Bittersweet Memories (Off-Limits)

I lean back against the wall, trying my hardest to ignore the puppy eyes Alanna has been walking around with all morning. My Ray thinks I forgot her birthday. Little does she know, I’ve celebrated her birthday every year, even when she wasn’t with me.

It’s so surreal to me that we found our way back to each other. The last couple of weeks have been pure perfection. The only thing that could top my happiness is telling the world she’s mine. I hate having to hide our relationship, and I don’t think I can do it much longer.

“Alanna, can you please get me a report on our latest successful interventions? I need it before you go home today.”

She looks up at me, a hint of disappointment in her eyes, and I bite back a smile. She never even hinted about her upcoming birthday, yet she’s sad I supposedly didn’t remember. I love watching her fall for me all over again. It’s almost like our roles are reversed now, and she’s the jaded one while I’ve got so much love to give that I can barely contain it.

I still remember how scared I was to expect anything from her when I was homeless, and she was my ray of sunshine. She didn’t care about my circumstance, she only cared about me. From the very start, she was honest about her crush on me and the feelings that followed, and I was the one who was scared and insecure, worried I wasn’t good enough for her. It took a few years, but I’m finally in a position to treat her the way I wanted to back then.

She’s scared to expect anything from me, yet her heart clearly does. If only she realized that I’d never let her down. So long as it’s within my power, I’ll give her anything her heart desires. If I play my cards right, what she’ll want above all is me.

Amy walks up to me, an agitated expression on her face. She smiles politely and averts her gaze as she leans in to speak to me. “Your brother has requested access to the top floor fourteen times since this morning. I’ve circumvented four attempts to send gifts up to Alanna, including flowers and balloons. I suspect he’ll be waiting for her downstairs.”

I sigh, irritated at his sheer grit. I can’t even blame the guy. Alanna isn’t the kind of girl you’d ever let go, but she was never his to take. I know she’s been courteous with him in recent weeks, the two of them barely even friends, but he still won’t give up. He may have approached her because his mother told him to, but it’s clear the lines blurred at some point. He loves her.

I hoped he’d have given up on her by now, so being with Alanna won’t cost me the relationship Ryan and I have only just rebuilt, but he’s leaving me no choice. I refuse to keep dating Alanna in secret. She deserves better than that, and so do I.

I watch as Alanna rises from her seat, her tablet with the report on it in hand. She looks up at me and forces a smile to her face as she approaches me. “The data you asked for,” she says, her voice soft.

I grin at her as I take it and hand it to Amy. “Thank you, baby,” I murmur. Her eyes widen in alarm, and she glances at Amy, who dutifully ignores her worried expression. “Let’s go. We’ve got somewhere to be.”

Alanna frowns, and I grab her hand as I pull her into my office. She freezes in shock when she sees the floor-length golden designer dress I bought her. “Change into that.”

She turns toward me, her gaze filled with wonder and happiness, and I can’t help but chuckle. “Did you really think I’d forget my girlfriend’s birthday?”

“Girlfriend?” She repeats, her voice soft. I suppose I haven’t really called her that before today, but that’s exactly what she is.

I smirk and grab her chin, lifting her face to mine. “It doesn’t sound right, does it? Don’t you think wife would sound so much nicer?”

She shakes her head admonishingly. Alanna thinks I’m joking, and until she’s ready, I’ll let her believe that. I’ve got all the time in the world, after all. I’ve already spent five years searching for her. I’ll spend another five making her mine all over again if I need to. Someday, I’m changing her last name.

I lean back and watch her as she changes out of her office clothes and into the dress I’ve been imagining on her. I thought it’d look sexy on her, but nothing could’ve prepared me for reality. I’m glad I’m not taking her to a crowded place tonight. The vision in front of me isn’t one I want to share.

I kneel in front of her and grab the matching golden shoes I bought her. For what they cost me, the sparkles on them better be real diamonds and gold. I grab her ankle, and Alanna’s breath hitches as I slip her shoes on for her.

I look up, our eyes meeting, and for a moment I consider throwing her onto my desk and fucking her raw, but there’s time for that after dinner.

“Let’s take the private elevator down,” I murmur, wanting to avoid Ryan. There’s no way he’s seeing her today, and he certainly isn’t seeing her in this dress.

I’m insanely nervous as I drive her to the one place I’ve gone to every single year on both her birthday and mine. Part of me wants her to regain her memory so she’ll stop feeling so guilty about being with me, but a larger part of me knows that she’ll have to go through the loss of both of her parents all over again, in addition to the memories of being homeless. There’s a reason she’s suppressing the most painful parts of her life, and I’m not selfish enough to force her to remember something that’ll be bittersweet.

“We’re here.”

“Silas, are we trespassing?”

I turn toward her and smile, my heart aching at the familiar words. She has no idea that she said the same thing to me when I brought her here the first time.

“No,” I tell her, my answer different to before. “I own the lands around us and everything on it.”

This is one of the very first things I took back from Mona. It never should’ve fallen into her hands in the first place.

I offer Alanna my arm and walk her toward the blossom tree that I’ve visited every year on her birthday, except this time, there’s a waiter standing by a table with dozens of candles around it.

Alanna gasps, and I smile to myself. I’ve always wanted to do this for her and never had the chance to. Even if she doesn’t remember, I’m going to keep every promise I made her.

“Silas, this is… it’s beautiful. Is this all for me?”

I cup her cheek gently and lean in, my heart overflowing with happiness. This might be for her, but it’s also for me. It’s for the young me who wanted to give Alanna the world and couldn’t. It’s for the girl who loved me when I had nothing and never treated me differently. “Happy birthday,” I whisper, my lips brushing against hers. I kiss her tenderly before pulling away. She’s far too beautiful tonight, and touching her is dangerous. I’ll be tempted to lay her down underneath the tree, the breeze caressing her skin as I sink deep inside her.

Alanna chuckles as though she knows what I’m thinking, and I can’t help but smirk as I pull out her chair for her before sitting down opposite her.

Her gaze drops to the jewelry box on the table, and I nod. “Open it.”

She does as I ask, but instead of gushing over the diamond necklace I bought her, she snaps the box closed in shock. “Are you insane? Those aren’t real, are they?”

A surprised laugh escapes my lips, and I nod. “Of course they’re real, my love.”

“You’re crazy, aren’t you?”

I nod. “A little.”

“What makes you think I won’t just sell this?”

I shrug. “I’ll just buy you a new one, baby.”

She looks into my eyes with so much love in her gaze that my heart skips a beat. I know she isn’t ready to say the words, but I hear them loud and clear nonetheless.

“There’s more.”

She raises her brows, and I push an envelope toward her. Alanna takes it with trembling fingers and opens the birthday card I made for her. Yet another tradition she’s forgotten.

“Wow,” she whispers. “Did you… did you commission this?”

I smile at her and shake my head. “I drew it.”

She looks at me which such disbelief that I burst out laughing. “You don’t believe me?”

“I didn’t know you could draw. This… is this what I look like in your eyes?”

I drew a portrait of her standing in the sun, her face tipped up toward the light, a serene smile on her face. It’s what she looks like on Sunday mornings, and it’s an image so seared in my mind that I drew it from memory.

“Yes,” I tell her, “and no. You’re far more beautiful than that, Alanna. My drawing skills don’t do you justice.”

“Silas, I… I…” I lean in and watch her struggle to find the right words, even though I can see her feelings reflected in her eyes.

“Happy birthday, my love.”

She nods, her eyes filling with tears. “Thank you,” she says eventually, her voice breaking. “Thank you for letting me experience true happiness. Before you, I didn’t know what it really felt like. I thought I did, but I was wrong.”

I smile at her and nod. “This is nothing yet, baby. Every day we’re together, I’m going to do my best to make you happier than the day before.” Even if you can’t remember me, I’m going to make sure your heart always will.

I glance at the waiter, and he approaches us with our starters. This is the birthday I once promised her, and I’m so glad I got to keep my promise.