Blinding Light (BLS Book 1)

Mila

What is the truth?

The truth.

THE WHOLE TRUTH?

Thoughts ring out in my mind as I stifle back a scream. I don’t know how to respond to anything. My brain is mushed. I’m still in the dark, pitch-black room of doors. However, I can see everything clear as day. I don’t know how to respond. I don’t know what to do. My hand is already clutching the golden handle, but I can’t seem to move.

“Open it.”

I can’t.

“Why?”

I’m scared. The thought hits me harder than I thought it would.

I’m scared. I’m afraid. My whole life has seemed like a happy, most of the time normal seventeen years.

Am I even seventeen?

My whole life has been ordinary, heartbreaking, loss, sad, healing, and happy again. I got Raven back, I have a chance of winning this stupid Suitor’s Campaign. I can get the money. I can promote my house. I can do everything that I’ve dreamed of. I can do it.

But reality sets in. It isn’t real. Nothing is real. At least for the past twelve years that I haven’t experienced anything real. I don’t know anymore.

Were my goals all for nothing? My house doesn’t exist? Does anything matter?

Do I matter…?

“You…do…”

How? I think miserably.

“You’re my…sss—” His voice cuts off abruptly. I look around the room.

“Hello?” I whisper.

Are you still there?

But there’s no response. Fear hits me harder than anxiety.

Please answer… I try again, desperate—my eyes settle on the door again. The unopened door. The truth to everything.

But why is it so hard for me to open that? I don’t want to throw away the life that I had. But I know now that it doesn’t exist in the first place. And I know that I’ll have to open that door. But I’m not ready.

I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I grab the handle of the door closest to me, the one with a big red X, and I step through. I’m in the water—the dark murky water. I can’t breathe. I open my eyes to blurs—I can’t see.

Calm down! I try, but I can’t.

I can’t. The fear of the other world, the anxiety of the unknown, being afraid of drowning again. Loneliness, sadness, betrayal, it all overwhelms me.

My heart beats faster. My brain confuses me and I take a breath in just to inhale water. I find the surface and kick off the bottom. Something holds me back. A white pair of hands grab me.

I scream bubbles. The white hand disappears. My head burns with the tension and the pressure of the deep water.

Wait, this isn’t real. That means I can’t die here...right?

My lungs scream at me for oxygen.

I kick off the ground again. My lungs burn with each counting second. Something holds me back and I finally locate it. Something’s trapped around my ankle. I reach down and grab it. I can feel the vines trapping me underwater. I grab them and pull as hard as I can. It doesn’t budge. Bubbles escape my lips as I feel my body go limp. Darkness burns the side of my vision, threatening to pull me under.

No…it can’t end like this.

I need to find Raven.

I need to find her. I need to fulfill her request.

I need to find…

Out…

The truth.

…

…

…

I feel my body being pulled up and I gasp for air. The first breath burns my empty lungs. A pair of hands cup my face.

“My Lady?”

I’m still gasping and tears fall. A whimper escapes my cold lips as strong hands prop me up.

“My Lady, is everything alright?” I hug him close and shake my head into his chest. My tears and the wetness of my hair permanently staining his shirt. I cling to him for desperate life. He’s already wet and cold but I feel an odd comfort being in his arms. My mind swirls in confusion as my eyelids drop and the world fades away.

***

I groan and sit up in my bed—my cabin bed. The dark wooden room makes it easier for me to adjust my vision.

What just happened?

My heart skips a beat when I recall what had happened. I let out a trembling breath. My hands clutch the blanket and sweat forms in the middle of my palms.

I couldn’t do it, I think miserably. I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to. I was afraid. What would everything mean if I did open it?

A question pops into my mind: Why me? Did I do something wrong?

All my life, I wanted to help people. I wanted to help my adopted family’s house. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. But all of it was fake. All of it was forged, nothing more than a plan.

Why in the world was I chosen to have this gift?

“Are you okay?” A familiar voice rings out. I look up to see Asher.

“I…” I begin before cutting myself off. Raven mentioned knowing him as a kid.

Did he suffer the same thing that I did? If so, how do I even know him? How is he standing right here, talking to me at this very second as if he’s actually here?

Is he real?

I stand, unsure. I walk towards him, unaware of what I’m doing. If I didn’t see correctly, I almost assumed that he back-stepped just a little.

I’m standing directly in front of him. He’s much taller than me and I look up into his blue eyes. Those eyes are hiding something—insecurities, fear, and something else that I can’t decipher—all I know is that it’s a secret.

I let my hand rest on his shoulder. My fingers dance across his shoulder until it lands on his face. But I can see him, his skin scratchy under my touch. Nothing tells me that this isn’t real. I sigh and drop my hand.

“Um…are you, alright?” He asks again.

“I’m fine Asher,” I reply, monotone. I’m starting to understand why he would hide away from the world—why he seemed so detached.

All the trauma inside me along with shock makes me want to crawl into a hole and lay there forever. I don’t want to see daylight again. I don’t want to come out if no one will hear me if I cry out for help. I don’t need to interact with anyone if I’m going to die anyway. The wisp of hope in my soul would be soon consumed by my despair of betrayal.

My emotions hide behind my face. I hide the pain. I hide the confusion. At least this fantasy has my family with me. I could pretend. I could pretend to be happy.

But even as I say those words in my mind, reality sets in. I don’t think I could ever find happiness again.

Not here.

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Thanks, with lots of smiles

☆•Yiona•☆