other brothers’.

We stop talking and while I can’t help thinking about Michael now, but it doesn’t prevent me from falling asleep, it just makes sure he fills my dreams instead. Though they’re more like nightmares as I’m left stranded in the ocean, and he only watches me drown.

-x-

Christmas morning is chaos free as one by one we all emerge from our bedrooms to gather in the living room. Nanna has the coffee machine on and ready, while Mum puts out a tray of biscuits she made yesterday. Once upon a time, these were Santa’s cookies, and Danny and I would spend the better part of the afternoon making them with her.

While some things change, the routine of pre-christmas baking hasn’t and neither has the fact we open our presents before anything else on Christmas morning. It’s just done at a more reasonable time, instead of at the crack of dawn when Danny would wake me up after finding us surrounded by carefully wrapped boxes and a Santa sack of treasures. How Mum and Dad used to put it all out for us without waking us was a mystery; then again if werewolves exist - why couldn’t Santa?

I’m smiling as I sit beside Mum; leaning against her as she puts an arm over my shoulders.

“Merry Christmas baby girl.” She kisses my forehead instantly sending me back to every Christmas when we’d have a cuddle before the unwrapping started.

“Merry Christmas Mum.”

Dad comes in with Nanna, and passes me a coffee of my own, while Danny gets a hot chocolate. A murmur of Merry Christmas is passed around the group before Nanna sets her attention on what has been put out under the tree; most of which wasn’t there yesterday. Despite last night, Danny and I don’t have to fake anything as we get into the spirit of things and before long, the floor is littered with torn bits of brightly coloured paper.

How different did things really have to be with a black wolf in the family?

“I got you something Sar.” Danny moves to sit beside me, and passes over a small golden box. “If you don’t like it, that’s cool. I can prob just change it or something.”

Lifting the lid, the black gemstone instantly drew me in. The surface was rough; a raw stone, yet it still had an ability to shine. A silver chain threaded through it in a rather modern design that was so simple, it made it that much more stunning. It wasn’t very big, and due to the packaging, it looked so small and fragile against the white piece of velvet and for my brother to get something like this, I wondered who had helped him. Looking around at my family, they all seemed too surprised by it to be have been in on it.

“Danny, it’s beautiful!” It really was.

“It’s a black stone, it’s got a card in the lid there. The lady recommended it when I said I was shopping for my sister. Apparently, gems choose you, or some hippie nonsense.” He blushed slightly, trying to dismiss my praise as he started to get defensive in his explanation. “You don’t have to like it, but it made sense and she seemed persistent about it.”

“I’m serious, I love it!” I assured him.

Looking into the lid, he was right. A tiny piece of white card had been stuck on and with a couple of jewelled stickers holding it in, I quickly read over what it actually was. Black Tourmaline. I had never heard of it before, but the general idea of what this stone represents was protection and it was a good grounding tool in meditation and healing. There was also mention of being used in talismans to act as a psychic shield.

“Have you read this?”

He nodded. “Yeah. There were a couple of things I could choose from, but she seemed pretty sure about this one so I went with it. Makes sense hey?”

“Where did you get it?” I didn’t know of anywhere that sold things like this around here.

Danny shrugged and got up to go back beside Nanna, ending the conversation. I showed it to Mum and it was passed around; there was no denying how impressed everyone was. This wasn’t like Danny, and while they clearly had suspicions I was behind their gifts from him, this wasn’t.

I felt kind of lame now, simply getting Danny things I knew he wanted rather than looking outside the box and after breakfast, I followed him upstairs.

“Dan, where did you get this?” I asked again.

“The city, when I went up to meet Scott.” He admitted, not stopping to talk as he went into his room. “I had a couple of hours on my own so went for a walk. Don’t laugh, but I went in there to get my fortune told.”

While I kept straight-faced, he laughed. “She said the woman who normally does it was out, but I could smell her fear. I think she knew I wasn’t quite normal.”

I stopped him and gave him a hug before going to go and get ready for the rest of the day. I phoned Jake and checked on him; he was fine and wasn’t going to be in town today anyway since they had to go see his grandparents a couple of hours away down the coast. For whatever reason, I was tempted to call Michael but instead got on the phone with Rachelle until the rest of my family appeared.

Danny was in the kitchen with Mum, eating more of the cold ham than what was being set out on platters for lunch and while Dad went out the front to greet them, I hung out with Nanna, who was already working out how to use to the ebook reader my parents had gotten her.

“So, you got home late last night?” She didn’t even look up as she tapped away on the screen.

“Met up with Rach when she finished work and then Jake gave Danny and me a lift home.”

“Oh? Your boyfriend was okay with that?” Now she looked up. “Lovely necklace that one.”

“Thanks. He isn’t my boyfriend. I did what you said, and it wasn’t going to work.”

“What happened? Ex-girlfriend crash your date?” She asked seriously.

“What?”

“You two were not having a bad night. So what changed after you left?”

Michael wasn’t the only one needing to learn boundaries.

“We’re not compatible. Nan, let it go.” I practically growled at her.

She scoffed at that and as Debbie walked in, I’d never been happier to see her.

“Merry Christmas!” I bounced up from the chair and hugged them all, causing the room to be filled with fake laughs and forced cheer. “That is a lovely dress!”

“Thank you.” Debbie ran her hands over the short hem of the red dress and I wasn’t even lying. It was a nice dress. “Hi Nan!”

I was quickly dismissed as the attention moved on to our grandmother and Noah came in last, carrying a couple of bags of ice, with a bottle of wine close to falling from where he had it wedged under his arm. Taking the wine, I led him out the back, where the ice was needed for the esky Dad had set up for everyone drinks. Just before we went back inside, Noah stopped me.

“Look, Sarah, it’s none of my business and I’ve only just met you, but that guy you were with last night, Michael Blake? He’s not someone you should associate with.” He told me with a frown.

I thought it over for a second, before deciding to go with it. “How do you know Michael?”

“When I was doing work placement, the firm I was with handled his case. I knew he was familiar, and when your Nan told me his name, I worked it out. You seem like a good kid, and to get mixed up-”

“I know, about all of that and don’t worry. It’s all over, and Danny isn’t involved with anything either.” I assured him.

“They’re dangerous people Sarah. If you get into any kind of trouble, call me. I have a few contacts who can help with his kind, you know, criminals. Do you know about the Howlers?” Noah glanced inside, his nervousness not hidden now.

“Only what is on TV and in the paper and stuff.” I wasn’t about to tell him how much I actually knew.

“He is, was, part of it until things went to shit for him. One of my police buddies was over the moon about Blake being locked up. He’d been working undercover with them for a while, and he was keeping his eye on him, even though he was just a kid. By the time he turned eighteen, and his Mum died, Fellan was mentoring him. That guy is just, wrong and- well, his time will be up one day. Someone will talk, and evidence will stick; he isn’t as invincible as he thinks he is!”

“You know it was Scott who got him out of jail right?” I blurted out without thinking.

“Thought so. It all happened very hush-hush. No one knows anything, there is no paperwork, and even our files are gone on the original case. My superiors claim they know nothing, and between us, I’m certain I only got my job because I was told to forget everything and this way they can keep an eye on me.”

So why tell me; like he said before, we barely know each other. Since he was willing to talk, I was going to try and find out what I could.

“What do you know about Scott?” We ended up sitting at the outside table, and Christmas songs began to sound out from the stereo inside.

“Not much. He was the founder of the Howlers back in the late eighties, and before then he used to run his own business, importing furniture or something. The club nearly tripled in size in the first year and took out another to get control of the state. He isn’t actually President though, Blake’s Dad was. Leadership is still in dispute now from what my sources tell me. They claim they’re just a peaceful, law-abiding motorcycle club, and whenever a member is unlucky enough to be caught in a bust, all ties to them disappear.”

I didn’t know much about this stuff, but how did a whole gang simply get away with all they did?

“From what we can work out, there are two factions within the club. The founders and their families are spotless. No criminal records, they play suburban saints perfectly. They own small businesses, pass every tax audit and look like they’re living out the fairytale of going from doing it tough to millionaires doing nothing other than hard work. There are different club houses, and it’s Scott’s brother who takes most of the heat. He seems willing to do it too.”

“Who is he?” I’d never heard of another Fellan, and kept trying to coax him into talking more.

Knowledge is power.

“Guy Davies. Half brother. They don’t advertise themselves as Howlers. He is the one getting arrested every other week when one of his drug fucked clones gets caught and cries his name for help.” Noah groans. “Then we’ve got no case. Fellan comes in, something happens to make us look incompetent; people go missing or turn up dead and it just keeps going. He’s paid off most of the people in power, others are too scared of him. Ten years the cops have been working on a case, and apart from a bunch of question marks, they’ve got nowhere!”

“That must be really hard for you guys, trying to do the right thing?” I sympathise.

“Trying. I get put on petty divorce cases and property disputes. One of my senior partners has to be in on it.” Noah just kept talking; like he’s been waiting for someone to offload all of this on and now, here I am. “There’s something not right about them Sarah. I can’t work out what it is, but I can see a bit of it in Danny.”

Instantly got a little defensive. “In Danny?”

“He has that same, wary look about him that they do. Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” He blushed slightly and took a sip of his drink. “I was so excited to get out of town for a bit, but instead I find the Blakes.”

Shaking his head, he suddenly looks at me like he just remembered I’m there. “I- I have no idea why I just told you all of that. I’m sorry. I, just wanted to warn you to stay away from the Blakes.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” I smile, trying to reassure him.

“We should go back inside.” He gets up and disappears, while I just sit there digesting what he just told me.

Danny soon takes his place, a knowing look on his face.

“What?” I ask.

“I heard all of that, you didn’t even know what you were doing!”

“Huh?”

“Tell me more! I’m such a good listener!” Danny mocks. “You saw his weakness and pounced on it. Wolf or not, something in you is changing. If I was sitting out here I’d be blabbing all my life stories to you as well.” He scolded. “I wanna try something.”

I just sat there, feeling numb. What had I been doing?

Danny closed his eyes, and his face scrunched up in concentration. Just when I was about to interrupt whatever this was, I felt it.

Happiness. My insides felt warm like I’d just had a hot drink that was still burning in my stomach. Instantly I put my hand on my chest, unable to stop myself from smiling. Amusement. Peace. My grin turned into a proper smile despite feeling a little crazy.

“Danny?” I finally asked.

“Wait.” He mumbled, his frown deepening as the feeling faded and guilt washed over me, not as bad as last night, but almost.

“Are you-”

“Yeah.” Opening his eyes, he grinned, clearly proud of himself. “How did you know about last night?”

“I felt your guilt,” I answered dryly.

“I want you to try, close your eyes, and think of me, and an emotion.” He urged.

I felt stupid, but tried it anyway. Unfortunately for him, the first thing I could think of was how annoyed I was and the feeling was gradual for him like it had been for me. It was instant.

“Sarah!” He snapped, and opening my eyes, he looked angrier than I had ever felt. “Really? Anger?”

“It’s my natural reaction to you lately! Did I- did, did that just actually happen?”

There was no need to close my eyes as I focused on him, and muscle by muscle, he lost the tense posture and then as I watched, he mellowed out.

I did that.

“What the hell?” I gasped.

“Cool huh? I was just thinking about what Mr Blake said last night, about our connection. You felt the pain of my change because I was thinking of you. The first time was because I was scared for you, being there, and the second was because I felt guilty and again, you were what I was thinking about.”

“Not cool! No!” Standing up, I tried not to freak out completely.

“Calm down!” I could see him trying to do it again, and it didn’t work.

“How? How can I calm down?”

“Lunch is ready!” Mum yelled from inside.

“The necklace should help, either block it or enhance it. I wonder if you can hear my thoughts too?” Danny was in awe, while I was nearly having a meltdown.

“I don’t want your thoughts! I don’t want you to share your feelings with me either!” I snapped, trying to keep my voice down.

“I wonder if I can hear yours?” He grinned at me, “kidding! I’m kidding.”

“I hate you.”

Storming past him, I took a deep breath and went inside. He laughed behind me and followed until he saw the seating arrangement which had him next to Annabelle and Dad. I managed to get a seat between Noah and Mum; opposite Danny. Problem was, now he’d mentioned the thought thing, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I stared at Danny, and after a minute or two, he noticed. It only made him uncomfortable, and he even tried talking to Annabelle to distract himself.

’Hate you!’ I kept repeating, clueless as to what else to say; over and over again.

“Shut up Sarah!” Danny finally snapped a few minutes later.

“Danny!” Mum scolded instantly, “She wasn’t even saying anything!”

“Yes, she was!” He argued, glaring at me.

It took a second before the realisation of what had happened hit him, while I simply smiled innocently and finally picked up a piece of lunch; acting oblivious to it all. The strange thing was, I felt the connection there now, a tickle in the back of my mind like someone was blowing against the back of my neck and laughing at him, he frowned.

He was trying to say something back. I knew he was and finally, he closed his eyes; nothing.

The feeling got too much and rubbing the back of my neck, it stopped and Danny mimicked my actions. Everyone was too busy talking and eating to notice our silent battle. When we were little we used to pretend we could do that. I think it’s how we got so used to reading each other's body language and could tell when one of us was upset, despite what they’d say.

“How did you do that?” Danny pounced the second we took the empty plates into the kitchen.

“Do what?” I played dumb.

“Sarah!”

“Danny!”

He pinched me, and so I slapped him. That suddenly had us each with a tea towel, ready to destroy the other until there was a knock on the front door. Danny moved quicker than I could, the playful mood was gone as he reminded me more of a dog in guard mode.

“Is someone at the door?” Dad called out to us.

“Danny’s got it!” I answered, quickly following. I already knew who was there.

“Let me talk to her,” Michael demanded.

“No. Leave!” Danny growled. He went to shut the door when Michael stopped him and turned to look at me.

“Sarah, please.”

The pathetic way he said my name pulled at my heart. He didn’t look like he’d had an easy night. Dark circles had formed under his eyes and even the way he held himself, made me wince as he looked stiff and sore. Not that it changed anything. He stood up a little straighter as I moved forward, and stood in front of Danny, resting my hand on the door.

“We’re in the middle of a family lunch. You need to go, or did I not make myself clear last night?” Shutting the door in his face, I made sure to lock it and his shadow stayed in the glass panel in the middle.

Without a word, I went upstairs and a minute or two later, Danny was knocking on my door and coming in.

“You did the right thing.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” I huffed, hugging my pillow as I curled up on my bed.

“You heard Noah, you’ve seen what they’re like. One of us has to be the smart one and stay away from them. If I could, I’d go back and ignore them, treat those two like any other new kid, and never, ever, let myself think I needed this to be a better person.” He confessed.

“I can’t believe you even did in the first place.”

“It’s hard for me, you do things right and I just, can’t. I didn’t think I belonged here, that mum and dad were one step away from kicking me out and the way they described the pack was awesome. No family thinking less of you, everyone has your back and you never feel alone.”

“Danny, you aren’t ever alone here. Just let Mum and Dad in! We’ll all do anything for you and I always will, despite how mental you make me! I don’t know why you felt like that, but I’m sorry that you did.” I reached out and rested my hand on his arm.

“I know that now, I just, I don’t know what was wrong with me. I’m an asshole, and I really am sorry.”

My door opened and Annabelle poked her head in, glancing around my room like it was a foreign land. “I got sent up here to be social. Mum took away my phone.”

“Oh. Um, come in then?” I offered.

She looked at Danny cautiously as she walked past us and sat in the corner of my room. “You two are weird.”

Danny groaned and went to leave, but I grabbed his arm and kept him sitting on the bed.

“Why?”

“You’re twins.” She shrugged.

“It’s okay, I know you’re just jealous.” I smiled sweetly at her.

“Why would I be jealous?” Annabelle snapped. “You act like freaks always hanging out with each other and even now you’re up here together!”

“So? You’re up here now too. Are you a freak?”

“No!”

“What is your problem with us? I don’t really care, but I think you need to grow up and get over it.”

Danny barely managed to stop his laugh as her mouth dropped.

“He’s a juvenile delinquent and you act like you’re such a goody two-shoes nerd, when I saw you with that guy last night. You’re a slut! How are we even related?”

Now my mouth dropped and as I stood up, Danny went silent too; for different reasons.

“You know, I always wonder that too. Mummy took away your phone, so you can’t talk to your fake friends and you come up here and dare to talk to us like that? If I were you, I’d run downstairs right now before you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

She actually stood up, pushing back her brassy blonde hair as she dared to square off against me. “Don’t like the truth?”

“Truth? Considering you’re little more than a pretentious bitch, who can’t make a decision on her own without consulting Mummy and Daddy while being so insecure, you try and hurt anyone else around you, what do you know about truth?”

“You don’t know what my life is like! You’re down here with no rules and parents who are home every night and aren’t always fighting and I don’t even have my sister anymore because she’s moved out and I don’t know what to do!” She yelled back. “I mean, whoever does when this happens?

Somehow I felt like we were talking about two entirely different things now, and it wasn’t actually about me and Danny at all. It never was and meeting her gaze, my anger calmed to a slight rage.

“Annabelle, we’re not the enemy and our life isn’t what you think it is.” I glanced at Danny who shrugged, while our cousin looked like she was about to burst into tears. I can imagine how that’s going to go downstairs after the last time I made Deborah chuck a tantrum. “Despite what you do think about me, and Danny, we’re your family whether you want us or not. What’s going on?”

I barely finished before she was hugging me, in near hysterics as I stood there like a statue.

“I’m pregnant.” She cried.

“What?” I gasped and heard the door shut, Danny was gone leaving me to deal with, this. Jerk.

“I found out last week. My boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago and thinks I’m lying to get him back.” I had just opened a door I didn’t know how to close and ended up sitting on the bed with her as she let it all out. “I told Deb, but she said she didn’t have time for my problems now she had Noah and I can’t tell anyone else.”

“What about your parents?” The first person I’d go to is my Mum.

“They’re about to get a divorce. They live separate lives already and I’m surprised they’re even able to get along down here for so long with no one noticing.”

She lets it all out, from how horrible her year has been since everyone seems to turn to her to let out their frustrations. Her parents blame her for their arguments, Deborah pretty much cut her out of her life and her friends only care about the materialistic things she’d been raised to appreciate it.

She was lonely and seeing her perspective, I could understand how werewolves got their recruits. I bet she’d jump at a chance to be part of a pack. So I told her what I told Danny.

“You’re not alone Annabelle. We’re family, there is always a place here for you!”

“How? You all hate me too!” She sobbed, finally sitting up to wipe her eyes and nose.

“We don’t hate you.” Yes, we do. “You just don’t make it easy to like you.”

“Girls?” Nanna called out and coming in, the look on her face told me Danny had shared Annabelle’s news. “Come here, Belle!”

I had to give Nanna some credit. She could play whatever role we wanted her to be and right now, she was concerned Grandmother when her granddaughter needed someone. Half an hour later we all decided Annabelle could spend a few more days down here and she’d head home after New Years. Nanna would take her to the doctors, and be there when she had to tell her parents.

When all of us came back downstairs, it was present time again and I didn’t miss the look from my own mum when she saw us all getting along, and the way Annabelle looked. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she avoided looking at anyone just in case they noticed.

“Do I want to know what happened or will the explosion be what sends them off for another year?” Mum whispered to me as we went to finish decorating the pavlova for dessert.

“No explosion, but it’s okay if Belle stays for a few more days right? I’ll tell you everything once they’ve gone.” I promised.

“Of course. Everything okay?” She frowned.

“Yeah.” I stopped and hugged her tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart. Oh, who was at the door before?”

“Doorknockers. Just asking for a donation for some children's charity. I gave them some change from the bowl.” Next to the key holder, there was a bowl of change. Typically we saved it for when the ice cream truck came around.

“Oh, good girl. Come on, the sooner this is done, the sooner your Aunt will leave!” She smirked.

I kept to the back of the room, watching my family interact. Everyone was getting along, even Danny who had a friend in Noah. The pair set up a game of Connect Four on the coffee table, the game was kind of random, but seemingly useful. Deborah compared perfumes with her Mum, while my own parents sat together on the lounge, admiring the photography book Nanna had gotten them from some artist they liked.

My Uncle and Nanna were talking quietly by the front door, probably Nanna sorting out Annabelle staying with us and finding my cousin, she joined Danny and Noah. How did we go from enemies to friends so quickly? What was I even thinking, keeping her around when it was hard enough to juggle Danny and the Blakes with our parents, let alone a house full of people?

My head started to hurt, and the weight of everything began to press down on my shoulders. Leaving them, I found some painkillers and my phone sat on the kitchen bench by the charger. Hitting the on button, my screen was full of notifications and skimming over the messages from my friends, I stopped at the one from Michael.

Michael Blake

14:42 Please! Meet me tonight, you know where. Mx

I think Danny was wrong to always think of me as the smart one, because as I stared at the message I was actually stupid enough to consider going.