Born From Ash (Book I of The Flame Trilogy)

We leave the pack house in Chaka’s territory as the sun starts to surface on the horizon. Due to our encounter the night before, Dimitri and I get just shy of 4 hours sleep. I expected to feel groggy, or tired when I woke up but I didn’t, in fact, I think I had the best sleep that I’ve ever had last night.

Our guide- Osei- decides it’s best for us to take the ‘off road’ path to Dawn Stalker territory. According to him, it’s both faster and more exciting considering we have to drive through temperate-dry terrain- it’s a very different ecosystem to the mountains of White Claw that’s for sure.

The journey lasts roughly three hours and passes without any of the anticipated ‘excitement’. Judging by the disappointed looks, a few of the men are bummed at the lack of action; considering we’ve been travelling for so long without any real entertainment- save for Chaka’s hospitality- I understand completely.

Pulling up to what was once Dawn Stalkers territory doesn’t go how I expect it to. I thought that I would feel something, anything, but instead I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Dimitri pulls me out of the car by my hand, guiding me with a hand on the small of my back. He silently urges me to walk around to see if I can find something, or perhaps trigger a memory. He walks behind me as I take small steps forward, looking around.

Off to the east lies a large field; and with my eyesight I can just make out the tall grass and newly blooming bright flowers. The sight stirs something in me, like a warm nudging in my stomach but beyond that, nothing. The blowing of the wind makes me cast my attention back to the scene around me. The scent of war and chaos still stains the air faintly- I don’t think it would ever really leave.

There are pieces of rotten, charred wood scattered everywhere. Even after all the time that has passed, the destruction of this place remains; half standing buildings wrought with scorch marks and ivy- the only standing memory of the pack that once lived here.

I step over a fragment of wood; it may have been part of a beam in one of the buildings long ago. My boots crunch against the cobblestone path, little stones sticking in the soles of my boots.

I take everything in, with all of my senses trying to feel what it was like- to live, to belong; to be loved. Nothing comes to me, but still I wait. I know it’s here. As much as I feel nothing, I can still sense everything; there is a small stirring in my gut and that’s enough to tell me: this is it.

The stirring becomes more urgent the closer I get to one of the half standing buildings. All I can do is trust and follow this gut feeling; I guess relying on feelings isn’t as terrible a thing as I was taught- it’s actually quite powerful.

There’s no longer a doorway, it had been reduced to a pile of ash and rubble a long time ago. The patches of flowers and grass that litter the area is enough to tell me that.

I can’t stop myself from running my fingers across the half standing wall; it’s like a magnet within me, something drawing me ever closer.

Then it comes in sparks and flashes. Images of fire and blood, I can hear screaming, crying and crackling. It’s as if I’m seeing the past, only through a foggy window. My palms are uncomfortably clammy with sweat, my body reacting unconsciously to the scene; terror cloaks my skin, the sensation weighing down my gut like a stone.

My head begins pounding, like it’s going to explode. It’s all too much. It’s almost like my memories are trying to resurface but just keep slamming against a wall instead; then something pushes through, as if slipping through a crack into my consciousness.

I faintly hear the sound of urgent shouting and grunts, but my head is ringing so hard I can’t tell if it’s the present or my past.

A haunting voice echoes in my mind as I hear a deafening scream: “Run Arashi!”

Is the voice screaming at me?

It has to be, because I heard it clear as day. I feel something within me awaken at the sound of that name.

Arashi.

Is that my name?

Arms surround me, pulling me into a warm chest. The irritatingly comforting scent of Dimitri fills my senses, and in that moment, I can finally hear myself think again.

His thumbs brush my face gently; I hadn’t noticed that I’ve started crying.

I look up to Dimitri with haunted eyes as he continues to stroke my hair gently. His softness is startling for an Alpha- for the same Alpha that has shoved my face in the dirt and held me by my neck to subdue me.

I don’t know whether I could really trust him or not. I feel like I can, part of me wants to; but my head always tells me not to, to stay cautious.

I knew that Shadow Fang needed to be stopped, I was standing in the proof of their destruction. I couldn’t stop them by myself, no matter how much I hated to admit it- it was the truth.

I have to start trusting my feelings a little bit more. They have gotten me far beyond what I thought possible, perhaps they could continue to guide me. If there is anything I’ve learnt from this experience is that trusting what I feel could be a great asset, but my biggest fear is that what I feel for him could get in the way of what I have to do.

But this isn’t just about me, Dimitri has put his faith in me too. I owe him for that. I owe it to my pack, to my real pack, to trust him. He is the only one who can help me with this.

“M-My n-name.” I rasp tiredly, my energy drained from the overwhelming flashback. “My name is Arashi.”

I can no longer hold myself up, leaning against Dimitri for support. The sound of my blood rushing in my ears is the only thing I can hear, blurring the sounds of my surroundings, it feels as if I’m going through a tunnel at top speed and everything is rushing past. There’s stinging pain everywhere, but I can’t do much more than groan. My eyelids grow heavy, all I can think about is the encompassing darkness that is beginning to creep in.

There’s no point in fighting it, so I don’t. I welcome it wholeheartedly.

“Arashi?” A deep baritone echoes around me; I can hear it but it seems really far away. It sounds familiar, but just barely. Arashi? Who is that? “C’mon open your eyes.”

My head is swimming, and an intense amount of pressure builds behind my eyelids as I try to open them. The pain has me groaning, abandoning my efforts to wake up. The voice continues its urging with a delicate softness which sounds alien with the gruff baritone. It continues to speak that name- Arashi.

Is that me? Is that my name?

“Try again Mate, just open your eyes for me.” His voice is somewhat closer, and quieter.

There’s a softness against my hair as foreign fingers play with the short black strands. The small amounts of electricity that stem from the connection is highly comforting, almost encouraging me to try again.

I focus all of my energy into that one task, it feels draining, taking everything within me to carry it out. My chapped lips part slightly as I gasp in panic, I have no clue where I am or what happened to me.

My eyes snap open and I’m blinded by the sudden light. A sharp pain stabs at my head from the sheer intensity, so I have to shut them straight away. Thud, thud, thud. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest, hell I bet even he can hear it with how violently it’s beating.

“Calm down, you’re fine...I’ve got you.” His fingers caress my hair gently.

I groan slightly before opening my eyes and letting them adjust to the light. The room is sparklingly white with the distinct smell of disinfectant. Dimitri is sitting beside me on what looks to be an uncomfortable green leather seat. He’s the one who had been talking to me; waking me up and calming me down with his soothing hair strokes.

“Where are we?” My voice is hoarse from lack of use- for how long now, I’m not entirely sure.

“We’re back in White Claw territory,” he answers. “You’ve been in a coma for over a week. The girls have been looking after you since we came back.”

I remain silent as I try to process his words. I’d been asleep for an entire week? I search my memory to try to find what happened to put me into such a state. The last thing I remember is arriving at the Dawn Stalkers territory and seeing the carnage.

“What happened?” I turn to look at him, my eyebrows furrow in question. Was going back to Dawn Stalker territory helpful? I did end up in a coma so that is debatable. “Did I remember something?”

“Yes, you said your name was Arashi.” He retracts his hands leaving me cold and admittedly slightly irked. “The Healer said that the memory was too much for your mind, so you shut down.”

“Arashi, huh?” I turn away from him. It feels right, familiar- like me, whoever that is. But even with the new knowledge, my mind still draws a blank.

Why can’t I remember anything?! This isn’t supposed to happen. Going to Dawn Stalker territory was supposed to fill the gaps in my memory, not make more.

It pisses me off, anger and doubt building within me like a fire pulsing through my veins and encompassing my entire body. Hot, burning destruction pulsing through my veins.

It’s different from the anger that I’m used to feeling. This is harsh and out of control- I quickly decide that I don’t like it. It feels like I’m losing control, but not in the feral way that I’m accustomed to; it’s as if the ground is suddenly giving way below my feet and I want nothing more than to lash out for it. Somehow it’s worse than mind numbing bloodlust, at least there is a satisfaction in bloodlust- albeit sadistic and disturbing but an enjoyment nonetheless.

What if I never regain my memory?

I would be exactly who they want me to be; I would always be their puppet, brainwashed and completely at their mercy.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t hear Dimitri speak to me, all I can think about is what this set-back means for me, for the future.

My hands grip my head painfully as I think hard about our journey, maybe I can force myself to remember. I tunnel my way through my memories trying to dig them out, draw them out; anything so that I won’t feel so fucking useless.

I had never stopped to consider the fact my plan might not work, because I so desperately need it to. I don’t know where to go from here or what to do which simply adds to the anger and frustration.

My nails pinch my scalp painfully, I barely even notice as they draw blood, my teeth gritting with the amount of force. I groan which quickly turns into a shout of anger- not at the pain I’ve inflicted on myself but at the frustration of yet again being thwarted by Aleksandr.

Dimitri shouts something, but my brain doesn’t decipher it; I’m far too deep in my own head to understand. Confusion, then a mix of panic and frustration passes through me like an electric current when Dimitri grabs me, pinning my hands down. There comes the chaotic sound of running feet and a few more frantic shouts around me as someone else looms near me.

Everything spins, I’m watching as everything tumbles further out of control and I’m unable to do a thing. I feel sick from being so disorientated, lost in my thoughts and yet trying to get a grip on the present. I’d never admit it, but it’s slightly frightening. Everything is overwhelming, I want to scream, cry and rage all at the same time. I don’t know what to do or how to feel.

A sharp pain in my arm refocuses my attention for a split second before the drowsiness hits me. The last thing I hear is Dimitri’s voice accompanying the involuntary impending sleep.

“Rest Arashi, you need to rest.”

My anger flares as I realise what has happened, what he has allowed to happen. I watch his face blur to intelligible blobs of colour as darkness creeps up in my peripheral vision. He moves, and even in my dissociated state I recognise his familiar, tingling touch as he guides my head back to a pillow gently.

Coherent thought coming back to me for a split second along with the rush of annoyance.

This is wasting time.

God, I want to slap him.

Dimitri

Arashi. Her name is Arashi.

Goddess if it wasn’t beautiful, it suits her well too.

She’s so damn stubborn; she is so ready to run headfirst into her past, into this war, that she doesn’t care if she gets hurt. I have a feeling that she would have no problem hurting herself if only out of spite or to prove a point; the thought doesn’t sit well with me.

The healers move around Arashi’s now unconscious form, cleaning her up from her previous mutilation. I watch her carefully, unable to stop the heavy sigh that escapes me; I had agreed to try to help her but I wasn’t sure of what the cost would be. I’m still not sure. That’s another thought that doesn’t sit well with me.

Not even my mate could be worth the destruction of an entire pack, the slaughter of innocent lives. She has shown me, I have seen with my very eyes the extent of her capabilities; she’s made it clear that each bit of ink is a consequence of- a reward for- something terrible that she has done. And she’s almost covered, head to toe.

But this self sacrifice that she keeps diving into, makes me somewhat unsure. Her actions are so different from her appearance; I can’t tell whether she wants to help herself or if she is truly fighting hard to help the future of the werewolf race. Either way it only makes me want to fight harder too.

While I would never jeopardize my pack nor my position within it, I know that after seeing her, being around her, sitting on the sidelines is a fast fading option. I have to decide if I’m all in or not.

“Cuff her to the bed,” I demand the healers, before turning to leave. “I don’t want her hurting herself or anyone else for that matter.”

A sigh escapes me as I reach my office, the air practically stale without her around. It’s becoming more and more difficult to keep a calm, focused mind whenever she isn’t around. And when she is around, it’s a constant tug of war between wanting to be her mate, to hold her, kiss her, to rip her fucking clothes off and needing to be the professional Alpha that I’m supposed to be. Even when we’re alone together, affection isn’t something she is used to- so none of it matters.

Being with her is a game that I’m set to lose, every single time. But hell if that meant that I’d stop playing.

The leather seat creaks below me as I shift my weight, opening a couple of the folders on my desk. I have a feeling that Arashi will be even more on edge now that the trip to Dawn Stalkers has opened up more questions than answers. I can’t risk having her hurt herself more over this.

A small surveillance photograph of a dark skinned woman stares up at me. Alexei had done a good job finding so much on such short notice; he’s incredibly efficient, it’s the reason that I had made him my Beta.

I turn through the pages of the file, eyeing it with curiosity. The information lists her as highly skilled in her craft though a recluse. She sounds interesting enough. Hopefully this woman, Azura, would be of some good use to me.

Once I do this, I’ll be making my decision. I owe it to Arashi to decide whether or not I’m all in or not; this would make my choice very clear- who knew the ramifications that I could face from this.

I sigh, hesitating for a moment to consider whether or not I’m making the right choice. The decision doesn’t take me very long.

Arashi is my mate, I believe her and whether I show it or not, I do care for her. I would do whatever she needs me to do, for her, and for the future of my race. Whatever the cost, I would accept the consequences.

I only hope that it doesn’t come down on my pack.