Born From Ash (Book I of The Flame Trilogy)

The bastard keeps me on that fucking collar for almost two weeks, if it isn’t for how well we’ve begun to get along I might’ve considered strangling him.

Dimitri and I bond greatly after I mark him. I can now feel some of his strongest emotions, so I know that he genuinely cares and trusts me. I’m no longer afraid of the notion that he’s my soulmate. I guess it makes it easier that whenever we’re behind closed doors, which is a lot, Dimitri is always different from his ‘Alpha’ persona.

He helps me to re-learn how to read and write, he teaches me how to use our bond to call him or talk to him and has even asked for my opinion on our situation. We have no idea how long it would be until Shadow Fang came to claim me, and whilst I still haven’t shared any of the information beyond Aleksandr wanting to insight war, Dimitri has already started to put things into place.

His efforts are admiral. He has started to collect as much data as possible to present to the other Alpha’s when the time comes, though considering my non compliance, it’s a sparse folder. He has also started a new, harder, training routine for his pack to follow, and has even had more drills about what to do in a situation of war. I still try to tell him that he needs every wolf on the front line- but he hasn’t relented yet. That’s another thing that I’ve learnt to dislike. Frustratingly he always gets the last word.

He is still the stoic unfeeling Alpha in front of the rest of the pack- something that would probably never change- so I have to remember to speak to him through our bond instead of out loud.

We learn about one another, hell, I learn about myself. Stupid trivial things like favourite colour, and food and all other stupid things that don’t really matter but things we want to know none the less. Since I have a lot less experience with things like that, he makes sure that I get to try, and do, all his favourite things so that I can at least enjoy the things he does.

After spending so much time with him, I know one thing is for sure; he has become my favourite thing. For the short month that I’ve spent at his pack, he has slowly been growing on me.

I finally realise that I don’t need his permission to speak, and I take full advantage of it. Sometimes admittedly I push my luck, but never in front of the pack lest I get collared again. I realise that he doesn’t mind so much as long as it isn’t in front of the pack; I find it strange but nonetheless comply. I have a feeling that Dimitri has gotten used to my crass, indecorous actions. Now looking back on things there have been plenty of times that I’d pushed his buttons, but the only time it ever had a consequence is when I did it in front of his men.

From observing all the prissy, demure other bitches in his pack I’d say I’m a breath of fresh air. They’re all treated like delicate flowers, never lifting a finger except to do ludicrous and unnecessary things like going to brunch. Dimitri often tries to treat me as such, but every time I fight back; you win some, you lose some. I could go insane, being with a mate who’s so nice. It’s too different to what I’ve always known, like being a mere thing letting time pass you by; it’s so depressing.

I can’t deny that part of me misses that in Shadow Fang I can do things. I’m a warrior to be feared, dominating any trial thrown my way. Sure, some of the others look down on me because I’m short but never because of my gender. Besides time after time, I proved my fearless ferocity.

We argue on the issue several times, but he is extremely reluctant to allow the bitches the ability to do much else since it’ll be breaking nearly 500 years of pack history. I’d backfire that the whole idea was giving them a choice; I know for a fact that so many bitches have skills that could strengthen and forward the pack but they’re being wasted because they simply aren’t given the opportunity.

The last time we had this argument he seemed almost worn down, he had been thoughtful of my responses but still hasn’t implemented any of the things we had talked about.

The more we talk, the more I feel free... Though there’s still a part of me that I hold back. I know that I have to tell him about what I am eventually, but part of me is still terrified that he won’t want to help me, or just want me, afterwards. Why would he? I’m truly an abomination and he deserves better.

It’s the late hours of the night and I’m utterly restless. I lay beside Dimitri, in the twilight hours of the morning, tossing and turning.

I had agreed to reveal more about Aleksandr’s plan to him- a deal is a deal and with only two months until the next mate conference I have to hold up my end of the bargain. But it would mean having to talk about what’s really happening in ShadowFang borders.... and consequently, what I am.

All I can think about is the dreaded moment that he finds out what I really am. He already knows something is up, and with our deeper connection from being marked and mated, I could only hide it for so much longer. The man is by no means stupid, he can sense my power, my difference but he just didn’t know what it is. I’ve seen him watching me, when he thinks I’m not looking- I know that it’s not just curiosity driving him anymore which makes it even worse.

I don’t know how to tell him, and honestly, I’m not sure I trust him with it. I don’t even know what trust is in the first place, how am I supposed to know if I trust him? I don’t know how much longer I can hide it for, but I would do all that I could to keep it a secret as long as possible. Just thinking about her makes me itch with disgust- I can’t imagine what Dimitri’s reaction would be.

Dimitri feeling my constant movement pulls me closer slinging an arm over my waist before placing a chaste kiss on my temple.

“Sleep.” He grumbles sleepily. I let out a small huff, adjusting my head on my pillow and staring into the inky blackness of our bedroom.

Ever since the first night we slept in the same bed, we’ve silently agreed to sleep in the same room; all of my things have even been moved in with Dimitri’s. I’d thought the first night of the arrangement would’ve been awkward, but it wasn’t, if anything, it felt natural.

I stare so long that the darkness seems to bend and move, closing in on me, getting even darker until there is pure nothingness. The darkness is comforting, all-consuming, so much so that I don’t even realise that I’m falling asleep.

My eyes flutter open drowsily, a cold gust of air kicking me into my senses. I’m completely naked, laying uncomfortably on a raw metal table on my back. At first, I think maybe it’s Dimitri or something but as my eyes travelled down to the thick leather straps holding down my arms, stomach and feet I know that this is something far worse.

A small niggle in the back of my mind tells me that I’ve been here before, but I can’t recall anything. The room is blindingly white with an oppressing clinically sterile precision; another light overhead has me squinting with its brutality, I lay deathly still, shut my eyes and calm my breathing.

Voices, footsteps, and a clock ticking are the only sounds around me until they’re standing right over me. I concentrate on the voices, I have to decipher the words since my mind and body feels so sluggish.

“She’s doing remarkably well, considering the other subjects didn’t reach this stage of testing.” The first voice is raspy, wavering slightly towards the end of his sentence. He’s probably an Elder of some sort.

Others? Stage of testing? What is happening? I try to move, but my body doesn’t cooperate. My mind too clouded with a mix of fear and confusion, I could do nothing but panic.

“Yes, she might just be the diamond in the rough that we’ve been searching for.” The second man says, his voice is clearer. Direct with an intense power behind it, I don’t dare to sneak a glance at his face.

“I’m almost certain of it.” The first voice responds with a deep sincerity. “The only thing is she keeps suppressing her wolf, she can somehow even resist a forcible shift. We gave her the strongest dose possible without killing her and still nothing.”

“That’s okay, supposing she lives, she won’t be able to suppress shift under the blood moon and lucky for us, there’s one due in the next couple of weeks.”

There’s a sharp, stabbing pain in the side of my neck, followed by an intense pressure. I can’t keep my eyes shut anymore as my body responds to the unwelcome invasion, my mouth parts as a scream rips from my throat from the blinding pain.

Then it comes back to me, why this place and the voices are familiar; every lash, every ‘lesson’, every disgusting and dehumanizing action they had carried out against me and the other survivors of my pack.

This is a memory.

I’m moving, or the slab that I’m strapped to is moving. First, I’m raised higher. The loud whirring and groaning of the mechanics working deafens me as the gears turn and move. Suddenly my legs are pulled back until I’m suspended vertically, then I’m lowered into a glass chamber.

My heart pounds painfully against my chest when a green, scalding liquid begins to fill the tank quickly. I still can’t move and with the water rising dangerously I’m convinced that I’m going to die.

My eyes lock with the two bastards responsible for my current torture, and silently vow that if by some miracle I do survive, they would know hell by my hands. I would rip them to shreds, slowly, savouring every moment of their pain; I would laugh at their pain and bathe in their blood.

The water rises above my head. I hold my breath until the very last moment; until my lungs begin aching for air, until I’m sure they will burst, and my throat begins to tingle.

Then I’m drowning.

My body is desperately confused as the water fills my lungs, I try to cough, to fight and wiggle, to do anything no matter how helpless I feel. The terror and confusion, never once leaving me as I try to fight the inevitable.

I’m burning, but not on fire.

I wake in a flood of sweat and tears. Dimitri hovers over me with a desperate, confused expression etched into his features. I push him away, staggering over to the window; I need air.

My lungs are flaming as if I truly had just been in that tank, as if I had really been starved for air. Dimitri grunts but follows my movements, rubbing my back gently when I stick my head out the window to greedily, gulp in the fresh air.

I’m scorching from the inside out, my entire body alight with the unsettling feeling. It takes nearly 5 minutes for me to calm down completely, it’s remarkably easier once I focus on the sound of Dimitri’s voice.

I’m grateful for his quiet whispers of encouragement, reminding me that he’s right there, and it was only a dream. I wish he was right, that it was simply a dream, but it wasn’t- this is my reality, my waking nightmare.

Dimitri takes me back to the bed, but I refuse to lay down. I don’t want to sleep out of fear of seeing some horrible memory playing behind my eyelids again; I don’t give a fuck if that makes me weak.

I put my head in my hands breathing deeply, the memory of the dream still stuck in my mind. Disbelief clouding my mind as I realise the true extent of Aleksandr’s cruelty; they’ve been doing experiments on us! That’s why he never told us how we were different.

I always knew that I’m unnatural, but to see it is another story.

I cough, choking on the raw hatred that engulfs me both for Aleksandr and myself. The darkness in my mind threatens to consume me but I’m brought back by Dimitri. He kneels between my legs brushing back my sweat streaked hair soothingly. Suddenly things aren’t so bad, the comfort is enough for me to turn a blind eye to all the murderous things I want to do to that fucking prick.

“Another memory?” He murmurs soft and sympathetic.

I nod, whispering: “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He doesn’t push me at all, he just keeps running his hands through my sweaty hair and in that moment, I don’t care for anything but that soothing warmth that he radiates. He’s doing this for me.

After a couple minutes he gets up, pulling my hands away from my face and leads me towards the bathroom. I watch with confusion as he places me on the closed toilet seat and fills the tub, adding a gorgeous smelling soap.

I watch as the bubbles froth, filling the tub. He pulls me up ever so gently, eyes on mine and never once flickering away as he peels off my nightgown and underwear before guiding me into the tub. His actions are so careful as though I’m fragile; had I not gotten to know him- the real him- I would’ve been surprised by it.

I look away whilst he undresses, giving him some semblance of privacy though I guess such an idea was dumb considering we’ve had each other plenty of times, and we’re going to bathe together. His skin slides against mine as he pulls me into his lap, his arm wrapping around my stomach.

His free hand cups the warm, soapy water and pours it onto my shoulder; rubbing and soothing away the tension gathered there. His lips brush over the nape of my neck in a lingering, barely-there kiss.

“Whenever you decide you want to talk, I’ll be here for you my mate.” He murmurs against the skin of my shoulder.

Then he just holds me; laying back with me in his arms, the warmth of the water covering our bodies like a blanket. It takes everything within me not to just burst into tears, his comfort, though I’ve begun to get used to it, is still strange to me.

I’ve gone through most of my life alone, struggling and dealing with shit on my own. It’s kind of pleasant having someone else to lean on for a change. As long as his arms are open to hold me, I’ll gladly take advantage of his comfort.

“Thank you.”