Blinding Light (BLS Book 1)

Asher

Earlier...

What happened to her?

Why didn’t I wipe all her memory? I think miserably.

She was screaming in the middle of the evening. She was on her cabin’s porch, just screaming, crying. Then she suddenly took off, I followed to find her head submerge just below the lake’s water. I know she can’t die like this. But panic sets in that I’ll lose her, that I’ll see the light fade in her gorgeous eyes. The brightness that once lit them up will be gone—forever.

I can’t let that happen; I couldn’t live with myself.

I was going to contact Mother. But I found myself in the freezing water.

Why…what are you doing to me?

I think as I reach her thrashing body. I bring her up to the surface and she gasps for air. Although deep down, I knew no harm could come to her body at this moment, my heart still flutters to see her alive and breathing, even if it’s not reality.

When she looks at me, my legs feel weak, if I didn’t control myself, I would’ve just given up completely on the Project right there and fled with her fragile body that was still trembling in my arms. Her green eyes look up at me and I swallow before asking,

“My Lady, is everything alright?” I ask.

She doesn’t reply, she wraps both her hands around my neck and holds onto me tightly. Although this is only her memories, it felt so real.

Her body shakes as she breaks into sobs. This is probably the closest I’ve ever been to her except the carriage ride. My skin is hot even in the freezing water. With the lake’s water mixed into it, her hair smells of sweet vanilla with a hint of citrus. I carry her back to her room and get her a set of clothes. She’s already asleep but I couldn’t leave her all soaked. I set her limp body on the bed and step outside—steadying my self-control, resisting the urge to rush back in there and check on her.

“Sira,” I speak into my earpiece. “See to it that she’s changed.”

...

“You got it, boss.”

“Not your boss!” I hiss.

“Alrighty...boss.” I roll my eyes.

“Wake her up too,” I command. “I need to know what the heck she was doing in that lake again.”

“Of course.”

***

I enter her room and she’s sitting there, awake and her big, green eyes darting around the room.

“Are you okay?” I ask when I enter the room. Her eyes emit a green glow in the dim light.

“I…” she begins before cutting herself off. Her eyes scan me up and down. She suddenly stands and walks over toward me. Surprised by her actions, I take a small step back. I look down at her pale skin—her pink full lips. Her eyes are full of worry, confusion, hurt—and more. She places her hand awkwardly on my shoulder. I frown, confused. Her thoughts ring out in my mind.

‘Is he real?’

‘What did I do to deserve this?’

‘Why me?’

I don’t realize it when her hand traces my jawline. She sighs and hugs her body and her telepathic line breaks.

How is her telepathic wall so strong? I try to read her mind, but something blocks me from it. I want to understand her. But absolutely everything forbids that.

“Um…” I manage. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Asher,” she gives me a small smile. Her cheeks curve in, revealing her dimples. My heart skips a beat, and I curse under my breath.

“What was that?” She tilts her head. I refuse to let my emotions betray me. As I was taught ever since I was little, emotions are for the weak.

Well…I guess I am weak.

“Oh…nothing,” I mutter. She narrows her eyes. I look away.

“If you’re okay, then I guess I’ll leave.”

My brain forces my body to function with the role I was taken, to be that monotone bastard to trigger any anger emotions through her. I hate myself for it. I turn, making my way towards the door, running away from reality.

“Asher.”

My name rolls so smoothly off her tongue that makes me pause in my footsteps. Her sweet voice rang in my ears.

“Hmm?” I answer without turning around.

“Um…”

The silence piques my curiosity and I turn around. She’s frowning, her brows furrowed together forming a crease in the middle of her forehead.

She scans me up and down again. I felt a shiver down my spine when she did that.

How can I react so easily when she has me pinned under her gaze? I’m supposed to be fulfilling your job.

“Thank you.”

I blink, “What?”

“Thank you. For saving me I mean. I guess you’re not as mean as you present yourself as.”

What?! This is getting out of hand. What would Mother think?! No, no, no. Think of the Project!

“I am mean.”

What the heck was that?! My brain panics but I keep my facial features intact, away from the alarm.

“I mean, I…” I clear my throat. “I did save you, but you shouldn’t thank me. I only saved you because I would lose my job if I let the person I was guarding drown.”

“You know what Asher?” She grits her teeth. I remain motionless. My emotions are hidden blindly behind walls I’ve built up over the years.

“I don’t know what I did to you for you to treat me like this. Why do you do this to me?” She cries, her voice cracks at the last word. I swallow, her anger turns into sadness is a rare occasion, she must’ve found out about something that she isn’t supposed to. My heart breaks for her but my lips respond—the way it was trained to do.

“I don’t like you, My Lady.”

The words place knives on my heart. But I continue, “You’re nothing to me. Nothing more than a weak, pathetic girl who needs a guard for her own protection.”

Tears fill her eyes. My face doesn’t betray me even though I wish I could just tell her the truth.

“Everyone has their own guard. Why am I different…?” She sighs. “Why me?”

I didn’t know if that last question was directed towards me or something different entirely.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for doing this to her. For being cruel. For destroying her self-esteem. For killing her inside. I despise being the way I am. A coward. Nothing but a coward. If anyone is pathetic, it’s me. Not her—never her.

“Not everyone,” I reply. “Not everyone is late for their events, clumsy with even worse luck, ignorant as you to be wandering the garden in the middle of the night, being found in the center of the lake, in the middle of the night.” I inhale sharply as I finish, biting my tongue hard enough to draw blood. It warms my mouth and I welcome the feeling of disgust.

“How do you know about all that?” Surprise hits her face. The hurt remains in her eyes.

“I just do. Now, can I please be excused, My Lady?” I spat out the last word, carrying out my act.

I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to talk to her, even if my heart is leaning in the other direction. This way, she doesn’t hear my insults and I can admire her from a distance.

She doesn’t say anything and simply nods, sitting on the edge of her bed. I excuse my cowardly self and make my way out.

“You bastard!” Evren’s voice rings out in my head.

Oh, you’re still here, I thought they disconnected all forms of communication.

“You fucking bastard, I swear I will kill you once I get out!”

No, you will not.

By the time you get out, you know that you won’t remember anything and everyone will be happy, back in their own time.

Evren doesn’t respond. I roll my eyes. I don’t know why he’s putting up so much of a fight. I know that treating Mila this way is wrong in every way possible, but it’ll all be better when everything is gone when everything is forgotten.

I hit myself in the head for using her name instead of ‘the host’.

I adjust my shirt and make my way back, heavy steps thudding the floor.

After the APT, I will make sure to wipe any trace of me in her memories. I will make sure to rewind her time to twelve years ago. Exactly twelve years ago. I will make sure she doesn’t relive any of this.

It’s a promise.

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Thanks, with lots of smiles

☆•Yiona•☆