Blood Lust and Love

DarkBeauty357

Leah looked at the picture on the wall. The Christmas gift from Kai. It had been a year from the war when their lives were all torn upside down. Yet, there was a simple reminder of all the good and a permanent signal of peace. The painting was of Leah's wolf standing beside Alec in human form. Kai only ever heard stories of how Leah used to be a wolf before but never knew exactly how she lost it. She lightly traced the way her wolf looked. It was exactly how she described it to Kai and it was almost identical to her finished mark. After the war ended and she got her wolf back, Leah's mating mark finished showing her and Alec's wolf howling together with their children. All of them. It was a mating mark that looked like a full-body tattoo.

"It's finished." Isaac brought out the hot chocolate for everyone to enjoy. The rest of the family was in the living waiting for Alec to get back from a meeting. The pack summoned it because they had a proposal for Alec and it seemed urgent.

Isaac hobbled out to the living room with the cups. He had a permanent limp from his injuries but that was the worst he suffered. He was lucky to be alive. Peyton helped him set things up and then sat down on the love seat. Isaac curled up beside see him hugging his torso as Peyton wrapped his arm around him. Then he kissed Isaac's forehead and played with his hair.

Leah smiled in their direction before diverting her attention to Seth and Jade with their son. They named him after Alec and called him little Alec to settle the confusion. Seth held on to little Alec and tickled him. A burst of high-pitched laughter filled the room with great volume. Jade looked at her small family. It wasn't what she imagined because she originally wanted no kids and Seth wasn't able to have any, but she wouldn't change it for the world.

There were more changes in the family than just the number of loveseats in the house. Liam and Blaire were together in their seat. Liam placed his hand over Blaire's baby bump. Alec was excited for them but he hoped the baby wouldn't end up as goofy as Liam. They were all just now waiting for Alec to come back from his meeting to start the game night.

Alec laughed out loud and everyone in the room just stared at him. Then he stopped, "Oh wait. You guys weren't joking?"

"No. We took a pack poll and it was anonymous. Even went door to door the last month to check for everyone's real opinion." One spoke.

Alec scratched his head. At first, he thought this was a joke. "I'm not sure if I'd want to see a statue of myself when I walk through the park."

"It would be of you and the Luna." Another said.

"It just seems very narcissistic," Alec replied.

"Perhaps, think of it differently," Damon spoke. He was standing in the corner of the room. Damon was visiting Alec's pack for a day, then he would go home to his own pack that he had with Grace. Since Damon had Alpha blood, and the innocent members of Crow's pack had no Alpha, it worked out perfectly. Plus, Damon and Grace suffered after losing their mates so they clung together like glue healing each other in the process. It worked perfectly as Grace's children took an instant liking to Damon. Once her children were born Remmy stayed with her. Even if Grace didn't know, they cried together as her children were being handed to her. Leah saw Rem disappear into a bright blinding light, and then she knew he had gone to be with the Moongoddess.

The meeting ended with the Alec having the final say. He didn't want a statue of himself and his mate in his pack. Some nights he could barely even stand to look at himself, therefore he didn't want to look at the statue at all.

Alec came home to his family like all the other wolves. He was in for a surprise because he didn't know Peyton and Isaac were going to be there since they had their own pack to be with. Leah invited them for the game night a few days ago and while Alec was at his meeting, Leah snuck them in.

Once he walked through the door everyone stood up to hug him. The first was little Alec. He ran past everyone with his arms extended widely, and Alec crouched down to pick up the mini-version of himself. Alec and little Alec's bond was undeniably strong. It made everyone so happy that he was everything like Alec. Leah and the rest of the family agreed that it had to be the power of the Moongoddess for little Alec to look like Jade and Alec. They were all happy that little Alec was born.

Alec held on to his grandson tightly, not wanting to let him go. "Pawpaw, roaar." Little Alec tried his best to mimic Alec. He was just so adorable that everyone started laughing. Even though Alec couldn't see the excitement in his eyes, he could feel it. Little Alec leaned toward Alec's face and grabbed both sides of his face before clamping his teeth down on the bridge of his nose. Alec laughed and grabbed his ankle before letting him flip upside down. Then little Alec pulled himself toward Alec's legs to bite them. "Ouch, you little rat!"

Little Alec loved to wrestle with him and even more so to see his Alpha eyes. Alec lifted him up again to his face.

"Show me." Little Alec patted his face. Then Alec closed his eyes and when he reopened them, glowing red eyes stared down at his little mini-me. Even though he has never seen what little Alec has ever looked like, Alec has always been told to imagine himself at that age. Alec thanked the moongoddess every day for that.

Damon was invited for the game night among a few others that were close to the Alpha family. Leah and Alec both looked around the room that was filled with love. Yet, there were still missing pieces in their heart. Their child and Rem, along with all of their friends. To Leah personally, she looked for the corners of the room where her little ghost friend would be. The young boy named Charlie whom she saved during their plane crash, who was with her ever since her wolf was lost. When she received her wolf, well it was time for him to go. Even though Charlie could never speak to Leah's family she missed the smart little comments that he made, especially during family arguments.

Regardless, they were all thankful that the war was over and hoped the future would turn around for them.

And it did.

For a short period of time.

It hit them suddenly like a brick. It not only hit the pack and Leah's family, but it crushed Alec more than losing his eyes.

It was when Leah hit the floor, pale white as a ghost and unable to wake up. Her family surrounded her in the kitchen trying to shake her body. Leah could hear them echoing away in the distance as she scratched and clawed to get to them. Jade inhaled her mother's scent deeply and it confirmed her fears. It was the undeniable scent of sickness. A very chronic one. Even though Jade has never sensed it before she knew that it was just the beginning. It wasn't hours until Leah awoke with a fever and a dry mouth. Alec was above her body waiting for her.

They spent the next couple of days with multiple physicians and even had some flown in. Like the physicians that treated her mother.

Alec and Leah stayed in the soundproof counseling room, waiting for the doctors to confirm what Leah already knew.

She was going to die, and there was nothing that could be done to reverse it. It was the same chronic illness that attacked the woman with the mixed bloodlines of witch and werewolf. The same illness that killed her mom. The effects were more rapid with Leah, and Alec couldn't understand it and even if he did, his mind wouldn't be able to wrap around it.

He was holding her hand so tight that if Leah's wolf wasn't reawakened then it would have been broken.

The doctor came in and Alec stood to his feet to see hope in the doctor's eyes, but he was met with a look of sadness and despair.

"I'm sorry Alpha and Luna Knine. I tried to find a solution to fix this or at least find a way to prolong her life. Her cells are changing rapidly. Even after counseling with the witches, they are not able to fix it." The doctor was referring to all the witches he spoke with, including Leah's family who arrived at the pack. "The only thing they can do is reduce the pain."

Leah hung her head down low, and Alec threw his head into his hands. His arms were propped up by his knees as he was sitting in a chair beside his mate.

"The witches and I have agreed that with this illness and how potent it is that she should have died a long time ago. Truly the only reason why she is alive today is that her wolf was suppressed for a long time." The doctor didn't know the whole reason behind why Leah gave her wolf for his eyes with the abuse, everyone found out after the war and assumed it was purely out of love. In a way, it was out of love, but no one truly knew of the abuse associated with the outcome but his family. "I believe the only reason why Leah has had so much time with you Alpha is that she gave her wolf to you out of love." The doctor meant well, but all Alec was hearing now was that it was his fault because he was the one that choose to give it back to her.

Alec stood up quickly and it scared the doctor as he was so much taller than him. Alec didn't approach the doctor at all, he was just angry in general. Leah stood up to hug Alec and dismiss the doctor. "Alec, it's fine. I'll be okay." Leah spoke weakly.

Alec gripped her shoulders hard. He gritted his teeth and his eyes started to flicker from his blind to red alpha eyes. "It's not okay."

It wouldn't have hurt any other time but she was so fragile and weak. It hurt her lungs from the way he was squeezing and she started coughing. He forced himself to let go and that's when he realized he needed to release his anger.

"I'm going for a run. Join me?" Alec asked.

Leah smiled weakly with her eyes closed and shook her head lightly in agreement.

In a blink of an eye, Alec's world got darker and he saw a version of his mother. The last day he saw her alive. She looked the same way.

In the blink of an eye, Alec saw Leah again. He pulled her in a hug and embraced her scent. It was slowly changing day by day, but the tingles never faded.

Leah melted into his hold. It was the only time the physical pain vanished.

The days turned into weeks and even though it was summertime, Leah shivered as her wolf stopped functioning properly. They noticed that Dash was also affected by this. The once strong buck seemed to mirror Leah in the same ways.

Leah was pale mostly all the time and had to be forced to eat and drink just to stay alive. She lost her appetite and the excitement in her eyes. Her cheekbones seemed so hollow like her rib cage and even her breast looked different. Leah had so many insecurities that she refused to look at herself in the mirror. She could already see the pity in everyone's eyes and she could hear the sobs from all directions in her house as her magic was wearing off. Her family flew in to make their last goodbyes and the pack members visited her one by one with gifts that filled every corner of the house. Most of them were blankets and quilts since there didn't seem to be enough to maintain her body heat. Alec abandoned all of his work and left it up to Charlie, his oldest son. They were not focused on switching over the Alpha title at this point in time.

They all were more focused on spending their last moments with each other.

One morning they helped Leah out for a morning stroll to try and exercise while getting fresh air. It was only a matter of time. Dash was outside their door cold and stiff. Resting peacefully forever with the moongoddess and her children in paradise.

Tears reached Leah's eyes and a look of fear stretched onto their faces. Her kids and her mate. They couldn't even catch the scent of the carcass because of the strong odor of death radiating from Leah. Now they were filled with extreme guilt because of what she saw.

It made Leah feel faint and she almost passed out as she was crying. She couldn't even feel life and death at this point, the main gift of a witch. She knew she didn't have much time left now. Her kids ushered her inside to the couch to rest.

Alec dropped to his knees. He loved Dash so much. It was a half-smile on his face remembering how he first freaked out when a deer was in his house. Then when he finally stopped eating his favorite wild snack for Leah's sake.

"I wish you could have come inside sooner." Alec pulled Dash into his arms like a baby and held him. He was skinny and like a rock.

Then he picked him up and started walking to Logan's grave to be put to rest. Jade followed him with a shovel. Seth, Blaire, and Liam stayed with Leah consoling her. Then when they were finished the kids brought Leah to the grave. Charlie carried Leah in his arms since it was quite a walk.

"I remember carrying you in my arms. All of you. And Kai." Leah said and she could feel Charlie's heartbeat in. "I never thought it would end like this. But at least I will be able to see you all again soon." Leah spoke to her kids while they were walking.

It was true not being a full witch anymore made her mortal again. In a way, she was happy because she knew she would be able to be with her whole family again and they would never be separated ever again.

The days continued and so did her condition.

The kids approached their parents with a gift. They overheard Leah talking about how she wanted her last day to be on this earth and they wanted to make it into a reality. They surprised Alec with two tickets to one of his snowy vacation homes since Leah has always loved the snow.

At first, she didn't want to leave all of them because she knew that would be the last time they saw her. Everyone had already said their goodbyes so they insisted on Alec and Leah spending quality time with each other. Just mates together.

They loaded everything into the personal little plane that Alec owned. Their family helped load everything up and Alec walked Leah out holding on to her afraid to let go.

He couldn't help his eyes from darting to the casket that was being loaded into the plane. He looked away and took in a deep breath to calm the raging sea inside him. He felt like he was going to explode but he had to be strong for Leah.

It only got harder when they were alone. They spent all day and all night together with Leah pulled close to Alec like a baby. She was too weak to move and keep going in and out of consciousness.

When she would awake she looked out the windows and smiled at the snow. Then she looked back at Alec's face and she stiffened in fear. She looked at him and his blindness. He didn't wear any sunglasses when he was around her and they were alone.

It was the first time she spoke since she got there. Leah asked in fear, "If you had the choice, would you choose me or your eyesight?" Her weak voice broke and it sounded the same as it did years ago when she asked that same question multiple times before she gave her life. It was the first time he heard that question in twenty years. He hoped he would never hear that again.

His body stiffened and it just made him feel angry but it was quickly replaced with sadness. The doctor warned him that went the sickness spread to her brain one symptom may be delirium and hallucinations. In general, she would be experiencing her past memories again.

"Yes. I would choose you." He finally got it right this time. Maybe he could try and look on the bright side as long as his whole world lay in his arms shining brightly. "You are my everything. I love you so much."

Her eyes shimmered with such brightness that it brought tears to his eyes. She fell into a deep sleep again. Her fever reappeared. The tears turned into two streams running down both sides of his cheeks.

Just when they dried, she awoke again. "Alec?"

"Yes, I'm right here." He got her attention by rubbing her cheeks. Her vision was blurry but the sparks helped her put her attention on him.

Sweat was running down his face. He was hotter than a dog in July. It was his body heat combined with the blankets that made him feel like he was in an oven, and he had to pee since he got there but he never wanted to leave her side. His throat was dry and part of him didn't know if it was because of what was happening or if he was thirsty. His stomach growled and his head was heavy as he was sleep-deprived. He looked horrible in general. Everyone noticed how much weight he lost too.

"If you had the choice, would you choose me or your eyesight?" Leah asked not even knowing she asked the same question hours ago.

"I'll never choose anything but you, my love," Alec replied kissing her forehead.

Her smile was great and big but a little less bright this time.

She fell out of it again but stirred a few hours later. Alec still held on to her not taking his face away from her direction. He used his wolf's eyes to see her awfully low heat signature. It was better than nothing because it still indicated life.

His only wish was to see her eyes one last time but he wasn't greedy this time.

"Alec?" She called out again.

"Yes?" His voice broke and cracked. He felt like he was being tortured endlessly. It felt worse than any torture he had received in his life.

"If you had the choice, would you choose me or your eyesight?"

He couldn't help himself as the tears were streaming down his face. His face turned red with spots and blotches like he rolled in poison ivy. His eyes were glossed over and bloodshot, and there was a tight feeling in his chest, lungs, and throat.

"I would choose you forever." He said through tears.

Her smile was as quick as it was over.

Hours later and the same question again and again and again.

She grimaced in pain in replacement of a smile the last time.

She fell asleep this time, and a deep black liquid trickled down her nose. Her heat signature faded away right before his Alpha eyes, and he heard her last breath.

The last breath that felt like was taken from his own lungs.

Then everything was silent. All noise ceased inside and all animals scattered away from their snowy vacation home.

It was the dark aura that was released into the air when Leah's heart stopped beating. It manifested into a darkness that surrounded the area making it hard for anyone to breathe. It was the awakening of a beast that made everything scattered within miles.

Alec stood to his feet and laid Leah down on the couch as he felt a burning pain on his skin. It was their mating mark that disappeared along with a little bit of his sanity.

Alec growled uncontrollably. He wasn't able to think or process what happened at all. All he knew what that his wolf was winning this battle endlessly. His wolf appeared and he shifted halfway. His claws and nails elongated.

He was looking at the monster in the mirror and down at his hands. He didn't know how to stop himself. All he knew was he wanted to destroy everything in sight. He went on a rampage through the house breaking everything around him, but it wasn't enough damage to bring him back. It took him a full day to reach consciousness again.

Then when he finally appeared again, all he could too was collapsed to his knees in front of Leah's body. Her organs were already starting to decompose but the smell was nothing new to him. It was the sight of his mate that brought more trauma and his human side to the surface.

He couldn't handle doing it alone so Damon, who was nearby since his pack lands were close, came to help him. Leah was already in the casket and all they had to do was go back to Alec's land.

It would be the same type of funeral that Kai had since Leah was in the Alpha family.

All the people that flew in for support and still Alec felt so alone.

Months passed and the weather changed. New animals and new life were being brought into the world, but Alec was feeling more dead every day. His eating halted for days at a time until his kids made him eat. He barely sleep at all unless he would surround himself with Leah's clothes. Yet, every day her scent would dwindle like the fire in his heart. Until one day her scent was gone and all he had was pictures and memories.

More violent outbursts and more fights had to be stopped. His wolf was changing each and every day. He was starting to mirror Crow in his violence. Holes in the wholes and the hole in his chest. The nightmares, the screaming in his head, and the endless thoughts of wanting to die never faded. If anything they got louder.

He was just hurting so much. It was unexplainable and unbearable. It was not like anything he had ever faced. He would spend more time in his wolf's body than his own, and it would be hard to shift back to normal.

Everyone noticed how each time he shifted the hair, smell, and aura changed around him. His hair would be disheveled, and his scent would be almost identical to a rogue with a hint of alpha blood. His aura darkened to a certain type of wolf. They call them feral. Feral wolves still mostly belonged to a pack, so they couldn't be rogues. Yet, a rogue mostly always looked like raved dogs that needed to be put down. Crow was feral like Alec for a much longer time, but Crow loved every minute of it. Each time Alec lost control he hated himself even more. Yet, Alec considered himself lucky that he hadn't hurt anyone.

It was one morning when Alec couldn't sleep he decided to go downstairs and lay on the couch until the sun rose. He didn't know what to do with himself as he was laying down on the couch. He heard little footsteps come from behind the couch, and he was immediately on alert.

Little Alec stared at him with a long night shirt that went to his knees with a little white teddy bear tucked underneath his arms. Little Alec was happy to see his favorite person other than his parents. Alec was deliberately avoiding his grandson for a reason for the past couple of months.

Little Alec couldn't understand why his grandpa didn't want to be around him anymore and it hurt his feelings very badly. That's why he came down after he saw Alec leave his room. Now that everyone was asleep little Alec thought that he would be able to finally spend time with him. The little toddler approached him but stopped when Alec started growling menacingly.

"Stay away from me!" Alec growled at the toddler.

Little tears brimmed his eyes. He was so upset he didn't know what he did to make Alec not love him anymore. "Pawpaw. Look." He held up the teddy bear that was given to him as a gift.

"I said leave me alone!" Alec roared this time.

"Pawpaw. Love me, please! I'll be good." He was a well-developed speaker like any baby werewolf was. The little child tried to hug him. He remembered how his hugs always made Alec feel better after long days of work. He thought that was what he needed to make him feel better again.

The little innocent toddler made his way toward Alec. Then that's when Alec's eyes involuntarily changed to his wolves, signaling he was not in control. His wolf pushed Alec to the very back of his mind.

And Alec fought hard to get back for his grandson's life.

Alec stalked the little child, who shared the same blood as Crow. He could smell it. He could smell Crow's blood running through little Alec's veins. It was getting stronger and stronger.

Little Alec's eyes grew wide but he was frozen in fear because he has never seen his grandpa like this.

Alec's body closed in on his back the toddler into a corner. His left foot moved forward shaking with every step as Alec was fighting with every fiber in his muscle. His wolf wanted to kill the child that smelled like his enemy, but Alec didn't want to kill his innocent grandson. He was within reaching distance of little Alec and his sharp claws reached out to grab the toddler's throat. Alec grabbed his other arm forcing it to a stop. It was the toughest battle that Alec had to face yet. His wolf was moving on one side of his body and Alec on the other. The floor creaked beneath him with every movement making everything eerie. Alec was hyperventilating as his body was physically weaker due to his poor self-care ever since he lost his mate. Alec's razor-sharp claws scratched the side of little Alec's cheek, leaving a permanent scar. Alec tried to push his arm down with every he had. It worked as his hands were no longer near the child's throat.

Yet, with a jerk, Alec grabbed the kid's shoulder, and his claws sunk deep into his shoulder blades. A breathless cry came from little Alec unto he finally got air in his lungs then it was a shrieking pain that woke the whole house.

It was that cry that fully allowed Alec to take control of his body again. Alec was panting heavily above his grandson who was pinned down on the floor. Thankfully, Alec was able to restrain himself instead of giving in like Crow. That made them completely different from each other.

Alec found himself above his grandson with his claws stuck deep into his shoulder blades, and with his other set of claws about to tear out his grandson's throat. Alec started hyperventilating, trying not to imagine what would happen if he didn't regain himself a second later. Jade and Seth snatched little Alec away from Alec and the lingering smell of Crow that Alec could smell of his grandson vanished as Jade disappeared. When Alec was able to breathe normally he looked at the blood on his hands. His own family's blood and he saw the look on his family's faces. No one thought that his anxiety, depression, and PTSD would cause him to do this.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so sorry." He looked at Seth who held pity in his eyes. After trying to end Seth's son's life, Alec didn't expect Seth to help him get up to go to the kitchen sink and then to his room.

"Seth, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't mean to. I never want to hurt any of you. Ever." Alec spoke so fast almost as fast as his heart.

Seth hushed in with a caring tone as he pushed the blankets back to make room for Alec. He was so sleep-deprived. "It's okay. I understand. I'll take Jade to my lands with our son, and I'll be back to help you. My people don't mind staying longer to help." Seth was indeed angry, but it wasn't Alec's fault completely. It was the beast inside of him. His wolf was feral and Alec tried everything to control it for this long.

Seth left to escort Jade and then that left Alec alone in the house to be a victim to his own mind.

There was no way Alec could sleep after what had just happened. Every time he looked down at his hands, all he could see was his grandchild's blood. Ideas floated in his head and he knew he only had one option left.

He threw the blankets off of him and marched out of his room.

There was no way he would end up a monster like Crow, he thought to himself.

He went to his office and grabbed the tape recorder. He played with it for a minute due to not having to use on in a while. Once he figured it out he held it tightly I'm his hand and breathed out clearing his racing thoughts.

He clicked the button until he heard the sound of it recording.

"Hey, this is Alec Knine..." He continued to talk into the tape recorder for a few minutes. He talked to his pack, his sister and aunt, his family, and more importantly to his grandson. Then when he was done he ended the tape.

Breathing heavily he pulled out his drawer with a shaking hand. He never once opened this drawer except to put what was inside of it. It was just an option when he first lost his eyes.

He pulled out the silver pistol and the box with silver bullets.

He loaded the gun as his hand was being burned. He could smell the burning flesh but did not feel the pain for the pain in his heart outweighed all.

Then he pointed the gun at the temple of his head. "I refuse to be like Crow. I will not be a monster. I will not hurt anyone I love ever again."

Then he pulled the trigger to be with his mate and son again. He knew one day that he would be with his whole family again. Until then, he would build a nice home up with the Moongoddess for all of them to be together once again.

~🖤~

The End